To Write Love on Her Arms

[Soft*Silver]

well, my sister...you have walked in your darkness and survived. Count yourself amongst the courageous!

We all have demons..some demons more ugly than others but I try to remember that the demons are not us. We are not the ugly. The ugly is all that unhealed pain of generations of torture, until it got down to us. Now that I realize that, I simply wont pass it on and I wont die from it. Not now.


My old dog has taught me alot about love. Such as, those you can depend on and are always there for you are the ones worthy of your love. All I did was love her enough not to die for her. I put her first. In doing so, I saved my own life. Its funny how that works... but if I had done that for someone OH so not worthy of it, I am sure it would have made my depression worse...

hang in there...dont let go...call out for someone...hold on for some reason....just dont go...

Originally Posted by Princess4u

Dear Softness,
How amazing you are....how wondefully amazing you are...your courage and strength are evident in what you have survived and how you took control...YOU took control....I was just telling a friend lastnight that we have to take control of our lives.....we have a right to take our lives back from the demons which torment us....and you did.....and for one..I can say........Softenss...I am gladd you did......keep painting your nails sister....perhaps we can have polish swaps when you run out.......thank you for calling your sister...and thank you for taking your life back...and thank you for coming here to share with us!! Love and peace..Princess

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by softness

well, my sister...you have walked in your darkness and survived. Count yourself amongst the courageous!

We all have demons..some demons more ugly than others but I try to remember that the demons are not us. We are not the ugly. The ugly is all that unhealed pain of generations of torture, until it got down to us. Now that I realize that, I simply wont pass it on and I wont die from it. Not now.


My old dog has taught me alot about love. Such as, those you can depend on and are always there for you are the ones worthy of your love. All I did was love her enough not to die for her. I put her first. In doing so, I saved my own life. Its funny how that works... but if I had done that for someone OH so not worthy of it, I am sure it would have made my depression worse...

hang in there...dont let go...call out for someone...hold on for some reason....just dont go...

If you mean survive because I am still breathing....then yes....i am lucky as we all are....but I think we all know otherwise...surviving doenst just mean "going through the motions" and breathing in and out 20 times a minute...which even then takes more effort than its worth. Softness....I am blessed you are here....I am greatful that you reached out....and I hope that should such a time come again you would reach out just once more...We all continue with the struggle of "not giving up" and sometimes it takes someone else to remind us why we are here....and its as simple as just breathing so we can be here for one another when we are needed the most. much love my nail polish sister.....I am holding you high and I am holding you tight!!!

[Mitmo01]

wow Softness I can totally relate, last year the only thing that kept me around were my 4 cats. I was so depressed that it was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other and not slice my wrists open but these felines that have chosen me..not the other way around mind you.....saved my life

They have all given me so much more than I could ever give them

They made me stay here when i had no desire to at all and to them I am truly grateful

yeah depression is a motherfucker

and sometimes its so hard to not give up

[Soft*Silver]

Now that I am on this side of the depression, what I figured out, was as long as I put one foot in front of the other, and breathed in and out 20 times a minute, I was close to the sun than I was to the darkness...and because I kept doing it, I am where I am now.

when my brother killed himself, he ended his ability to look back and say, "wow, glad I didnt do that"....

and if you think no one loves you enough to stay here, think again. You have NO idea what the people left behind go thru. And they go thru it because they do love you... even if its your dog, dammit, stay for them...

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by softness

Now that I am on this side of the depression, what I figured out, was as long as I put one foot in front of the other, and breathed in and out 20 times a minute, I was close to the sun than I was to the darkness...and because I kept doing it, I am where I am now.

when my brother killed himself, he ended his ability to look back and say, "wow, glad I didnt do that"....

and if you think no one loves you enough to stay here, think again. You have NO idea what the people left behind go thru. And they go thru it because they do love you... even if its your dog, dammit, stay for them...

I think that is why i have gotten so attached to my friend's dogs..i have never been so attachted to a dog before.......and now i actually pine for him ...i wish i could have animals...but my landlord says otherwise......so here i pine for Brody....and keep counting the breaths every minute....for what I still dont know....????? I wonder if it even really matters......

[Soft*Silver]

honey, I am going to say this to you...and to anyone who says things like "I wonder if it even really matters...." Have you thought about going to therapy? And if you say it wont help, NOT GOING really wont help. GOING might....

I did...and yes, lord yes, it helped... there is no harm in seeking help. No shame. Its far better than dying...

just saying...consider it....

Originally Posted by Princess4u

I think that is why i have gotten so attached to my friend's dogs..i have never been so attachted to a dog before.......and now i actually pine for him ...i wish i could have animals...but my landlord says otherwise......so here i pine for Brody....and keep counting the breaths every minute....for what I still dont know....????? I wonder if it even really matters......

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by softness

honey, I am going to say this to you...and to anyone who says things like "I wonder if it even really matters...." Have you thought about going to therapy? And if you say it wont help, NOT GOING really wont help. GOING might....

I did...and yes, lord yes, it helped... there is no harm in seeking help. No shame. Its far better than dying...

just saying...consider it....

Yes I have and have been.......many times for that matter.....lets see...one therapist was ever available when i arrived for my appointments....she was on the phone....doing paperwork....so i stopped going..this past summer .....i was in therapy and he thought bc i was a nurse.....it was more important to discuss the current healthcare situations...and when i would try to steer things back to my situation.(how selfish of me) well he turns them back to his topic of the day....so i stopped going...unfortuanatly i am no in a position to pay out of pocket and i have no health insurance.....and TN doesnt have crap for mental health

[Princess4u]

how much longer does this hell have to continue?