Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by key

Yanno... this makes sense to me! I happen to like feet a lot.... Ummm, toe cleavage, to be exact...

Got legs?

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

Yanno... this makes sense to me! I happen to like feet a lot.... Ummm, toe cleavage, to be exact...

Got legs?

lol- I thought I was the only one that said toe cleavage. I have a serious foot fetish but it only really counts when someone is into it. Touching my feet sends me places... swoon

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by softness

there always has to be that spiritual connection..but it needs to be grounded in earthly things too. I cant be always living in the heavens. I am an earth girl as well. I need the balance between them. I like my partner to have a deep appreciation for himself...so that he doesnt need bolstered by me to feel good about himself. Thats not my job. I can be supportive...but I wont be the crutch.

I have alot of physical types I am attracted to. Best to define what I am not attracted to..and that is femininity.I do like masculinized energy in a partner. And while there was a time when I felt I would only be attracted to male IDd butches and transmen, I am really learning alot via the the threads here and it has opened my eyes in how I regard butches in general. So thank you to all the great posters over on those threads...

mentally I need someone who can have a good conversation with, but I dont need to feel like I am on the witness stand nor am I wanting to feel like I am a student of the "all knowing" or being silenced by overriding opinions. I want someone to listen and discuss...have sensitivity to my words, disagree when necessary and have a pleasant conversation even when we dont agree or see eye to eye. It can be done.

I also need humour in someone I date. I need to see them smile. I dont want someone who finds glee in pestering others, abusing their intelligence by making others feel less than and then reveling in it, and certainly no one who makes off color jokes..none of that will ever fly with me. I just want to read some good political comics together and enjoy a good laugh...or crack up over the noises a baby makes...

emotionally they need to be available and not shut down. Or divorced from their feelings. I am not chasing the stone cold Clint Eastwood cowboy anymore. I like-um with a warm heart and hands that reach out and heart that would hold mine next to it. I need a grown up love, one not so dependent on another that it cant function without a relationship. I am SO ok being single. I have been SO alone IN a relationship. I would rather be alone than lonely.

What makes my head turn to look twice at someone? Caring words spoken. Wisdom. Compassion. Intelligence. Self confidence. Pride without vanity. Open. As in, not closed off. Sensible. Adventurous. A smile with a wink.

the biggest turn on for me? Is someone who is Present to her/himself long before they think to be Present with me.

I relate very much to a lot of what you've said here and share your views.

Originally Posted by friskyfemme

I m a sucker for blonde hair blue-eyed, masculine stone butches. He needs to be a really good kisser. I judge going further with hime based on his kiss. I love the old fashion traditional manners. I love to discuss everything- from the day, world affairs, and the unknown. I need to have conversation not just nods of agreement or frowns of diagreement. I love to engage on opposing views as long as it remains friendly. I am very Spiritual and practice my belief system in my daily life. Sharing and respecting are manditory with me. My guy has to be 100% into me. I want him to do little things without prodding as I do for him. He needs to be patient, kind, and love me.

Is that too much to ask for?

It's not too much, I think.

I put a lot of emphasis on my partner's ability to please me with his kissing as well. To me, how a person kisses tells a LOT about how they make love/fuck/have sex/do the nasty/whatever you want to do.

I also relate to most of what you've said here. I prefer butches or transguys with darker hair though. *impish grin*

[Mister Bent]

Without a brilliant, engaging, provocative mind, there is nothing for me.

The rest would be irrelevant.

[moxie]

Originally Posted by Mister Bent

Without a brilliant, engaging, provocative mind, there is nothing for me.

The rest would be irrelevant.

I agree. If someone cannot stimulate me intellectually then it is pointless for me.

Looks are important and I have aspects I am attracted to like butch/FtM, smells good, wears great shoes...but it's "everything else" about the person tends to make them more attractive to me. It can also make someone less attractive. If you don't have similar values like kindness, politeness, respect, honesty and the all-important traits like a witty, somewhat dry sense of humour, knows how government works (odd I know), cares about what is going on in their neighborhood and all over the world, and treats others how they would expect to be treated then it won't work.

I have met some really gorgeous people on the outside that aren't so pleasant on the inside and it ruins everything.

[Soft*Silver]

I really thought more on this and I think that something that is very attractive to me is if someone really knows how to date. I dont mean fall in love and sweep me off my feet. If they tried that at this point in my life I would run in the opposite direction! But I mean, the build up, the carry through, the Presence of Self or Thought. I have given so much of that to others...I really want someone who can give it back to me, without coaxing or teaching. I am past needing to be a teacher. I want a learned Soul who can dance the slowest sweetest longest dance of the evening with me....that moment of warmth and musk, of tenderness and heat, of a soft brush of their face on mine, their hand right "there" in the curve of my back that responds and yet he has never ....

yes...someone who engages fully in the dance...with me...

that the kind of dating I am looking for....(and yes you can so do that long distance...)

[Rockinonahigh]

When I meet someone either in person or on the phone the way they cary on the conversation and tone of voice along with eye contact(if in person) is the first thing that I see.Dose she really seem intrested in me or is she talking around me..u would be surprised how many talk at me and not to me.Beleave me im definatly checking them out to see how genuine they are.There are players out in the world and some how I attract them when I dont want to..even when the game is just that, fun and games,for me I have long since tired of them.
I probly will fall out if I met a person who was really into life,wants to really engage in an adult relationship,stimulate my mind,body and soul.Really know how to date without the uhaul reveing up in the back parking lot.Someone mentioned earler about kissing...a definate A+ for me,being pasionate about life and still know how to play,laugh and have fun.As for baggage ..well we all have some we deal with so I figure if we are really into each other we will work them out some how.

[key]

I have recently begun concentrating more on my spiritual self and going back to my ole gurus. Marianne Williamson, Carolyn Myss, among others. So y'all may be getting a lot of their quotes in the near future. Thank You for indulging me.

Marianne Williamson says:

Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?



So, its back to the gym and rebooting the spiritual life for me!

[Soft*Silver]

[QUOTE=puregrrl;70895.

I have met some really gorgeous people on the outside that aren't so pleasant on the inside and it ruins everything.[/QUOTE]

I have dated some incredibly handsome people. Some were just as beautiful inside as they were outside. Some werent. Some were just hurting and it darkened their insides. I also dated plain folks too who were so luminisce inwardly...they lit up when they smiled, which was often. Looks last, with me, a millisecond. I want to stand energy to energy and see if we can feel the connection...

[Soft*Silver]

[QUOTE=key;70926]
Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?

so.....you need to "create" yourself to meet the needs of someone else so they will be attracted to you? Am I intepreting this wrong?

[Rockinonahigh]

Originally Posted by softness

I have dated some incredibly handsome people. Some were just as beautiful inside as they were outside. Some werent. Some were just hurting and it darkened their insides. I also dated plain folks too who were so luminisce inwardly...they lit up when they smiled, which was often. Looks last, with me, a millisecond. I want to stand energy to energy and see if we can feel the connection...

Girl u hit the nail right on the head...couldnt have said it better.

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

Girl u hit the nail right on the head...couldnt have said it better.

smiling warmly. Thank you, Rocky...

[bigbutchmistie]

First of all when I am looking at someone to date I look to see if I am going to be attracted physically initially...

Are they girly?

Do they love getting their nails and toes done?

Do they love to dress up with dresses as much as they love being in jeans and a t shirt?

Do they love wearing makeup and not wearing makeup at all some days?

Are they 5'3 or taller?

Are they hygenic?

Is her perfume intoxicating?

Is her skin soft to the touch?

Does her eye sparkle when she looks at me?

Does she smile genuiniely at me?

Does she look into my eyes when she speaks to me. She is talking to me and not at me

Then I wanna know what kind of person they are...

Are they kind?

Are they generous?

Are they loyal? Can I depend on them to be by my side in good times and in bad?

Are they independent?

Are they career oriented?

Are they down to earth?

Are they passionate about life?

Do they treat people with respect?

Are they truthful?

Are they consistent?

Are they gentle?

Are they understanding?

Are they sensitive?

Are they romantic?

Does she have a cat? Im highly allergic so its no cats for me or who I date.

Are they affectionate at home with me and in public...

Do they attend MCC services?

Can they be intimate without being sexual?

Do they believe like me that sex is between two people who love each other.

Do they have a nurturing side?

Are they understanding of the fact that I am trans. I have not transitioned as of yet.

Can I laugh with them about anything?

Can I open up my deepest darkest "secrets" and not feel judged?

Are they understanding about my lack of family?

Are they like me and dont want kids?

Are they like me and can tell by the first kiss if we connect or not?

Do they love to pampered by me doing the little things for them without the expectations that I should.

Can they handle that I am old fashioned when it comes to romance. I wanna pick you up, take you out, and drive you home walk you to your door kiss your hand or forehead dates before our first kiss..

Lastly for now.. Can I without a doubt trust them? Have they shown themselves trustworthy?

[violaine]

spirituality ; inquisitiveness ; acceptance of neurodiversity [for starters] ; animal stewardship ; gentleness + hardcore -

&

taller than i am

[UofMfan]

To me it all comes down to whether they can sing Sesame Street tunes in the middle of the night : )

[key]

[quote=softness;70931]

Originally Posted by key

Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?

so.....you need to "create" yourself to meet the needs of someone else so they will be attracted to you? Am I intepreting this wrong?

I did not interpret it that way. For instance, my dream lover is very self assured (sassy, confident, capable). This woman would most likely want to be with someone equally capable and confident, out there moving and shaking it up in the world. So, I guess in a way it would be fulfilling her needs for me to get more out there, beefing up my self confidence. But really, that is who I want be anyway. Like attracts like right?


I interpreted it to be more of a round about way to motive people to "be all they can be" rather than seeking others to bring these qualities out in them.

[Soft*Silver]

I think I get it. I like the idea of working on yourself to actualize your potential. Its good to do that BEFORE you enter into a dating situation.

I have actually dated a few people based on their potentials and I can promise you, if they havent gotten there on their own, they surely dont have reason to once they got what they want. I refuse to date "potentials" anymore. I date who and what they are at the present time...

I agree that likes attracts. So do opposites, tho. In my own way of thinking, water rises to its own level.

ahh..the beauty of cliches....they are almost as good as

[key]

I definitely prefer to cliches.

If you are willing, can you write more about dating, just dating and enjoying that process.

I am so ambitious, just in life in general, but it spills into my romantic life. I have difficulty not putting a purpose (a label, a goal) to the process. Would like to learn more....if you would care to share.

[Rockinonahigh]

Originally Posted by softness

smiling warmly. Thank you, Rocky...

The pleaure is all mine...

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

The pleaure is all mine...

my eyes crinkle at the sides as I smile, reading this....