Long Distance - How do you cope?

Soft*Silver · 06-11-2012, 09:09 PM

I have had a few long distance relationships in my time. That was when I was able to be mobile. I own my own home now and am very close to my family and friends, have my own business and have clubs and hobbies I enjoy here in town. I wont move again. I fell hard in love, twice, with people who lived out west and both wanted me to move to them, and both times, I had to end the romance because I couldnt/wouldnt move. Damn near broke my heart completely. I thought it was awful to have tried a romance and had it fail, but to never get to try one that you are already invested in, to never know if it could have lasted, been "the one", was so much worst...

everyone seems to have covered so much already. I guess the only thing I want to add, is to make sure, that the other person is working just as hard at making things work as you are. I was involved in an LDR where I had to make all the accommodations to make the relationship work. That should have told me how the other person viewed relationships. They had definite committment issues. We werent a match anyways but I was foolish not to pick up on this very important factor. I wanted it to work in the worst way because I was falling so hard for him. So, like Belle said, make sure your heart and your mind are congruent with one another. Dont be lead just by your heart. Make your mind sit up and take notice and make the decisions too...

DapperButch · 06-12-2012, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss_Tia

...I had to end the romance because I couldnt/wouldnt move. Damn near broke my heart completely. I thought it was awful to have tried a romance and had it fail, but to never get to try one that you are already invested in, to never know if it could have lasted, been "the one", was so much worst...

This.

That is why I have never been willing to do the LDR thing. My career is here and my life is here. I have no interest in moving. Unless you know you would move, or can be certain the one you have met would move, don't even start a LDR. Why set yourself up for pain?

Good post.

spritzerJ · 06-12-2012, 05:33 PM

Coping with the LDR is tricky. I am a wander. I can just move and add someone to my life a bit too easily. Which is how I ended up in NH and in a giant mess for a few months. However I got lucky. When it didn't work, I had my experienced past of making things work in a variety of places to rely on. I found a few wonderful friends out here to help out and even managed to fall in love again.

And thus begins another LDR. We are lucky our LDR is only 3.5 hours (depending on how fast I drive). And we can both visit each other (although we are heading to hym more often right now). The time apart is hard and drives me nuts. Yet this time it is spot on what we need. The nextfamily change needs to be slow. The LDR makes us take our time (even if it sucks).

So as the grown up I can cope with the LDR and as the lover I work extra hard and love hym more. For understanding we are worth the wait and that it really is right to wait another year. We'll have a long time under our relationship and family belt by the time one of us moves.

Point~Of~No~Return · 06-15-2012, 12:22 AM

~i personally think ldr's are next to impossible but for some its perfection.

there always seems to be one that isn't secure with themselves or confident enough in who they are with to have total trust, if you do not have this it just wont work

its very costly and expensive ~ uprooting your life for what ifs

its hard to work and travel all of the time

you spend every moment just wanting to be with them which is gut wrenching and painful

~if you want it to work

work on it together

set boundaries

trust

communication

dont force issues give the person time you're building a level of trust and communication when you're scared from the start due to distance everyone has baggage be respectful and understanding of that

compromise

belief in yourself

belief in the other person

avoid malicious people - do not listen to rumors

by all means follow your heart think with your mind and love with your all

what wasnt a good relationship for one person doesnt mean for the next theyre not your heart

old saying~ one womans trash is another womans treasure

if you love them never give up hope it will work as its meant to be

have faith in your destiny all of lifes journeys are life lessons

06-11-2012, 09:09 PM	#1
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,894 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	I have had a few long distance relationships in my time. That was when I was able to be mobile. I own my own home now and am very close to my family and friends, have my own business and have clubs and hobbies I enjoy here in town. I wont move again. I fell hard in love, twice, with people who lived out west and both wanted me to move to them, and both times, I had to end the romance because I couldnt/wouldnt move. Damn near broke my heart completely. I thought it was awful to have tried a romance and had it fail, but to never get to try one that you are already invested in, to never know if it could have lasted, been "the one", was so much worst... everyone seems to have covered so much already. I guess the only thing I want to add, is to make sure, that the other person is working just as hard at making things work as you are. I was involved in an LDR where I had to make all the accommodations to make the relationship work. That should have told me how the other person viewed relationships. They had definite committment issues. We werent a match anyways but I was foolish not to pick up on this very important factor. I wanted it to work in the worst way because I was falling so hard for him. So, like Belle said, make sure your heart and your mind are congruent with one another. Dont be lead just by your heart. Make your mind sit up and take notice and make the decisions too... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

06-12-2012, 05:33 PM	#3
spritzerJ Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Queer (gender), female (biological marker) Preferred Pronoun?: she will work as a default. Relationship Status: engaged to jac until 8/10/14 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Maine Posts: 3,154 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,307 Thanked 15,802 Times in 2,905 Posts Rep Power: 0	Coping with the LDR is tricky. I am a wander. I can just move and add someone to my life a bit too easily. Which is how I ended up in NH and in a giant mess for a few months. However I got lucky. When it didn't work, I had my experienced past of making things work in a variety of places to rely on. I found a few wonderful friends out here to help out and even managed to fall in love again. And thus begins another LDR. We are lucky our LDR is only 3.5 hours (depending on how fast I drive). And we can both visit each other (although we are heading to hym more often right now). The time apart is hard and drives me nuts. Yet this time it is spot on what we need. The nextfamily change needs to be slow. The LDR makes us take our time (even if it sucks). So as the grown up I can cope with the LDR and as the lover I work extra hard and love hym more. For understanding we are worth the wait and that it really is right to wait another year. We'll have a long time under our relationship and family belt by the time one of us moves.

06-15-2012, 12:22 AM	#4
Point~Of~No~Return Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Andro-SMILES Preferred Pronoun?: Andro~Hey You~Yeah I mean you!~ Relationship Status: i hold the keys to my heart and i am only willing to give it to one Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: California ~talking to the moon~ Posts: 145 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 567 Thanked 277 Times in 107 Posts Rep Power: 0	~i personally think ldr's are next to impossible but for some its perfection. there always seems to be one that isn't secure with themselves or confident enough in who they are with to have total trust, if you do not have this it just wont work its very costly and expensive ~ uprooting your life for what ifs its hard to work and travel all of the time you spend every moment just wanting to be with them which is gut wrenching and painful ~if you want it to work work on it together set boundaries trust communication dont force issues give the person time you're building a level of trust and communication when you're scared from the start due to distance everyone has baggage be respectful and understanding of that compromise belief in yourself belief in the other person avoid malicious people - do not listen to rumors by all means follow your heart think with your mind and love with your all what wasnt a good relationship for one person doesnt mean for the next theyre not your heart old saying~ one womans trash is another womans treasure if you love them never give up hope it will work as its meant to be have faith in your destiny all of lifes journeys are life lessons