Too screwed up to be Loved?

[MissItalianDiva]

Charming Butch,

I could very well be off by a long shot but personally I believe in the Laws of Attraction we receive what we put out into the Universe. If our thoughts and feelings of ourselves are negatively based then of course we naturally are not going to progress and grow. We are not able to attract healthy able minded people when we are so stuck in our own shit we can't see straight. I know it is cheesy BUT try some positive affirmations. Sit down and think about all the good inside you. Stick them on post its and put them in random places like the bathroom mirror say them out loud.

When a negative thought comes into your mind push it down with a positive one. You have to drown out the darkness. Light will always prevail. Start being kind to yourself. Part of respecting oneself and claiming ones worth starts with the company we keep. Yes family may be blood but if they are toxic and suck the joy from us then what is the point. You are going to need to get to a point where you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

When we allow toxic relationships to continue we must ask ourselves what are we gaining out of this. We do not continue or allow things in our lives unless they have a benefit (payoff) so what is your benefit by allowing toxic people to suck the life out of you.

Are you ready to claim your life back and be happy? I know you want to say yes but are you REALLY ready. I think sometimes it can be easy for people to kind of become addicted to dysfunctional existence.

As for love of course you deserve to be loved...we all do. Everyone of us has amazing qualities inside..some a bit more buried then others but we all do. We all also have baggage and I believe the woman who is right for you will be a strong woman who can call you on your stinkin thinking and help you stay motivated. She will be able to love you through your baggage. Your past relationships may have ended simply because they were not "the one" and simply a stepping stone and lesson along the way.

I sincerely hope you can find peace,clarity and love along your journey!

[Nomad]

Originally Posted by MissItalianDiva

Charming Butch,

I could very well be off by a long shot but personally I believe in the Laws of Attraction we receive what we put out into the Universe. If our thoughts and feelings of ourselves are negatively based then of course we naturally are not going to progress and grow. We are not able to attract healthy able minded people when we are so stuck in our own shit we can't see straight. I know it is cheesy BUT try some positive affirmations. Sit down and think about all the good inside you. Stick them on post its and put them in random places like the bathroom mirror say them out loud.

When a negative thought comes into your mind push it down with a positive one. You have to drown out the darkness. Light will always prevail. Start being kind to yourself. Part of respecting oneself and claiming ones worth starts with the company we keep. Yes family may be blood but if they are toxic and suck the joy from us then what is the point. You are going to need to get to a point where you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

When we allow toxic relationships to continue we must ask ourselves what are we gaining out of this. We do not continue or allow things in our lives unless they have a benefit (payoff) so what is your benefit by allowing toxic people to suck the life out of you.

Are you ready to claim your life back and be happy? I know you want to say yes but are you REALLY ready. I think sometimes it can be easy for people to kind of become addicted to dysfunctional existence.

As for love of course you deserve to be loved...we all do. Everyone of us has amazing qualities inside..some a bit more buried then others but we all do. We all also have baggage and I believe the woman who is right for you will be a strong woman who can call you on your stinkin thinking and help you stay motivated. She will be able to love you through your baggage. Your past relationships may have ended simply because they were not "the one" and simply a stepping stone and lesson along the way.

I sincerely hope you can find peace,clarity and love along your journey!

boy howdy and pass the matzoh balls! dysfunctional existence is just as much of an addiction as any other. LOTS of the same chemistry, many of the same patterns, similar self-destructive behaviors and less than authentic living. doesnt exempt us from responsibility of course and i'm not suggesting that CB is avoiding any personal responsibility - quite the opposite in fact - but i just want to support this statement as strongly as i can without sounding like a zealot. (call it the vehemence of the converted if you like)

on an entirely different note, i dont always hold with the think/get mantra meaning 'think negative, get negative. think positive, get positive'. you can be of a sincere 'think positively' mindset 24/7 and crappy things will still happen. i've amended my version of the mantra to 'think negative, see and invite negative. think positive, see and invite positive' because that's what it comes down to. what have we invited into our lives? kind of like vampires. you gotta invite them in. (or is that an urban myth?) anyway. we're usually careful who we invite into our homes yes? so equal care should be given into what/who we invite into our lives i think. there will always be some crazy rides but the good kind of crazy is the one that leaves us thinking 'ouch that hurt but it was worth it' whereas the bad crazy might make you feel like, oh idaknow, you're 'too screwed up to be loved' maybe? and that mindset hurts sooooooooo much more than any damage anyone else could do to you.

also i think it's wise to look beneath the wrapping paper before handing out that 'positive' label. believe it or not i'm one of those 'there's good in everyone and beauty in everything' people to a sickeningly ridiculous degree so dont automatically read cynicism into what i'm saying. i just think that peeling away a few layers of something to get a little deeper before labeling something a positive experience or a positive influence is wise rather than a cynical take on things. as a matter of fact i think it prevents more cynicism than it creates by allowing you to see some reality and take a miss on the things that were disguised as good ideas. it's also a little empowering to realize that you did the leg work before you jumped in, especially if you save yourself from making a huge mistake. that's a pretty good feeling for sure! cynicism comes from disappointment and feeling taken advantage of. everyone can be disappointed but being taken advantage of is something that rarely happens in non-compromised persons without consent. (by non-compromised i mean people who arent easily exploited such as children, folks who are cognitively delayed, some elders and so on) i honestly believe that the consent part of being taken advantage of or disappointed is what really creates the hurt. it's not the other person/people who actually hurt us sometimes. when we strip away all our posturing and ego we often find that in many cases we've consented to being taken advantage of by others or by our own addiction to dysfunction and the realization that we didnt love ourselves first and best packs a punch like Ali climbing up one side and down the other of Frasier. know what i'm sayin?

[CharmingButch25]

I have tried the positive thinking and Maybe i was doing it wrong but it didnt work, I am very grateful for everyones advice and it really is helping , I am taking it all in and listening, I am stil considering therapy,so we shall see. Thank you very much I cannot say it enough

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Nomad

boy howdy and pass the matzoh balls! dysfunctional existence is just as much of an addiction as any other.
on an entirely different note, i dont always hold with the think/get mantra meaning 'think negative, get negative. think positive, get positive'. you can be of a sincere 'think positively' mindset 24/7 and crappy things will still happen.

So true! Plus I believe in the random quality of experience, which is always a factor.

i've amended my version of the mantra to 'think negative, see and invite negative. think positive, see and invite positive' because that's what it comes down to. what have we invited into our lives? kind of like vampires. you gotta invite them in. (or is that an urban myth?)

No, it's not an urban myth. It's true.

anyway. we're usually careful who we invite into our homes yes? so equal care should be given into what/who we invite into our lives i think. there will always be some crazy rides but the good kind of crazy is the one that leaves us thinking 'ouch that hurt but it was worth it' whereas the bad crazy might make you feel like, oh idaknow, you're 'too screwed up to be loved' maybe? and that mindset hurts sooooooooo much more than any damage anyone else could do to you.

Ouch, been there.

also i think it's wise to look beneath the wrapping paper before handing out that 'positive' label. believe it or not i'm one of those 'there's good in everyone and beauty in everything' people to a sickeningly ridiculous degree so dont automatically read cynicism into what i'm saying. i just think that peeling away a few layers of something to get a little deeper before labeling something a positive experience or a positive influence is wise rather than a cynical take on things.

yes, time allows a deeper perception.

as a matter of fact i think it prevents more cynicism than it creates by allowing you to see some reality and take a miss on the things that were disguised as good ideas. it's also a little empowering to realize that you did the leg work before you jumped in, especially if you save yourself from making a huge mistake. that's a pretty good feeling for sure! cynicism comes from disappointment and feeling taken advantage of. everyone can be disappointed but being taken advantage of is something that rarely happens in non-compromised persons without consent. (by non-compromised i mean people who arent easily exploited such as children, folks who are cognitively delayed, some elders and so on)

i honestly believe that the consent part of being taken advantage of or disappointed is what really creates the hurt.

SO SO SO true!!! I'm dealing with that one myself.

it's not the other person/people who actually hurt us sometimes. when we strip away all our posturing and ego we often find that in many cases we've consented to being taken advantage of by others or by our own addiction to dysfunction and the realization that we didnt love ourselves first and best packs a punch like Ali climbing up one side and down the other of Frasier. know what i'm sayin?

Great post! I interjected a few comments, in purple.

[Ginger]

I don't think the question is, Am I too screwed up to be Loved?

I think the question is, Am I too screwed up to Love?