FTM place to vent and talk

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Sun

Good Morning All,

Is there a TDOR thread around here? I am wondering what events are goinng on around the country this year. If there is no thread I may start one. The national site is not always updated well and I really want to see this event get more visibility this year.

Thanks!

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...ead.php?t=2926

[Sun]

Originally Posted by Linus

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...ead.php?t=2926

Thanks Linus.

[GraffitiBoi]

Hi guys. Just popping in here to vent for a minute.

I called the trans clininc where I live today so I can get back on T. I was on T for 7 years before having to stop while my regular doctor took care of some medical issues I had. I'm now healthy enough to go back on T (yay!) so I called up my old clinic. Ummm... wtf??? The woman I talked to said because it's been a couple of years I have to start the process over. Intake, eval, therapy, etc. before going on T. Huh? Why? I did all that before. I've also had my top surgery and my hysto (I don't plan on having lower surgery) and have been living as male for 12 years. So explain to me why I have to go through all the hoops again to prove that I'm trans?

I can understand needing to do lab work and physical before being allowed to get my prescription again. That's common sense. But to have to go through the initial eval and therapy that I went through back in 2000 when I first started transition??? It's been 12 years since I started my journey, I'm pretty sure this isn't 'just a phase'. LOL

My family Dr would write me the script, but I want to go through the clinic since they know what to keep an eye out for when I have my labs and follow up appointments.

Anyway... I just needed to get that off my chest and let out a little steam. Thanks for listening!

[Linus]

Originally Posted by GraffitiBoi

Hi guys. Just popping in here to vent for a minute.

I called the trans clininc where I live today so I can get back on T. I was on T for 7 years before having to stop while my regular doctor took care of some medical issues I had. I'm now healthy enough to go back on T (yay!) so I called up my old clinic. Ummm... wtf??? The woman I talked to said because it's been a couple of years I have to start the process over. Intake, eval, therapy, etc. before going on T. Huh? Why? I did all that before. I've also had my top surgery and my hysto (I don't plan on having lower surgery) and have been living as male for 12 years. So explain to me why I have to go through all the hoops again to prove that I'm trans?

I can understand needing to do lab work and physical before being allowed to get my prescription again. That's common sense. But to have to go through the initial eval and therapy that I went through back in 2000 when I first started transition??? It's been 12 years since I started my journey, I'm pretty sure this isn't 'just a phase'. LOL

My family Dr would write me the script, but I want to go through the clinic since they know what to keep an eye out for when I have my labs and follow up appointments.

Anyway... I just needed to get that off my chest and let out a little steam. Thanks for listening!

That sucks! I could see lab work/physical but I'd imagine that unless you stopped because you questioned the choice then it'd make sense to do the rest... Hopefully they make it a quick process (when I started in NYC, they were surprisingly quick for me).

[GraffitiBoi]

Originally Posted by Linus

That sucks! I could see lab work/physical but I'd imagine that unless you stopped because you questioned the choice then it'd make sense to do the rest... Hopefully they make it a quick process (when I started in NYC, they were surprisingly quick for me).

If they schedule me with who I think they will... I can get the script after the first appointment. My appointment is in January. It still bugs me though. As it is I'm struggling with my insurance to cover it. It's not normally covered but I'm fighting it under 'continuity of care.' My employer can go and have it included in the benefits package but our company is just too huge to go that route (very large world-wide corporation.)

[Linus]

Originally Posted by GraffitiBoi

If they schedule me with who I think they will... I can get the script after the first appointment. My appointment is in January. It still bugs me though. As it is I'm struggling with my insurance to cover it. It's not normally covered but I'm fighting it under 'continuity of care.' My employer can go and have it included in the benefits package but our company is just too huge to go that route (very large world-wide corporation.)

Why would be a large company prevent them from having it covered? Lots of large companies have it (e.g., Microsoft, Google, etc.). I'm currently trying to get my company to get it (we also a large global company) but it's been a fight for a while yet.

[GraffitiBoi]

Originally Posted by Linus

Why would be a large company prevent them from having it covered? Lots of large companies have it (e.g., Microsoft, Google, etc.). I'm currently trying to get my company to get it (we also a large global company) but it's been a fight for a while yet.

I should have clarified... It doesn't prevent them from covering it. They are pro LGBT everything. It just makes it a long hard process for me to get it included.

[Hominid]

I'm surprised your regular doctor, after being on it for so long, doesn't feel comfortable prescribing it -

[GraffitiBoi]

Originally Posted by Hominid

I'm surprised your regular doctor, after being on it for so long, doesn't feel comfortable prescribing it -

She'll prescribe it but doesn't know enough to monitor it from a transgender perspective. I had a condition that progressed rapidly due to T use and it wasn't caught. I ended up having surgery to fix the issue, and the damage to several of my internal organs. I'm fine now and will have no more problems when on T again, but my Dr thinks it would be better for me if I go to a clinic that knows more about transgender patients. She's still willing to write the script for me, but I guess I want to play it safe as well.

[DMW]

Originally Posted by GraffitiBoi

So explain to me why I have to go through all the hoops again to prove that I'm trans?

I can understand needing to do lab work and physical before being allowed to get my prescription again. That's common sense. But to have to go through the initial eval and therapy that I went through back in 2000 when I first started transition??? It's been 12 years since I started my journey, I'm pretty sure this isn't 'just a phase'. LOL

My family Dr would write me the script, but I want to go through the clinic since they know what to keep an eye out for when I have my labs and follow up appointments.

Anyway... I just needed to get that off my chest and let out a little steam. Thanks for listening!

Dude, i have been through some of that myself. I moved around for various reasons and i had to do that in...what would be a total of 5 different states, now! OY. Never planned to move so much either. Seriously.
Anyhow, i feel your pain. If it makes you feel any better... I recently had to go through that. I went to a local trans group, with a set plan and goal in mind. First, where are the good trans Dr's.? if any? Interestingly enough the Dr. that was recommended to me by a younger transman, with an assurance that i would get what i needed, i rejected. I went in to the office...bracing myself for the reality that i may have to do the trans 101...information session again...blah blah blah...I did have to do quite a bit.
As this Dr. sees mostly Females. I was told that she doesn't just hand the T out which is good...you know...cause like you said...labs are important.

So, she looked at me and said..."***** i know that you have been on T, you have a beard etc...so, you do not need to show me any writen documention or give my any explanation as to why you need to continue taking it."
She was smiling and laughing at me...
Thank God she was an older Dyke lesbian. I think she is. If she were a femme...i don't know if I would feel so comfortable. I would be shy.
Do you feel that way? Nothing against femmes at ALL! I would just be shy about some topics.

All i can say is...what a relief! So, keep your chin up Graffiti..

[DMW]

Originally Posted by GraffitiBoi

She'll prescribe it but doesn't know enough to monitor it from a transgender perspective. I had a condition that progressed rapidly due to T use and it wasn't caught. I ended up having surgery to fix the issue, and the damage to several of my internal organs. I'm fine now and will have no more problems when on T again, but my Dr thinks it would be better for me if I go to a clinic that knows more about transgender patients. She's still willing to write the script for me, but I guess I want to play it safe as well.

Definately, good to go local and do labs...Sorry that you have had trouble in the past. Sounds like an endocrinologist...etc...and more specialists may be necessary. You don't have to go into details here. I am glad that you are being careful.
Gotta have the labs...after you start...at least 3 months post. I think that you are going the right route and doing the right thing.

[alexri]

I know I'm living a double life. It's draining. I'm myself when I can be, and I'm biologically female when I have to be right now... at work, with family, with friends who don't know. But every now and then I have a public experience that makes me have hope, and makes me see what I'm missing.

While I was out training last weekend, I passed a young girl and her mother on a bike path. I heard the girl say, "he's definitely a boy, but he looks like a girl. He must hate that."

A month ago, in an all women's race, I heard a young boy who was spectating say, "hey there's a guy in the race."

Kids get it before their minds are polluted by society. They question because they want to understand, but they don't judge.

Then, I got "sir'd" at the grocery store last night. I had my hat on, and was looking down, when the cashier said it to me. The glow on my face on the ride home could have lit up NYC.

Now, what I need is courage. The courage to stop thinking of all the "what if's" and go legally change my name. I need the courage this of how to handle this at work, especially knowing I am fully supported by HR. I need the courage to love myself enough to be myself all the time.

[DMW]

Originally Posted by alexri

But every now and then I have a public experience that makes me have hope, and makes me see what I'm missing.

Kids get it before their minds are polluted by society. They question because they want to understand, but they don't judge.

Now, what I need is courage. The courage to stop thinking of all the "what if's" and go legally change my name. I need the courage this of how to handle this at work, especially knowing I am fully supported by HR. I need the courage to love myself enough to be myself all the time.

Alexri,

The hope will grow and those positive experiences will occur for you more often, than not.
Kids do get it before the adults. They just have not been conformed to the norm. They are not fully molded with the gender bias. And surprisingly, either are the majority of adults when given a chance and explanation. I promise...this, is my experience.

And the Courage...YOU ALREADY HAVE COURAGE AND ARE DOING IT!
CHEERS TO YOU! YOU ALREADY HAVE THAT COURAGE Alex.

I am proud of transmen like you. Thank you. And remember, you already
are yourself inside...you always have been.
I am glad that i happened to be around the puter and saw this.
I should subscribe to the thread.

I have done the HR thing as butch...applied to a job as a butch and
had to go to HR after and explain. I just put my driver's license on the desk
of the head of HR and started talking...After of course I told them i needed
a private personal meeting with them.
Feel free to pm. me.

Take care now,
DMW

[alexri]

Did you ever have that point where you're walking past a window or a mirror, and out of the corner of your eye, you see him? You see your reflection, and it's him?

Or when someone's dog comes up to you, and the dog owner says, "that's weird, my dog only acts that way around men"?

I know who I am. All the pieces of the puzzle fit now. It's the explanation for so much in life... the total lack of interest in all girl-centered toys growing up; faking an interest in boy bands in grammar school because that's what I was supposed to like; never, ever feeling comfortable in lesbian bars, feeling like an outsider; the body dysmorphia; the total lack of comfort during certain sexual activities; dressing in men's clothes for over 20 years... and on, and on, and on.

At this point, I am just afraid. Afraid of the rejection. Afraid of the reaction of family, friends and coworkers. Afraid of going through body-altering changes and finding that it made me no happier than I am now.

Somedays I think I can go along faking it. Other days I cringe. Yes I do talk to a therapist about this, and I do belong to a couple of in-person trans social groups who are totally accepting.

Just rambling tonight.

[Crow]

I want to go on record and thank Medusa for not lumping all Trans guys into the same catagory of "femme bashers".

It has been my honor and privilege to have been loved by a femme or two in this lifetime. I would not be who I am today without their kind of love.

There is more than a little to say about the beauty of not having to explain who I am to a femme.

They are the safe place in this world for us.

Thank you ladies. From the bottom of this guys heart.

As to the thread and the question of when to disclose...I have always felt the best approach is honesty. From the start. Deception is never fair in any form.

Crow

[UUDan]

Hi Folks. This is my first post. I am FTM, and just a little under 2 years on T. I'm ready to jump into the dating pool, but I'm finding the pool to be very shallow. I fully "pass" as a biomale now. To look at me, you'd never know I was born female. Anyway, I am interested in dating women. It doesn't much matter to me what they identify as - femme, lesbian, straight, etc... But since I haven't really dated since adopting my new identity, I wasn't sure if asking a straight woman out would be some sort of "false advertising" so to speak. I kinda thought I was going to be limited to the LGBT community as dating options, but now I am starting to question that. Why should I limit myself? If I am attracted to someone, I'd like to feel OK to ask her out. I'm curious to hear from more experienced transguys on this. Have you asked straight girls out? If so, how/when did you disclose you were trans? What were their reactions?

Peace-

Dan

[Linus]

So I'm all excited. I just found out that my company has added full GRS coverage to the benefits program, to the tune of $50,000 (!!). I had tried back in 2008/2009 to get this done but didn't get too far. Recently a transwoman in the company took the lead on this stuff and just hammered HR with facts and figures. This probably explains why my T was covered on the last prescription I picked up.

[DMW]

I recently went through some std testing at a local, county, clinic because I have been with a few women in the past couple of years. I find it very interesting how I am assumed to be a biomale and relieved at that, I must say. That has never really been an issue. The interesting part is needing and wanting appropriate ( broadbased) healthcare for trans people. I guess I have an internal conflict.

So, when asked to piss into a cup for chlamydia, syphilis and other fun stuff...when in fact I was in a room full of biomales...I realized that I may be asked to perform this without a door on the restroom stall. The unknown tends to be a little anxiety inducing.

I wonder about myself and why I didn't want to out myself to the county? It is a struggle. On the questionnaire, FTM male was an option. And i thought it impressive that we are recognized by the county. However, that recognition of trans people could be for legal reasons etc.

Why wouldn't I put myself out there? well, they asked for my soc. sec. number etc. I put it down there and other identifiers. I feel that I always have to consider prejudice and future employment. Other reasons to not devulge my FTM status...some days I just want to be myself and not have to fight a fight. to not have to explain myself or answer questions. Some days my patience for the ignorant is severely limited. Who knows? Lot to ponder. Not that I haven't been here before. I feel that it is a weakness to not stand up and say..."damn right I am FTM and proud of who I am." Maybe that is what is bothering me...I passed up an opportunity to put another one of us on the books...in this state anyway.
Many a time I have come out...many a time. I suppose that is what is bothering me. That I didn't this time.
They did give me a free packet of condoms and I am free of std's.
Funny, FTM's need condoms too.
Ramble.

[PwrFemme]

That's great Linus!!

[PwrFemme]

Originally Posted by UUDan

Hi Folks. This is my first post. I am FTM, and just a little under 2 years on T. I'm ready to jump into the dating pool, but I'm finding the pool to be very shallow. I fully "pass" as a biomale now. To look at me, you'd never know I was born female. Anyway, I am interested in dating women. It doesn't much matter to me what they identify as - femme, lesbian, straight, etc... But since I haven't really dated since adopting my new identity, I wasn't sure if asking a straight woman out would be some sort of "false advertising" so to speak. I kinda thought I was going to be limited to the LGBT community as dating options, but now I am starting to question that. Why should I limit myself? If I am attracted to someone, I'd like to feel OK to ask her out. I'm curious to hear from more experienced transguys on this. Have you asked straight girls out? If so, how/when did you disclose you were trans? What were their reactions?

Peace-



Dan

Dan,

I'm not trans and you didn't ask for thoughts from femmes but I had a thought and decided to share it. When I read your post I thought, "Now if this were a bio male asking a bio female out and he had some certain thing about himself, say that he had a child. Would he disclose this on a date?"

My answer was, "maybe not, maybe he would wait until he felt like something positive was developing between them." I don't know how many dates that would be. And maybe he would feel her out, like ask how she feels about kids, etc.

What I am saying, Dan, is that I don't feel you need to "confess" this information about yourself unless you develop feelings for a woman and want to see if there may be a long lasting relationship, otherwise it's not really her business.