Spouses/Partners of Transmen and transwomen...

Blue_Daddy-O · 09-01-2012, 08:09 PM

Great thread Mrs. Arcstriker and welcome to the Planet!

aishah · 09-01-2012, 08:17 PM

it seems like all the recent (well, since i've been a member) threads on this topic have stayed pretty quiet, so i'm glad you started this one!

one of my partners is trans and butch. he's primarily attracted to queer femmes. i identify as a queer femme and have since before we met. we've never been "lesbian-identified" as a couple...he identified as a lesbian earlier on in life, i never have, and he was at the beginning of his transition when we first got together. he is still pretty early on as far as medical transition goes, having had to stop and start hormones and not having access to top surgery. we both are pretty involved in queer communities and have friends of all sexualities and genders as well. i would say, like julie, that "butch/femme" is probably the most accurate descriptor of the dynamics of our relationship

at least as we see it.

julieisafemme · 09-01-2012, 08:29 PM

I should add that we live in the Bay Area. There are lot of queers here of all types. That is wonderful and we are blessed to be here. There are two organizations where we have felt fully embraced and loved. One is Butch Voices and the other is Brown Boi. We have attended conferences and events for both of these organizations and really felt at home, loved and embraced. That is a wonderful thing!

I came out as a lesbian and left my whole heterosexual life 5 years ago. I met my partner at a Butch Femme Social dance. That was it for me! It did not matter that he was a transman. My heterosexual world community could handle that I am a lesbian but partnered with a transman!? Too much for people to handle. Oh the the craziness that ensued!

At this point I don't care if other people don't understand me. I am so happy being out and that I have found my partner. Life is good and I am very happy to be here and that there are spaces where we can be ourselves and share that happiness!

Mrs Arcstriker · 09-01-2012, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

I should add that we live in the Bay Area. There are lot of queers here of all types. That is wonderful and we are blessed to be here. There are two organizations where we have felt fully embraced and loved. One is Butch Voices and the other is Brown Boi. We have attended conferences and events for both of these organizations and really felt at home, loved and embraced. That is a wonderful thing!

I came out as a lesbian and left my whole heterosexual life 5 years ago. I met my partner at a Butch Femme Social dance. That was it for me! It did not matter that he was a transman. My heterosexual world community could handle that I am a lesbian but partnered with a transman!? Too much for people to handle. Oh the the craziness that ensued!

At this point I don't care if other people don't understand me. I am so happy being out and that I have found my partner. Life is good and I am very happy to be here and that there are spaces where we can be ourselves and share that happiness!

Our world is a bit different Julieisafemme...(Can I call you Julie?)

We live in a conservative part of New England so our experience is totally different...oh, and we are old as crap (Arc's 51 and I am pushing 46...) I totally agree with what you say, regarding not caring if people don't understand you. I am just happy to be who we are, and it is obvious that you and your partner are happy with who you are too...

As for the spaces where you can be yourselves, I have to ask, where do you find them? So far we don't have a place of acceptance and that is problematic sometimes.

julieisafemme · 09-01-2012, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs Arcstriker

Our world is a bit different Julieisafemme...(Can I call you Julie?)

We live in a conservative part of New England so our experience is totally different...oh, and we are old as crap (Arc's 51 and I am pushing 46...) I totally agree with what you say, regarding not caring if people don't understand you. I am just happy to be who we are, and it is obvious that you and your partner are happy with who you are too...

As for the spaces where you can be yourselves, I have to ask, where do you find them? So far we don't have a place of acceptance and that is problematic sometimes.

heh!!! I am 46 too! My partner is older than yours! We are not old as crap. I am a teenager again after coming out!

Yes I know that things are very different in other parts of the country and world. We find the spaces because they are right here where we are. Butch Voices does do events in NYC so you should check them out. Does your husband identify as a butch? Greyson does and for him butch is his gender or a third gender or a combination of both. I know this is not how all people see butch. Just his experience.

Mrs Arcstriker · 09-01-2012, 09:01 PM

Arc is more male id-d though he is also fine with being female. We are not part of any community outside of our regular life and neighborhood.

Thank you for planting the seed of an idea BTW that I am not old as crap! (I may just explore that!)

Spirit Dancer · 09-01-2012, 09:09 PM

It would seem that we all come from different regions, living in a more
metropolitan it would be an accepting atmosphere. However in small
town USA TG couples are more closted and often isolated from their peers or those who accept us.
The other thing i wanted to mention
if you can seem to find a TG community it small town USA it's usually a MtF community with very few if any FtM persons.

09-01-2012, 08:29 PM	#3
julieisafemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married to Greyson Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In the present Posts: 828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,156 Thanked 3,434 Times in 660 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I should add that we live in the Bay Area. There are lot of queers here of all types. That is wonderful and we are blessed to be here. There are two organizations where we have felt fully embraced and loved. One is Butch Voices and the other is Brown Boi. We have attended conferences and events for both of these organizations and really felt at home, loved and embraced. That is a wonderful thing! I came out as a lesbian and left my whole heterosexual life 5 years ago. I met my partner at a Butch Femme Social dance. That was it for me! It did not matter that he was a transman. My heterosexual world community could handle that I am a lesbian but partnered with a transman!? Too much for people to handle. Oh the the craziness that ensued! At this point I don't care if other people don't understand me. I am so happy being out and that I have found my partner. Life is good and I am very happy to be here and that there are spaces where we can be ourselves and share that happiness! Last edited by julieisafemme; 09-01-2012 at 08:32 PM.

09-01-2012, 09:09 PM	#7
Spirit Dancer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Complex but Tender Preferred Pronoun?: ~Ma`am~ Relationship Status: Shotgun Rider Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Following the red road Posts: 4,519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,304 Thanked 12,904 Times in 3,466 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	It would seem that we all come from different regions, living in a more metropolitan it would be an accepting atmosphere. However in small town USA TG couples are more closted and often isolated from their peers or those who accept us. The other thing i wanted to mention if you can seem to find a TG community it small town USA it's usually a MtF community with very few if any FtM persons. __________________ “For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” Judy Garland

09-01-2012, 08:09 PM	#1
Blue_Daddy-O Member How Do You Identify?: Retro Daddy, Male-Identified Preferred Pronoun?: He Him Sir Mister Husband Dom Master Relationship Status: Single and ready for a garden party Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Portland, Oregon Posts: 411 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 222 Thanked 652 Times in 226 Posts Rep Power: 5877932	Great thread Mrs. Arcstriker and welcome to the Planet!

09-01-2012, 08:17 PM	#2
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,440 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	it seems like all the recent (well, since i've been a member) threads on this topic have stayed pretty quiet, so i'm glad you started this one! one of my partners is trans and butch. he's primarily attracted to queer femmes. i identify as a queer femme and have since before we met. we've never been "lesbian-identified" as a couple...he identified as a lesbian earlier on in life, i never have, and he was at the beginning of his transition when we first got together. he is still pretty early on as far as medical transition goes, having had to stop and start hormones and not having access to top surgery. we both are pretty involved in queer communities and have friends of all sexualities and genders as well. i would say, like julie, that "butch/femme" is probably the most accurate descriptor of the dynamics of our relationship at least as we see it.

09-01-2012, 09:01 PM	#6
Mrs Arcstriker Timed Out How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: her, she...female ones... Relationship Status: married to Arcstriker Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: CT Posts: 143 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 37 Thanked 407 Times in 100 Posts Rep Power: 0	Arc is more male id-d though he is also fine with being female. We are not part of any community outside of our regular life and neighborhood. Thank you for planting the seed of an idea BTW that I am not old as crap! (I may just explore that!)