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09-14-2012, 08:49 AM
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#1 |
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I don't think that you made a mistake at all, Alix.
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10-09-2012, 06:27 PM
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#2 |
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Thread bump..
I have not visited this thread since creating my own. However, I cam in tonight to copy paste my intro on here so I could include it in my thread as it is part of my journey, part of my life so to speak. I reread some of the posts and thought that the thread needed a bump. To get back on the front page for other Bravehearts old and new to see. After all that is how I found it Julien had bumped it. So bump
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11-09-2012, 02:17 PM
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#3 |
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Just bumping this thread to give a shout out to the Bravehearts! I admire the courage and strength it takes NOT to transition and still do YOU - however you choose to do you! Never let anyone make you feel less than. Your stories are just as important, and just as real.
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11-09-2012, 06:30 PM
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#4 |
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Posting in here in honor of those that lost their lives over the years and face hate because of who we are. Nov. 20 is the National Transgender Day of Remembrance. I find it sad that we meaning Bravehearts, FTM, MTF, and all the rest of the spectrum of being transgender has to have a day because society is so full of hate and misunderstanding. Keep those that came before us in your thoughts and let us not forget them.
On a personal note I took a big step today at least for me it is a big step. I asked my primary doctor for a name of a gender therapist and while she did not know one she did refer me to see someone that will help me find one. Many things have changed for me and most of it I have done alone (by my choice) but I have come to realize I need to at least talk to someone that gets it. Whatever it is...Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!
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Life should never be stagnant hence my quest for new knowledge will continue until my last breath. Wolf |
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11-09-2012, 08:08 PM
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#5 | |
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That's awesome Alix! I hope you're able to find a gender therapist in your area, and that you get your questions answered! Let me know if you ever need to talk - Mike
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12-26-2012, 03:05 AM
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#6 |
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A need to vent...
Because I am not officially nor do I at this time consider myself a FTM I feel uncomfortable posting in the FTM venting thread. Yet, I have a need to vent so why not in this thread.
After all I am still unable to begin the transition I have secretly desired for a good many years now. Hey, this is improvement from my first post in here where I stated I choose not to and I am okay with it. Well it is not that I choose not to transition and I really am no where near okay with the body I was born into. What I am and I am ashamed to admit this, is conditioned to do something I swear I do not do and refuse to do and that is conform to everyone's wish or how they see me. It seems to be worse when ever I live in my home town and state, like now, but no matter where I am that little voice is always in my head. The one that tells me I am to old to be trying to get my physical body to match the image I have of myself. I get so tired of hearing my birth name. Let's be honest I am tired of feeling the anger and the cringe each time I do hear it or see it. Which is way to often for my taste. Hearing it is such a shock to my system that I actually use it as the ultimate "stop" safe word when in a D/s relationship. Trust me it is good for that at least...will pull me right out of everything instantly no matter how intense the scene is! Now that I am at the stage in my life, actually have been for awhile, where I want to transition and hell need to transition if for nothing else but my own sanity. Any acknowledgement to the body I was born into cuts through me like a knife. To hear Mam instead of Sir from strangers is almost as bad as hearing my birth name or my siblings calling me sis. However, nothing is worse then my own eyes sometimes. The my hands/fingers are to small. The acknowledgement that I have small feet for my height. The bitterness I feel when I see a real cool tat on a guys chest and think wow I want that then realize I can not have it. I had a hystro long ago and with the research I have done I know I will never have bottom surgery or not until a lot more improvement is done in that area. This is where I am more then grateful for the ability to "feel" when I am having sex with a woman. To hear my own voice and cringe because it is not deep enough. The desire for T and the knowledge of how that one thing could improve my life yet know or think it just will not happen. Starts right in the feeling of why did I wait so long to reject the idea of continuing to conform. I just want my body, the one everyone sees, the one I see in the mirror to finally represent the man I am. Okay vent over... I do however want to acknowledge my continued support of those of us that choose not to medically transition. It is hard to be a "braveheart" and no matter the reason I want those that come after me to know I appreciate who they are.
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01-02-2013, 01:27 PM
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Just want you to know I hear you......I get you.....and you are brave.
Big hugs your way, Alix... Quote:
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01-28-2013, 01:51 PM
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#8 | |
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03-26-2013, 02:37 PM
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#9 |
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Most, if not all of what Alix said in his post I could say in mine. I am finding myself in a depressed state for the past couple of months due to the fact that I don't feel like I can transition and I think I'm in mourning over the life that I can never have. I'm 51 and when I think about transitioning I think "why bother at this point in your life?" All of the things that I wanted to do when I was younger are not now possible whether I am male or not due to my age. I can never be a young man. And after 50 years of family and friends thinking they know me as one thing how possible is it for them to grasp such a huge change as my gender anyway? I feel like it's hopeless and there's really no reason to even think about the possibility of transitioning. I'd like to make some modifications for my own peace of mind but just can't see myself gathering up enough courage to fully transition to male. Perhaps I've said it before here, and I mean no disrespect for anyone as I'm only speaking for myself, but I don't feel brave at all. I feel like if I was brave I would do what my heart and soul tell me is right for me and transition so I can live a congruous life where my soul and body are in alignment. Is it brave to walk the earth as a person who doesn't fit into a gender? I guess so. But, in my opinion, it's braver to be true to yourself no matter the consequences. Harder said then done. I'm not willing to lose everything I've built at this point but perhaps that will change one day. I don't know. Thanks for listening. I really needed to get that out.
Maverick |
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