Unconditional Love... is it really unconditional? - Page 2

Chancie · 02-03-2011, 04:08 PM

I don't know what people mean when they say they believe in unconditional love. Do they really mean that they would love someone no matter what they do? For me, that doesn't sound healthy.

I love Pete, and I think she might be the one I want to marry, because I do want to get married again. I probably wouldn't wish her ill if she did something that made it impossible for us to be together, and of course time might reveal that we aren't right together, but I love her with all the complicated feelings that make me human.

I wish I loved myself unconditionally.

Soft*Silver · 02-04-2011, 12:40 AM

I have changed my mind from my original post. I said I offered unconditional love to only one person and that be my daughter.I have decided that it is not a parents responsibility to beholden to have to love their child unconditionally if their child does not deserve it. I have borne witness to several examples as of late, of adult children who in my opinion, did not deserve their parent's love. Call me cold. I would sever my love in a heart beat had it been my child.

I seem to find myself becoming more black and white as I age. Less grey. Far less grey. I think I have given people in my past so many opportunities that I realize now I wasted so much of my precious life on them, days wasted that I cannot get back now. I have lived more life than I have left to live, and no one is going to get more from me than they deserve ever again. I wont mistake an ass for a horse again, trust me on that...lol. Someone said they wanted to love themselves unconditionally. I think thats what I am doing. Hands down. I come first.

Tcountry · 02-04-2011, 03:29 AM

It all depends on your definition of love...is it a feeling or an action...?
If it is a feeling...it is possible to love...even when u r upset with a decision that person has made.
If it is an action...what r u willing to do/go thru if that person really needed u?
The only limit to unconditional love is the human condition...& what each is willing to do and/or put up with...
Your limits define your conditions

Miss Scarlett · 02-04-2011, 05:28 AM

Many years ago this was part of an all night discussion with a dear friend (now departed). We concluded that there is such a thing but that it is different for everyone.

My love (whether that be for my friends, family or partner) is one that loves and accepts people "warts and all." It's not something that I will take away if there is a disagreement, parting of ways or even if someone hurts me. I cannot just turn off my heart, just cannot...there will always be love there.

This same friend wrote a beautiful song about his love for his friends here are the lyrics:

Brother's Keeper
Rich Mullins and Beaker

Now the plummer's got a drip in his spigot
The mechanic's got a clank in his car
And the preacher's thinking thoughts that are wicked
And the lover's got a lonely heart
My friends ain't the way I wish they were
They are just the way they are

And I will be my brother's keeper
Not the one who judges him
I won't despise him for his weakness
I won't regard him for his strength
I won't take away his freedom
I will help him learn to stand
And I will, I will be my brother's keeper

Now this roof has got a few missing shingles
But at least we got ourselves a roof
And they say that she's a fallen angel
I wonder if she recalls when she last flew
There's no point in pointing fingers
Unless you're pointing to the truth

And I will be my brother's keeper
Not the one who judges him
I won't despise him for his weakness
I won't regard him for his strength
I won't take away his freedom
I will help him learn to stand
And I will, I will be my brother's keeper

I will be my brother's keeper
Not the one who judges him
I won't despise him for his weakness
I won't regard him for his strength
I won't take away his freedom
I will help him learn to stand
And I will, I will be my brother's keeper

JAGG · 02-04-2011, 08:34 PM

Sorry , I hate to break the news to you, but it is not possible for humans to love unconditionally. It's a very romantic notion, and a nice fantasy, but it's not humanly possible. No matter how deeply we love someone there are always condtions of some sort, there is always a boundry, we simply do not have the capacity, not in our design. You can wish or hope or kid yourself, but it's just not possible.

princessbelle · 02-04-2011, 09:13 PM

Oh i certainly believe in unconditional love....

I believe that if you truely love someone unconditionally, family...lovers...whatever, it just happens and not something that you necessarily try to achieve. Because it can possibly make things harder on you in the long run. IMO: It is either there or it isn't. Doesn't mean you have to even ever see this person again in your life, agree with them, approve of them or associate with them.

But, if you have it for someone...

you.

just.

know.

it.

Strappie · 02-04-2011, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JAGG

Sorry , I hate to break the news to you, but it is not possible for humans to love unconditionally. It's a very romantic notion, and a nice fantasy, but it's not humanly possible. No matter how deeply we love someone there are always condtions of some sort, there is always a boundry, we simply do not have the capacity, not in our design. You can wish or hope or kid yourself, but it's just not possible.

Sorry Jagg, but I love my family Unconditionally... I don't ask them for anything in return well wait I take that back yes I do.. I ask for their love in return and the same goes for my friends... Now if you call that a fantasy then that is you're belief ... My belief is that yes we can!

No matter what "research proves" ......

I will believe what I want to...

Julie · 02-04-2011, 10:03 PM

Unconditional love is tricky... In theory it is possible for me. In reality - I am human.

I believe we all *want* to believe we have unconditional love - but always, when there are expectations in a relationship, the possibility of the unconditional love breaking is there.

I believe I love my children unconditionally... However, if they were to harm another human being (not speaking self-defense) or rape a woman -- would I continue to love them unconditionally? Probably not. I would probably turn them in and they know this. Unconditional love would prevent me from doing the right thing (in this case.)

"I loved you unconditionally." Notice the 'ed - How many times have you heard this after a breaking relationship? Or even said this? If you loved me unconditionally, then you would still be loving me with the same unconditional love you claimed.

People by nature will place conditions on most everything. It is not a flaw or an imperfection - it just is.

Or maybe I am just not so romantic to believe in the notion.

I have never cheated on another person in my life -- Not because I loved them unconditionally, but because I loved them and respected them... But most importantly, because I love me and respect myself. I would not be able to do either, if I did.

Diva · 02-04-2011, 11:07 PM

I believe in unconditional love.
My Mother loved me unconditionally. My Father did not.
I love my daughter unconditionally even when she is being an ass. She's young. She's made some crazy choices, but that does not diminish my love for her. I tell her often that there is nothing ~ NOTHING ~ she can say or do to cause me to stop loving her......I believe there is a certain kind of confidence one gains when they know in their hearts that SOMEone loves them no matter what.

That doesn't mean that I will always LIKE her...<smile> But I will ALways love her.

There are several others in my life whom I love unconditionally. And they know it.

MysticOceansFL · 08-31-2014, 08:29 PM

Yes there can be unconditional love as long as it's not abused in anyway just like many different levels of love.

02-04-2011, 12:40 AM	#2
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,594 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,897 Times in 4,064 Posts Rep Power*: 21474858	I have changed my mind from my original post. I said I offered unconditional love to only one person and that be my daughter.I have decided that it is not a parents responsibility to beholden to have to love their child unconditionally if their child does not deserve it. I have borne witness to several examples as of late, of adult children who in my opinion, did not deserve their parent's love. Call me cold. I would sever my love in a heart beat had it been my child. I seem to find myself becoming more black and white as I age. Less grey. Far less grey. I think I have given people in my past so many opportunities that I realize now I wasted so much of my precious life on them, days wasted that I cannot get back now. I have lived more life than I have left to live, and no one is going to get more from me than they deserve ever again. I wont mistake an ass for a horse again, trust me on that...lol. Someone said they wanted to love themselves unconditionally. I think thats what I am doing. Hands down. I come first. __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

02-04-2011, 03:29 AM	#3
Tcountry Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Country Boi Preferred Pronoun?: call it as u see it Relationship Status: Completely...complete ;) Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Either at the beach or in the pool Posts: 1,665 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,929 Thanked 4,287 Times in 1,181 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	It all depends on your definition of love...is it a feeling or an action...? If it is a feeling...it is possible to love...even when u r upset with a decision that person has made. If it is an action...what r u willing to do/go thru if that person really needed u? The only limit to unconditional love is the human condition...& what each is willing to do and/or put up with... Your limits define your conditions __________________ "You don't Find life worth living; You MAKE IT that way"

02-04-2011, 08:34 PM	#5
JAGG Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: JAGG Relationship Status: =) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tulsa (cat free zone) Posts: 6,093 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,651 Thanked 17,529 Times in 4,137 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	unconditional Sorry , I hate to break the news to you, but it is not possible for humans to love unconditionally. It's a very romantic notion, and a nice fantasy, but it's not humanly possible. No matter how deeply we love someone there are always condtions of some sort, there is always a boundry, we simply do not have the capacity, not in our design. You can wish or hope or kid yourself, but it's just not possible. __________________ I don't want to spend my life with someone I can live with, I want to spend my life with someone I can't live without.

02-04-2011, 09:13 PM	#6
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,497 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Oh i certainly believe in unconditional love.... I believe that if you truely love someone unconditionally, family...lovers...whatever, it just happens and not something that you necessarily try to achieve. Because it can possibly make things harder on you in the long run. IMO: It is either there or it isn't. Doesn't mean you have to even ever see this person again in your life, agree with them, approve of them or associate with them. But, if you have it for someone... you. just. know. it. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

02-04-2011, 10:03 PM	#8
Julie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Angel * Femme * Lesbian * Girl * Woman * Slut * Bitch * Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: No longer a Virgin Bride to Dreamer ~ May 17th, 2014 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New York Posts: 4,674 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,676 Thanked 18,160 Times in 3,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Unconditional love is tricky... In theory it is possible for me. In reality - I am human. I believe we all want to believe we have unconditional love - but always, when there are expectations in a relationship, the possibility of the unconditional love breaking is there. I believe I love my children unconditionally... However, if they were to harm another human being (not speaking self-defense) or rape a woman -- would I continue to love them unconditionally? Probably not. I would probably turn them in and they know this. Unconditional love would prevent me from doing the right thing (in this case.) "I loved you unconditionally." Notice the 'ed - How many times have you heard this after a breaking relationship? Or even said this? If you loved me unconditionally, then you would still be loving me with the same unconditional love you claimed. People by nature will place conditions on most everything. It is not a flaw or an imperfection - it just is. Or maybe I am just not so romantic to believe in the notion. I have never cheated on another person in my life -- Not because I loved them unconditionally, but because I loved them and respected them... But most importantly, because I love me and respect myself. I would not be able to do either, if I did. __________________ “Sometimes only one person is missing and the whole world seems depopulated.” ~ Alphonse de Lamartine - 1790-1869 http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/o...ps4d9fb6c0.jpg I Love You ~ I Love Us May 17, 2014

02-03-2011, 04:08 PM	#1
Chancie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme-inist Relationship Status: I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Western Mass Posts: 3,774 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,518 Thanked 14,540 Times in 2,744 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I don't know what people mean when they say they believe in unconditional love. Do they really mean that they would love someone no matter what they do? For me, that doesn't sound healthy. I love Pete, and I think she might be the one I want to marry, because I do want to get married again. I probably wouldn't wish her ill if she did something that made it impossible for us to be together, and of course time might reveal that we aren't right together, but I love her with all the complicated feelings that make me human. I wish I loved myself unconditionally.

02-04-2011, 05:28 AM	#4
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,947 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Many years ago this was part of an all night discussion with a dear friend (now departed). We concluded that there is such a thing but that it is different for everyone. My love (whether that be for my friends, family or partner) is one that loves and accepts people "warts and all." It's not something that I will take away if there is a disagreement, parting of ways or even if someone hurts me. I cannot just turn off my heart, just cannot...there will always be love there. This same friend wrote a beautiful song about his love for his friends here are the lyrics: Brother's Keeper Rich Mullins and Beaker Now the plummer's got a drip in his spigot The mechanic's got a clank in his car And the preacher's thinking thoughts that are wicked And the lover's got a lonely heart My friends ain't the way I wish they were They are just the way they are And I will be my brother's keeper Not the one who judges him I won't despise him for his weakness I won't regard him for his strength I won't take away his freedom I will help him learn to stand And I will, I will be my brother's keeper Now this roof has got a few missing shingles But at least we got ourselves a roof And they say that she's a fallen angel I wonder if she recalls when she last flew There's no point in pointing fingers Unless you're pointing to the truth And I will be my brother's keeper Not the one who judges him I won't despise him for his weakness I won't regard him for his strength I won't take away his freedom I will help him learn to stand And I will, I will be my brother's keeper I will be my brother's keeper Not the one who judges him I won't despise him for his weakness I won't regard him for his strength I won't take away his freedom I will help him learn to stand And I will, I will be my brother's keeper

02-04-2011, 11:07 PM	#9
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,175 Times in 5,239 Posts Rep Power: 0	I believe in unconditional love. My Mother loved me unconditionally. My Father did not. I love my daughter unconditionally even when she is being an ass. She's young. She's made some crazy choices, but that does not diminish my love for her. I tell her often that there is nothing ~ NOTHING ~ she can say or do to cause me to stop loving her......I believe there is a certain kind of confidence one gains when they know in their hearts that SOMEone loves them no matter what. That doesn't mean that I will always LIKE her...<smile> But I will ALways love her. There are several others in my life whom I love unconditionally. And they know it.

08-31-2014, 08:29 PM	#10
MysticOceansFL Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch, Preferred Pronoun?: People call me by my nic name. Relationship Status: Not Single, Not Desperate. Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Florida Posts: 3,833 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,645 Thanked 4,033 Times in 1,720 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Yes there can be unconditional love as long as it's not abused in anyway just like many different levels of love. __________________ Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. It is said, " Some lives are linked across time..... Connected by an ancient calling that echoes through the ages "......