New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

[always2late]

I think that perhaps one of the problems here is that we all have different definitions of what "toys" are. To clarify my feelings on this matter....toys can be replaced, organs can not (and if you are wondering if I think that a cock that a person strongly identifies with, a cock that is theirs, is an organ...yes, I do). And, just for the record, I think that asking, or expecting, someone to replace a part of themselves is the very OPPOSITE of respect! I use condoms, and my partners have all been scrupulously clean when it comes to their cocks AND their toys. However, if your partner has no issue with replacing either, and you desire a replacement...then have at it!

[Jess]

I used to have a rule... Girl cleans the toys. Not only was it part of the ritual, it was my way of assuring the toys were cleaned to her satisfaction. After all, if they are going inside her then she sets the standard of cleanliness when she cleans them , ( I am stone so it doesn't happen that way, though I know some butches/ ftm's also enjoy penetration, so that wasn't an assumptive statement, simply my history) ... My cock, I clean.

[Toughy]

First: One night stands are NOT dangerous. Practice safer sex and you are just fine. Serial monogamy without safer sex is far more dangerous.

Second: Yikes!! This is in the Femme Forum..........I never look.

There is a whole bunch of sex negative and body negative stuff going on in here.

Ok what I am trying to figure out is this idea that you go buy new equipment together BEFORE you have sex. Talk about ruining the spontaneity of the moment. So we have been on a couple of dates and the attraction is obvious and I take you home and it gets hot and heavy........STOP.....cannot have sex.......don't have new equipment, would be disrespectful. Do folks sit down and talk about sex and equipment and all that stuff before they fuck? That would make me nuts. Sex is spontaneous in my world. I don't need to talk about boundaries and all that before the first time. I pay attention to my partner and her reactions to every single thing I do. I can tell if she likes it or does not like it. If she sees my cock and thinks it's wrong for her then hers comes out.....that is not much more than two or three sentences. I promise she can tell the same thing about me....whether I like what she is doing or do not like it. If this is going to continue then of course there will be longer conversations.

I am kinky and boundaries are critical in our world. I don't ever play with someone without having a basic hard no conversation....which can last less than 5 minutes. If play is going to happen more often then it gets more serious about the yes/no list.

What's that you say honey? You've had other chaps cocks in your mouth and you want me to kiss you?

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by Toughy

First: [B][I]

Ok what I am trying to figure out is this idea that you go buy new equipment together BEFORE you have sex. Talk about ruining the spontaneity of the moment. So we have been on a couple of dates and the attraction is obvious and I take you home and it gets hot and heavy........STOP.....cannot have sex.......don't have new equipment, would be disrespectful. Do folks sit down and talk about sex and equipment and all that stuff before they fuck? That would make me nuts. Sex is spontaneous in my world. I don't need to talk about boundaries and all that before the first time. I pay attention to my partner and her reactions to every single thing I do. I can tell if she likes it or does not like it. If she sees my cock and thinks it's wrong for her then hers comes out.....that is not much more than two or three sentences. I promise she can tell the same thing about me....whether I like what she is doing or do not like it. If this is going to continue then of course there will be longer conversations.

Much of the conversation happens during the normal discourse of dating, not a formal 'lay it all on the table' event. If, during the normal course of courtship (love that word/term/concept), I still have doubts/questions/concerns, I do initiate directed conversations. Does it kill the mood? It sometimes postpones the mood. If the mood is that 'fleeting' and 'wanton' then it's not what I want to invest in anyway.

It just takes paying attention for the most part. But, not everyone has the same set of lenses through which they interpret others. So, I think this means we all we can pay attention and still miss important details and need to verbally ask.