FTM place to vent and talk

DMW · 10-28-2012, 02:38 PM

Linus, you mentioned school and i thought of a situation that came up and presented itself...a story on a lighter note...
I was in school in an anatomy lab class setting...and for some reason that i cannot recall at the moment in which the details are not really necessary for the gist....
The class needed a person to take their shirt off for ...i believe a telemetry unit with leads needing to be applied to my chest, inorder to measure the heart's electrical activity.
and the girls in the class where comfortable with me and so they were like...come on...
at first they just seemed to think that i would go ahead and offer myself for the position... and then they joked with me... and i wanted to do it...and i felt so badly for them because they didn't understand...after i didn't...i had to come up with some lame excuse of being too shy etc... i also, had to finally say...look my girl wouldn't want me to do show myself to you woman anyway...and that is kinda true too...cause they would flirt and boundaries are important..to protect them and my relationship...it was very uncomfortable for me...
The sad thing is...there were only a few biomales in the class and one was heavy set and i wanted to save him from having to take off his shirt. I think the women just assumed i was going to cause i have the kind of body that is just bland or regular i guess. So, why wouldn't they? and they were probably thinking of the overweight guy also. trying to spare him the embarrassment. ...and the other...pissed me off that he didn't. Who knows...maybe he was trans like me. like us. Eventually, the heavy set guy took his shirt off and i thanked him vociferously and publicly for his bravery. I could tell he didn't want to and he was hesitant...god and his eyes...even he looked at me like bro why not? why can't you help me and just do this for me? I felt so badly about that. God i do now.
I guess it isn't such a light note...i can laugh at myself in the situation now. But, it kinda describes our invisibility.

Oh, see....i have scars from chest surgery that would be needed to be explained...i would be outing myself to the class...right there. and the professor...hot black woman...OMG...and the school. I just wanted to focus on learning...you know? I wouldn't be ashamed to out myself...just not necessary there...like that. We had to learn...not about me being FTM...
Hugh...maybe one day...shirt comes off...oh, he is FTM...ok...continue the cardio lesson

Darbonaire · 10-28-2012, 02:54 PM

Thanks for this space. I also am available to chat & or call....so msg me & we can go from there.

At 57 & having started this 12 years ago as far as the T & such..I can say I still miss having "guys like us" to talk to. I have some bio-male friends but I'm not "out" to them. I'm just recently divorced after a 10 year legal marriage to a wonderful woman. She was there for me through the changes & now...she's gone from me.....but, let's not go there.

Anyway, I have never been "out" as it were. Old lifetime friends of course knew & have all accepted me....but, I never was really open with other folks. Especially not to new friends etc. I have come back to VA to heal from the divorce, & have found myself among a group of people that I AM safe with. No, I won't reveal to all of them cause it's not important...but, to some of them I have, & they have warmly welcomed me. That is SO GD refreshing.

Now here's something I haven't encountered before though. One of my friends <God love her> is trying to fix me up with one of her gf's. She is straight as is her friend. the one trying to fix me up does NOT know the deal....so, I simply told her I'm not ready to date yet....which I'm not.

Have any of you ever had this happen? I would love to go out & date but wow....when it comes time..<if it does> to take it further...YIKES !

I'm just allowing life to happen right now. I'm just trusting what happens will be ok. I am glad to be back on this site though....nice not to have to explain shit, you know?

That shit in the other room pissed me off because. How dare ANYone put ANYne down for how they want to be in their own lives. I get so tired of being told I'm "wrong" or sexist for wanting to live with what many call "old fashioned beliefs", & yes...a woman who "wants" to treat me the way I want to be treated...

Anyway, enough rambling.....anyone had a dating experience that they care to share? One w/ a straight woman?

Jonathan

Teddybear · 10-28-2012, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darbonaire

Thanks for this space. I also am available to chat & or call....so msg me & we can go from there.

At 57 & having started this 12 years ago as far as the T & such..I can say I still miss having "guys like us" to talk to. I have some bio-male friends but I'm not "out" to them. I'm just recently divorced after a 10 year legal marriage to a wonderful woman. She was there for me through the changes & now...she's gone from me.....but, let's not go there.

Anyway, I have never been "out" as it were. Old lifetime friends of course knew & have all accepted me....but, I never was really open with other folks. Especially not to new friends etc. I have come back to VA to heal from the divorce, & have found myself among a group of people that I AM safe with. No, I won't reveal to all of them cause it's not important...but, to some of them I have, & they have warmly welcomed me. That is SO GD refreshing.

Now here's something I haven't encountered before though. One of my friends <God love her> is trying to fix me up with one of her gf's. She is straight as is her friend. the one trying to fix me up does NOT know the deal....so, I simply told her I'm not ready to date yet....which I'm not.

Have any of you ever had this happen? I would love to go out & date but wow....when it comes time..<if it does> to take it further...YIKES !

I'm just allowing life to happen right now. I'm just trusting what happens will be ok. I am glad to be back on this site though....nice not to have to explain shit, you know?

That shit in the other room pissed me off because. How dare ANYone put ANYne down for how they want to be in their own lives. I get so tired of being told I'm "wrong" or sexist for wanting to live with what many call "old fashioned beliefs", & yes...a woman who "wants" to treat me the way I want to be treated...

Anyway, enough rambling.....anyone had a dating experience that they care to share? One w/ a straight woman?

Jonathan

Jonathan

I have found that being honest from the get go when I dated straight women really was the way to go .

I found that if u list the benefit of being a transman really gets them and do it with humor

Good luck

Linus · 10-28-2012, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darbonaire

Thanks for this space. I also am available to chat & or call....so msg me & we can go from there.

At 57 & having started this 12 years ago as far as the T & such..I can say I still miss having "guys like us" to talk to. I have some bio-male friends but I'm not "out" to them. I'm just recently divorced after a 10 year legal marriage to a wonderful woman. She was there for me through the changes & now...she's gone from me.....but, let's not go there.

Anyway, I have never been "out" as it were. Old lifetime friends of course knew & have all accepted me....but, I never was really open with other folks. Especially not to new friends etc. I have come back to VA to heal from the divorce, & have found myself among a group of people that I AM safe with. No, I won't reveal to all of them cause it's not important...but, to some of them I have, & they have warmly welcomed me. That is SO GD refreshing.

Now here's something I haven't encountered before though. One of my friends <God love her> is trying to fix me up with one of her gf's. She is straight as is her friend. the one trying to fix me up does NOT know the deal....so, I simply told her I'm not ready to date yet....which I'm not.

Have any of you ever had this happen? I would love to go out & date but wow....when it comes time..<if it does> to take it further...YIKES !

I'm just allowing life to happen right now. I'm just trusting what happens will be ok. I am glad to be back on this site though....nice not to have to explain shit, you know?

That shit in the other room pissed me off because. How dare ANYone put ANYne down for how they want to be in their own lives. I get so tired of being told I'm "wrong" or sexist for wanting to live with what many call "old fashioned beliefs", & yes...a woman who "wants" to treat me the way I want to be treated...

Anyway, enough rambling.....anyone had a dating experience that they care to share? One w/ a straight woman?

Jonathan

Jonathan,

It's best to leave stuff from other threads in other threads and not drag them elsewhere.

DMW · 10-28-2012, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darbonaire

Thanks for this space. I also am available to chat & or call....so msg me & we can go from there.

At 57 & having started this 12 years ago as far as the T & such..I can say I still miss having "guys like us" to talk to. I have some bio-male friends but I'm not "out" to them. I'm just recently divorced after a 10 year legal marriage to a wonderful woman. She was there for me through the changes & now...she's gone from me.....but, let's not go there.
Sorry about that.

Anyway, I have never been "out" as it were. Old lifetime friends of course knew & have all accepted me....but, I never was really open with other folks. Especially not to new friends etc. I have come back to VA to heal from the divorce, & have found myself among a group of people that I AM safe with. No, I won't reveal to all of them cause it's not important...but, to some of them I have, & they have warmly welcomed me. That is SO GD refreshing.
Glad that you have people there and feel safe with them...i got a few here too... Thank God.

Now here's something I haven't encountered before though. One of my friends <God love her> is trying to fix me up with one of her gf's. She is straight as is her friend. the one trying to fix me up does NOT know the deal....so, I simply told her I'm not ready to date yet....which I'm not.

Have any of you ever had this happen? I would love to go out & date but wow....when it comes time..<if it does> to take it further...YIKES !

I have had it happen. You know, i think if you are serious about someone, the sooner you tell them...the better for the both of you. You don't want to lead her on without knowing that you are not biomale. It gives her a chance to deal with her feelings about it. I mean, if you start out as friends and you know it could go further...i would tell. Something to play by ear. It is definately different being and FTM that passes as biomale because women see us as biomales...and so do we really...to an extent. Just gotta keep that in mind...that she would presume(most likely) we are biomale because we look it.

Jonathan

My words in green

weatherboi · 10-28-2012, 03:33 PM

Yanno it really doesn't matter what side of the transitional coin any of us are on here. The conversation with a straight woman is gonna go the same for a passing FTM as it would for a non passing FTM.

The gist of it is gonna be something like, "Hey I am a guy born to a body that is deemed by society as female." Both guys still put themselves in harms way and both guys are equally at risk of being perceived as a freak and rejected.

I guess if I were to vent it would be about my own community contiunally trying to be divisive with physical transition.

DMW · 10-28-2012, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darbonaire

I'm just allowing life to happen right now. I'm just trusting what happens will be ok. I am glad to be back on this site though....nice not to have to explain shit, you know?

Yeah...i get this totally.

That shit in the other room pissed me off because. How dare ANYone put ANYne down for how they want to be in their own lives. I get so tired of being told I'm "wrong" or sexist for wanting to live with what many call "old fashioned beliefs", & yes...a woman who "wants" to treat me the way I want to be treated...
And i get this also, the thing is....what we say can be heard as inflammatory when we don't mean it to be that way...that happens outside of this site also...you know? I can't blame a person on the site if they are offended by the remark or that they need clarification from me that i am not sexist...and i believe that we are now in a space where i can say...hey "where is my paper and my coffee winch..." and not have to explain that i am not sexist... it really isn't a whole lot different than in real time...the place needs to be respected and so do all of the people in it...you know? I just lost some of my post...so annoying...ok...i was saying this...
it isn't a good idea to bring your complaints from another thread into some other thread...it is rude to perpetuate that...number one. and i know i don't want to behave like that. So, we have to be responsible for our own behavior and what we say here also....just like in face to face life...but, here it is more difficult. There are times when people need answers from what we have posted because they don't know what we meant when we post. They need clarification. I need that sometimes also. it is our job not to engage in or perpetuate that inflammatory stuff. and to not take ?'s of clarification personally and get all defensive...I can't stand that. I hope that helps you to understand. I want you to know that i am not pointing fingers at you when i say...we or our or you. this is just how i feel about it.

Anyway, enough rambling.....anyone had a dating experience that they care to share? One w/ a straight woman?

Jonathan

My Words in green

Medusa · 10-28-2012, 03:44 PM

Let me make something super fucking clear:

If I see ONE MORE REFERENCE to what happened in the other thread, I am going to hand out a long time-out.

While it is fine to talk about issues that pertain to Transmen, it IS NOT OK to use this thread as a toilet if you feel you didn't get to take a proper dump in the other thread.

Talking about things that affect you as Transmen is VERY different than casting a "Femmes are my Bitches" net. If you don't understand the difference between posting about yourself in a thoughtful manner and making a sweeping statement that is likely to offend a great many of the Femmes here (me included), then you probably need to do a lot of thinking before you post. And maybe read back through some of the threads where Femmes have talked about how it feels when someone (of any gender) treats them like a "thing" rather than a human being.

We have a great # of Transmen on this site who, in my opinion, represent the very best of what a man looks like. Find them and learn.

DMW · 10-28-2012, 04:00 PM

You know, i walked away from the screen for a second because i have a serious migraine...not an excuse...just an explaination as to why i didn't finish my thought well. I do not want to make this a place where...ouch...the ugh..."woman are my bitches" thread. ugh. i cannot even say that ...i guess that is how it is heard when i posted and didn't follow up early enough to my post. I do not feel that way or have that sentiment about women in general. ugh.
When i stepped away i thought more about nastiness being perpetuated and wanted to make a general post about how i don't want that here and will not accept it here...that is the point i was trying to make. I understand it. Is there a way to change the title to the thread? Like maybe not in caps....like"FTM place to vent" ? maybe Linus can do this?

Linus....can you change the thread title to "FTM place to vent?"

I have to stop looking at this screen now.

Linus · 10-28-2012, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMW

You know, i walked away from the screen for a second because i have a serious migraine...not an excuse...just an explaination as to why i didn't finish my thought well. I do not want to make this a place where...ouch...the ugh..."woman are my bitches" thread. ugh. i cannot even say that ...i guess that is how it is heard when i posted and didn't follow up early enough to my post. I do not feel that way or have that sentiment about women in general. ugh.
When i stepped away i thought more about nastiness being perpetuated and wanted to make a general post about how i don't want that here and will not accept it here...that is the point i was trying to make. I understand it. Is there a way to change the title to the thread? Like maybe not in caps....like"FTM place to vent" ? maybe Linus can do this?

Linus....can you change the thread title to "FTM place to vent?"

I have to stop looking at this screen now.

I modified it a bit more than what you posted. If you want me to remove the "and talk", let me know and I'll pull it. I don't want people to just rant and rave but rather work through whatever needs to be discussed, hashed, beaten around, chewed, chawed, etc.

And there is one thing I was curious about because I've seen this from both sides: I know there are many femmes who are interested/intrigued/turned on by FTMs and many FTMs who are reciprocal to this (myself included). What I'm curious about are those FTMs who are here in this community (and others like it) and interested in straight-women as opposed to femmes in this community (and others like it)?

DMW · 10-28-2012, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linus

I modified it a bit more than what you posted. If you want me to remove the "and talk", let me know and I'll pull it. I don't want people to just rant and rave but rather work through whatever needs to be discussed, hashed, beaten around, chewed, chawed, etc.

I think that the modification is good. Thank you. I am outty for awhile.
I have this migraine and i think that along with more nastiness has made me puky now... I hope that the thread doesn't spread nastiness.

Thanks Linus

Darbonaire · 10-28-2012, 05:13 PM

I do sincerely apologize for mentioning the other thread. That's all I'm going to say about that.

I am interested in WOMEN....I don't care if they are straight or lesbian femme.....I happen to be in a group in R/T where straight women are what surrounds me...therefore my question about the date thing.

I have no problem telling a women...I guess I wasn't clear as to what I was asking.....IF I find the woman & I getting to a point where things may go further then I shall address the situation. I was more interested in the .."What kind of response have you had from...." have you fu*c*ed them & if so, how did that go as far as there being misunderstandings if any.....that sort of question. Having been married for the last 10 years to a femme I was just curious what the differences are & what other's experiences were.

I do hope this isn't going to turn into a "Why are you here on this site if you're only interested in straight women ..." cause that shit gets REALLY old...especially since I am ON this site because I love FEMMES & their energy.....

Nuff said....all the answers to my question I look forward to....

weatherboi · 10-28-2012, 05:32 PM

Yes I have been actively interested in and dated other women that id other than femme that are not on this site. There are many straight women out there that understand and enjoy dating guys like me/us. My work in the hospitality/entertainment industry offered/s me opportunities to date and share time. Some I have been intimate with and some I haven't but the one thing they all had in common before anything started is they all knew I am a transman/FTM. Some handled it better than others but that never mattered, I just kept moving forward with conviction to be myself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linus

I modified it a bit more than what you posted. If you want me to remove the "and talk", let me know and I'll pull it. I don't want people to just rant and rave but rather work through whatever needs to be discussed, hashed, beaten around, chewed, chawed, etc.

And there is one thing I was curious about because I've seen this from both sides: I know there are many femmes who are interested/intrigued/turned on by FTMs and many FTMs who are reciprocal to this (myself included). What I'm curious about are those FTMs who are here in this community (and others like it) and interested in straight-women as opposed to femmes in this community (and others like it)?

Sheridan · 11-02-2013, 06:06 AM

Has anyone had this experience?

I have to share Days of Sheridan’s Haircut, it’s like Days of Our Lives but with more drama (and homophobia and/or transphobia). But it is kinda of humorous because I think they wanted me to drop my pants to check and find out which they needed to go for.

I had a fun time getting my hair cut today (which pissed me off ). A haircut with a side order of homophobia and/or transphobia (I am not even sure which way the woman was going, because this woman was bat shit nuts and so was her friend, but her haircut turned out ok after the drama).

I was starting to look like a sheep dog (or Josh Groban on crack)

and decided: Hey it’s time to make a donation to the hair fairies. I went into a place I had gone before because the gal that cut my hair before was really funny and talked about all kinds of stuff and about her family and gave a good haircut without any drama. Well, I went in (and of course she was not there). But I thought, hey anyone can do the whacking (yes my hair needs deep discipline and probably a deep conditioner). :P

So the gal that was there was going to take me back right away but I told her I wanted to look at styles of haircuts and I had just picked up the guy’s haircut book to look at (which I do every place I go). She stated that that book would do me no good (will I had used this book once before and the cut I picked was awesome). I said I wanted a style from that book (so she stood and waited, eyeing me up and down, not in a flirtatious way and glancing at my crotch). I almost walked out but finding a place open and not a full on women’s salon or without an appointment in my area at almost 5pm was going to be a pain in the ass and I still had to shop (which I hate).

So I picked my style and swaggered back to the whacking chair. So the drama began. She told me the style I picked was too long (it really was pretty short) and that I needed to get a buzz cut. I told her I did not want a buzz cut. She told me I needed a buzz cut because it would look better on me. I said I wanted the style I picked. She said if you want to look more male you should get a buzz cut. I said the haircut I wanted was perfect for my face and my curly hair. I was thinking to myself “I don’t want to look like a white supremacist, but thanks for the advice lady”. But I closed my mouth. So she kept hounding me about it and I knew that she was not going to allow me to get my pick. So I looked through the book again and found one that was almost the same but just a little shorter (it had better bangs, so I got a better cut anyway). I said this is the one I want. So finally I got my cut with her bitching all the way that it was too girlie for me (I never pick girlie cuts) but a buzz cut was out of the question (I hate them). I sat in the chair meditating, wanting to leap and run, while she bitched and giggled with other woman that worked there about me and my hair.

I am not sure if she thought I was a bull dyke (which I get a lot) or a transgendered man or she thought I was a possible transgendered woman or gay man that needed to man up to fit his genitals, whatever it was it pissed me off. I am never going back there again. WTF????? The area I live in has a nice size community of LGBTQ people and this behavior just pisses me off and it just continues on and on. And as I was leaving she was still looking at my crotch (I wanted to moon her, but that would be socially unacceptable).

So how was your day?

Hominid · 10-28-2012, 06:52 PM

I used to think this as well, and for the most part still feel that way - however, I've had TWO different occasions with doctors during an exam, in a very heavily trans-populated area - that had no idea when they saw my scars. They asked, I said "eh ... man-boobs" and both of their responses was "hmmm ... unusual, usually people who need that are overweight" -

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMW

Linus, you mentioned school and i thought of a situation that came up and presented itself...a story on a lighter note...
I was in school in an anatomy lab class setting...and for some reason that i cannot recall at the moment in which the details are not really necessary for the gist....
The class needed a person to take their shirt off for ...i believe a telemetry unit with leads needing to be applied to my chest, inorder to measure the heart's electrical activity.
and the girls in the class where comfortable with me and so they were like...come on...
at first they just seemed to think that i would go ahead and offer myself for the position... and then they joked with me... and i wanted to do it...and i felt so badly for them because they didn't understand...after i didn't...i had to come up with some lame excuse of being too shy etc... i also, had to finally say...look my girl wouldn't want me to do show myself to you woman anyway...and that is kinda true too...cause they would flirt and boundaries are important..to protect them and my relationship...it was very uncomfortable for me...
The sad thing is...there were only a few biomales in the class and one was heavy set and i wanted to save him from having to take off his shirt. I think the women just assumed i was going to cause i have the kind of body that is just bland or regular i guess. So, why wouldn't they? and they were probably thinking of the overweight guy also. trying to spare him the embarrassment. ...and the other...pissed me off that he didn't. Who knows...maybe he was trans like me. like us. Eventually, the heavy set guy took his shirt off and i thanked him vociferously and publicly for his bravery. I could tell he didn't want to and he was hesitant...god and his eyes...even he looked at me like bro why not? why can't you help me and just do this for me? I felt so badly about that. God i do now.
I guess it isn't such a light note...i can laugh at myself in the situation now. But, it kinda describes our invisibility.

Oh, see....i have scars from chest surgery that would be needed to be explained...i would be outing myself to the class...right there. and the professor...hot black woman...OMG...and the school. I just wanted to focus on learning...you know? I wouldn't be ashamed to out myself...just not necessary there...like that. We had to learn...not about me being FTM...
Hugh...maybe one day...shirt comes off...oh, he is FTM...ok...continue the cardio lesson

Hominid · 10-28-2012, 07:05 PM

I am interested in women, similarly to Darbonaire. I am less interested in how she identifies, outside of respecting it. If she's into me and vice versa, I could care less. I tend to be attracted in real life to straight women - then again, for the most part, those are the only ones I meet. I do have a faint memory of wanting a straight woman earlier in transition - not as a conquest or anything, but I see that then I wanted to be clear I was not "other" - I was male. Now, I think a queer femme or some iteration from the community would save a lot of time and effort - being understood on some fundamental level and not having to "teach".

I have not had to tell anyone that I am trans. I don't want to. I dread it. So I limit my own self when it comes to moving in the real world. I really don't know if I could handle the aftermath (embarrassment). But I am on some main stream dating sites, and after a long description of myself, I reveal that I am trans. I've had some interest from straight women, less from bi women. As far as an actual "meet", I had breakfast with a wonderfully geeky woman the other day and she seems very interested. I have to force myself to reach out to several women a week who interest me. The percentages of responses are dismal at best, but then again, most women are inundated.

Darbonaire · 10-28-2012, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hominid

I am interested in women, similarly to Darbonaire. I am less interested in how she identifies, outside of respecting it. If she's into me and vice versa, I could care less. I tend to be attracted in real life to straight women - then again, for the most part, those are the only ones I meet. I do have a faint memory of wanting a straight woman earlier in transition - not as a conquest or anything, but I see that then I wanted to be clear I was not "other" - I was male. Now, I think a queer femme or some iteration from the community would save a lot of time and effort - being understood on some fundamental level and not having to "teach".

I have not had to tell anyone that I am trans. I don't want to. I dread it. So I limit my own self when it comes to moving in the real world. I really don't know if I could handle the aftermath (embarrassment). But I am on some main stream dating sites, and after a long description of myself, I reveal that I am trans. I've had some interest from straight women, less from bi women. As far as an actual "meet", I had breakfast with a wonderfully geeky woman the other day and she seems very interested. I have to force myself to reach out to several women a week who interest me. The percentages of responses are dismal at best, but then again, most women are inundated.

dating sites.....I prefer to meet folks r/t......but hey....maybe when the time is right...who knows !

BrutalDaddy · 10-28-2012, 07:30 PM

Interesting discussion going on in the sense that it's not something I ever really thought about.

Guess you could say the reasoning being that I didn't truly get how "okay" it would be for me to fully come out about being FTM until I met 'sational/Julie. Since then, well she's my wife so it's not even a question in my mind but this question/thought has got me thinking.

I don't think I could ever date a straight woman. Not being judgemental or saying it's anything they would do wrong but it's purely me. Having gone through the journey I've gone through and still going through, I don't know if I could ever have that understanding from a straight female that I would get from a female that lives within the realm of the rainbow

For me, it's hard enough trying to explain my situation to those around me (mainly family and some friends who ask). They are all straight. Yet I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can come in here, verbally vomit anything out (that has to do with me and transitioning) and 9 out of 10 females would GET IT. Whereas with straight women, not so much.

So I feel like I'd rather be with a woman who can somewhat get me, my frustrations, my joy (at being seen as a male out there), my embarrassments, my everything. That's what I have now with Julie. She gets it because she is gay. She understands that society will never completely so get it. I can come home one day and be upset because of how I was perceived and she gets that totally.

Maybe I'm being judgemental because like I said, I've never really dated a straight woman while in transition so I could be way off base. I just know that, if I were single, I honestly think I'd be way more comfortable dating someone from within the rainbow then outside of it. I just want to make sure that I'm understood. That I'm not looked at with pity or that whole, "boy I gots no idea why she'd do that but if it makes her happy, eh who cares". I have enough family members that do that. Lol.

Anyway, good topic. Thanks for the brain food.

Loves Me Some Brain,
Brute.

Darbonaire · 10-28-2012, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

Interesting discussion going on in the sense that it's not something I ever really thought about.

Guess you could say the reasoning being that I didn't truly get how "okay" it would be for me to fully come out about being FTM until I met 'sational/Julie. Since then, well she's my wife so it's not even a question in my mind but this question/thought has got me thinking.

I don't think I could ever date a straight woman. Not being judgemental or saying it's anything they would do wrong but it's purely me. Having gone through the journey I've gone through and still going through, I don't know if I could ever have that understanding from a straight female that I would get from a female that lives within the realm of the rainbow

For me, it's hard enough trying to explain my situation to those around me (mainly family and some friends who ask). They are all straight. Yet I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can come in here, verbally vomit anything out (that has to do with me and transitioning) and 9 out of 10 females would GET IT. Whereas with straight women, not so much.

So I feel like I'd rather be with a woman who can somewhat get me, my frustrations, my joy (at being seen as a male out there), my embarrassments, my everything. That's what I have now with Julie. She gets it because she is gay. She understands that society will never completely so get it. I can come home one day and be upset because of how I was perceived and she gets that totally.

Maybe I'm being judgemental because like I said, I've never really dated a straight woman while in transition so I could be way off base. I just know that, if I were single, I honestly think I'd be way more comfortable dating someone from within the rainbow then outside of it. I just want to make sure that I'm understood. That I'm not looked at with pity or that whole, "boy I gots no idea why she'd do that but if it makes her happy, eh who cares". I have enough family members that do that. Lol.

Anyway, good topic. Thanks for the brain food.

Loves Me Some Brain,
Brute.

which is why I'm back on this site....cause it WILL be "easier" if the woman understands about us. I just find myself in a group of freinds that I love & enjoy & they happen to be straight so......when in Rome....LOL......anyway, it's just something I'm kicking around. Like I said..i am SO not ready yet......have a ways to go to heal yet. I wouldn't do that to ANY woman straight or lesbian.

BrutalDaddy · 10-28-2012, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darbonaire

which is why I'm back on this site....cause it WILL be "easier" if the woman understands about us. I just find myself in a group of freinds that I love & enjoy & they happen to be straight so......when in Rome....LOL......anyway, it's just something I'm kicking around. Like I said..i am SO not ready yet......have a ways to go to heal yet. I wouldn't do that to ANY woman straight or lesbian.

I get what you're saying. All of our friends are straight as well. Comes with territory of area we live in but also the gay folks that do live near there really won't have anything to do with us because of the whole FTM/femme status. I guess they think we're "traitors" to our own kind? Lol. Whatever their deal is, we don't worry about it and actually love our straight friends. Only one of them (Julie's best friend) really gets it I think. The rest just kinda get that glazed over look in their eyes then pretend they never heard any of it. Go figure.

When you're ready, you'll know.

Brute.

10-28-2012, 02:38 PM	#1
DMW Member How Do You Identify?: FTM/Male (Will 14) Relationship Status: Caught An Angel and she doesn't lie! Join Date: May 2012 Location: @ Posts: 784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,256 Thanked 1,857 Times in 614 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Linus, you mentioned school and i thought of a situation that came up and presented itself...a story on a lighter note... I was in school in an anatomy lab class setting...and for some reason that i cannot recall at the moment in which the details are not really necessary for the gist.... The class needed a person to take their shirt off for ...i believe a telemetry unit with leads needing to be applied to my chest, inorder to measure the heart's electrical activity. and the girls in the class where comfortable with me and so they were like...come on... at first they just seemed to think that i would go ahead and offer myself for the position... and then they joked with me... and i wanted to do it...and i felt so badly for them because they didn't understand...after i didn't...i had to come up with some lame excuse of being too shy etc... i also, had to finally say...look my girl wouldn't want me to do show myself to you woman anyway...and that is kinda true too...cause they would flirt and boundaries are important..to protect them and my relationship...it was very uncomfortable for me... The sad thing is...there were only a few biomales in the class and one was heavy set and i wanted to save him from having to take off his shirt. I think the women just assumed i was going to cause i have the kind of body that is just bland or regular i guess. So, why wouldn't they? and they were probably thinking of the overweight guy also. trying to spare him the embarrassment. ...and the other...pissed me off that he didn't. Who knows...maybe he was trans like me. like us. Eventually, the heavy set guy took his shirt off and i thanked him vociferously and publicly for his bravery. I could tell he didn't want to and he was hesitant...god and his eyes...even he looked at me like bro why not? why can't you help me and just do this for me? I felt so badly about that. God i do now. I guess it isn't such a light note...i can laugh at myself in the situation now. But, it kinda describes our invisibility. Oh, see....i have scars from chest surgery that would be needed to be explained...i would be outing myself to the class...right there. and the professor...hot black woman...OMG...and the school. I just wanted to focus on learning...you know? I wouldn't be ashamed to out myself...just not necessary there...like that. We had to learn...not about me being FTM... Hugh...maybe one day...shirt comes off...oh, he is FTM...ok...continue the cardio lesson Last edited by DMW; 10-28-2012 at 02:58 PM.

10-28-2012, 02:54 PM	#2
Darbonaire Timed Out How Do You Identify?: MALE Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Working on myself, thank you Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Virginia Posts: 186 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 343 Thanked 552 Times in 145 Posts Rep Power: 0	Hey guys, Thanks for this space. I also am available to chat & or call....so msg me & we can go from there. At 57 & having started this 12 years ago as far as the T & such..I can say I still miss having "guys like us" to talk to. I have some bio-male friends but I'm not "out" to them. I'm just recently divorced after a 10 year legal marriage to a wonderful woman. She was there for me through the changes & now...she's gone from me.....but, let's not go there. Anyway, I have never been "out" as it were. Old lifetime friends of course knew & have all accepted me....but, I never was really open with other folks. Especially not to new friends etc. I have come back to VA to heal from the divorce, & have found myself among a group of people that I AM safe with. No, I won't reveal to all of them cause it's not important...but, to some of them I have, & they have warmly welcomed me. That is SO GD refreshing. Now here's something I haven't encountered before though. One of my friends <God love her> is trying to fix me up with one of her gf's. She is straight as is her friend. the one trying to fix me up does NOT know the deal....so, I simply told her I'm not ready to date yet....which I'm not. Have any of you ever had this happen? I would love to go out & date but wow....when it comes time..<if it does> to take it further...YIKES ! I'm just allowing life to happen right now. I'm just trusting what happens will be ok. I am glad to be back on this site though....nice not to have to explain shit, you know? That shit in the other room pissed me off because. How dare ANYone put ANYne down for how they want to be in their own lives. I get so tired of being told I'm "wrong" or sexist for wanting to live with what many call "old fashioned beliefs", & yes...a woman who "wants" to treat me the way I want to be treated... Anyway, enough rambling.....anyone had a dating experience that they care to share? One w/ a straight woman? Jonathan

10-28-2012, 03:33 PM	#6
weatherboi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Owned boy Preferred Pronoun?: Hey boy!!! Relationship Status: counting freckles slowly under Her direction!!! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: i have 2 sets of geographic coordinates!!! Posts: 6,097 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,797 Thanked 12,549 Times in 2,993 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Yanno it really doesn't matter what side of the transitional coin any of us are on here. The conversation with a straight woman is gonna go the same for a passing FTM as it would for a non passing FTM. The gist of it is gonna be something like, "Hey I am a guy born to a body that is deemed by society as female." Both guys still put themselves in harms way and both guys are equally at risk of being perceived as a freak and rejected. I guess if I were to vent it would be about my own community contiunally trying to be divisive with physical transition. __________________

10-28-2012, 03:44 PM	#8
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,683 Times in 7,831 Posts Rep Power: 10000026	Let me make something super fucking clear: If I see ONE MORE REFERENCE to what happened in the other thread, I am going to hand out a long time-out. While it is fine to talk about issues that pertain to Transmen, it IS NOT OK to use this thread as a toilet if you feel you didn't get to take a proper dump in the other thread. Talking about things that affect you as Transmen is VERY different than casting a "Femmes are my Bitches" net. If you don't understand the difference between posting about yourself in a thoughtful manner and making a sweeping statement that is likely to offend a great many of the Femmes here (me included), then you probably need to do a lot of thinking before you post. And maybe read back through some of the threads where Femmes have talked about how it feels when someone (of any gender) treats them like a "thing" rather than a human being. We have a great # of Transmen on this site who, in my opinion, represent the very best of what a man looks like. Find them and learn. __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

10-28-2012, 04:00 PM	#9
DMW Member How Do You Identify?: FTM/Male (Will 14) Relationship Status: Caught An Angel and she doesn't lie! Join Date: May 2012 Location: @ Posts: 784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,256 Thanked 1,857 Times in 614 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	You know, i walked away from the screen for a second because i have a serious migraine...not an excuse...just an explaination as to why i didn't finish my thought well. I do not want to make this a place where...ouch...the ugh..."woman are my bitches" thread. ugh. i cannot even say that ...i guess that is how it is heard when i posted and didn't follow up early enough to my post. I do not feel that way or have that sentiment about women in general. ugh. When i stepped away i thought more about nastiness being perpetuated and wanted to make a general post about how i don't want that here and will not accept it here...that is the point i was trying to make. I understand it. Is there a way to change the title to the thread? Like maybe not in caps....like"FTM place to vent" ? maybe Linus can do this? Linus....can you change the thread title to "FTM place to vent?" I have to stop looking at this screen now. Last edited by DMW; 10-28-2012 at 04:05 PM.

10-28-2012, 05:13 PM	#12
Darbonaire Timed Out How Do You Identify?: MALE Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Working on myself, thank you Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Virginia Posts: 186 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 343 Thanked 552 Times in 145 Posts Rep Power: 0	Ok let me be really clear .... I do sincerely apologize for mentioning the other thread. That's all I'm going to say about that. I am interested in WOMEN....I don't care if they are straight or lesbian femme.....I happen to be in a group in R/T where straight women are what surrounds me...therefore my question about the date thing. I have no problem telling a women...I guess I wasn't clear as to what I was asking.....IF I find the woman & I getting to a point where things may go further then I shall address the situation. I was more interested in the .."What kind of response have you had from...." have you fuced them & if so, how did that go as far as there being misunderstandings if any.....that sort of question. Having been married for the last 10 years to a femme I was just curious what the differences are & what other's experiences were. I do hope this isn't going to turn into a "Why are you here on this site if you're only interested in straight women ..." cause that shit gets REALLY old...especially since I am ON this site because I love FEMMES & their energy..... Nuff said....all the answers to my question I look forward to....

11-02-2013, 06:06 AM	#14
Sheridan Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Transmasculine Preferred Pronoun?: Just call me Sheridan Relationship Status: Single and looking Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: California Posts: 36 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 78 Thanked 99 Times in 27 Posts Rep Power: 1501903	Haircut From Hell: With A Side Order of Homophobia and Transphobia Has anyone had this experience? I have to share Days of Sheridan’s Haircut, it’s like Days of Our Lives but with more drama (and homophobia and/or transphobia). But it is kinda of humorous because I think they wanted me to drop my pants to check and find out which they needed to go for. I had a fun time getting my hair cut today (which pissed me off ). A haircut with a side order of homophobia and/or transphobia (I am not even sure which way the woman was going, because this woman was bat shit nuts and so was her friend, but her haircut turned out ok after the drama). I was starting to look like a sheep dog (or Josh Groban on crack) and decided: Hey it’s time to make a donation to the hair fairies. I went into a place I had gone before because the gal that cut my hair before was really funny and talked about all kinds of stuff and about her family and gave a good haircut without any drama. Well, I went in (and of course she was not there). But I thought, hey anyone can do the whacking (yes my hair needs deep discipline and probably a deep conditioner). :P So the gal that was there was going to take me back right away but I told her I wanted to look at styles of haircuts and I had just picked up the guy’s haircut book to look at (which I do every place I go). She stated that that book would do me no good (will I had used this book once before and the cut I picked was awesome). I said I wanted a style from that book (so she stood and waited, eyeing me up and down, not in a flirtatious way and glancing at my crotch). I almost walked out but finding a place open and not a full on women’s salon or without an appointment in my area at almost 5pm was going to be a pain in the ass and I still had to shop (which I hate). So I picked my style and swaggered back to the whacking chair. So the drama began. She told me the style I picked was too long (it really was pretty short) and that I needed to get a buzz cut. I told her I did not want a buzz cut. She told me I needed a buzz cut because it would look better on me. I said I wanted the style I picked. She said if you want to look more male you should get a buzz cut. I said the haircut I wanted was perfect for my face and my curly hair. I was thinking to myself “I don’t want to look like a white supremacist, but thanks for the advice lady”. But I closed my mouth. So she kept hounding me about it and I knew that she was not going to allow me to get my pick. So I looked through the book again and found one that was almost the same but just a little shorter (it had better bangs, so I got a better cut anyway). I said this is the one I want. So finally I got my cut with her bitching all the way that it was too girlie for me (I never pick girlie cuts) but a buzz cut was out of the question (I hate them). I sat in the chair meditating, wanting to leap and run, while she bitched and giggled with other woman that worked there about me and my hair. I am not sure if she thought I was a bull dyke (which I get a lot) or a transgendered man or she thought I was a possible transgendered woman or gay man that needed to man up to fit his genitals, whatever it was it pissed me off. I am never going back there again. WTF????? The area I live in has a nice size community of LGBTQ people and this behavior just pisses me off and it just continues on and on. And as I was leaving she was still looking at my crotch (I wanted to moon her, but that would be socially unacceptable). So how was your day?

10-28-2012, 07:05 PM	#16
Hominid Member How Do You Identify?: Male with interesting historical perspective Relationship Status: Taking Applications Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: In perpetual Wonder. And Western Mass. Posts: 254 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 417 Thanked 753 Times in 187 Posts Rep Power: 11507408	women! I am interested in women, similarly to Darbonaire. I am less interested in how she identifies, outside of respecting it. If she's into me and vice versa, I could care less. I tend to be attracted in real life to straight women - then again, for the most part, those are the only ones I meet. I do have a faint memory of wanting a straight woman earlier in transition - not as a conquest or anything, but I see that then I wanted to be clear I was not "other" - I was male. Now, I think a queer femme or some iteration from the community would save a lot of time and effort - being understood on some fundamental level and not having to "teach". I have not had to tell anyone that I am trans. I don't want to. I dread it. So I limit my own self when it comes to moving in the real world. I really don't know if I could handle the aftermath (embarrassment). But I am on some main stream dating sites, and after a long description of myself, I reveal that I am trans. I've had some interest from straight women, less from bi women. As far as an actual "meet", I had breakfast with a wonderfully geeky woman the other day and she seems very interested. I have to force myself to reach out to several women a week who interest me. The percentages of responses are dismal at best, but then again, most women are inundated.

10-28-2012, 07:30 PM	#18
BrutalDaddy Member How Do You Identify?: Her Asshole. Preferred Pronoun?: Him, hym, he, whatever. Relationship Status: Bitch has no more excuses now. Join Date: May 2012 Location: Lower Alabama Posts: 519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 206 Thanked 2,784 Times in 499 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Interesting discussion going on in the sense that it's not something I ever really thought about. Guess you could say the reasoning being that I didn't truly get how "okay" it would be for me to fully come out about being FTM until I met 'sational/Julie. Since then, well she's my wife so it's not even a question in my mind but this question/thought has got me thinking. I don't think I could ever date a straight woman. Not being judgemental or saying it's anything they would do wrong but it's purely me. Having gone through the journey I've gone through and still going through, I don't know if I could ever have that understanding from a straight female that I would get from a female that lives within the realm of the rainbow For me, it's hard enough trying to explain my situation to those around me (mainly family and some friends who ask). They are all straight. Yet I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can come in here, verbally vomit anything out (that has to do with me and transitioning) and 9 out of 10 females would GET IT. Whereas with straight women, not so much. So I feel like I'd rather be with a woman who can somewhat get me, my frustrations, my joy (at being seen as a male out there), my embarrassments, my everything. That's what I have now with Julie. She gets it because she is gay. She understands that society will never completely so get it. I can come home one day and be upset because of how I was perceived and she gets that totally. Maybe I'm being judgemental because like I said, I've never really dated a straight woman while in transition so I could be way off base. I just know that, if I were single, I honestly think I'd be way more comfortable dating someone from within the rainbow then outside of it. I just want to make sure that I'm understood. That I'm not looked at with pity or that whole, "boy I gots no idea why she'd do that but if it makes her happy, eh who cares". I have enough family members that do that. Lol. Anyway, good topic. Thanks for the brain food. Loves Me Some Brain, Brute.