What attracts you to Ftms ......

BrutalDaddy · 10-26-2012, 12:34 PM

I too can see where Guy was coming from. Maybe just not worded like that. For me, because I do get that this site, as a whole, is a space for ALL folks of the queer/gay/feminist/trans way of life.

Kinda like having a subdivision among a city. Each having their own "subdivision" to go to when wanting to be around folks who are even more like them than in general.

As much as I know society (if society would allow me the pleasure of being male, which it doesn't) could and would label me a "straight male" once I am able to fully transition, I don't think I could ever see myself or feel like a straight/heterosexual male. Reason being is because I have walked in the shoes of being female. Not just female bodied but female mind too because I was sort of a late bloomer. Lol. I didn't know or understand about transitioning, FTMs, hormone therapy, surgeries, etc. until a few years back. I honestly and truly believed I was just fucked up inside when it came to being okay with myself. Like wires got crossed when I was being born.

So for years I walked as a female. Whether by choice or just plain cause I had no choice, I did it. Now I find myself sometimes being "overly male" to make up for all the years I had to be female. Yes, that falls back to societial teachings put upon me as a child. I work on it daily.

I guess the reason I just verbally spilled all the above is to simply say I have no issues with female ided butches coming into my "subdivision" to talk nor do I have an issue going into their "subdivision" (they might though! Lol). Because I feel like even though I am FTM, I belong in some sense because I have walked that journey. I know what its like on both sides of the aisle. Only time I feel intrusion is if I get told that the way I choose to live my life with my wife is wrong because it perpetuates isms and oppressions. Really? I know history. Hell my wife has a degree in history so what I don't know, she does. Lol. I just want to live our life as we both want to and others live their life as they see fit. That's all.

Anyway, I've blabbered enough I think and will finish this now because there is some fucking idiot trucker standing over my shoulder wanting to know what kinda book am I writing. He's even trying to read this!

Totally Rude Truckers Out There,
Brute.

P.S. If I don't make much sense please excuse me. I'm in middle of a truck stop with folks walking all around me and one really REALLY nosey driver who thinks it's okay to read folks' private shit. So if you need clarification, will give it soon as I can.

femmsational · 10-26-2012, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

Anyway, I've blabbered enough I think and will finish this now because there is some fucking idiot trucker standing over my shoulder wanting to know what kinda book am I writing. He's even trying to read this!

Totally Rude Truckers Out There,
Brute.

Total and complete derail alert.

LOL!! Tell him you are writing an article about penis transplant. Does he have one to donate. You even accept the small ones.

God!!

BrutalDaddy · 10-26-2012, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by femmsational

Total and complete derail alert.

LOL!! Tell him you are writing an article about penis transplant. Does he have one to donate. You even accept the small ones.

God!!

He'll need a penis transplant if he touches my laptop again.

End Of Derail,
Brute.

BullDog · 10-26-2012, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

I'm not Medusa- obviously!

- but I do have a response to this.

From what I saw, I think what got some feathers ruffled is not the lifestyle and dynamic of your relationship, but rather that that type of lifestyle/dynamic was referred to (by others? - frankly I don't remember the phrase you used) as "50's lifestyle" or "good ole days" -- eras which include a lot of really offensive stuff. As I said in an earlier post, I get what you meant, but I think what you're really saying is you live a representational segment of another time (i.e. traditional binary gender roles), not a lifestyle that represents that whole time period. It's easier just to say "the 50's",but that can be a misrepresentation of what you really meant.

I'm not condoning people jumping all over your ass for it, I do think there is a better way to have a discussion, with clearer language.

Edited to add: I don't think anyone has the right to define for anyone else the dynamic of their relationship,or make judgments on it, regardless of how "wrong" they think it is. To each their own. I also agree that blanket statements suck, and ideals and values and descriptions should never be applied across the board to any group, as others have stated, i.e. "a real man does x, a real femme does y."

QueenofSmirks, I think you get the gist of what some people find troubling, but I would like to know where anyone jumped anyone's ass and where the language is not clear- because I am certainly not seeing it.

The discussion about the good ole June Cleaver days starts on page 8. I have re-read from that point and see nothing.

I see people being very clear about what they object to and very clear that they are not attacking anyone or their relationship. This is where my big frustration lies- when people do make a very big effort to be specific and clear and we are told we are not and we are told we are attacking people.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

I guess the reason I just verbally spilled all the above is to simply say I have no issues with female ided butches coming into my "subdivision" to talk nor do I have an issue going into their "subdivision" (they might though! Lol). Because I feel like even though I am FTM, I belong in some sense because I have walked that journey. I know what its like on both sides of the aisle. Only time I feel intrusion is if I get told that the way I choose to live my life with my wife is wrong because it perpetuates isms and oppressions. Really? I know history. Hell my wife has a degree in history so what I don't know, she does. Lol. I just want to live our life as we both want to and others live their life as they see fit. That's all.

Brutal, I bolded part of your post. Where specifically has that happened?

Medusa, not sure if your p.s was aimed at me, but I repped you instead of posting because your Moderating post said this discussion should be moved to another thread, so I didn't think I was allowed to comment. Now it appears the discussion is continuing.

Nomad · 10-26-2012, 01:33 PM

another thing i appreciate about FtMs is that many of them are exploring and expressing masculinity in a very aware and 21st century way that many cis-males my age might not.

many butches are doing the same kind of mindful exploration. so are many femmes and many non-gender fixated people. so are many people of any and every gender and identity. i'm so afraid to post in this damn thread because i might accidentally exclude someone or offend someone because i cant think of every word that's necessary in order to avoid pissing someone off that it's just not enjoyable anymore.

***please assume the automatic "i am not trying to be an asshead" disclaimer***

femmsational · 10-26-2012, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nomad

another thing i appreciate about FtMs is that many of them are exploring and expressing masculinity in a very aware and 21st century way that many cis-males my age might not.

many butches are doing the same kind of mindful exploration. so are many femmes and many non-gender fixated people. so are many people of any and every gender and identity. i'm so afraid to post in this damn thread because i might accidentally exclude someone or offend someone because i cant think of every word that's necessary in order to avoid pissing someone off that it's just not enjoyable anymore.

***please assume the automatic "i am not trying to be an asshead" disclaimer***

I feel the same way. LOL!! It would be funny if it were not so NOT funny!!!

BrutalDaddy · 10-26-2012, 01:40 PM

Would like to add one more thing if I may.

It can get hard for me sometimes because if I go to a place/subdivision where it is exclusively about femmes (as example) then I will post about femmes and leave out the rest of the rainbow, so to speak. If someone gets all pissy because I left out a group then I see that as being on them. Not me. I am visiting a "subdivision" that is all about the femmes. If I visit a "subdivision" that's about the FTMs then I'll post about them and usually them alone. Same goes for female ided butches, etc.

I live in a world that is too politically correct for my taste so when I come here, I try to make damn sure that where I'm posting (the subdivision) is exclusive to that part of the rainbow. If I try to include everyone, I'll spend all damn day typing and more inlikely forget someone. Lol. While I know and understand exclusion, I don't see it as such considering it's about a specific group and not the rainbow as a whole.

So Nomad, thank you for your post because it brought that thought up and wanted to share it. Thanks.

Food For Thought,
Brute.

Nomad · 10-26-2012, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

Would like to add one more thing if I may.

It can get hard for me sometimes because if I go to a place/subdivision where it is exclusively about femmes (as example) then I will post about femmes and leave out the rest of the rainbow, so to speak. If someone gets all pissy because I left out a group then I see that as being on them. Not me. I am visiting a "subdivision" that is all about the femmes. If I visit a "subdivision" that's about the FTMs then I'll post about them and usually them alone. Same goes for female ided butches, etc.

yes. this was my original thought too. i'm not excluding anyone. i'm commenting on the topic at hand.

I live in a world that is too politically correct for my taste so when I come here, I try to make damn sure that where I'm posting (the subdivision) is exclusive to that part of the rainbow. If I try to include everyone, I'll spend all damn day typing and more inlikely forget someone. Lol. While I know and understand exclusion, I don't see it as such considering it's about a specific group and not the rainbow as a whole.

yes. it's exhausting to worry about who's going to be pissed because i didnt include them. it's equally maddening to find that there's an assumption that i'm doing something purposely when i've simply made a mistake or a misstep.

So Nomad, thank you for your post because it brought that thought up and wanted to share it. Thanks.

Food For Thought,
Brute.

me in blue

and thanks for sharing your thoughts. i appreciate your clearer version of my own scattered and somewhat whiny post

BullDog · 10-26-2012, 02:51 PM

QueenofSmirks, thank you for your reply! I still don't quite understand, but don't want you to have to use up your time to dredge through stuff unless you want to. I think the part of not being specific was not about people who had objections.

Nomad, I have no idea why you feel the need to walk on eggshells. People do not get offended at every little thing. People have been quite specific about what is bothering them.

Brutal and Femmsational, I have never once thought of you as a couple that follow any sort of stereotypical patterns at all. I think you are quite unique and have no idea why you would think I thought you were anything but that.

The whole lesbian thing... wow... ok then. Just in case anyone is indirectly referring to my post about lesbian feminist household- that was me saying that even lesbian households may have some dynamics and/or division of labor that may look stereotypical- as in me taking out the garbage and my femme partner cooking. We just don't aspire to some past era to do so.

The next time I hear mention of June Clever I will just keep my mouth shut and go read Snow's thread.

The_Lady_Snow · 10-26-2012, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nomad

another thing i appreciate about FtMs is that many of them are exploring and expressing masculinity in a very aware and 21st century way that many cis-males my age might not.

many butches are doing the same kind of mindful exploration. so are many femmes and many non-gender fixated people. so are many people of any and every gender and identity. i'm so afraid to post in this damn thread because i might accidentally exclude someone or offend someone because i cant think of every word that's necessary in order to avoid pissing someone off that it's just not enjoyable anymore.

***please assume the automatic "i am not trying to be an asshead" disclaimer***

Stuff like this, the whole I am afraid of X Y Z just because their opinion is different is unfair.

It paints people in a negative, ugly, tone and it's flaming the situation.

femmsational · 10-26-2012, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Stuff like this, the whole I am afraid of X Y Z just because their opinion is different is unfair.

It paints people in a negative, ugly, tone and it's flaming the situation.

Yet, if it's felt by more than one person, and expressed respectfully...should we maybe look at that? Tease that out a bit??

Curious really.

The_Lady_Snow · 10-26-2012, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by femmsational

Yet, if it's felt by more than one person, and expressed respectfully...should we maybe look at that? Tease that out a bit??

Curious really.

No one is instilling fear into the thread, what has happened is people have stated different views. It's common for people to start claiming that "they are afraid" I am not saying Nomad was saying that, but her words can be and obviously have been interpreted that way.

I've lost count of how many people have referred to me as scary or have gone to say how afraid they are to post because I posted. I wanted to clarify why I said what I said.

femmsational · 10-26-2012, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

No one is instilling fear into the thread, what has happened is people have stated different views. It's common for people to start claiming that "they are afraid" I am not saying Nomad was saying that, but her words can be and obviously have been interpreted that way.

I've lost count of how many people have referred to me as scary or have gone to say how afraid they are to post because I posted. I wanted to clarify why I said what I said.

Snow! I'm so not ignoring your post!! My head is giving me fits right now and because I just blabbed all over this thread about language, I really should wait this head ache out.

Also, I should have not posted to you about teasing out anything cause I didn't mean the scared of part. But that's how it appears....sloppy I was...

I promise to get back to you when I'm not scrambled so bad!!!

j

Nomad · 10-26-2012, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Stuff like this, the whole I am afraid of X Y Z just because their opinion is different is unfair.

It paints people in a negative, ugly, tone and it's flaming the situation.

this is completely fair. thank you for pointing it out Lady Snow. i did not intend to create negative or ugly circumstances. my tone was not inflammatory in my head. (is it ever?)

you've given me the chance to consider my state of mind when i made that post. i wasnt feeling singled out or disagreed with or attacked. i did not mean to indicate that anyone was being unfair with regard to something i'd said, done, expressed or otherwise. i was actually worried about not being clear or thought of as disrespectful if i wasnt all inclusive because i sometimes feel that that's the way the threads are leaning.

i should have said that i am nervous, rather than afraid --- nervous to be seen as being excluding or othering if i dont include everyone in the things i appreciate about FtMs. i have felt recently that there are those who mistake things like "I like ABC about unicorns" as an indication that the poster didnt think or acknowledge that zebras and tortoises also did ABC. if the forum is dedicated to unicorns, i comment about unicorns. it doesnt mean that i dont also love zebras.

thank you for rattling my cage. i like it when people do that. and for the record, i've never been afraid of You. inspired, yes. unsettled, yes. challenged, yes. treated fairly, yes. verklempt, yes. hot and bothered, yes. but never even once afraid.

QueenofSmirks · 10-26-2012, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog

QueenofSmirks, I think you get the gist of what some people find troubling, but I would like to know where anyone jumped anyone's ass and where the language is not clear- because I am certainly not seeing it.

The discussion about the good ole June Cleaver days starts on page 8. I have re-read from that point and see nothing.

I see people being very clear about what they object to and very clear that they are not attacking anyone or their relationship. This is where my big frustration lies- when people do make a very big effort to be specific and clear and we are told we are not and we are told we are attacking people.

I'll have to go back through the thread when I'm not doing this by cell phone to respond to the first part of your first paragraph above re: ass jumping, (which could be mistaken for a new fetish, if taken out of context).

As to the second part of that paragraph - about not being clear - I referenced it in 2 different posts. I talked about using phrases like "the good ole days" and "50's housewife" to describe a relationship that consists of traditional binary gender roles, which is probably only representative of about 2% of what that time period was all about, which would be a misrepresentation of the relationship being described. So, if you missed that, I'll try to find the links to those specific posts.

As to the last paragraph - I disagree. I see some people were very clear about not attacking anyone, and some not so clear. So, if you decided to take my statement and apply it to everyone including yourself, i.e. your use of "we", then I can see why we disagree. However, I did see some rather snarky responses and comments from people who were NOT clear, and mistook the INTENTION of some people's use of certain phrases and terms, and decided to make all sorts of assumptions and run with it. So, with that said, I stand behind my post.

Guy · 10-26-2012, 04:42 PM

Just wanted to clarify my post earlier since I wrote it in a hurry as I was on my way out the door.

I agree that we should all be able to go into any thread or forum on this site. However, I think, if you go into a thread that does not pertain to your lifestyle, then you need to keep an open mind while reading, and be respectful of that lifestyle while posting.

The_Lady_Snow · 10-26-2012, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guy

Just wanted to clarify my post earlier since I wrote it in a hurry as I was on my way out the door.

I agree that we should all be able to go into any thread or forum on this site. However, I think, if you go into a thread that does not pertain to your lifestyle, then you need to keep an open mind while reading, and be respectful of that lifestyle while posting.

That same expectation should pertain to people posting in that particular lifestyle thread.

It's really easy to state what one's desires/needs/wants are without having to shit down the necks of others.

I believe that is what is being discussed here, I certainly do not have a say so on what rocks anyone's relationship boat, I don't like it when folks do it to me so I am pretty adamant about respecting other's likes/desires/needs/wants/dynamics, matter of fact I say RAWK ON!!!

QueenofSmirks · 10-26-2012, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guy

Just wanted to clarify my post earlier since I wrote it in a hurry as I was on my way out the door.

I agree that we should all be able to go into any thread or forum on this site. However, I think, if you go into a thread that does not pertain to your lifestyle, then you need to keep an open mind while reading, and be respectful of that lifestyle while posting.

Hi Guy,

I'm not trying to start an argument here, but I'm interested in knowing where you feel people in here were being disrespectful? Actually, to be more specific, are you implying that people were being disrespectful to trans folks? If so, in which way? I'm not saying it didn't happen, but my focus was elsewhere.

Guy · 10-26-2012, 05:42 PM

Hi Stephanie,

I think by being condecending towards the fifties lifestyle, just because someone does not agree with it, is disrespectful.

Martina · 10-26-2012, 05:49 PM

I wasn't condescending toward it. I am fine with it unless you or someone thinks it is something to be promoted, some ideal to be emulated. You want to recommend to your daughter that she should defer to her husband because he is a guy?

10-26-2012, 12:34 PM	#1
BrutalDaddy Member How Do You Identify?: Her Asshole. Preferred Pronoun?: Him, hym, he, whatever. Relationship Status: Bitch has no more excuses now. Join Date: May 2012 Location: Lower Alabama Posts: 519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 206 Thanked 2,784 Times in 499 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	I too can see where Guy was coming from. Maybe just not worded like that. For me, because I do get that this site, as a whole, is a space for ALL folks of the queer/gay/feminist/trans way of life. Kinda like having a subdivision among a city. Each having their own "subdivision" to go to when wanting to be around folks who are even more like them than in general. As much as I know society (if society would allow me the pleasure of being male, which it doesn't) could and would label me a "straight male" once I am able to fully transition, I don't think I could ever see myself or feel like a straight/heterosexual male. Reason being is because I have walked in the shoes of being female. Not just female bodied but female mind too because I was sort of a late bloomer. Lol. I didn't know or understand about transitioning, FTMs, hormone therapy, surgeries, etc. until a few years back. I honestly and truly believed I was just fucked up inside when it came to being okay with myself. Like wires got crossed when I was being born. So for years I walked as a female. Whether by choice or just plain cause I had no choice, I did it. Now I find myself sometimes being "overly male" to make up for all the years I had to be female. Yes, that falls back to societial teachings put upon me as a child. I work on it daily. I guess the reason I just verbally spilled all the above is to simply say I have no issues with female ided butches coming into my "subdivision" to talk nor do I have an issue going into their "subdivision" (they might though! Lol). Because I feel like even though I am FTM, I belong in some sense because I have walked that journey. I know what its like on both sides of the aisle. Only time I feel intrusion is if I get told that the way I choose to live my life with my wife is wrong because it perpetuates isms and oppressions. Really? I know history. Hell my wife has a degree in history so what I don't know, she does. Lol. I just want to live our life as we both want to and others live their life as they see fit. That's all. Anyway, I've blabbered enough I think and will finish this now because there is some fucking idiot trucker standing over my shoulder wanting to know what kinda book am I writing. He's even trying to read this! Totally Rude Truckers Out There, Brute. P.S. If I don't make much sense please excuse me. I'm in middle of a truck stop with folks walking all around me and one really REALLY nosey driver who thinks it's okay to read folks' private shit. So if you need clarification, will give it soon as I can. Last edited by BrutalDaddy; 10-26-2012 at 12:42 PM. Reason: Wanted to add.

10-26-2012, 02:51 PM	#9
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,640 Times in 4,463 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	QueenofSmirks, thank you for your reply! I still don't quite understand, but don't want you to have to use up your time to dredge through stuff unless you want to. I think the part of not being specific was not about people who had objections. Nomad, I have no idea why you feel the need to walk on eggshells. People do not get offended at every little thing. People have been quite specific about what is bothering them. Brutal and Femmsational, I have never once thought of you as a couple that follow any sort of stereotypical patterns at all. I think you are quite unique and have no idea why you would think I thought you were anything but that. The whole lesbian thing... wow... ok then. Just in case anyone is indirectly referring to my post about lesbian feminist household- that was me saying that even lesbian households may have some dynamics and/or division of labor that may look stereotypical- as in me taking out the garbage and my femme partner cooking. We just don't aspire to some past era to do so. The next time I hear mention of June Clever I will just keep my mouth shut and go read Snow's thread. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

10-26-2012, 01:33 PM	#5
Nomad Timed Out How Do You Identify?: stone femme Daddy's girl Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: disinterested Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: in my head Posts: 991 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,848 Thanked 3,745 Times in 734 Posts Rep Power: 0	another thing i appreciate about FtMs is that many of them are exploring and expressing masculinity in a very aware and 21st century way that many cis-males my age might not. many butches are doing the same kind of mindful exploration. so are many femmes and many non-gender fixated people. so are many people of any and every gender and identity. i'm so afraid to post in this damn thread because i might accidentally exclude someone or offend someone because i cant think of every word that's necessary in order to avoid pissing someone off that it's just not enjoyable anymore. *please assume the automatic "i am not trying to be an asshead" disclaimer*

10-26-2012, 01:40 PM	#7
BrutalDaddy Member How Do You Identify?: Her Asshole. Preferred Pronoun?: Him, hym, he, whatever. Relationship Status: Bitch has no more excuses now. Join Date: May 2012 Location: Lower Alabama Posts: 519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 206 Thanked 2,784 Times in 499 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Would like to add one more thing if I may. It can get hard for me sometimes because if I go to a place/subdivision where it is exclusively about femmes (as example) then I will post about femmes and leave out the rest of the rainbow, so to speak. If someone gets all pissy because I left out a group then I see that as being on them. Not me. I am visiting a "subdivision" that is all about the femmes. If I visit a "subdivision" that's about the FTMs then I'll post about them and usually them alone. Same goes for female ided butches, etc. I live in a world that is too politically correct for my taste so when I come here, I try to make damn sure that where I'm posting (the subdivision) is exclusive to that part of the rainbow. If I try to include everyone, I'll spend all damn day typing and more inlikely forget someone. Lol. While I know and understand exclusion, I don't see it as such considering it's about a specific group and not the rainbow as a whole. So Nomad, thank you for your post because it brought that thought up and wanted to share it. Thanks. Food For Thought, Brute.

10-26-2012, 04:42 PM	#16
Guy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 1,858 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,258 Thanked 2,574 Times in 889 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Just wanted to clarify my post earlier since I wrote it in a hurry as I was on my way out the door. I agree that we should all be able to go into any thread or forum on this site. However, I think, if you go into a thread that does not pertain to your lifestyle, then you need to keep an open mind while reading, and be respectful of that lifestyle while posting.

10-26-2012, 05:42 PM	#19
Guy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 1,858 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,258 Thanked 2,574 Times in 889 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Hi Stephanie, I think by being condecending towards the fifties lifestyle, just because someone does not agree with it, is disrespectful.

10-26-2012, 05:49 PM	#20
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,283 Times in 4,166 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I wasn't condescending toward it. I am fine with it unless you or someone thinks it is something to be promoted, some ideal to be emulated. You want to recommend to your daughter that she should defer to her husband because he is a guy?