What attracts you to Ftms ......

[Parker]

Hey Julie ~

When I read threads like this, I feel like it is the difference between saying something like "I like when FTMs (or w/e) do this, that, or the other" vs. "I like or am attracted to an FTM who does this, that, or the other."

To me, when I am reading it, the first one implies that all FTMs (again, or w/e) do this, that, or the other, while the second one states one's specific desires.


eta: I wanted to come back and make it clear that I was thinking about your questions about language yesterday / this morning and was just using your post(s) as a jumping off point.

[Guy]

This is the Trans Zone.

I wouldn't expect to read post about Lesbians in the Trans threads, just as I wouldn't expect to go into the the lesbian Zone and read about Trans or FtM's

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Guy

This is the Trans Zone.

I wouldn't expect to read post about Lesbians in the Trans threads, just as I wouldn't expect to go into the the lesbian Zone and read about Trans or FtM's

This is the Trans zone on a Feminist website.

Some Transmen have lived as Lesbians. Some Lesbians date Transmen.

Many of the Tranmen here are interested in teasing apart their lives as men and the intersections of Feminist principles with where they have come from and where they are going. Some Transmen are Feminists.

We're interconnected.

I'm not sure what you mean by "reading posts about Lesbians" but posts about women and the oppression of women are not the same as posts about Lesbians.

[DMW]

Originally Posted by Guy

This is the Trans Zone.

I wouldn't expect to read post about Lesbians in the Trans threads, just as I wouldn't expect to go into the the lesbian Zone and read about Trans or FtM's

With this, as a transman, i have to say...i agree with the sentiment. I understand this because.. it kind of feels like a violation of what should be
considered a safe space for transmen to share themselves without feeling picked apart by others that do not necessarily agree with how we feel or what we need or what we desire.
I also, understand that we are all sharing the same space and i have,myself, violated butch or femme spaces. I am not saying i feel victimized but, maybe there is a better space for certain posts or threads.

Originally Posted by Medusa

This is the Trans zone on a Feminist website.

Some Transmen have lived as Lesbians. Some Lesbians date Transmen.

Many of the Tranmen here are interested in teasing apart their lives as men and the intersections of Feminist principles with where they have come from and where they are going. Some Transmen are Feminists.

We're interconnected.

I'm not sure what you mean by "reading posts about Lesbians" but posts about women and the oppression of women are not the same as posts about Lesbians.

This too, i agree with. I must say, however, personally, as a transman, i never identified as a lesbian because to me that felt like "girl" being labeled or forced to identify as a "girl" which was forced on me enough throughout my personal evolution. Thank God I had my boundaries and my limits though. So, i am personally offended by being called girl or lesbian just because i am who i am. And i had to fight for that as a child growing up...and then later in my life.
There is no need for an apology from anyone. It is just how i feel personally.
I am sure that not all Transmen feel the way i do. So, to each his own really.
Additionally, i do NOT think of the words "girl or lesbian" in a derogatory or demeaning way.
I love women. Most of them anyway.

I have been told by partners and women who know me well that i am more of a feminists than they are. The oppression of women is unacceptable...Oppression of anyone is acceptable really.
Unless, those people have done something
to harm others or they continue to be harmful to society at large....

I am one that needs to be careful about what and how i write here. I do not
write as well as i used to. So, i know that i have offended people here. I don't mean to.

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by DMW

So, i am personally offended by being called girl or lesbian just because i am who i am. There is no need for an apology. It is just how i feel personally.
.

Dmw- Did you read me as saying that you, DMW, are a girl or a lesbian?

[DMW]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Dmw- Did you read me as saying that you, DMW, are a girl or a lesbian?

No, not at all. That is why i said that there was no need for an apology from anyone. I am and was not offended by what you said. I guess to clarify...i was speaking in general,personal, terms. I don't feel that you were calling me girl or lesbian. I am trying to point out my personal feelings regarding being a transman. I never identified with being lesbian is all that i was, and am, trying to explain or convey.

[Medusa]

Brutal - I liked what you just said about having walked and lived as a Female.

I think that was the crux of what makes us acccessible to each other is that we all honor what we have as a shared context. While some folks on this site don't identify as female on any level, I would say that 100% of the folks on this site were either born as female, raised as a female, or have lived as females at some point in their lives.

That is one of the pieces of glue that makes us recognizeable to each other.

I appreciate that you are willing to share that part of yourself rather than shut it down or act like it never existed. It goes a long, LONG way in helping us understand one another!!

[BrutalDaddy]

I too can see where Guy was coming from. Maybe just not worded like that. For me, because I do get that this site, as a whole, is a space for ALL folks of the queer/gay/feminist/trans way of life.

Kinda like having a subdivision among a city. Each having their own "subdivision" to go to when wanting to be around folks who are even more like them than in general.

As much as I know society (if society would allow me the pleasure of being male, which it doesn't) could and would label me a "straight male" once I am able to fully transition, I don't think I could ever see myself or feel like a straight/heterosexual male. Reason being is because I have walked in the shoes of being female. Not just female bodied but female mind too because I was sort of a late bloomer. Lol. I didn't know or understand about transitioning, FTMs, hormone therapy, surgeries, etc. until a few years back. I honestly and truly believed I was just fucked up inside when it came to being okay with myself. Like wires got crossed when I was being born.

So for years I walked as a female. Whether by choice or just plain cause I had no choice, I did it. Now I find myself sometimes being "overly male" to make up for all the years I had to be female. Yes, that falls back to societial teachings put upon me as a child. I work on it daily.

I guess the reason I just verbally spilled all the above is to simply say I have no issues with female ided butches coming into my "subdivision" to talk nor do I have an issue going into their "subdivision" (they might though! Lol). Because I feel like even though I am FTM, I belong in some sense because I have walked that journey. I know what its like on both sides of the aisle. Only time I feel intrusion is if I get told that the way I choose to live my life with my wife is wrong because it perpetuates isms and oppressions. Really? I know history. Hell my wife has a degree in history so what I don't know, she does. Lol. I just want to live our life as we both want to and others live their life as they see fit. That's all.

Anyway, I've blabbered enough I think and will finish this now because there is some fucking idiot trucker standing over my shoulder wanting to know what kinda book am I writing. He's even trying to read this!


Totally Rude Truckers Out There,
Brute.

P.S. If I don't make much sense please excuse me. I'm in middle of a truck stop with folks walking all around me and one really REALLY nosey driver who thinks it's okay to read folks' private shit. So if you need clarification, will give it soon as I can.

[femmsational]

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

Anyway, I've blabbered enough I think and will finish this now because there is some fucking idiot trucker standing over my shoulder wanting to know what kinda book am I writing. He's even trying to read this!


Totally Rude Truckers Out There,
Brute.

Total and complete derail alert.


LOL!! Tell him you are writing an article about penis transplant. Does he have one to donate. You even accept the small ones.


God!!

[BrutalDaddy]

Originally Posted by femmsational

Total and complete derail alert.


LOL!! Tell him you are writing an article about penis transplant. Does he have one to donate. You even accept the small ones.


God!!

He'll need a penis transplant if he touches my laptop again.


End Of Derail,
Brute.

[BullDog]

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

I'm not Medusa- obviously! - but I do have a response to this.

From what I saw, I think what got some feathers ruffled is not the lifestyle and dynamic of your relationship, but rather that that type of lifestyle/dynamic was referred to (by others? - frankly I don't remember the phrase you used) as "50's lifestyle" or "good ole days" -- eras which include a lot of really offensive stuff. As I said in an earlier post, I get what you meant, but I think what you're really saying is you live a representational segment of another time (i.e. traditional binary gender roles), not a lifestyle that represents that whole time period. It's easier just to say "the 50's",but that can be a misrepresentation of what you really meant.

I'm not condoning people jumping all over your ass for it, I do think there is a better way to have a discussion, with clearer language.

Edited to add: I don't think anyone has the right to define for anyone else the dynamic of their relationship,or make judgments on it, regardless of how "wrong" they think it is. To each their own. I also agree that blanket statements suck, and ideals and values and descriptions should never be applied across the board to any group, as others have stated, i.e. "a real man does x, a real femme does y."

QueenofSmirks, I think you get the gist of what some people find troubling, but I would like to know where anyone jumped anyone's ass and where the language is not clear- because I am certainly not seeing it.

The discussion about the good ole June Cleaver days starts on page 8. I have re-read from that point and see nothing.

I see people being very clear about what they object to and very clear that they are not attacking anyone or their relationship. This is where my big frustration lies- when people do make a very big effort to be specific and clear and we are told we are not and we are told we are attacking people.

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

I guess the reason I just verbally spilled all the above is to simply say I have no issues with female ided butches coming into my "subdivision" to talk nor do I have an issue going into their "subdivision" (they might though! Lol). Because I feel like even though I am FTM, I belong in some sense because I have walked that journey. I know what its like on both sides of the aisle. Only time I feel intrusion is if I get told that the way I choose to live my life with my wife is wrong because it perpetuates isms and oppressions. Really? I know history. Hell my wife has a degree in history so what I don't know, she does. Lol. I just want to live our life as we both want to and others live their life as they see fit. That's all.

Brutal, I bolded part of your post. Where specifically has that happened?

Medusa, not sure if your p.s was aimed at me, but I repped you instead of posting because your Moderating post said this discussion should be moved to another thread, so I didn't think I was allowed to comment. Now it appears the discussion is continuing.

[Nomad]

another thing i appreciate about FtMs is that many of them are exploring and expressing masculinity in a very aware and 21st century way that many cis-males my age might not.

many butches are doing the same kind of mindful exploration. so are many femmes and many non-gender fixated people. so are many people of any and every gender and identity. i'm so afraid to post in this damn thread because i might accidentally exclude someone or offend someone because i cant think of every word that's necessary in order to avoid pissing someone off that it's just not enjoyable anymore.


***please assume the automatic "i am not trying to be an asshead" disclaimer***

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by BullDog

QueenofSmirks, I think you get the gist of what some people find troubling, but I would like to know where anyone jumped anyone's ass and where the language is not clear- because I am certainly not seeing it.

The discussion about the good ole June Cleaver days starts on page 8. I have re-read from that point and see nothing.

I see people being very clear about what they object to and very clear that they are not attacking anyone or their relationship. This is where my big frustration lies- when people do make a very big effort to be specific and clear and we are told we are not and we are told we are attacking people.

I'll have to go back through the thread when I'm not doing this by cell phone to respond to the first part of your first paragraph above re: ass jumping, (which could be mistaken for a new fetish, if taken out of context).

As to the second part of that paragraph - about not being clear - I referenced it in 2 different posts. I talked about using phrases like "the good ole days" and "50's housewife" to describe a relationship that consists of traditional binary gender roles, which is probably only representative of about 2% of what that time period was all about, which would be a misrepresentation of the relationship being described. So, if you missed that, I'll try to find the links to those specific posts.

As to the last paragraph - I disagree. I see some people were very clear about not attacking anyone, and some not so clear. So, if you decided to take my statement and apply it to everyone including yourself, i.e. your use of "we", then I can see why we disagree. However, I did see some rather snarky responses and comments from people who were NOT clear, and mistook the INTENTION of some people's use of certain phrases and terms, and decided to make all sorts of assumptions and run with it. So, with that said, I stand behind my post.

[Guy]

Just wanted to clarify my post earlier since I wrote it in a hurry as I was on my way out the door.

I agree that we should all be able to go into any thread or forum on this site. However, I think, if you go into a thread that does not pertain to your lifestyle, then you need to keep an open mind while reading, and be respectful of that lifestyle while posting.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Guy

Just wanted to clarify my post earlier since I wrote it in a hurry as I was on my way out the door.

I agree that we should all be able to go into any thread or forum on this site. However, I think, if you go into a thread that does not pertain to your lifestyle, then you need to keep an open mind while reading, and be respectful of that lifestyle while posting.

That same expectation should pertain to people posting in that particular lifestyle thread.


It's really easy to state what one's desires/needs/wants are without having to shit down the necks of others.


I believe that is what is being discussed here, I certainly do not have a say so on what rocks anyone's relationship boat, I don't like it when folks do it to me so I am pretty adamant about respecting other's likes/desires/needs/wants/dynamics, matter of fact I say RAWK ON!!!

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by Guy

Just wanted to clarify my post earlier since I wrote it in a hurry as I was on my way out the door.

I agree that we should all be able to go into any thread or forum on this site. However, I think, if you go into a thread that does not pertain to your lifestyle, then you need to keep an open mind while reading, and be respectful of that lifestyle while posting.

Hi Guy,

I'm not trying to start an argument here, but I'm interested in knowing where you feel people in here were being disrespectful? Actually, to be more specific, are you implying that people were being disrespectful to trans folks? If so, in which way? I'm not saying it didn't happen, but my focus was elsewhere.

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by Guy

This is the Trans Zone.

I wouldn't expect to read post about Lesbians in the Trans threads, just as I wouldn't expect to go into the the lesbian Zone and read about Trans or FtM's

Ok, I'll bite - which post(s) are you referring to?

[Martina]

Originally Posted by Guy

I wouldn't expect to read post about Lesbians in the Trans threads, just as I wouldn't expect to go into the the lesbian Zone and read about Trans or FtM's

-- Why not? --

[macele]

these two quotes should be in the minds and hearts of every person in the universe. there would be a lot less of so many hurtful things said and thought.

I don't want us to be so quick to judge rather than discuss. -- Medusa

Because people are not absolutes. -- Medusa

[femmsational]

Originally Posted by Guy

This is the Trans Zone.

I wouldn't expect to read post about Lesbians in the Trans threads, just as I wouldn't expect to go into the the lesbian Zone and read about Trans or FtM's

Really??? To me this is one big fucked up family. Everybody posts everywhere.


I think we should be more careful if we are.....visiting places that don't belong to us specifically. But I am gonna end up posting all over the place cause I'm pushy like that.

j