Butches/transguys as kids

Blade · 09-22-2012, 01:15 PM

DWM,
My heart goes out to this child. I'm an old fart and things were different back in the day. There wasn't the opportunity for awareness of the gender varient as there is today. You were a girl and that's that...you might be called a tomboy, which I always hated, you might be called gay, which I never even knew was a word meaning anything other than happy until I was about 13.

The fact is if she has been like this since she was 2, in my experience, it is probably real. She probably hates anything that she feels makes her girlish, girly, femminine. I know I did. Making her do things society associates with being a girl, will surely make her resentful. Especially if these are her true feelings. I to was telling people I'm not a girl I'm a boy from a very young age. I wanted to play with cars and planes, and wear ball caps, jeans and carry a knife and spit and learn to shot a real gun. Barbies and tea sets and baby dolls were a waste of money.

My family was a mixed bag. My parents and my Dad's family just let me be me. I did have to wear dresses to church until I was much older, but that is how things were back then. I see girls wearing shorts to church now days.

My Mom's family was a bit different in that they bought me girl clothes and expected me to behave like a little lady and reminded me often that girls don't wear hats and for gosh sake they don't spit. Which made me not enjoy my time with them growing up because I wanted to be me, not some made up little doll.

As young adults sometimes we do things because we think it is what others expect of us or what would make them proud of us. I can tell you from my own experience this led to 20 of the most troublesome yrs emotionally of my life. I got married because I thought it would make me straight, thought it would make my family proud. Not that they pushed me to, I just thought that is what you were suppose to do.

What I'm saying is that the folks who are pushing her to be a girl and do girl stuff are pushing her to not be true to herself. That is one thing I have regretted for a long time and may regret the rest of my life. I wasted a lot of years that I could have been happy being me....because I was not true to myself.

Growing up as what I now know was transgendered, was hard and sometimes is still hard. The boys camped out and did boy things and I couldn't do those things because Mom would be like you aren't camping with a bunch of boys. LOL I could spend the night with my friends that were girls but I wasn't interested in fixing hair and make up and talking on the phone to boys all night. Which leads me to today. It is still hard to make friends in the general public. For the most part I don't have a thing in common with most women and the men I am friends with their wives or girl friends are jealous. So sometimes being transgendered can be lonely and sometimes it can be filled with someone else jealous drama LOL

As a whole, including the Sunday dress code, all of my family including my Mom's parents came full circle to understand that "I am what I am" you aren't going to break me but you can help make me....and they did.

I'm not the most popular person on the websites, but I'm not on websites to win a popularity contest. In RT I don't know that you will find many people who don't like me. I'm honest, kind, gentle, I'm good to old people, children and animals and I'll give you the shirt off my back. I am quite well rounded in that I can do many things from needle work, to tinkering with a motor until it cranks up. This is because my family instilled values and time into a little person that grew into a productive respectful member of society.

Dance-With-Me,
What more important thing could you do for your little person than, accept them as they are, instill values in them and most importantly give them your time, or your ear. She's very lucky she has someone in her corner willing to try to understand and work with her.

Dance-with-me · 09-22-2012, 01:41 PM

Spritzer I definitely hear you on the balance between guiding them and letting them develop into their authentic selves. It's especially challenging to balance teaching basic respect for all people (including essential manners) verses teaching them to not blindly follow rules or take shit.

The biggest challenge I face is that I have no legal rights at all, and as things are right now at least my exwpukd never consider supporting social transitioning, though she already is perceived primarily as a boy and at her requesting do not correct them or refer to her as a girl when it's just the two of us. Once puberty approaches we'll just have to see - if she becomes a miserable depressed kid at the thought of her body developing into a woman's body, I will try to advocate for puberty blockers. But thata not something we (ex and i)can even discuss right now.

09-22-2012, 01:15 PM	#1
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,412 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	DWM, My heart goes out to this child. I'm an old fart and things were different back in the day. There wasn't the opportunity for awareness of the gender varient as there is today. You were a girl and that's that...you might be called a tomboy, which I always hated, you might be called gay, which I never even knew was a word meaning anything other than happy until I was about 13. The fact is if she has been like this since she was 2, in my experience, it is probably real. She probably hates anything that she feels makes her girlish, girly, femminine. I know I did. Making her do things society associates with being a girl, will surely make her resentful. Especially if these are her true feelings. I to was telling people I'm not a girl I'm a boy from a very young age. I wanted to play with cars and planes, and wear ball caps, jeans and carry a knife and spit and learn to shot a real gun. Barbies and tea sets and baby dolls were a waste of money. My family was a mixed bag. My parents and my Dad's family just let me be me. I did have to wear dresses to church until I was much older, but that is how things were back then. I see girls wearing shorts to church now days. My Mom's family was a bit different in that they bought me girl clothes and expected me to behave like a little lady and reminded me often that girls don't wear hats and for gosh sake they don't spit. Which made me not enjoy my time with them growing up because I wanted to be me, not some made up little doll. As young adults sometimes we do things because we think it is what others expect of us or what would make them proud of us. I can tell you from my own experience this led to 20 of the most troublesome yrs emotionally of my life. I got married because I thought it would make me straight, thought it would make my family proud. Not that they pushed me to, I just thought that is what you were suppose to do. What I'm saying is that the folks who are pushing her to be a girl and do girl stuff are pushing her to not be true to herself. That is one thing I have regretted for a long time and may regret the rest of my life. I wasted a lot of years that I could have been happy being me....because I was not true to myself. Growing up as what I now know was transgendered, was hard and sometimes is still hard. The boys camped out and did boy things and I couldn't do those things because Mom would be like you aren't camping with a bunch of boys. LOL I could spend the night with my friends that were girls but I wasn't interested in fixing hair and make up and talking on the phone to boys all night. Which leads me to today. It is still hard to make friends in the general public. For the most part I don't have a thing in common with most women and the men I am friends with their wives or girl friends are jealous. So sometimes being transgendered can be lonely and sometimes it can be filled with someone else jealous drama LOL As a whole, including the Sunday dress code, all of my family including my Mom's parents came full circle to understand that "I am what I am" you aren't going to break me but you can help make me....and they did. I'm not the most popular person on the websites, but I'm not on websites to win a popularity contest. In RT I don't know that you will find many people who don't like me. I'm honest, kind, gentle, I'm good to old people, children and animals and I'll give you the shirt off my back. I am quite well rounded in that I can do many things from needle work, to tinkering with a motor until it cranks up. This is because my family instilled values and time into a little person that grew into a productive respectful member of society. Dance-With-Me, What more important thing could you do for your little person than, accept them as they are, instill values in them and most importantly give them your time, or your ear. She's very lucky she has someone in her corner willing to try to understand and work with her. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

09-22-2012, 01:41 PM	#2
Dance-with-me Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: earth Posts: 419 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 264 Thanked 1,926 Times in 378 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Spritzer I definitely hear you on the balance between guiding them and letting them develop into their authentic selves. It's especially challenging to balance teaching basic respect for all people (including essential manners) verses teaching them to not blindly follow rules or take shit. The biggest challenge I face is that I have no legal rights at all, and as things are right now at least my exwpukd never consider supporting social transitioning, though she already is perceived primarily as a boy and at her requesting do not correct them or refer to her as a girl when it's just the two of us. Once puberty approaches we'll just have to see - if she becomes a miserable depressed kid at the thought of her body developing into a woman's body, I will try to advocate for puberty blockers. But thata not something we (ex and i)can even discuss right now.