Friends of Bill W.

Yeah, we have a guy or two in this area who are still using and prey on female newcomers. There are quite a number of females and female bodied folks (me) who now monitor this guy's behaviour at meetings and we don't allow him to spend time alone with newcomers. We found he was then preying on the newcomers outside meetings when on public transport to and from meetings. We now try to ensure that female newcomers get lifts wherever possible, just whilst they gain a little strength of their own to deal with this chump.

I suspect that local members are well aware of these folks behaviour in your area; I would suggest speaking to the group servants quietly, or taking the issue to the next group conscience meeting if you feel unable to deal with it on your own...and really, why should you deal with on your own, this is a 'we' programme.

In the NA fellowship there is an IP literature leaflet that deals with inappropriate behaviour at meetings which covers situations like this and others. Does AA have a similar piece of lit.?

Nothing and no-one should keep you from attending the meetings you wish to attend.

I hope you resolve this so that you can go back to meetings comfortably and get re-filled with hope and gratitude.

ILF

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 22

Clever Me

I am clever, I am so clever, everyone knows it and I know it, too. So, why do I get slam stuck on the very simple things required to keep my life running smoothly? I know what needs to be done, yet have no clue as to how to accomplish these threads of minutia. I stall; panic, plod, pout. When I do force myself to do it I end up creating either a new pile of impossible incidentals or some anticlimactic end, but secret solutions are as of yet undiscovered. The whip, the lash and the club avail nothing though sweet enticements do no better. I pray, “Dear G-d please help me!” but this has no point, I don’t want the help, I am afraid of the help, I am afraid of the change and of course who wouldn’t be? Beyond here lay someone I don’t know, someone I only fear, beyond here lay the fearless me and I am clever enough to be afraid of her.



Fill the potholes in your thinking



*

THE PROCESS

The mountains don't wash away like sandcastles
The amount of persistence required is far greater.
Acorns don't work like sunflowers
Not everything is instant gratification.

Marathons aren't run in seconds
If you don't love the whole adventure, pick a smaller goal
There is no shame in sunflowers or sandcastles or microwave popcorn
As long as you want it and hold it in esteem

Time-consuming, life-consuming journeys
Have a high price in boredom
And are not worth the consumption
If that is not where your heart leads you

You don't have to love washing the pans
To be a good baker
But it helps
Peace is in the process.

[nanners]

Hi, I'm new to this thread, and pretty new to this site, although I registered quite some time back, I only came back every couple months, so I really don't know many people except those I knew from BF Dance.

Long story short, I am now in recovery, for 2 addictions. OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and DA (Debtor's Anonymous) and attend weekly meetings and have a sponsor for each program. I'm glad to see this thread, and will probably post in it a bit.

Right now, my biggest struggle is going off sugar again (I was off sugar for almost 6 months, then had a relapse last month when a friend died that I had been taking care of, he was a using alcoholic and died from liver disease and AIDS). I am ready to dive deep into my program, starting at Step One again.

Thank you all for being here!

Hey nanners, welcome to the thread

[Sweetfeme]

I am in 2 twelve step programs and so grateful I have found this thread!!
Like one of the posters above I too am right infront of a big shift in my life, a huge release is about to come and I am scared to death of where it leaves me.
I am though also REALLY looking forward to it because I KNOW there is a GIFT on the otherside!!

Have a blessed day!!

Welcome to the thread Sweetfeme

I identify; I'm another who is facing up to mega change in my physical, mental and emotional landscape. Like you, despite being skeered silly, I'm pretty excited about what's to come.

Step 3 update:
What an amazing evening we had sharing of ourselves. We shall finish sharing the step next week. I'm so grateful that each time we do this stuff I learn more about Ms.Sponsorliscious and feel more able to trust her as we go along in the process.

Thanks again to Sherrie and all you who share your experience, strength and hope when asked to do so.

[DMW]

I was pondering regarding difficulties with step 3.
I remind myself the concept of " progress and not perfection"
I am not perfect...ego and self will run riot will try and convince
Me that I can be and that i am in total control of everything.
I am not really in control. Higher Power knows that I am not perfect.
Letting go of the idea and self will and control...is freedom from
The bondage of self.

Thanks for sharing All,
Gotta go to work.

[ManOMan]

Originally Posted by Sweetfeme

I am in 2 twelve step programs and so grateful I have found this thread!!
Like one of the posters above I too am right infront of a big shift in my life, a huge release is about to come and I am scared to death of where it leaves me.
I am though also REALLY looking forward to it because I KNOW there is a GIFT on the otherside!!

Have a blessed day!!

Ain't growth grand - LOL!

I've been able to get through a lot of very hairy stuff and still not pick up.
Have I done it all gracefully? Not! But that has gotten easier with time.

I'm grateful for my spiritual practice. Without my prayer and meditation,
my life would be very, very different.

[nanners]

I did it! I was abstinent from sugar all day yesterday, even through a sad time of my friend having to put her two dogs down...previously I would have stopped at a store on my way home and gotten something with loads of sugar in it and started eating it in the car before I even got home.

But, I did it...with ease....who know why some days are easier than others, but all I can do is thank my HP for that.

Have to get ready for my OA meeting now...

Have a blessed day!

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 23

Suddenly


Creeping realization has never been my experience with G-d’s handy work in my kitchen. I start out making a mess and I find in short order that G-d has made a meal; fit food for apt hunger. I could throw myself into the kneading and shaping, but without the yeast which is so freely given I have no bread; only a lump that will choke me in the end. Even my very own abilities are gifts I was incapable of offering to myself and are only found here in my possession through sheer grace. I have woken up with my face saliva glued to the table top far too often only to discover my Higher Power doing and I am grateful; for without that action I would be un-done.



Learn to live with the shadow of the moon


*


HOW RED IS RED

I check my color and contrast
I paint the setting sun
Add a bit of yellow
And fill to the edge burgeoning poppies

Add more blue and paint the blood
Which pools around my mind
The equalizer of all my mental conversations

Too much is never enough, as the story goes
I pursue my shades and signatures
Too much for the fingers and not enough for the toes
I disregard fraudulent crimson

I scale the mountains of intention looking for perfection
The leach of my addiction drains the other colors from my rainbow
My sponsor asks only one question
"How red is red?"

Originally Posted by nanners

I did it! I was abstinent from sugar all day yesterday, even through a sad time of my friend having to put her two dogs down...previously I would have stopped at a store on my way home and gotten something with loads of sugar in it and started eating it in the car before I even got home.

But, I did it...with ease....who know why some days are easier than others, but all I can do is thank my HP for that.

Have to get ready for my OA meeting now...

Have a blessed day!

There in lies the secret, you didn't do it alone, your HP gave you the tools to deal with...

No matter what, where I cannot we can!

Good going on 24hrs without sugar.

[Gráinne]

Way to go; I think sugar is really hard to stay abstinent from. It's almost culturally acceptable, even expected, to splurge on sweets.

Again, not to get off the subject, but sugars are very closely related on a molecular level to alcohols, and break down in the body to similar substances.

[ManOMan]

Originally Posted by nanners

I did it! I was abstinent from sugar all day yesterday, even through a sad time of my friend having to put her two dogs down...previously I would have stopped at a store on my way home and gotten something with loads of sugar in it and started eating it in the car before I even got home.

But, I did it...with ease....who know why some days are easier than others, but all I can do is thank my HP for that.

Have to get ready for my OA meeting now...

Have a blessed day!

One day can turn into two and then three. Stay close, stay prayed up.

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 24

Water Buddha


The longer on the river I am the less I fear the river. I still don’t know what lay ahead, anything may wait for me just around the next bend, but I fear this less and less. Experience is a great foundation no matter what you are building or in which direction. I’ve gotten my sea-legs, a sure sign of the mind cooperating with the realities the body is experiencing. I have learned to avoid some forms of trouble and anticipate fortune more often. Further on could be waterfall, ocean, dam; I will contend with any or all, come what may, for when it comes to riding the river I have learned the most important thing: I don’t need to push.



Be left, be right, be yourself



*

THE ORDER

I can't expect delivery if I haven't placed the order
I never seem to know what I want
Until after I have accepted something else.

I can remember thinking order meant procedure not procurement
Set the table, not end my hunger
I focused on rational intent and turned my face from desire

Assailing outcomes leads to disappointments
Asking for a hole to be filled may cause dumping
Not management or conservation

It's good to have a plan before signing the requisition
Please help me know who I am
So I know what I want

I can make a request and stop accepting orders of attack
Don't let me order the end
While I am still at the beginning

[ManOMan]

In the NA fellowship there is an IP literature leaflet that deals with inappropriate behaviour at meetings which covers situations like this and others. Does AA have a similar piece of lit.?

ILF [/COLOR][/QUOTE]

If there is such a pamphlet in AA, I am unaware of it. I happen to have the literature commitment at my Wed. night meeting, so the next time I go to the central office I can ask.

Actually at that particular meeting we have an old guy (83) that's inappropriate in general. He claims 32 years, but he's still an A-hole. He's also got the beginning stages of Alzheimer's and it exacerbates the situation. I think it's the only meeting he's physically able to get to. We've had several conversations and the secretary called NY. What they said was the secretary can 86 someone. We've all prayed a lot about this. What we came up with is that he as an assigned chair that keeps him in the back of the room. He's been told that if he doesn't like it, there's the door.

'Our common welfare should come first', so if there are people that push beyond the scope of "Love and tolerance", they can be asked to leave.

I'm glad that there are people that are willing to get involved to make meetings a safe place for everyone. Meetings are way too important.

[o222Good]

Originally Posted by Daktari

In the NA fellowship there is an IP literature leaflet that deals with inappropriate behaviour at meetings which covers situations like this and others. Does AA have a similar piece of lit.?

This is from Page 119 of the 12 and 12:
"It is only where "boy meets girl on A.A. campus," and love follows at first sight, that difficulties may develop. The prospective partners need to be solid A.A's and long enough acquainted to know that their compatibility at spiritual, mental, and emotional levels is a fact and not wishful thinking. They need to be sure as possible that no deep-lying emotional handicap in either will be likely to rise up under pressures to cripple them."

It's known as the 13th Step and usually is not good. An oldtimer once said, "Do not do the Steps out of order, and that goes for the 13th Step too!"

13th Steppers are frowned upon. Group officers should nip it in the bud! Going up to the offender and telling them to discuss it with their sponsor is good. (Many times it turns out they don't have a sponsor, which is where the problem lies in the first place!)

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 27

New Borne


What happens when you finally get what you want, what you barely dared to dream? What happens when you can hardly do more than drip tears down from smiling eyes? Where do you go with a future filled with proposed joy? Heaven is an option if only you believed, but hell has been such a perennial destination it’s hard to realize there will be no return trip this year or possibly ever again. The work required to change from an attitude of longing to one of satisfaction is as real as all the work needed thus far. Tending love is a host of disciplines I want to step to, like I have done it all my life, like I was born to do it and I was, yet, still growth is accompanied by its own pain and awkwardness and who am I to deny this treat. Any new life worth living is worth the pain to bear it.




Turn up your smile

*


FEELINGS

Getting my feelings back
Was like a package delivered.
Not a letter bomb
More like live squid or bait of some kind
It was something to catch me out there.

I think overcoming the shock
Was more or less the small part
Though it seemed to loom at the time.
The squirming, the writhing of my soul
Was like a pregnancy following a bad dream.

I wondered how this became a part of me.
I squandered my days
Hoping it would leave quietly some night soon.
Like all difficult relationships
I attempted to hold my breath through it.

Failing this, I tried to offer my feelings a guest wing in my heart
And a never ending supply of tea and cookies.
When the reality of life with feelings planted itself firmly in me
I let out my breath, stopped the hostess act
And endeavored to roll with it.

This worked well.
I have since invested in a wet-suit and fins
The squid are much easier to live with
When I meet them on their turf.

Originally Posted by o222Good

This is from Page 119 of the 12 and 12:
"It is only where "boy meets girl on A.A. campus," and love follows at first sight, that difficulties may develop. The prospective partners need to be solid A.A's and long enough acquainted to know that their compatibility at spiritual, mental, and emotional levels is a fact and not wishful thinking. They need to be sure as possible that no deep-lying emotional handicap in either will be likely to rise up under pressures to cripple them."

It's known as the 13th Step and usually is not good. An oldtimer once said, "Do not do the Steps out of order, and that goes for the 13th Step too!"

13th Steppers are frowned upon. Group officers should nip it in the bud! Going up to the offender and telling them to discuss it with their sponsor is good. (Many times it turns out they don't have a sponsor, which is where the problem lies in the first place!)

Thanks o222good, I heard about the 13 steppers. Infact as a wee 22yr old active alchy I was prey to more than one or two when I came to the fellowships in the 80s

However, it wasn't me who was wanting advice about what to do when encountering such behaviour in meetings. I was just trying help, like yourself.

I've been looking for an online pdf copy of the NA 'behaviour in meetings' leaflet but can't find one.

I'm really surprised that AA doesn't have the same.

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 28

Feelings/Facts

Delay is when I don’t deal with the tack, don’t deal with the finish nail, land up with a 12 penny in my heel and think about waiting for the railroad spike. Rebellion is when I run through the razor-wire fence expecting to make a clean get away. If I don’t socialize my problems when they are puppies all hope is lost when faced with the big dogs. Exiting out the fifth story window is suicide in fact, but in my thinking I am merely rebelling. Willingness and cooperation make a dynamic duo; powerful combatants of delay, rebellion, many other joy killing, life stealing foe. A life led with cooperation and willingness is not necessarily perfection, but it often feels that way.




Coax loose your tangled frustrations



*

FUTURE TENTS

The future seeps in through the windows
Like the dawn steeling across the sky
Once I inhale it, I am out of doors
Only the lightest of canvas covering me

The opening, flaps in the breeze
The wind of unbidden things echoes
Off the wall of people
Shut out from this adventure

I brace myself for the cutting current
But am greeted by the softest of zephyrs
I duck out
I stand unfettered

Lonely whispers call
But I am isolated
The scene is empty, serene and beautiful
There are other tents

Other seekers standing on other hills
But they see their own futures
From the vantage of their own tents
And thankfully I am left to see mine

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 29

Yes, Virginia there is a solution

Suspended in the colloid of sobriety the overly large molecule, which is me, finds a fix I couldn’t imagine. I can get better, I do get better, I have a set of values to substitute into the old equations. I now live in a mixture where there is one thing in common and all the rest are variants which ordinarily don’t mix. The scientific method is entry to homogenous living; a concept that never made it to the table in my days as a rogue element. And with all this on board, the thing I love the best is that it grows; what I can do and how I can do it is an ever widening frame of reference, even things which were once outside of my view are now possible. I am grateful that there is a solution; I am amazed that it is the solution to everything.





Rethink awkward restriction


*

CRAZY

I try on crazy
The way I sometimes get out the jump rope
And see if all those muscles still work.

The unemployed, unexploited
Fallow nature of my once fertile insanity
Saddens me in an odd way

Today is a place
I stand in stiff comfort
Even though it has taken concerted effort to get here

There are days I slip from reality
The way I can slip off a chair
I no longer allow myself to lounge on the floor

Pride is not so much the issue as hygiene
Crazy is bad for my health
I gave it up like cigarettes or romance novels

I don't have enough time
Or insurance for these dalliances
Though I do remember them all with fondness