PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Apocalipstic]

I am finding that there are people and things that trigger me, and to be able to fuction and go to work every day and do the things I need to do to take care of me, I have to avoid many of those things and people.

I want to please everyone, I do. I want everyone to know the truth, my truth, but most people can't handle it...they just look at me aghast if I am so inapropriate as to answer in truth to their prying questions...or they don't believe me, even if they were near and knew all along.

I think when they know they did nothing to help it makes it easier for them to sleep at night if they rewrite history for themselves.

Peace is fixing my vaccume cleaner on a Saturday alone with no loud noises, yelling, pressure. I never expected this.

[DMW]

that smiley face on my previous post was supposed to go next to the note about the kitties. i wasn't smiling when i posted. that is for sure.

Apocolipstic...sounds like good advice... avoid the people and places and things that trigger the ptsd. thank you for that suggestion.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by DMW

that smiley face on my previous post was supposed to go next to the note about the kitties. i wasn't smiling when i posted. that is for sure.

Apocolipstic...sounds like good advice... avoid the people and places and things that trigger the ptsd. thank you for that suggestion.

It sucks but not as bad as loosing my shit.

[DMW]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

It sucks but not as bad as loosing my shit.

what sucks? avoiding the people,places and things...in order not to lose your shit?


or losing your shit and the animals?



cause i lost most of my shit and my shit and my kitties...so, i think it all sucks all around.


i am confused....but, i bet you mean losing your handle or grasp in the crappy situations...yeah, it is hard. i think just recognizing i am having
physical reactions to trauma and drama and need help is a start.

i mean, this i real shit here. i don't think you can fake it and i sure as hell
have a hard time ignoring it or pretending its not happening. it is as though,
i have lost the ability to be calm sometimes. i don't like that. too many stress hormones or my command center is worn out and it is...ground control to major tom...houston...we have a problem.



i love that... "ground control to major tom"... "your circuits dead. there's something wrong. can you hear me major tom? can you hear me major tom"
never thought i would feel that way when i heard the song before. even in concert.
never would have imagined it...but, i do. so, what now ground control.?what now?
can i get a circuit fix? and a fried nerves fixed? and feel 20 years younger...heheheheh

seriously,
I don't know how some of the people on here survived it for so many years.
I feel for them, because i think it takes a toll on a person.
All my respect.

hang in there...those who are struggling to breathe

[Apocalipstic]

Sorry, I should have been more clear.

By loosing my shit, I mean melting down, or yes loosing my grasp and my handle on things. I have to be able to function.

I have to be very very careful because my body reacts violently to things I think I can handle just fine...but can't and maybe never will.

Loosing things and money is hard, but its just things. Loosing kitties is heartbreaking. I think of them still with me in my mind. When I was little I had imaginary kitties that went everywhere with me, even though my parents hated cats and my father killed kittens. I left my invisible ones on a helicopter in NY and never found them again. I looked and looked. I am still somehow so sad about it.

I don't think any of us are faking, no matter when people think. No matter if they tell me I am using my past as an excuse. I try not to be angry when someone says something like that and just be glad they really don't know how PTSD is and hope they never ever know.

I think my body can't handle bursts of adrenaline any more. Fear, anger, even though I take medication, if I get upset my body reacts. Even on anniversary dates of great stresses, my body knows even if my brain has forgotten.

Things that help for me? Walks, acupuncture, reading, Oprah's life lessons on her new channel OWN, Course in Miracles, candles, prayer, music, dancing, writing, getting plenty of rest even if I can't actually sleep.


I very much relate to Major Tom and also to The Wall (Pink Floyd). Sometimes I am so close, I can't listen to them.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in love, breathe out fear.

[Apocalipstic]

If you should go skating
On the thin ice of modern life
Dragging behind you the silent reproach
Of a million tear-stained eyes
Don't be surprised when a crack in the ice
Appears under your feet.
You slip out of your depth and out of your mind
With your fear flowing out behind you
As you claw the thin ice

[Girl Friday]

I'm just stopping by to say thank you to everyone for being so honest and so open about their experiences. Thank you also for reminding me that everyone has a breaking point and sometimes the breaking point can rob a person of their sanity.

When I was younger and having a moment when I was spiraling downward, my dad used to tell me to come home for a visit. He called it "finding north". At about 3:30 yesterday morning I realized that a recent and significant loss in my personal life equates to the loss of my compass. In short, I'm not sure where north is anymore. So...I'm going to go hang out with that concept and hope that things change. It can't fix what went wrong, but it will prevent further harm.

Take care everyone. Don't forget to breathe.