New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

[TheMerryFairy]

I have a question for you all . It is a little off topic but not far off. Have any of you ever been asked by a sexual partner to use gloves or oral dams? What did you do? Did you use them because the other person would feel more comfortable or did you try to find another way to be safe?

I have never been asked but a few friends of mine have and they all seemed to act offended at the remark. I personally wouldn't think it would be an insult but I was curious to see what everybody else thought.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by TheMerryFairy

I have a question for you all . It is a little off topic but not far off. Have any of you ever been asked by a sexual partner to use gloves or oral dams? What did you do? Did you use them because the other person would feel more comfortable or did you try to find another way to be safe?

I have never been asked but a few friends of mine have and they all seemed to act offended at the remark. I personally wouldn't think it would be an insult but I was curious to see what everybody else thought.

I'm coming from the other side. I'm the one who does the asking, or I should say insisting, because unsafe sex is a hard limit for me. When I've found myself dating someone who doesn't share my commitment to safer sex, I absolutely insist on it, and they realise pretty quickly that there's no compromising my hard limit. They must use gloves and condoms if they want to play. Period. I do not prefer dental dams. Saran wrap works better.

I've been surprised at how many women don't insist on playing safely. HIV isn't particularly easy to transmit, but Hep C certainly is, and I know more than enough people in my community who are affected. I don't care at all whether or not anyone finds it insulting. I would find it insulting if someone I was dating couldn't respect my hard limit.

Once I've been dating a person for awhile we may trust each other enough to become fluid bonded. We then get tested, after which we can have sex without gloves and saran wrap, assuming the tests turn out well. If either of us were to play outside the fluid bonded relationship, it would have to be 100% safer sex.

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by TheMerryFairy

I have a question for you all . It is a little off topic but not far off. Have any of you ever been asked by a sexual partner to use gloves or oral dams? What did you do? Did you use them because the other person would feel more comfortable or did you try to find another way to be safe?

I have never been asked but a few friends of mine have and they all seemed to act offended at the remark. I personally wouldn't think it would be an insult but I was curious to see what everybody else thought.

My answer to this is getting tested before sex, tested regularly when I get a PAP, and a waiting period before sex. This is the grown-up me answer. The 20-something me had unsafe/unprotected sex. I will not do this again. I do not like things that impede sensation, so I don't like gloves or dams. I would honestly prefer to wait than to use them and have sex sooner.

How can you be offended by someone valuing their own life (and yours indirectly) enough to demand safe sexual practices!? To me *that* is sexy.

[TheMerryFairy]

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

My answer to this is getting tested before sex, tested regularly when I get a PAP, and a waiting period before sex. This is the grown-up me answer. The 20-something me had unsafe/unprotected sex. I will not do this again. I do not like things that impede sensation, so I don't like gloves or dams. I would honestly prefer to wait than to use them and have sex sooner.

How can you be offended by someone valuing their own life (and yours indirectly) enough to demand safe sexual practices!? To me *that* is sexy.

Me too.

I get tested regularly and I am always using protection unless my own toys are being used on me and even then I have to have things my way LOL

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

My answer to this is getting tested before sex, tested regularly when I get a PAP, and a waiting period before sex. This is the grown-up me answer. The 20-something me had unsafe/unprotected sex. I will not do this again. I do not like things that impede sensation, so I don't like gloves or dams. I would honestly prefer to wait than to use them and have sex sooner.

How can you be offended by someone valuing their own life (and yours indirectly) enough to demand safe sexual practices!? To me *that* is sexy.

A simple reminder about any antibody testing.....HIV/Hep/Herpes/_____

The test only tells you your status on the day the blood/saliva was drawn. It takes 3-6 months (it can take shorter or longer though not commonly) to develop antibodies to any antigen (virus in this case). So.......do the math.

To truly say you are HIV or _____ negative you need a minimum of 2 tests and to be damn sure you need 3 tests. You also have to completely trust someone has not exchanged body fluids with another person anytime after the baseline test is drawn. The baseline test is today, the 2nd test is 6 months later and a 3rd test is one year from the baseline. Some folks say you are fine if baseline is neg, another test at 3 months and another at 6 months.

Direct antigen testing is available....meaning you can test for the virus itself (not the antibody). The test is called a PCR and it is used to follow viral load in HIV/HepC folks to monitor treatment. Insurance will probably not pay for it to find out if you are HIV/Hep C positive and it's not cheap when you pay cash. Doctors will just tell you to get the antibody test.

[Toughy]

Oh........I'm with Cheryl about gloves, condoms, and saran wrap......I don't have sex without those things. If you are not willing then we may as well go bowling.....

Fluid bonding is a precious trust thing and I have only done it twice in my life. The first time it was a poly relationship (lasted 16 yrs) and the second time it was a sexually monogamous relationship, but poly when it came to kink.

I have been practicing safer sex since like 1988.........

[pinkgeek]

Toughy speaks the truth. The current window periods as set by CDC are as follows: HIV - 3 months, HepC - 6 months BUT, both HIV and HepC can and more often than not show up before 3 or 6 months. HepB has to be tested for by blood test.

The current rapid HIV tests at most DOH funded agencies are actually more sensitive than the Western Blot we use to confirm a positive in agency HIV test.

The reason most agencies will not give you an HIV negative "certificate" is that we can only honestly say you are HIV negative for the 20 minutes you spend in our office. If you walk out the door and have sex 45 minutes later...or you lied about your last potential exposure....the test is not an accurate representation of status....If you find a tester willing to risk their state issued tester number by giving you a piece of paper that says you are negative, be very very wary.

If you are tested by blood draw on a Dr. order the lab or your Dr. might give you confirmation letter of some kind, but again - if someone shows it to you use your head and do the math.

More food for thought.

Originally Posted by Toughy

A simple reminder about any antibody testing.....HIV/Hep/Herpes/_____

The test only tells you your status on the day the blood/saliva was drawn. It takes 3-6 months (it can take shorter or longer though not commonly) to develop antibodies to any antigen (virus in this case). So.......do the math.

To truly say you are HIV or _____ negative you need a minimum of 2 tests and to be damn sure you need 3 tests. You also have to completely trust someone has not exchanged body fluids with another person anytime after the baseline test is drawn. The baseline test is today, the 2nd test is 6 months later and a 3rd test is one year from the baseline. Some folks say you are fine if baseline is neg, another test at 3 months and another at 6 months.

Direct antigen testing is available....meaning you can test for the virus itself (not the antibody). The test is called a PCR and it is used to follow viral load in HIV/HepC folks to monitor treatment. Insurance will probably not pay for it to find out if you are HIV/Hep C positive and it's not cheap when you pay cash. Doctors will just tell you to get the antibody test.

[Ascot]

Neither have I been asked to buy new toys nor have I ever offered. What with the way things can be cleaned and sterilized, I have never felt the need. I like what always2late had to say about not being able to swap out her parts, so why put that expectation on a lover just because it's possible? Too, I sometimes like to erotically incorporate condoms. You know...hooker/client, priest/confesser etc.