FTM place to vent and talk

[DMW]

Originally Posted by PurpleQuestions84

Just fill her in about your situation and ask her what she likes

Welcome to butchfemme planet Purple, i completely agree with your answer to the question that you replied to....Smile.

I see that you are new here. Just to fill you in regarding what i have asked for
from the community.

I have made this thread a thread for FTM's to share a space. It isn't exactly private for us but, it is the best we got.

You did remind me that another thread needs to be made though.


Have a good day and please don't take my request personally...I am sure there will be more people ...to drop by unaware... I myself, have messed up plenty,so no need to feel badly or to apologize.

There are a lot of good people here and there is room for everyone of all colors,shapes and sizes....
have fun, and welcome again.


DMW

[alexri]

Gentlemen, thank you for this thread, and for your openness and honesty. There are things I want to post and say but I can't do it right now. I can't get the words right in my thoughts right now. But I am a very appreciative reader.

[DMW]

Just a note...i believe there is more risk involved for those who love trans people...more risk for loss. (friends or lovers or mates) even family sometimes.

We change, in different ways..some subtle, some big...Physical for sure. and our lives become different....so to...do the lives of the one's that love us.

Sometimes our change makes the lives of the one's we love(our Parners especially)... really invisible...there is so much fear for them. It is a lot to ask of someone to take on the journey of life with a transman.

and for some... misunderstanding...
it is up to me to give them time, space, acceptance (because they are NOT trans) and the willingness... to be available to explain myself and answer questions when needed.
If i am expecting them to reciprocate ...in kind... i must give of myself in order to receive
understanding.
It is called respecting the one's I love. And respecting myself.

The people that love me are forced to accept and change...in their own way... and love me...because...i am trans. I make a move and take action...there is a reaction...of course...
And i must say, I am a very lucky man.

In addition, i am not alone and my story is not unusual....so, keep your heads up transmen...the people who really love you and accept your change... will do the same for you... as you do for them. I am not the only lucky one.

And sometimes...people love me...but it is too much...to stay on the journey... and that is ok...
i can love them back...in kind...

See, there is the risk of loss. It takes a brave woman to take on that risk. I know that.
I have seen it and lived it and watched her love and loved her back...with me on the journey or not...she loved me back....and ditto i for her.

[BrutalDaddy]

Originally Posted by DMW

Just a note...i believe there is more risk involved for those who love trans people...more risk for loss. (friends or lovers or mates) even family sometimes.

We change, in different ways..some subtle, some big...Physical for sure. and our lives become different....so to...do the lives of the one's that love us.

Sometimes our change makes the lives of the one's we love(our Parners especially)... really invisible...there is so much fear for them. It is a lot to ask of someone to take on the journey of life with a transman.

and for some... misunderstanding...
it is up to me to give them time, space, acceptance (because they are NOT trans) and the willingness... to be available to explain myself and answer questions when needed.
If i am expecting them to reciprocate ...in kind... i must give of myself in order to receive
understanding.
It is called respecting the one's I love. And respecting myself.

The people that love me are forced to accept and change...in their own way... and love me...because...i am trans. I make a move and take action...there is a reaction...of course...
And i must say, I am a very lucky man.

In addition, i am not alone and my story is not unusual....so, keep your heads up transmen...the people who really love you and accept your change... will do the same for you... as you do for them. I am not the only lucky one.

And sometimes...people love me...but it is too much...to stay on the journey... and that is ok...
i can love them back...in kind...

See, there is the risk of loss. It takes a brave woman to take on that risk. I know that.
I have seen it and lived it and watched her love and loved her back...with me on the journey or not...she loved me back....and ditto i for her.

DMV,

There was a lot to this that I can relate to. Realizing that there are some of my own family members that are going to have a really really hard time with it especially when the time comes that I start T. They say they support me but I also know the physical changes will be a shock for them. There are some too who have literally just disappeared into thin air when they found out. Lol. No worries though, they're cousins who I'd rather not hang out with anyway. Yet I know they ALL love me, it's just a matter of how much they can deal with because whether they like it or not, the change will happen. So regardless if they hang around or not, I'm okay with it because like I said, I know they do love me.

As far as being with someone and having her go through this with me. Yea, I can see how it can be really hard for her but I am lucky in that she supports me and understands that everyone should just be who they feel they are. She's one of those who wants to beat her head on a wall when she meets someone who feels they can't be who they truly are for whatever reason. Lol. Kinda cute actually. If she had her way, every one would be free to live as they see themselves. As far as her feeling invisible. I think it's more she feels femme invisibility then anything else. Does being with me, a FTM, compound that? I dunno. Maybe. But she looks at it as her invisibility, not mine. Hope that makes sense, at least it does in my head. Lol. I could see how it could be harder if I were a FTM that wanted to denounce any part of my female past once I fully transitioned and live as a heterosexual male. Luckily for myself and her, I don't want to live that way.

Yea, I reckon we are pretty damn lucky, DMW, for having women in our lives who understand the risks but also know there are joys as well to being with one of our kind. At least that's what I hope anyways. She's still with me so must be some joy in there somewhere. Lol. I do know that I try my best to make sure that she is comfortable with what's happening (although I can be self absorbed most the time) because as I transition, it's not just me but us. Our lives change with each step I take. My transitioning will affect her family because they don't fully understand or know yet. It was our choice. Right now it's the best choice. It's a choice I am okay with because I want life for her to be as uncomplicated as possible and believe me, while her parents are truly great people....calling them up to tell them that I'm really a man trapped in a female body would earn us a few candles at mass I'm sure! Again, love them to death and they love me to death. Just not something I would want to put on them or on her.

She knows the risks and for that I'm grateful. So we'll take it one day at a time and see what each day brings.


Yep I Am Lucky,
Brute.

[Darbonaire]

I can totally relate DMV....it takes a very special person to love & stay alongside us sometimes. I had a woman who did that, & omg did/do I love her for that. That's what's hardest about the divorce is my best friend, the woman I felt safest with, the woman who loved me even though I changed...she's not with me anymore but, the love we shared is still there & I will be forever grateful to her for her love & emotional support the last 10 years. She's a gem...I hope I will be blessed enough to find another like her in those ways....I wish us ALL the best in that !

Jonathan

[Greyson]

I am really tired of people telling my gf she is not really a Femme Lesbian because she is partnered with me. As if they are ordained the head honcho of "Identity." What ever a woman decides is her identity, it is not for me to say. Her identity is not dependent on how I see myself.

Yes, I have seen the things that happen to women that partner with someone like me. However for me, this is not all new. Some of the same stuff happened to my partners before I transitioned. My gender expression was never congruent with what was considered to be "normal."

For me, I have enough to figure out about the how and the why of it as to who I am


P.S. Although this thread would not be appropriate to do it in, I would like to hear from women who have dated Butches and FTMs. How varied was your experience? Were there similarities? Was it a completely different experience for you? Did your gender identity change? Did you experience invisiblity as a queer woman, femme, even more so then when you dated a self identified butch? Do you women have any concerns you would like for gender varient masculine people including FTMs, take into consideration when dating, partnering, and befriending you?

[Greyson]

Oh and one more thought to my above post.

A thread where we cannot challenge them on their experience or "cruise" them under the guise of platitudes and compliments. Maybe we just listen and think about what they are telling us.

[DMW]

Originally Posted by Hominid

Well ... yeah - I'm not really asking HOW to have sex ... just how to deal with the topic of "okay, I have to strap on to do that part" - although I'm quite sure she'll be happier with the things I'll do and the parts I'll pay attention to compared to most cis-guys, there's "that" part that I'm worried about.

To be blunt cause it is late...peruse as needed. Info for us.
http://lolajake.com/secure/

http://www.ftmguide.org/packinghard.html

Exactly, she already knows, also. So, just treat it like any other date.
But, the sooner she knows the better for the both of you.
That way she can deal with the idea in her head.
She will either like the idea or not. Deal or not deal. And then there is always feeling out the chemistry and deciding whether or not you want to even go
there with her yourself. You know. You Got this Man...but, tread lightly for
yourself. Once you go there...she may not stay away....wink

Originally Posted by Greyson

I am really tired of people telling my gf she is not really a Femme Lesbian because she is partnered with me. As if they are ordained the head honcho of "Identity." What ever a woman decides is her identity, it is not for me to say. Her identity is not dependent on how I see myself.

Yes, I have seen the things that happen to women that partner with someone like me. However for me, this is not all new. Some of the same stuff happened to my partners before I transitioned. My gender expression was never congruent with what was considered to be "normal."

For me, I have enough to figure out about the how and the why of it as to who I am


P.S. Although this thread would not be appropriate to do it in, I would like to hear from women who have dated Butches and FTMs. How varied was your experience? Were there similarities? Was it a completely different experience for you? Did your gender identity change? Did you experience invisiblity as a queer woman, femme, even more so then when you dated a self identified butch? Do you women have any concerns you would like for gender varient masculine people including FTMs, take into consideration when dating, partnering, and befriending you?

Greyson, that is so disturbing when people cannot either just get it...or accept that we are all different and or the same in various ways..
whatever anyone decides is their identity is theirs...agreed.
society will accept it or understand it or not.
accepting your girlfriends identity is all that matters for you
and i am sure that is done...try to understand her...that is all that is essential for the two of you.
Remember it isn't always a fine line... or couples don't come in perfect pairs of established (labels)...and the thing is...her identitiy is hers and yours is yours. period. Just keep being true to yourself.
you know? sorry it's late. Plus there isn't always a box or label to stuff oneself into...
we are all evolving if we are working.
I have to come back to this for sure.


I suggest you ...or we...start a new thread...seriously...one about FTM's and Femmes or whatever will answer some of your questions and help you and your girl...

I gotta check out.

Nite All

[DMW]

Originally Posted by Greyson

P.S. Although this thread would not be appropriate to do it in, I would like to hear from women who have dated Butches and FTMs. How varied was your experience? Were there similarities? Was it a completely different experience for you? Did your gender identity change? Did you experience invisiblity as a queer woman, femme, even more so then when you dated a self identified butch? Do you women have any concerns you would like for gender varient masculine people including FTMs, take into consideration when dating, partnering, and befriending you?

Yep....Got it....a thread for that would be great for that. i was thinking along the same lines...amongst all of this...not all of those ?'s though. Those are good. I bet the women would like to know the answers and explore the answers to this also. And have some answers. The feedback would be awesome. And i would probably listen more than anything. I don't usually go into femme space ver much.....start a thread....or ask
a woman if she is interested in starting one...that would best.
Ok, Goodnight.