Too much honesty?

When did 'sensitive' become such a perjorative?

[puddin']

i neva thought it did, or should be pejorative. honest is honest. bring it on, but be respectful as you say it... no need to be intentionally hurtful.

[blush]

Originally Posted by Daktari

When did 'sensitive' become such a perjorative?

About the time it became a synonym for weak or hysterical. Rarely is the word sensitive used in a neutral way. Context is everything, and I'm sure we can cough up examples of it being a compliment. It is usually (especially on the context of this conversation), leveled at people to excuse bad behavior. As in: "you're too sensitive, all I said was you look like elephant riding a bike! C'mon! That's funny!"

It places the responsibility of being "too sensitive" on the offended. The responsibility is on the offender for being "too much of a tool."

[Dude]

Honesty is hard, sometimes awkward and many times embarrassing
but I give it and want it.

I have learned to say things like , I liked your hair better before

I have been reading everything I can get my hands on about
passive aggressive behaviour and how to not get sucked into it myself ,
with a few co workers.
What I have read is it is also a form of dishonesty.
If people cant be honest with themselves about how they are
feeling and why , they sure as hell ain't gonna be honest with you.
The only healthy option is to disengage and not get caught up in the crazy making.

I told myself , I was stinky today. Stress sweat is way stinkier
The people who tell me I've got grease on my face or my zipper
is down are all keepers. The people who let me walk around like
that all fucking day , not so much.
Boogers are a part of life too and I want to know about them if one should come a creepin ( sure as shit , you know they will , somehow , someway , someday)
I have one friend at work who asks me if any bats are coming out of his cave.
I don't like looking but he knows I wont lie and I like that.

I am sensitive. I think the good parts of me would not be there, if I was not.
I've had people keep the truth from me , deciding for me whether
I could handle it or not. If you want to insult me to the core , do this.
That is a form of codependency (control) and not welcomed in my world.
If you deserve the truth , so do I.

I could not be with someone who did not appreciate attractive people.
You have to have trust to do that comfortably.
Trust comes from honesty on every level , at least for me.
Never is there too much honesty but kindness in the delivery are huge to the outcome.

[Girl_On_Fire]

Originally Posted by blush

About the time it became a synonym for weak or hysterical. Rarely is the word sensitive used in a neutral way. Context is everything, and I'm sure we can cough up examples of it being a compliment. It is usually (especially on the context of this conversation), leveled at people to excuse bad behavior. As in: "you're too sensitive, all I said was you look like elephant riding a bike! C'mon! That's funny!"

It places the responsibility of being "too sensitive" on the offended. The responsibility is on the offender for being "too much of a tool."

*laughs* You make a good point. I can only speak for myself but I use the word "sensitive" in this particular context, I mean someone who has a past history of being abused (in childhood particularly) and is therefore hard-wired to take what might be perceived as gentle criticisms or generic observations of behavior as an onslaught or attack.

I am in no way criticising anyone who falls into this category as I fall into it myself. I used to be an incredibly defensive person who reacted to a slight practically before it even occurred. It took me time to realize that not everybody on the planet was out to hurt me but it was I who had to do the hard work and make changes. Nobody else could have done that for me.

I just find, for me, I am not emotionally compatible with people who are that much like me in that respect. After seriously dating two people who were both sensitive and reactionary in this way, I discovered I need a different dynamic. Someone who is more calm and easy-going to balance out my anxious, fiery nature. Two anxious and easily-triggered people can have a difficult time staying together because even minor arguments or disagreements can quickly escalate into flashbacks to the past.

When in a relationship of this kind, it can get to the point where one or both parties are simply holding their breath and walking on eggshells all the time. Forget honesty, you don't even know if you can exhale. This is incredibly unhealthy.

Can anyone else relate?

[Sun]

Originally Posted by blush

About the time it became a synonym for weak or hysterical. Rarely is the word sensitive used in a neutral way. Context is everything, and I'm sure we can cough up examples of it being a compliment. It is usually (especially on the context of this conversation), leveled at people to excuse bad behavior. As in: "you're too sensitive, all I said was you look like elephant riding a bike! C'mon! That's funny!"

It places the responsibility of being "too sensitive" on the offended. The responsibility is on the offender for being "too much of a tool."

Context is everything for sure. When I used the term "highly sensitive person" I was referring to the psychological profile HSP. I have experienced the HSP in a long term partner and in discussion regarding personality types. There is a book called "The Highly Sensitive Person" that helped me to understand my long term partner who self identified as HSP. One trait of the HSP that I experienced is that she was "easily overwhelmed" by things that may not bother some other people such as violent television programming, graphic images of violence, someone yelling, humankind's general inhumanity toward humankind or cruelty toward animals.

This ex partner is a very gentle, kind, loving soul. There were times when she took feedback very badly even when delivered in a gentle kind way. I am not referring to feedback that came from me about any of the subjects that were listed in the OP but feedback from parents, co workers, classmates. Perhaps to say that there is an emotionally fragile aspect to her would be a good way of putting it. That very kind, gentle soul is very lovely and very much introverted. When I read the book The Highly Sensitive Person, and discussed this with a few friends, they too read the book and said that they could relate to many traits. In this forum, I was not clear that HSP may not be a term that is readily used or understood. My error.

So..the word "sensitive" is not for me a synonym for weak or hysterical and never have I personally told anyone that they were being "too sensitive". Everyone is different and when feedback is given in a romantic relationship (meaning a relationship where two people have agreed that they are together in a relationship and are working toward the health of that relationship) it is still my opinion that delivery is everything.

Anyone who really knows me would say that I am sensitive. I think that this has its positive and negative aspects. That is fine with me. When it comes to the health and welfare of innocent animals or children who can not defend themselves my level of sensitivity goes up. That is just a part of who I am and I am ok with that. Insensitive cruel mean spirited people do not last long in my realm.

[blush]

Just to be clear, I wasn't calling out other posters who mentioned "sensitivity" in their posts. It's a tricky word, and we all come to it with different schema.

I can be passive aggressive, but not THAT passive aggressive.

[Sun]

Originally Posted by blush

Just to be clear, I wasn't calling out other posters who mentioned "sensitivity" in their posts. It's a tricky word, and we all come to it with different schema.

I can be passive aggressive, but not THAT passive aggressive.

It is a tricky word and with so many ways of defining it, it is probably good to discuss it

I appreciate your perspective.