Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[*Anya*]

I have been attracted physically and sexually but that lasts about an hour and then what? If I can't talk to you, I will never fall in love with you.

Brains, brains, brains and more brains.

Intellect and ability to stimulate my mind comes first and my body will follow...

[Nomad]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

I have been attracted physically and sexually but that lasts about an hour and then what? If I can't talk to you, I will never fall in love with you.

Brains, brains, brains and more brains.

Intellect and ability to stimulate my mind comes first and my body will follow...

see, i couldnt agree more with you about the ability to stimulate my intellect being the first thing i need for actual, rooted attraction. i've never, and i do mean NEVER, had a long lasting crush on someone who was merely attractive. in fact, i havent had a short term crush on someone who was merely attractive since puberty. it just doesnt phase me that much when someone is externally beautiful. so i wonder, am i less motivated by the beautiful people because i am not one of them?

by no means do i think that people who are physically attractive are also shallow and will only choose to be with people who are also physically attractive. (and again, that's a relative thing anyway.) BUT, is it possible that when you come up in life knowing that you're not what your culture dictates is attractive, do you automatically have a tendency to see past that sort of thing. of course, the supposedly "unattractive" person can be just as shallow as anyone else but it begs the question, do i look past "beauty" automatically because it was ingrained in me not to give any consideration to the fact that i was not beautiful myself?

[Electrocell]

One of the most beautiful women I have ever been with had had 3rd degree burn marks over 75% of her body and no she is not on this site. Her personality, good heart, and her intelligence , the way she treated me , my animals and my family is what made her beautiful. Yes the only ex I really care to be in contact with.

[Nomad]

bumping the question:

are we more likely to look past the physical if we believe that we, ourselves, are not physically attractive?

follow up thought:

i'm what my grandfather called "a fine, big girl". he meant it as a compliment and i took it as one. as a teen, any time someone said "there's a skinny girl inside of you, just waiting to come out" my response was always something like, "i know. i just ate her." i never cared that i was luscious until someone else suggested that i was a less than entity because of it.

the media interpretation of "beauty" aside, what defines your opinion of your own physical attractiveness?

did you compare yourself to others while you were growing up and, if so, whom? and why?

why are we more fascinated by and disparaging of the weight of some brilliant actress, like Gabourey Sidibe, than we are with say Jorge Garcia who gets more recognition on the street? (no offense Jorge but i didnt see a single episode of Lost)

[Gráinne]

Originally Posted by Nomad

bumping the question:

are we more likely to look past the physical if we believe that we, ourselves, are not physically attractive?

follow up thought:

i'm what my grandfather called "a fine, big girl". he meant it as a compliment and i took it as one. as a teen, any time someone said "there's a skinny girl inside of you, just waiting to come out" my response was always something like, "i know. i just ate her." i never cared that i was luscious until someone else suggested that i was a less than entity because of it.

the media interpretation of "beauty" aside, what defines your opinion of your own physical attractiveness?

did you compare yourself to others while you were growing up and, if so, whom? and why?

why are we more fascinated by and disparaging of the weight of some brilliant actress, like Gabourey Sidibe, than we are with say Jorge Garcia who gets more recognition on the street? (no offense Jorge but i didnt see a single episode of Lost)

I'll bite, but probably poorly

I never thought I was beautiful growing up. When it came time to date (infrequently), it's not so much that I looked past physical beauty as I ruled out anyone attractive as being way out of my league.

Now, today, I know the problem wasn't my looks, it was that I had so little self-esteem that not only did I rule out very attractive people, but I attracted people who were ugly on the inside. Either they didn't k now how to love themselves and had just as poor self-esteem as I did, or they were cruel and shut down inside. Either way, they couldn't love me. I didn't love me, so I attracted what I thought I deserved. I believe now that who we hang with reflect who we think we are.

Today I'm much heavier than I was then, but I actually find myself far more attractive now than back then. While I do enjoy movement for the purely vain reason of my appearance when I've done it for awhile, and I do naturally take care of my clothes and hair (nails, we're getting there), what seems to define my own physical attractiveness to myself is if I'm happy with my life and engaging in growing and changing, not just existing. I know that sounds really Pollyannish, and maybe I'm not expressing myself well. I can have the same hair, the same body and wear the same clothes, but on days when I'm mentally "on", I feel like Sex Queen of the Universe. That's not to say that taking care of the outside doesn't feel splendid; it's that from the inside, it's...sexier? Lord, I sound vain .

When I was a preteen, getting ready for puberty, I remember sneaking into my friend's garage with her and looking through her dad's Playboys. That's what I wanted to look like! Flat, taught stomachs and a good perky set above. I think this was way before airbrushing, and so those women may have actually been very realistic. My dad had a book of classic WWII pinups, and I loved to practice posing like Betty Grable in her bathing suit, or Rita Hayworth on her bed. I loved sensuality. Why? Again, I had little confidence in myself and hoped to heck I would grow taller so I could at least reach this standard I'd set in my head.

I have found in celebrity magazines that are aimed at women, that we're far more critical of other women than of men. We have "who wore it better?" and "best and worst beach bodies", all mainly women. We as a culture seem to judge women by what they wear and how they look, and men by their accomplishments. You hear of some actor's latest project and their work, but it's always about Jessica Simpson's weight.

I know that self-love and acceptance is lifelong for me, but I've come a long way from that. Part of it was when I was a life model in college, and far from thin, yet I felt like a Botticelli model . And that was just me, not pushing up anything or cramming anything into submission . I can say that there are times (and they are growing), when I can look in the mirror and say "You're actually kind of pretty". I want to be all about the positive now, while flattering the faults.

[Elijah]

I will admit, without shame, that what catches My eye is someones overall appearance and demeanor, initially.

However, this attraction will dissipate very quickly if she doesn't poses other, more important traits that I look for. Intelligence, kindness, grace, humor, loyalty, open mindedness, drive, and humanity are keys to keeping Me engaged.

Understand that I don't just expect those things from her, I also expect them from Myself...I must be willing to offer those (what I see as attractive traits) to expect them in return.

So, no shame...just truth.

Thanks for the thought provoking thread...

[Darbonaire]

I notice attractiveness first....can't deny it...eyes, hair, tits, femininity....BUT, if there is disturst, or i feel any sort of uncomfortable feeling at all...then I step back & address that inside myself.......I believe there are people out there who "look" the part & fall VERY sort of damn near even being classified as human.....lol....but, I really want to get to know someone from now on. I want honesty....don't be who you think I want you to be...be who you really are & we'll take it from there......there's always room for friendships....always !