Too screwed up to be Loved?

[CharmingButch25]

Thank you everyone for your feedback I appreciate it and will give some thoughts to your words.

[Novelafemme]

Just keep working on yourself, CharmingButch25. The more work you do, the more you'll have to offer when that special someone enters your life. But remember to do your work with your best interest in mind; not so you'll be perfect for someone else. That mentality will serve no other purpose then to backfire in your face.

And if you are only 25 then you have a lot of time. Or you could wait until your Saturn Return when your shit inevitably hits the fan whether you like it or not.

[Tcountry]

Somtimes it just takes a changing the way you think...Attitude
They didn't leave or give up ..they got right in there & gave it a fair shot. Sometimes things just don't match up.
What's meant to b will b & everything happens for a reason
Just make sure YOU are putting in the effort to be the best you that YOU can be.
The rest will stack up when it is time

*tip hat*

[CharmingButch25]

Thank you very much for everyone that has responed, Yes i have been commited to therapy, it has helped with some issues and problems, but when it comes to abandonment it seems as if I cant kick that one in the ass, Ive worked thru the trust issues,and the jealousy issues, its just the abandonement issues. I have thrown everything I have into relationships, I give everyone the benifit of the doubt, and maybe your right about not seeing it as they gave up and left,maybe most of them did try their best,

[CharmingButch25]

I think a lot of my issues stem from family also, no one can really handle them, but its family I cant exactly walk away from that, Ive had a string of bad relationships,but I am trying to work on myself right now so that when someone comes along I can offer them my full self, My therapist seems to think I need to walk away from my family but I cant

[Soon]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

I think a lot of my issues stem from family also, no one can really handle them, but its family I cant exactly walk away from that, Ive had a string of bad relationships,but I am trying to work on myself right now so that when someone comes along I can offer them my full self, My therapist seems to think I need to walk away from my family but I cant

I know a couple people who have walked away from their damaging families, and their lives improved immeasurably.

As for myself, I have gone for extended periods of no contact with a family member, as they were certainly adding to my mental distress (and I am sure I was theirs as well).

There is nothing wrong with looking at these options to begin healing yourself and helping you forge a healthy future with a chance for a healthy relationship.

Best to you.

p.s. That is great that you are in therapy. It is so hard to begin the process, but it's worth it when you find someone you feel comfortable with and are able to see/feel progress on those issues that most of us struggle to address.

[princessbelle]

You have been given some great advice here. I feel for you. I hear your pain and know what it is like to just want someone to love you for who you are.

Many of us have been there, whether we have "issues" or not, and it's painful.

Let me ask you a question...

What would you offer a partner? Meaning, would you give them ...love, devotion, understanding, patience, friendship, honesty, forgiveness, faith and trust? Start by giving ALL of those things to YOU. You deserve to be loved by yourself and that is the most important love there is.

I wish you peace and positive energy.

[Breathless]

Just because you were not able to see it, does not mean that you were not loved. I am certain that you have been loved very deeply, that comes naturally as people care about one another. Just because you didnt see it or feel it.. doesnt make it less true or less real. Just because someone didnt love you the way that you wanted them to, doesnt mean that they didnt love you with all that they had to give. Perhaps look at your defination of what love is?
Love yourself first Charming, let go of the negative, wake up every day BELIEVING that Today is going to be a great day, and it will be!

Exes are probably exes.. because it is EXHAUSTING constantly having to prove their love and devotion. Having to undo all the previous hurts with constant redirection and positive reinforcement, and yet feeling like they have made no head way, when the feeling is constantly no one loves me, no one has ever loved me.

I may be way off base, but that is my 2 cents. Love yourself first!

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

I think a lot of my issues stem from family also, no one can really handle them, but its family I cant exactly walk away from that, Ive had a string of bad relationships,but I am trying to work on myself right now so that when someone comes along I can offer them my full self, My therapist seems to think I need to walk away from my family but I cant

Tough one. my Syr helps me realize that the toxic family members don't serve me well. i still have them in my life but at arms length and do not allow them to come between my partner and myself. i'm learning that blood relatives do not mean self sacrifice.

[CharmingButch25]

Yes your right every person does deserve love. Sometimes its just not the right time for some I guess. Right now it's me time. As far as family thats an even harder one , people suggest therapy but I did that for so long and it never worked,but maybe ill try again

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

Yes your right every person does deserve love. Sometimes its just not the right time for some I guess. Right now it's me time. As far as family thats an even harder one , people suggest therapy but I did that for so long and it never worked,but maybe ill try again

I work in the mental health field and will be the first to say that not all therapists are good or have worked through their own issues.

Sometimes it is just not the right fit even if they are highly skilled. If you truly gave it your best and feel like you never got anywhere, it really is time to find another therapist.

I remember so well my first therapist (thank you Ginny wherever you are) really was awesome as I was trying to work through my parental issues. I was 21 and still asking why my parents didn't love me. She just very firmly, each time I asked this question, said: "Because they can't".

I must have asked 20 times until the lightbulb in my head went off, she broke through the last of my defenses and I understood that they just were not able to love me. They never got the tools from their own parents.

When therapy works, it can be life and soul-saving.

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

Yes your right every person does deserve love. Sometimes its just not the right time for some I guess. Right now it's me time. As far as family thats an even harder one , people suggest therapy but I did that for so long and it never worked,but maybe ill try again

I'm not sure what your family issues are exactly, but YOU going to therapy is going to help to some degree, but that isn't going to change THEM. They are probably not going to change either, so, you have to keep in mind that sometimes keeping a safe distance and limiting your exposure to the negativity is the ONLY way you will find a healthy medium.

If your family is making that much of an influence on you, then you really do need to sit back and find out why. They are not living your life, you are. Keeping a distance doesn't mean you don't love or care for them, but that you love and care for yourself more.