Stone Butches

[twinkletoes]

Hi am new to the planet and have never really been able to put myself into a box or attach myself to a label. To begin with I wished I could to feel more at ease about my sexuality but hey ho, I'm beginning to feel better about just being me Anyway, the point is I've always felt attracted to butch women or ladies that give off masculine energy in someway or another - feminine girls have never done anything for me. Stone butches also attract me but my not identifying as a stone femme.... ah dear, I find ID'ing and labelling all rather confusing and makes me feel I would not be compatible with certain people because of it? I hope this doesn't come across as ignorant or offensive in anyway, I'm a relative newbie to my own sexuality so please forgive my wide eyed-ness about everything

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by twinkletoes

Hi am new to the planet and have never really been able to put myself into a box or attach myself to a label. To begin with I wished I could to feel more at ease about my sexuality but hey ho, I'm beginning to feel better about just being me Anyway, the point is I've always felt attracted to butch women or ladies that give off masculine energy in someway or another - feminine girls have never done anything for me. Stone butches also attract me but my not identifying as a stone femme.... ah dear, I find ID'ing and labelling all rather confusing and makes me feel I would not be compatible with certain people because of it? I hope this doesn't come across as ignorant or offensive in anyway, I'm a relative newbie to my own sexuality so please forgive my wide eyed-ness about everything

Maybe a good starting point would be to find out more about your own sexuality, what your own needs and desires truly are. Then it would be easier to figure out what your ideal match would be. Butches come in about a hundred different configurations, so once you know for sure what you want, you are bound to find it. It is hard when you are just learning all of this to know what you may or may not want. Places like this are great for figuring it out. Just read the related threads, ask all kinds of specific questions, and see what fits.

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by Kelt

Maybe a good starting point would be to find out more about your own sexuality, what your own needs and desires truly are. Then it would be easier to figure out what your ideal match would be. Butches come in about a hundred different configurations, so once you know for sure what you want, you are bound to find it. It is hard when you are just learning all of this to know what you may or may not want. Places like this are great for figuring it out. Just read the related threads, ask all kinds of specific questions, and see what fits.

Eh... I'm not sure I agree with this. You state that butches come in a hundred different configurations, yet, I think it suggests that if you figure out what you like, then you figure out which label goes with those likes, then you go looking for that label, and you'll find what you're looking for.

With the thousands of threads about gender identity - and many of us have stated we do not, or will not, fit into any one label - I don't think that formula actually works. I think it brushes over the fact that one label can be defined in a thousand different ways by different people. I would hate for anyone to look strictly for a "stone butch", when there is a "queer butch" or some other label out there that would be a perfect match for them.

I think labels are useful for us to interpret how people perceive themselves, but because we all have different ideas of what each label means, I'm not sure we should put 100% stock into them.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Kelt

Maybe a good starting point would be to find out more about your own sexuality, what your own needs and desires truly are. Then it would be easier to figure out what your ideal match would be.

I agree completely with this statement.

I am clearly not butch so I hope it is OK to post here but I think this is an important statement.

I don't think Kelt is talking about labels at all. When we first come out, we may be vaguely aware of who, what and when, we may be attracted to; especially when we are young.

It takes time with reading as well as dating, to hone into what our our true sexual attraction and desires may be.

I find that I am still learning about what mine are and I have been out for some 30+ years.

It is a process and can't be rushed. It just has to happen organically.

I don't think labels have a bit to do with desire. They just make it easier to find those that share our deepest, darkest desires and needs. They may also change over time. What I wanted and needed at age 25 is quite different than my wants and needs of today.

[twinkletoes]

Just been reading through the comments people have kindly left thanks so much for the encouragement and advice. I guess sexuality is a very fluid thing that's constantly developing. I've just always seen the lesbian world as a bit of a complex minefield of strict labels and dos and donts but clearly this is not always the case and my inexperience with it all shows at times.

[spritzerJ]

Originally Posted by twinkletoes

Just been reading through the comments people have kindly left thanks so much for the encouragement and advice. I guess sexuality is a very fluid thing that's constantly developing. I've just always seen the lesbian world as a bit of a complex minefield of strict labels and dos and donts but clearly this is not always the case and my inexperience with it all shows at times.

Your experiences are just as they should be to get you where you are now! I was right in the what is stone butch question land not too long ago. And what does it mean to desire what I desire and what label do I put on that.

So grateful that sexuality is fluid. For me that makes it very exciting and interesting.

[TruTexan]

Bumping the thread for someone looking for stone butches.

[Jhenay]

Certain labels I like, certain ones I don't. And certain ones just seem necessary at certain times to avoid confusion.

I do identify as Stone Femme. I may move to the edges of that boundary depending on who I'm with, but when I'm searching....dating sites, etc... I say I'm looking for a stone butch.

I have had to explain what that meant to me, because I would keep getting soft butch types writing to me who had never heard the term stone butch. But of course...they have heard the term "pillow princess". Sigh... Just because I prefer not to do a certain thing, doesn't mean I have nothing of value to give. But that instantly lets me know that is not a stone butch, because hys viewpoint would be totally different because of hys preferences.

It's amazing to me how many people feel they need to put down Stone Femme as being "selfish", or "not really lesbian". But the simple facts are, I'm a very giving person, ....and I'm not going to find who I'm looking for by looking for a male.

[fatallyblonde]

this femme heart beats for stone butches.

thank you so much to all the stone butches who shared insight into their many varied experiences here. <3

Originally Posted by Jhenay

It's amazing to me how many people feel they need to put down Stone Femme as being "selfish", or "not really lesbian". But the simple facts are, I'm a very giving person, ....and I'm not going to find who I'm looking for by looking for a male.

indeed... as if I am not giving immensely in allowing my partner to be exactly who they are with me...
... as if opening my legs and giving access to my body, to its depths and responsiveness, its beauty, of allowing it to be accessed by my partner in the way they desire is not generous.
any stone femme knows... men CANNOT give us what we need and want... and men are NOT what we desire. outsiders can judge us based only on what they observe with their detachment from that... but the can never FEEL what we feel...
when you feel it... you know... and you know a stone butch is the only one that will do...

[jac]

Originally Posted by twinkletoes

Hi am new to the planet and have never really been able to put myself into a box or attach myself to a label. To begin with I wished I could to feel more at ease about my sexuality but hey ho, I'm beginning to feel better about just being me Anyway, the point is I've always felt attracted to butch women or ladies that give off masculine energy in someway or another - feminine girls have never done anything for me. Stone butches also attract me but my not identifying as a stone femme.... ah dear, I find ID'ing and labelling all rather confusing and makes me feel I would not be compatible with certain people because of it? I hope this doesn't come across as ignorant or offensive in anyway, I'm a relative newbie to my own sexuality so please forgive my wide eyed-ness about everything

it's okay that you don't ID as a stone femme. myself, I am a stone gy but my girl doesn't label as a stone femme. there are no set rules for the combo of relationships. it is what works for you and the person you choose to be with.

as kelt said take time to learn about yourself and to learn about the type of person you are attracted to. read read read. the planet has so many threads to learn from... enjoy yourself and welcome. and yes, ask questions...