FTM place to vent and talk

PurpleQuestions84 · 10-31-2012, 10:53 AM

Just fill her in about your situation and ask her what she likes

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darbonaire

I'm not worried about the "outing" myself...it's sex with a straight wamon that makes me question the "how to do it" the easiest & most comfortable way...NOT talking about positions here guys.....LOL.....just fyi.....

I'll be interested in the answers....thanks Hominid ! & Good luck when it happens & enjoy your date !!!

Julien · 10-31-2012, 10:56 AM

Just stopped by to say good afternoon to everyone. I hope your day is a good one.

PurpleQuestions84 · 10-31-2012, 11:01 AM

Ditto.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julien

Just stopped by to say good afternoon to everyone. I hope your day is a good one.

Linus · 10-31-2012, 11:10 AM

I'm not sure how best to put this but I would prefer that this thread be FTM only. It's not that we do not value or appreciate input from other gender IDs but sometimes we have to figure out things for ourselves by ourselves for ourselves. Threads like Ask a Trans or What attracts you to FTMs may be more appropriate for comments, questions, etc.

As DMW stated at the start:

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMW

This is a space for FTM's to talk about anything they would like to. Especially, FTM's that live as males, in their everyday lives, and are not seen by society as anything other than a biomale.Please go along with the websites guidelines of decorum and respect for others. The TOS or what have you.

ahk · 11-01-2012, 02:47 PM

I am in the midst of scheduling my top surgery and I sound like a bleeping idiot on the phone-- its like, I am super excited but super nervous that I am finally here at this point of my life.

If you have already had Top Surgery, what kind of things would you recommend (healing, preparing)? What kind of questions did you all ask? Who did you go to, and why?

If you haven't had surgery yet - do you plan on sometime in future? Who do you want to go to, and why?

Not sure where everyone is located, but if you are in the East coast area, I hope you all are safe, keeping warm -- and know we are thinking of all of you.

Best,

Linus · 11-01-2012, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ahk

I am in the midst of scheduling my top surgery and I sound like a bleeping idiot on the phone-- its like, I am super excited but super nervous that I am finally here at this point of my life.

If you have already had Top Surgery, what kind of things would you recommend (healing, preparing)? What kind of questions did you all ask? Who did you go to, and why?

If you haven't had surgery yet - do you plan on sometime in future? Who do you want to go to, and why?

Not sure where everyone is located, but if you are in the East coast area, I hope you all are safe, keeping warm -- and know we are thinking of all of you.

Best,

You're recovery may depend on the kind of surgery you are getting. Is it keyhole or double mastectomy?

To ask:

Get the doc to explain exactly how they are going to do the surgery.

Ask them what they recommend for recovery.

When do they want to see you after surgery? (24 hours? 48 hours?)

What are you allowed to eat before surgery? What are ok to eat 24-48 hours after surgery? a week after? and so on...

How often to change the dressing?

If double, things to consider for recovery:

Ensure you have help for the first week or two. And a good LazyBoy or similar recliner chair.

Have nothing to do for the first couple of days (I slept lots for the first couple of days). For the first couple of weeks, ensure that anything you need (say, food, water, etc.) is reachable at waist level (no lifting of items from ground and no raising of arms).

If you have dogs, ensure someone else can walk them. If they are the excitable type, you may need that person to **REALLY** wear them out so they don't jump on you.

Ensure the doc provides you with enough bandages and surgical tape. And change them according to what she/he recommends.

If you smoke, DON'T. I enjoy cigars now and again but avoided them for about two months or thereabouts to ensure healing was done without coughing.

ahk · 11-01-2012, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linus

You're recovery may depend on the kind of surgery you are getting. Is it keyhole or double mastectomy?

To ask:

Get the doc to explain exactly how they are going to do the surgery.

Ask them what they recommend for recovery.

When do they want to see you after surgery? (24 hours? 48 hours?)

What are you allowed to eat before surgery? What are ok to eat 24-48 hours after surgery? a week after? and so on...

How often to change the dressing?

If double, things to consider for recovery:

Ensure you have help for the first week or two. And a good LazyBoy or similar recliner chair.

Have nothing to do for the first couple of days (I slept lots for the first couple of days). For the first couple of weeks, ensure that anything you need (say, food, water, etc.) is reachable at waist level (no lifting of items from ground and no raising of arms).

If you have dogs, ensure someone else can walk them. If they are the excitable type, you may need that person to **REALLY** wear them out so they don't jump on you.

Ensure the doc provides you with enough bandages and surgical tape. And change them according to what she/he recommends.

If you smoke, DON'T. I enjoy cigars now and again but avoided them for about two months or thereabouts to ensure healing was done without coughing.

Linus-

Thanks for answering so quickly-- I believe I will getting the double mastectomy (a lot larger than a key hole, for sure). I don't smoke, so I'm good there too--

I never thought about the eating thing-- thank you for suggesting.

Hominid · 11-01-2012, 10:50 PM

- Button up shirts - very hard (and bad for later scarring) to reach over your head

- you will get a list before surgery of things the doc wants you to do or not. I would ASK for a prescription for Zofran - just in case you get nauseous either from being post op, the trauma of it all, or the pain killers.

-Start taking metamucil or one of the other fiber drinks ASAP when you return. You will get constipated from the pain medicine, and that's no fun. When you are up and about, WALK - it keeps your intestines moving, is good for circulation, etc. No hiking up hills, just strolls.

- If you can recruit someone to be with you, pre-op, post-op, as much as possible, do.

-TAKE your pain medicine. You need it not just for pain, but also to rest your body. Do NOT wait until you are in pain the first day or so - just take it and sleep. After that, do not wait too long when the pain begins to take it. I'm not suggesting there's a lot of pain, most guys say there is not.

- Be sure and wear the compression shirt or ace bandage or whatever they suggest/provide. Actually, if they suggest an ace bandage, get a compression shirt (you can google it, I can't remember the people who make the more popular one). Get two, one to wear while you wash the other. They are very helpful in telling you which size to order. Keep it on, especially the first few days post-op - It will help prevent any hematomas, help the nipples to adhere, hold the incision areas close together for better healing. The longer you wear it, the better.

- Do NOT hesitate to call your surgeon at any time you have a concern. They work for YOU; you paid good money, and there is always someone covering or on call to address a concern.

Congrats!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ahk

I am in the midst of scheduling my top surgery and I sound like a bleeping idiot on the phone-- its like, I am super excited but super nervous that I am finally here at this point of my life.

If you have already had Top Surgery, what kind of things would you recommend (healing, preparing)? What kind of questions did you all ask? Who did you go to, and why?

If you haven't had surgery yet - do you plan on sometime in future? Who do you want to go to, and why?

Not sure where everyone is located, but if you are in the East coast area, I hope you all are safe, keeping warm -- and know we are thinking of all of you.

Best,

DMW · 11-02-2012, 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hominid

- Button up shirts - very hard (and bad for later scarring) to reach over your head

- you will get a list before surgery of things the doc wants you to do or not. I would ASK for a prescription for Zofran - just in case you get nauseous either from being post op, the trauma of it all, or the pain killers.

-Start taking metamucil or one of the other fiber drinks ASAP when you return. You will get constipated from the pain medicine, and that's no fun. When you are up and about, WALK - it keeps your intestines moving, is good for circulation, etc. No hiking up hills, just strolls.

- If you can recruit someone to be with you, pre-op, post-op, as much as possible, do.

-TAKE your pain medicine. You need it not just for pain, but also to rest your body. Do NOT wait until you are in pain the first day or so - just take it and sleep. After that, do not wait too long when the pain begins to take it. I'm not suggesting there's a lot of pain, most guys say there is not.

- Be sure and wear the compression shirt or ace bandage or whatever they suggest/provide. Actually, if they suggest an ace bandage, get a compression shirt (you can google it, I can't remember the people who make the more popular one). Get two, one to wear while you wash the other. They are very helpful in telling you which size to order. Keep it on, especially the first few days post-op - It will help prevent any hematomas, help the nipples to adhere, hold the incision areas close together for better healing. The longer you wear it, the better.

- Do NOT hesitate to call your surgeon at any time you have a concern. They work for YOU; you paid good money, and there is always someone covering or on call to address a concern.

Congrats!

Great post Hominid...I don't think you left out any of the most pertinent points. Thanks for sharing. Good advice. I concur.

And Congratulations Ahk! And it is true...it isn't that painful...and it doesn't last for long either.

Do follow Hominid's advice...those suggestions are all very important.

DMW · 10-31-2012, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PurpleQuestions84

Just fill her in about your situation and ask her what she likes

Welcome to butchfemme planet Purple, i completely agree with your answer to the question that you replied to....Smile.

I see that you are new here. Just to fill you in regarding what i have asked for
from the community.

I have made this thread a thread for FTM's to share a space. It isn't exactly private for us but, it is the best we got.

You did remind me that another thread needs to be made though.

Have a good day and please don't take my request personally...I am sure there will be more people ...to drop by unaware... I myself, have messed up plenty,so no need to feel badly or to apologize.

There are a lot of good people here and there is room for everyone of all colors,shapes and sizes....
have fun, and welcome again.

DMW

alexri · 10-31-2012, 04:26 PM

Gentlemen, thank you for this thread, and for your openness and honesty. There are things I want to post and say but I can't do it right now. I can't get the words right in my thoughts right now. But I am a very appreciative reader.

DMW · 10-31-2012, 06:00 PM

Just a note...i believe there is more risk involved for those who love trans people...more risk for loss. (friends or lovers or mates) even family sometimes.

We change, in different ways..some subtle, some big...Physical for sure. and our lives become different....so to...do the lives of the one's that love us.

Sometimes our change makes the lives of the one's we love(our Parners especially)... really invisible...there is so much fear for them. It is a lot to ask of someone to take on the journey of life with a transman.

and for some... misunderstanding...
it is up to me to give them time, space, acceptance (because they are NOT trans) and the willingness... to be available to explain myself and answer questions when needed.
If i am expecting them to reciprocate ...in kind... i must give of myself in order to receive
understanding.
It is called respecting the one's I love. And respecting myself.

The people that love me are forced to accept and change...in their own way... and love me...because...i am trans. I make a move and take action...there is a reaction...of course...
And i must say, I am a very lucky man.

In addition, i am not alone and my story is not unusual....so, keep your heads up transmen...the people who really love you and accept your change... will do the same for you... as you do for them. I am not the only lucky one.

And sometimes...people love me...but it is too much...to stay on the journey... and that is ok...
i can love them back...in kind...

See, there is the risk of loss. It takes a brave woman to take on that risk. I know that.
I have seen it and lived it and watched her love and loved her back...with me on the journey or not...she loved me back....and ditto i for her.

BrutalDaddy · 10-31-2012, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMW

Just a note...i believe there is more risk involved for those who love trans people...more risk for loss. (friends or lovers or mates) even family sometimes.

We change, in different ways..some subtle, some big...Physical for sure. and our lives become different....so to...do the lives of the one's that love us.

Sometimes our change makes the lives of the one's we love(our Parners especially)... really invisible...there is so much fear for them. It is a lot to ask of someone to take on the journey of life with a transman.

and for some... misunderstanding...
it is up to me to give them time, space, acceptance (because they are NOT trans) and the willingness... to be available to explain myself and answer questions when needed.
If i am expecting them to reciprocate ...in kind... i must give of myself in order to receive
understanding.
It is called respecting the one's I love. And respecting myself.

The people that love me are forced to accept and change...in their own way... and love me...because...i am trans. I make a move and take action...there is a reaction...of course...
And i must say, I am a very lucky man.

In addition, i am not alone and my story is not unusual....so, keep your heads up transmen...the people who really love you and accept your change... will do the same for you... as you do for them. I am not the only lucky one.

And sometimes...people love me...but it is too much...to stay on the journey... and that is ok...
i can love them back...in kind...

See, there is the risk of loss. It takes a brave woman to take on that risk. I know that.
I have seen it and lived it and watched her love and loved her back...with me on the journey or not...she loved me back....and ditto i for her.

DMV,

There was a lot to this that I can relate to. Realizing that there are some of my own family members that are going to have a really really hard time with it especially when the time comes that I start T. They say they support me but I also know the physical changes will be a shock for them. There are some too who have literally just disappeared into thin air when they found out. Lol. No worries though, they're cousins who I'd rather not hang out with anyway. Yet I know they ALL love me, it's just a matter of how much they can deal with because whether they like it or not, the change will happen. So regardless if they hang around or not, I'm okay with it because like I said, I know they do love me.

As far as being with someone and having her go through this with me. Yea, I can see how it can be really hard for her but I am lucky in that she supports me and understands that everyone should just be who they feel they are. She's one of those who wants to beat her head on a wall when she meets someone who feels they can't be who they truly are for whatever reason. Lol. Kinda cute actually. If she had her way, every one would be free to live as they see themselves. As far as her feeling invisible. I think it's more she feels femme invisibility then anything else. Does being with me, a FTM, compound that? I dunno. Maybe. But she looks at it as her invisibility, not mine. Hope that makes sense, at least it does in my head. Lol. I could see how it could be harder if I were a FTM that wanted to denounce any part of my female past once I fully transitioned and live as a heterosexual male. Luckily for myself and her, I don't want to live that way.

Yea, I reckon we are pretty damn lucky, DMW, for having women in our lives who understand the risks but also know there are joys as well to being with one of our kind. At least that's what I hope anyways. She's still with me so must be some joy in there somewhere. Lol. I do know that I try my best to make sure that she is comfortable with what's happening (although I can be self absorbed most the time) because as I transition, it's not just me but us. Our lives change with each step I take. My transitioning will affect her family because they don't fully understand or know yet. It was our choice. Right now it's the best choice. It's a choice I am okay with because I want life for her to be as uncomplicated as possible and believe me, while her parents are truly great people....calling them up to tell them that I'm really a man trapped in a female body would earn us a few candles at mass I'm sure! Again, love them to death and they love me to death. Just not something I would want to put on them or on her.

She knows the risks and for that I'm grateful. So we'll take it one day at a time and see what each day brings.

Yep I Am Lucky,
Brute.

Darbonaire · 10-31-2012, 09:59 PM

I can totally relate DMV....it takes a very special person to love & stay alongside us sometimes. I had a woman who did that, & omg did/do I love her for that. That's what's hardest about the divorce is my best friend, the woman I felt safest with, the woman who loved me even though I changed...she's not with me anymore but, the love we shared is still there & I will be forever grateful to her for her love & emotional support the last 10 years. She's a gem...I hope I will be blessed enough to find another like her in those ways....I wish us ALL the best in that !

Jonathan

Greyson · 10-31-2012, 10:49 PM

I am really tired of people telling my gf she is not really a Femme Lesbian because she is partnered with me. As if they are ordained the head honcho of "Identity." What ever a woman decides is her identity, it is not for me to say. Her identity is not dependent on how I see myself.

Yes, I have seen the things that happen to women that partner with someone like me. However for me, this is not all new. Some of the same stuff happened to my partners before I transitioned. My gender expression was never congruent with what was considered to be "normal."

For me, I have enough to figure out about the how and the why of it as to who I am

P.S. Although this thread would not be appropriate to do it in, I would like to hear from women who have dated Butches and FTMs. How varied was your experience? Were there similarities? Was it a completely different experience for you? Did your gender identity change? Did you experience invisiblity as a queer woman, femme, even more so then when you dated a self identified butch? Do you women have any concerns you would like for gender varient masculine people including FTMs, take into consideration when dating, partnering, and befriending you?

10-31-2012, 10:56 AM	#2
Julien Member How Do You Identify?: TG/GenderQueer Preferred Pronoun?: I'm flexible, but only up to a point. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, Gulf Coast area Posts: 1,007 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,247 Thanked 2,702 Times in 737 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	*Just stopped by to say good afternoon to everyone. I hope your day is a good one.* __________________ Julien “Self-plagiarism is style.” Alfred Hitchcock Formerly known as Graphiteta2s

10-31-2012, 06:00 PM	#12
DMW Member How Do You Identify?: FTM/Male (Will 14) Relationship Status: Caught An Angel and she doesn't lie! Join Date: May 2012 Location: @ Posts: 784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,256 Thanked 1,857 Times in 614 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Just a note...i believe there is more risk involved for those who love trans people...more risk for loss. (friends or lovers or mates) even family sometimes. We change, in different ways..some subtle, some big...Physical for sure. and our lives become different....so to...do the lives of the one's that love us. Sometimes our change makes the lives of the one's we love(our Parners especially)... really invisible...there is so much fear for them. It is a lot to ask of someone to take on the journey of life with a transman. and for some... misunderstanding... it is up to me to give them time, space, acceptance (because they are NOT trans) and the willingness... to be available to explain myself and answer questions when needed. If i am expecting them to reciprocate ...in kind... i must give of myself in order to receive understanding. It is called respecting the one's I love. And respecting myself. The people that love me are forced to accept and change...in their own way... and love me...because...i am trans. I make a move and take action...there is a reaction...of course... And i must say, I am a very lucky man. In addition, i am not alone and my story is not unusual....so, keep your heads up transmen...the people who really love you and accept your change... will do the same for you... as you do for them. I am not the only lucky one. And sometimes...people love me...but it is too much...to stay on the journey... and that is ok... i can love them back...in kind... See, there is the risk of loss. It takes a brave woman to take on that risk. I know that. I have seen it and lived it and watched her love and loved her back...with me on the journey or not...she loved me back....and ditto i for her. Last edited by DMW; 10-31-2012 at 06:17 PM. Reason: i can never stop editing...i have too many errors. Smile

10-31-2012, 09:59 PM	#14
Darbonaire Timed Out How Do You Identify?: MALE Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Working on myself, thank you Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Virginia Posts: 186 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 343 Thanked 552 Times in 145 Posts Rep Power: 0	Yep I can totally relate DMV....it takes a very special person to love & stay alongside us sometimes. I had a woman who did that, & omg did/do I love her for that. That's what's hardest about the divorce is my best friend, the woman I felt safest with, the woman who loved me even though I changed...she's not with me anymore but, the love we shared is still there & I will be forever grateful to her for her love & emotional support the last 10 years. She's a gem...I hope I will be blessed enough to find another like her in those ways....I wish us ALL the best in that ! Jonathan

10-31-2012, 10:49 PM	#15
Greyson Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transmasculine/Non-Binary Preferred Pronoun?: Hy (Pronounced He) Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: SF Bay Area Posts: 6,589 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,132 Thanked 8,146 Times in 2,005 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I am really tired of people telling my gf she is not really a Femme Lesbian because she is partnered with me. As if they are ordained the head honcho of "Identity." What ever a woman decides is her identity, it is not for me to say. Her identity is not dependent on how I see myself. Yes, I have seen the things that happen to women that partner with someone like me. However for me, this is not all new. Some of the same stuff happened to my partners before I transitioned. My gender expression was never congruent with what was considered to be "normal." For me, I have enough to figure out about the how and the why of it as to who I am P.S. Although this thread would not be appropriate to do it in, I would like to hear from women who have dated Butches and FTMs. How varied was your experience? Were there similarities? Was it a completely different experience for you? Did your gender identity change? Did you experience invisiblity as a queer woman, femme, even more so then when you dated a self identified butch? Do you women have any concerns you would like for gender varient masculine people including FTMs, take into consideration when dating, partnering, and befriending you? __________________ Sometimes you don't realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness. - Susan Gale Last edited by Greyson; 10-31-2012 at 11:09 PM.

11-01-2012, 02:47 PM	#5
ahk Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: NM Posts: 5,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,688 Thanked 8,538 Times in 2,630 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I am in the midst of scheduling my top surgery and I sound like a bleeping idiot on the phone-- its like, I am super excited but super nervous that I am finally here at this point of my life. If you have already had Top Surgery, what kind of things would you recommend (healing, preparing)? What kind of questions did you all ask? Who did you go to, and why? If you haven't had surgery yet - do you plan on sometime in future? Who do you want to go to, and why? Not sure where everyone is located, but if you are in the East coast area, I hope you all are safe, keeping warm -- and know we are thinking of all of you. Best,

10-31-2012, 04:26 PM	#11
alexri Member How Do You Identify?: - Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: - Posts: 549 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,209 Thanked 2,799 Times in 468 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Gentlemen, thank you for this thread, and for your openness and honesty. There are things I want to post and say but I can't do it right now. I can't get the words right in my thoughts right now. But I am a very appreciative reader.