Permission to propose

stephfromMIT · 09-02-2012, 12:00 PM

Good question Okie! We probably would've married without their economic support.

Ginger · 09-02-2012, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

Good question Okie! We probably would've married without their economic support.

Do you mean "will marry" without their economic support? I thought the marriage was in the future. Just trying to keep the narrative straight, no pun intended.

Ginger · 09-02-2012, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

Good question Okie! We probably would've married without their economic support.

This is an interesting answer to Okie's question asking if you would have married without your partner's dad's approval.

spritzerJ · 09-02-2012, 12:19 PM

I think that IF I was ever going to marry again...
I would not ask Stoney's mom and hy probably wouldn't ask my mom.

marriage is not going to happen... 'cause the whole marriage thing I've tried several ways. And I've managed to stick to 1 contract in my life. That was the donor contract. So I'm thinking I'll end up with a contract like that or something just ours.

However,
I do however think it would be humorous to listen to the moms talk to each other about us formalizing a commitment. Because sometimes when hy and I talk about our mothers they are very alike. And if I had my sense of humor and a suit of armor on it could be really funny.

Okiebug61 · 09-02-2012, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spritzerJ

I think that IF I was ever going to marry again...
I would not ask Stoney's mom and hy probably wouldn't ask my mom.

marriage is not going to happen... 'cause the whole marriage thing I've tried several ways. And I've managed to stick to 1 contract in my life. That was the donor contract. So I'm thinking I'll end up with a contract like that or something just ours.

However,
I do however think it would be humorous to listen to the moms talk to each other about us formalizing a commitment. Because sometimes when hy and I talk about our mothers they are very alike. And if I had my sense of humor and a suit of armor on it could be really funny.

Red and I think commitment ceremonies are cool but as long as marriage is considered a religious ceremony that is governed by the feds, states or cities then we are not into that. We are guaranteed separation of Church and State until that takes place it's no marriage for us.

Soon · 09-02-2012, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Okiebug61

Red and I think commitment ceremonies are cool but as long as marriage is considered a religious ceremony that is governed by the feds, states or cities then we are not into that. We are guaranteed separation of Church and State until that takes place it's no marriage for us.

Religion is only involved if the couple chooses to involve it. A marriage is just as valid in the eyes of the State without any religious involvement--hence the term civil marriage is used in the fight for marriage equality so people wont think we are demanding any of their church's participation or approval.

Tcountry · 09-02-2012, 01:43 PM

To me it is tradition& respect to ask the head of household ..or at least tell them, hey this is what I'd like to do...
its not about the response ..its about showing them the respect of asking.

Of course there are limits ...if she isn't close to family, if family has left this physical world, things like that....but traditionally, if possible...yes I would respect the head of household. But that's just me...& thats assuming I would be the one asking.

Martina · 09-02-2012, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tcountry

the head of household ..or at least tell them

ick if that is assumed to be dad as a rule

Okiebug61 · 09-02-2012, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

Good question Okie! We probably would've married without their economic support.

Economic support, ah OK so this is very traditional. The parents of the bride are paying for the wedding. Are you paying for the honeymoon?

Words · 09-02-2012, 12:20 PM

I thought there were going to be two brides, no? I seem to remember Steph said something in another thread about calling each other wife after they're married...Steph, is that correct?

Words

stephfromMIT · 09-02-2012, 12:20 PM

Scout-You're right, the wedding hasn't happened. What I meant was: the wedding would happen, even without the economic support of my future in-laws.

stephfromMIT · 09-02-2012, 12:21 PM

Words-You are absolutely right! I will be her wife, and she will be mine.

Words · 09-02-2012, 12:24 PM

Thanks Steph...just didn't want to fall into the trap of assuming that because you wear men's underwear etc, you consider yourself the groom/husband

Words

BullDog · 09-02-2012, 12:26 PM

LOL Words. Well if I do get married I will be the groom and wearing a tuxedo. So you never can tell.

Words · 09-02-2012, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog

LOL Words. Well if I do get married I will be the groom and wearing a tuxedo. So you never can tell.

That's what I mean, you should never assume

BTW - congrats on the anniversary!

Words

princessbelle · 09-02-2012, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog

LOL Words. Well if I do get married I will be the groom and wearing a tuxedo. So you never can tell.

Just wanted to quote that and swoon again.

But in regards to asking the father before the bride....

My view is what other's have said. It reminds me of the time that the women had no say about who they married or when. A bio man asked the father, they shook on it and there may have been a dowry in the works and that was that. It had as much to do with money as it did the girl, IMO. Next thing the girl was told she was getting married. End of story. Sounds horrible.

On the flip side though, i do believe it is sorta ok to tell the parents or family prior to asking the wife. Key word is "tell or inform". That's my view on it though.

I mean to each his/hys/her own, but that would be creepy to me. My father is deceased, but if he were still alive, i don't think i would like that at all.

The_Lady_Snow · 09-02-2012, 12:30 PM

I get it now, so you are in a heteronormative/straight relationship, therefore you being butch=male and she being femme=female.

So since you are butch=male you went with the whole ask for her hand in marriage etc etc.

I get it.

I thought I'd share a thread Mrs Arcstriker started for couples such as yourselves here is the link

CLICK ME

You'd probably get more traditional advice from them than most of us.

Good luck on your nuptials!!

aishah · 09-02-2012, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I get it now, so you are in a heteronormative/straight relationship, therefore you being butch=male and she being femme=female.

So since you are butch=male you went with the whole ask for her hand in marriage etc etc.

I get it.

I thought I'd share a thread Mrs Arcstriker started for couples such as yourselves here is the link

CLICK ME

You'd probably get more traditional advice from them than most of us.

Good luck on your nuptials!!

i had no idea that thread was supposed to be about heteronormative relationships. i thought it was about trans folks and partners of trans folks (heteronormative or not).

The_Lady_Snow · 09-02-2012, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aishah

i had no idea that thread was supposed to be about heteronormative relationships. i thought it was about trans folks and partners of trans folks.

I must of read it wrong

My apologies

Shit, sorry Steph I was totally mistaken about the thread I put the saddle ahead of the horse

aishah · 09-02-2012, 01:45 PM

c. and i have exchanged rings. i don't know if we'll ever have a ceremony, and we can't get legally married. my parents were gone well before we got together and he doesn't have a close relationship with his, although i might be meeting his dad at christmas. neither of us are big fans of tradition so there was no asking (nor would there ever be). the only person whose consent really matters to either of us is our own.

09-02-2012, 01:43 PM	#7
Tcountry Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Country Boi Preferred Pronoun?: call it as u see it Relationship Status: Completely...complete ;) Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Either at the beach or in the pool Posts: 1,665 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,929 Thanked 4,287 Times in 1,181 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	To me it is tradition& respect to ask the head of household ..or at least tell them, hey this is what I'd like to do... its not about the response ..its about showing them the respect of asking. Of course there are limits ...if she isn't close to family, if family has left this physical world, things like that....but traditionally, if possible...yes I would respect the head of household. But that's just me...& thats assuming I would be the one asking. __________________ "You don't Find life worth living; You MAKE IT that way"

09-02-2012, 12:26 PM	#14
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,640 Times in 4,463 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	LOL Words. Well if I do get married I will be the groom and wearing a tuxedo. So you never can tell. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

09-02-2012, 12:30 PM	#17
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,077 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	Thanks for clarifying I get it now, so you are in a heteronormative/straight relationship, therefore you being butch=male and she being femme=female. So since you are butch=male you went with the whole ask for her hand in marriage etc etc. I get it. I thought I'd share a thread Mrs Arcstriker started for couples such as yourselves here is the link CLICK ME You'd probably get more traditional advice from them than most of us. Good luck on your nuptials!! __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

09-02-2012, 12:00 PM	#1
stephfromMIT Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Troll Preferred Pronoun?: she her Relationship Status: engaged to my fiancee Amanda Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: cambridge MA Posts: 230 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 703 Thanked 408 Times in 143 Posts Rep Power: 0	Good question Okie! We probably would've married without their economic support.

09-02-2012, 12:19 PM	#4
spritzerJ Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Queer (gender), female (biological marker) Preferred Pronoun?: she will work as a default. Relationship Status: engaged to jac until 8/10/14 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Maine Posts: 3,154 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,307 Thanked 15,802 Times in 2,905 Posts Rep Power: 0	I think that IF I was ever going to marry again... I would not ask Stoney's mom and hy probably wouldn't ask my mom. marriage is not going to happen... 'cause the whole marriage thing I've tried several ways. And I've managed to stick to 1 contract in my life. That was the donor contract. So I'm thinking I'll end up with a contract like that or something just ours. However, I do however think it would be humorous to listen to the moms talk to each other about us formalizing a commitment. Because sometimes when hy and I talk about our mothers they are very alike. And if I had my sense of humor and a suit of armor on it could be really funny.

09-02-2012, 12:20 PM	#10
Words Member How Do You Identify?: Queer femme submissive Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: UK Posts: 969 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,449 Thanked 4,258 Times in 677 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I thought there were going to be two brides, no? I seem to remember Steph said something in another thread about calling each other wife after they're married...Steph, is that correct? Words

09-02-2012, 12:21 PM	#12
stephfromMIT Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Troll Preferred Pronoun?: she her Relationship Status: engaged to my fiancee Amanda Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: cambridge MA Posts: 230 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 703 Thanked 408 Times in 143 Posts Rep Power: 0	Words-You are absolutely right! I will be her wife, and she will be mine.

09-02-2012, 12:24 PM	#13
Words Member How Do You Identify?: Queer femme submissive Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: UK Posts: 969 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,449 Thanked 4,258 Times in 677 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Thanks Steph...just didn't want to fall into the trap of assuming that because you wear men's underwear etc, you consider yourself the groom/husband Words

09-02-2012, 01:45 PM	#20
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,440 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	c. and i have exchanged rings. i don't know if we'll ever have a ceremony, and we can't get legally married. my parents were gone well before we got together and he doesn't have a close relationship with his, although i might be meeting his dad at christmas. neither of us are big fans of tradition so there was no asking (nor would there ever be). the only person whose consent really matters to either of us is our own.