FTM place to vent and talk

[RNguy]

Originally Posted by Greyson

Blake, I think you know recently I had heart surgery. My Mitral Valve needed repair. Also, my heart was in rapid atrial fibrillation. During the surgery the valve was repaired and a procedure called a "maze" was performed on me for the atrial fibrillation.

When I was diagnosed with heart problems back in late February my doctors and I decided it was best for me to stop taking T because of the fast beating heart, atrial fibrillation. The doctors do not think the Mitral Valve malfunction is related to my use of T. However, they cannot rule out the atrial fibrillation as a result of increased T in my body for the past few years.

Starting T was the last phase of my physical transition. (I clarify physical because it is my belief that as far as my insides go, my personality, values, character has not been altered. I could give a more insightful explanation but that is an entirely different and important conversation, IMO.)

Back to the physical side of things, I did research transitioning for about three years before moving forward. I knew some of the dangers could be increased blood pressure, cholesterol goes up and/or liver damage.

It is unsure at this point if I will ever go back on T but in my mind, my physical health is the priority. I still get called "Ma'am" often. When I get referred to as ma'am, I question myself why I twinge. Is it internalized misogyny or is the twinge knowing the truth about myself?

I wish you all the best in resuming taking T. Remember, you are still who you are with or without the T. Also, I think guys like you out in the more conservative areas are heros when you are not in the closet about your gender and/or sexuality.

I appreciate your compliment and open words , feelings always brother .
I totally get the twinge feeling you get . I believe a lot of trans guys experience the twinge quite often .
You know , I posted once on another site about how in junior high , I was forced to see a psychologist who in turn gave me the diagnosis as having GID. My mother was the director over of a behavioral health/chemical dependancy unit at a hospital during this time .
In my 20's , I paid a visit to the same psychologist and expressed alot harbored anger towards his false diagnosis . I never denied nor was ever delusional of my biological gender .
However, was positive I was born in the wrong body for whatever reason .
Many years I have studied in depth of the bodies neuro as well as endocrine systems and in my opinion alone I am a believer that we as trans stems from abnormal hormone imbalances as well as neuro chemical imbalances which occur in utero and is unreversable

That was off topic I know and you are so right that taking T , preop, post op, opting to never take any chemical , hormonal or surgical routes doesn't make anyone less trans or less who they feel internally or externally so I agree with you a lot.
I've spoken to several ftm post op top , bottom and full time T users and I asked one specifically who did intact have liver failure as well as multiple heart issues secondary to the T why he chose to continue the path verses stopping hormone therapy and have his health improve and gain a longer lifespan. His answer was that he'd rather live a year happy as he is on this contined transition than to live 50 years unhappy having decreased testosterone.
That's very admirable to me . It may not be what I would choose but there is no right or wrong choice as long as you are firm and happy with the decision you choose .
Im so happy you are on the healing mend brother !!!!
Its hard to tell why you went into fib so I see why they said they couldn't rule out the T as a cause .