What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

[Darbonaire]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

1.) Wet. dear god. have a spine and and don't be afraid of confrontation
2.) I really would rather deal with many troublesome attributes and "difficult" people than someone who is so calm I find them to have no spark. I know many girls like the quiet strong types who are on an even keel. I'm glad there are people who like them. But it's not me. Laugh loud, live with bright colours and I'll put up with you being a pain in the ass.
3.) humour - as in sarcasm, irony, crusty and gritty warmth.

SO many people would rather have the easy, calm, nothing ruffles them types....LOL..I am SO not that...ask my ex...it drove her nuts !....Great list Honey!

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Darbonaire

SO many people would rather have the easy, calm, nothing ruffles them types....LOL..I am SO not that...ask my ex...it drove her nuts !....Great list Honey!

heh. if someone can make an idiot of themselves to make me laugh, tease me, take the piss, argue with me in a fun way even thought they are frustrating as hell, I don't care if they can't do their paperwork. Can't change a light bulb. I don't mind slightly helpless in some ways - I need to feel useful too. But as long as they love to make me laugh, love to make me smile, like to show off for my attention, I'm a fabulous audience. And I don't mind a ranty temper (as long as it passes quick) as long as they love people and know how to suck up to me after. And I'd much rather have the high end sizzling chemistry that goes with all of that. I'm a passionate person and I like big colour

Just so long as it's not the mindf*ck off-on shit and they know how to cuddle a lot.

[nycfem]

more than three:

not too moody/morose/angry/cryptic. i groove off other people's moods so this does not work for me

similarly, not someone who needs a long time alone when angry and holds anger. i'm too sensitive and too anxious to be with someone who is not adept at working it out pretty quickly and moving on or working it out over time but not while letting the problem color our days together

not ambivalent about commitment

doesn't cut me down while arguing

makes me laugh

has my back (that's a big one for me)

... luckily i'm describing BB, my partner, to a tee! Some of my non-negotiables I didn't know I needed until I found them in the relationship I'm in now. Just thinking out loud...

[Darbonaire]

Drugs OR alchohol.....no way I'm going to be with you.....ever !

Cheating.....once will be the last time I assure you....

Lying...to me or to yourself..... sorry, not interested !

[~ocean]

exactly what Darbonaire said .. a marriage of 17 yrs ended for exactly those 3 reasons .. i wished and still wish hym well..

[Sweet Bliss]

NO NO list

Using me or others as an emotional punching bag

Failure to follow through

not accepting responsibility to self and others

[Library_girl]

Well I, too, have more than three. I think the older I get, the more non-negotiables I have. Call it experience, or taking better care of myself, or wisdom, or caution--I think it's all of those. So here are the big ones that come to mind:

1. Respect. You must completely respect me, my family and friends, my choices, my identity, my career, pretty much everything about me. You don't have to agree with everything or like everything or everyone in my life, but RESPECT is required. And I will give you absolute respect in return. Also, respect others, yourself, animals, the world around you.

2. Self esteem. You don't need to be perfect in this area, and god knows I'm not. My self esteem is a work in progress. But please don't be insecure and distrust me. People who don't trust, who think someone is cheating or lying, are just insecure. And don't have so much self-hatred that it keeps you from having a happy and fulfilling life on your own. Which brings me to #3.......

3. Have a life of your own. You should have your own place to live, job, independence, your own hobbies, friends, interests, things you like to do by yourself or with others. This doesn't mean I don't want tons of time with you, because I do. I admit I'm a femme who wants attention. But please continue your life if we are going to have a life together. Because I still plan to go shopping with my femme friends, visit my sister, hang out with my niece, go out after work, etc., and then come home to you.

4. Take charge and stick with it. I'm a girl who leads a double life. At work, I'm the boss and I'm in control. I make decisions all day and boss people around. I have to talk all the time, and deal with the public all day long. So when I get home, I don't want to be The Boss anymore. I want a Daddy. I want to be your girl, and I want to be loved and protected. And when you make a decision or commit to doing something......do it. Don't be the "all talk and no action" type.

5. Think I'm awesome. This may seem pretty simple, right? I want someone who thinks I'm wonderful, smart, beautiful, sexy, hilarious, and so on. Flattery will get you everywhere!

6. Affection. This is a MAJOR requirement! I'm talkin' physical, romantic, emotional, passionate affection. Bring it. Lots of it.

There's more, but those are the highlights! And I'm currently accepting applications for the position of said Daddy. The interviews promise to be enchanting.