Permission to propose

Okiebug61 · 09-02-2012, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

Good question Okie! We probably would've married without their economic support.

Economic support, ah OK so this is very traditional. The parents of the bride are paying for the wedding. Are you paying for the honeymoon?

Words · 09-02-2012, 12:20 PM

I thought there were going to be two brides, no? I seem to remember Steph said something in another thread about calling each other wife after they're married...Steph, is that correct?

Words

stephfromMIT · 09-02-2012, 12:20 PM

Scout-You're right, the wedding hasn't happened. What I meant was: the wedding would happen, even without the economic support of my future in-laws.

stephfromMIT · 09-02-2012, 12:21 PM

Words-You are absolutely right! I will be her wife, and she will be mine.

Words · 09-02-2012, 12:24 PM

Thanks Steph...just didn't want to fall into the trap of assuming that because you wear men's underwear etc, you consider yourself the groom/husband

Words

BullDog · 09-02-2012, 12:26 PM

LOL Words. Well if I do get married I will be the groom and wearing a tuxedo. So you never can tell.

Words · 09-02-2012, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog

LOL Words. Well if I do get married I will be the groom and wearing a tuxedo. So you never can tell.

That's what I mean, you should never assume

BTW - congrats on the anniversary!

Words

BullDog · 09-02-2012, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Words

That's what I mean, you should never assume

BTW - congrats on the anniversary!

Words

Thank you! It is not a wedding anniversary but very meaningful for us.

princessbelle · 09-02-2012, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog

LOL Words. Well if I do get married I will be the groom and wearing a tuxedo. So you never can tell.

Just wanted to quote that and swoon again.

But in regards to asking the father before the bride....

My view is what other's have said. It reminds me of the time that the women had no say about who they married or when. A bio man asked the father, they shook on it and there may have been a dowry in the works and that was that. It had as much to do with money as it did the girl, IMO. Next thing the girl was told she was getting married. End of story. Sounds horrible.

On the flip side though, i do believe it is sorta ok to tell the parents or family prior to asking the wife. Key word is "tell or inform". That's my view on it though.

I mean to each his/hys/her own, but that would be creepy to me. My father is deceased, but if he were still alive, i don't think i would like that at all.

The_Lady_Snow · 09-02-2012, 12:30 PM

I get it now, so you are in a heteronormative/straight relationship, therefore you being butch=male and she being femme=female.

So since you are butch=male you went with the whole ask for her hand in marriage etc etc.

I get it.

I thought I'd share a thread Mrs Arcstriker started for couples such as yourselves here is the link

CLICK ME

You'd probably get more traditional advice from them than most of us.

Good luck on your nuptials!!

aishah · 09-02-2012, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I get it now, so you are in a heteronormative/straight relationship, therefore you being butch=male and she being femme=female.

So since you are butch=male you went with the whole ask for her hand in marriage etc etc.

I get it.

I thought I'd share a thread Mrs Arcstriker started for couples such as yourselves here is the link

CLICK ME

You'd probably get more traditional advice from them than most of us.

Good luck on your nuptials!!

i had no idea that thread was supposed to be about heteronormative relationships. i thought it was about trans folks and partners of trans folks (heteronormative or not).

The_Lady_Snow · 09-02-2012, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aishah

i had no idea that thread was supposed to be about heteronormative relationships. i thought it was about trans folks and partners of trans folks.

I must of read it wrong

My apologies

Shit, sorry Steph I was totally mistaken about the thread I put the saddle ahead of the horse

aishah · 09-02-2012, 01:45 PM

c. and i have exchanged rings. i don't know if we'll ever have a ceremony, and we can't get legally married. my parents were gone well before we got together and he doesn't have a close relationship with his, although i might be meeting his dad at christmas. neither of us are big fans of tradition so there was no asking (nor would there ever be). the only person whose consent really matters to either of us is our own.

QueenofSmirks · 09-02-2012, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aishah

i had no idea that thread was supposed to be about heteronormative relationships. i thought it was about trans folks and partners of trans folks (heteronormative or not).

I missed the trans part. I thought it was just a general thread in "Dating, Marriage, Family".

girl_dee · 09-02-2012, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

I missed the trans part. I thought it was just a general thread in "Dating, Marriage, Family".

Me too, i'm confused. i hope i didn't speak up out of turn!

aishah · 09-02-2012, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

I missed the trans part. I thought it was just a general thread in "Dating, Marriage, Family".

snow referred steph to this thread:
Spouses/Partners of Transmen and transwomen... in the trans zone.
i got confused because i didn't think the thread was specifically about heteronormative relationships.

it's cool, we cleared up the confusion. (i think.)

firegal · 09-02-2012, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

I missed the trans part. I thought it was just a general thread in "Dating, Marriage, Family".

I think she was thinking of the "spouses/partners of transmen and transwomen" thread that stephmit also started.

Tony · 09-02-2012, 12:27 PM

I'm kind of an old fashioned guy who holds on to some rituals. With my second wife, she had three children. Her daughter, the youngest, was displaced 1,000 miles from her home & friends right after 8th grade graduation when her mother moved up here to me after doing LDR for a year. We discussed marriage but I did take one on one time with the kids to tell them my intent & in essence ask their permission. I was fairly sure it would be yes because their mom was very happy. However, had it been no, I doubt we would have married. The children are part of the package & they need to be just as happy. In the end, they were thrilled, I proposed, she said yes & both her sons walked her down the aisle.
Just my experience.

Ginger · 09-02-2012, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tony

I'm kind of an old fashioned guy who holds on to some rituals. With my second wife, she had three children. Her daughter, the youngest, was displaced 1,000 miles from her home & friends right after 8th grade graduation when her mother moved up here to me after doing LDR for a year. We discussed marriage but I did take one on one time with the kids to tell them my intent & in essence ask their permission. I was fairly sure it would be yes because their mom was very happy. However, had it been no, I doubt we would have married. The children are part of the package & they need to be just as happy. In the end, they were thrilled, I proposed, she said yes & both her sons walked her down the aisle.
Just my experience.

And your reasons for not marrying, if the kids had been opposed to it, would have been out of putting them first, and being compassionate about their needs. It shows good parental instinct.

My sense is that (ironically) if they had been opposed to the marriage and your response was not to marry, that would have prompted them to trust you more, and it might have put them on a path to accept the marriage at a later point.

But a partner's parents are not in the same category as a partner's kids, and the response comes from a different place. (Goes without saying but I'm saying it anyway)

Tony · 09-02-2012, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IslandScout

And your reasons for not marrying, if the kids had been opposed to it, would have been out of putting them first, and being compassionate about their needs. It shows good parental instinct.

My sense is that (ironically) if they had been opposed to the marriage and your response was not to marry, that would have prompted them to trust you more, and it might have put them on a path to accept the marriage at a later point.

But a partner's parents are not in the same category as a partner's kids, and the response comes from a different place. (Goes without saying but I'm saying it anyway)

And needless to say, if the kids weren't ok with it, she wouldn't have been either. I made sure to include, bond & form a relationship with her kids from the very beginning. It was a respect issue as well.

09-02-2012, 12:26 PM	#6
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,640 Times in 4,463 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	LOL Words. Well if I do get married I will be the groom and wearing a tuxedo. So you never can tell. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

09-02-2012, 12:30 PM	#10
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,077 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	Thanks for clarifying I get it now, so you are in a heteronormative/straight relationship, therefore you being butch=male and she being femme=female. So since you are butch=male you went with the whole ask for her hand in marriage etc etc. I get it. I thought I'd share a thread Mrs Arcstriker started for couples such as yourselves here is the link CLICK ME You'd probably get more traditional advice from them than most of us. Good luck on your nuptials!! __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

09-02-2012, 12:27 PM	#18
Tony Member How Do You Identify?: All Man (FTM if I must have a label) Preferred Pronoun?: Male ones Relationship Status: She's my Southern Comfort Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Midwest Posts: 412 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 569 Thanked 1,241 Times in 326 Posts Rep Power: 18460391	I'm kind of an old fashioned guy who holds on to some rituals. With my second wife, she had three children. Her daughter, the youngest, was displaced 1,000 miles from her home & friends right after 8th grade graduation when her mother moved up here to me after doing LDR for a year. We discussed marriage but I did take one on one time with the kids to tell them my intent & in essence ask their permission. I was fairly sure it would be yes because their mom was very happy. However, had it been no, I doubt we would have married. The children are part of the package & they need to be just as happy. In the end, they were thrilled, I proposed, she said yes & both her sons walked her down the aisle. Just my experience. __________________ Words are what we hear; they allow the heart to believe what it wants to believe. But actions, actions show us the real truth of what we need to believe.

09-02-2012, 12:20 PM	#2
Words Member How Do You Identify?: Queer femme submissive Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: UK Posts: 969 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,449 Thanked 4,258 Times in 677 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I thought there were going to be two brides, no? I seem to remember Steph said something in another thread about calling each other wife after they're married...Steph, is that correct? Words

09-02-2012, 12:20 PM	#3
stephfromMIT Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Troll Preferred Pronoun?: she her Relationship Status: engaged to my fiancee Amanda Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: cambridge MA Posts: 230 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 703 Thanked 408 Times in 143 Posts Rep Power: 0	Scout-You're right, the wedding hasn't happened. What I meant was: the wedding would happen, even without the economic support of my future in-laws.

09-02-2012, 12:21 PM	#4
stephfromMIT Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Troll Preferred Pronoun?: she her Relationship Status: engaged to my fiancee Amanda Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: cambridge MA Posts: 230 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 703 Thanked 408 Times in 143 Posts Rep Power: 0	Words-You are absolutely right! I will be her wife, and she will be mine.

09-02-2012, 12:24 PM	#5
Words Member How Do You Identify?: Queer femme submissive Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: UK Posts: 969 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,449 Thanked 4,258 Times in 677 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Thanks Steph...just didn't want to fall into the trap of assuming that because you wear men's underwear etc, you consider yourself the groom/husband Words

09-02-2012, 01:45 PM	#13
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,440 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	c. and i have exchanged rings. i don't know if we'll ever have a ceremony, and we can't get legally married. my parents were gone well before we got together and he doesn't have a close relationship with his, although i might be meeting his dad at christmas. neither of us are big fans of tradition so there was no asking (nor would there ever be). the only person whose consent really matters to either of us is our own.