What makes a Butch "Butch"

psykftm · 04-16-2013, 05:17 AM

are you saying that your girlfriend is the dominate one in the relationship? you can say that you are submissive, or have submissive tendencies, it's ok lol. own them![/QUOTE]

Funny we just got into it yesterday over this and my girlfriend said I make her feel like more of a femme, which is upsetting to her as a butch. I'm thinking it's due to my insecurities, because the second you try to 'pin' submissiveness on me lol, my mind goes "hey now wait a minute". Who knows maybe I just don't know how to be a dom. Or maybe I am submissive, or both...its going to be a freakin enigma to me for awhile it looks like.

DapperButch · 04-16-2013, 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by psykbutch

are you saying that your girlfriend is the dominate one in the relationship? you can say that you are submissive, or have submissive tendencies, it's ok lol. own them!

Funny we just got into it yesterday over this and my girlfriend said I make her feel like more of a femme, which is upsetting to her as a butch. I'm thinking it's due to my insecurities, because the second you try to 'pin' submissiveness on me lol, my mind goes "hey now wait a minute". Who knows maybe I just don't know how to be a dom. Or maybe I am submissive, or both...its going to be a freakin enigma to me for awhile it looks like.[/QUOTE]

Is it possible you both are consciously or unconsciously looking to have the "butch-femme dance", in your relationship, even though you are two butches? It seems like you both struggle with not feeling like "the butch" in the relationship. Can't you both be butch and just have your "own dance"? What about the butch-butch dance?

My point is...get what you expect out of your head and just go with the flow...don't label it.

Good luck.

psykftm · 04-16-2013, 07:16 AM

Is it possible you both are consciously or unconsciously looking to have the "butch-femme dance", in your relationship, even though you are two butches? It seems like you both struggle with not feeling like "the butch" in the relationship. Can't you both be butch and just have your "own dance"? What about the butch-butch dance?

My point is...get what you expect out of your head and just go with the flow...don't label it.

Good luck.[/QUOTE]

That is a good point-I think maybe unconsciously we do both get into these moments of the butch-femme dance. She does not struggle with her identity at all..."I'm Dee" she says. I still really struggle with how others see me, and how they will construct me in their minds. Just the other day I had some customer say I would look better with long hair. That to me is on the list of some of the worst things a person could say to me. I haven't learned how to roll it off my shoulder yet

I think my rationality is that if I fit a stereotype first, and be accepted, then I can relax into myself later but that is likely flawed I'm thinkin lol

wahya · 04-16-2013, 08:51 AM

This is an interesting thread. I am not all that great with words I am better one on one talking.(not txting email or phone) But for me being butch I never tried to analyze myself. Being a mother & grandmother my main character trait is my protective nature. But when you meet me you know I have more masculine traits than femme. Yeah I have been mistaken for a guy plenty of times. It used to bug me but now I just chuckle or in a harmless way embarrass them. But I know they are already embarrassed but at least maybe now they will take the time with other people and pay attention to them. I love who I am and being butch is right up there with my native pride.

~ocean · 04-16-2013, 08:56 AM

birth makes a butch a butch ~ just my personal opinion ~

Chancie · 04-16-2013, 09:00 AM

My Pete is a butch because she says she's a butch.

She's my boy because I say she's my boy.

rustedrims · 04-16-2013, 09:07 AM

For me and only speaking for myself.The circumstance that makes me feel most like a Butch is being in the presents of Pretty Femmes.Being around the ladies really brings it out for me.

StrongButch · 04-16-2013, 11:10 AM

I was born butch! Its my energy.

macele · 04-17-2013, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by psykbutch

are you saying that your girlfriend is the dominate one in the relationship? you can say that you are submissive, or have submissive tendencies, it's ok lol. own them!

Funny we just got into it yesterday over this and my girlfriend said I make her feel like more of a femme, which is upsetting to her as a butch. I'm thinking it's due to my insecurities, because the second you try to 'pin' submissiveness on me lol, my mind goes "hey now wait a minute". Who knows maybe I just don't know how to be a dom. Or maybe I am submissive, or both...its going to be a freakin enigma to me for awhile it looks like.[/QUOTE]

time helps with learning about ourselves. most need to go through the labels in order to work it all out in our minds and hearts. we all are unique. you are your own butch. there's not another you in this whole wide world. keep what works, ... throw the rest back.

puddin' · 04-20-2013, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by macele

I'm thinking it's due to my insecurities...

i'm curious as to why it's about YOUR insecurities?

macele · 04-20-2013, 03:03 PM

hey puddin'. i meant to bold my text so that it wouldn't all blend. psykbutch is discussing insecurities. i do have them though lol.

Ascot · 04-20-2013, 03:32 PM

Scratch everything I previously said. Clearly what makes me butch is the fact that my bowling ball looks like an 8-ball.

QueenofSmirks · 08-24-2013, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by psykbutch

Funny we just got into it yesterday over this and my girlfriend said I make her feel like more of a femme, which is upsetting to her as a butch. I'm thinking it's due to my insecurities, because the second you try to 'pin' submissiveness on me lol, my mind goes "hey now wait a minute". Who knows maybe I just don't know how to be a dom. Or maybe I am submissive, or both...its going to be a freakin enigma to me for awhile it looks like.

I've seen some posts in this thread that have suggested you and your girlfriend have some subconscious interest in the "butch-femme" dance. I don't really understand that, it seems to imply that some type of power dynamic equates a butch-femme relationship :: shrug :: In any case, I think you can also drop the assumption that one of you must be "submissive." There *is* such a thing as just being a bottom, or a receiver, all times, sometimes, or once in a blue moon. It doesn't have to "mean" anything except that you like sex the way you like it. You don't need to put a label on it.

Lastly, you've mentioned a couple of times that you and your girlfriend may be incompatible when it comes to BDSM - I hope you find a way to work it out, to both your satisfaction.

04-16-2013, 08:56 AM	#5
~ocean Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme blows a kiss off my finger tips * Preferred Pronoun?: ~ hey girl ~ Relationship Status: ~ single & content ~ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Massachusetts ~coastal Posts: 7,905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22,958 Thanked 16,018 Times in 4,724 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	birth makes a butch a butch ~ just my personal opinion ~ __________________ ~ Always, ocean

04-16-2013, 09:07 AM	#7
rustedrims Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Northern Ohio close to Lake Erie and ice-cream places Posts: 444 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,123 Thanked 2,553 Times in 367 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Just throwing this in there..... For me and only speaking for myself.The circumstance that makes me feel most like a Butch is being in the presents of Pretty Femmes.Being around the ladies really brings it out for me. __________________ I don't want to be perfect because if I was then I will loose the ability to learn.

04-16-2013, 11:10 AM	#8
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,183 Times in 1,180 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Butch I was born butch! Its my energy. __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

04-20-2013, 03:32 PM	#12
Ascot Member How Do You Identify?: Preppy Butch artist Relationship Status: Riding solo Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: North of the Emerald City Posts: 1,135 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 179 Thanked 2,487 Times in 549 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Scratch everything I previously said. Clearly what makes me butch is the fact that my bowling ball looks like an 8-ball. __________________ Now, if I could just find a way to get paid for what I can do with my tongue and a cherry stem.

04-16-2013, 05:17 AM	#1
psykftm Junior Member How Do You Identify?: FtM Preferred Pronoun?: he Relationship Status: single, healing Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: palm bay, fl Posts: 41 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 59 Thanked 145 Times in 34 Posts Rep Power: 1779618	are you saying that your girlfriend is the dominate one in the relationship? you can say that you are submissive, or have submissive tendencies, it's ok lol. own them![/QUOTE] Funny we just got into it yesterday over this and my girlfriend said I make her feel like more of a femme, which is upsetting to her as a butch. I'm thinking it's due to my insecurities, because the second you try to 'pin' submissiveness on me lol, my mind goes "hey now wait a minute". Who knows maybe I just don't know how to be a dom. Or maybe I am submissive, or both...its going to be a freakin enigma to me for awhile it looks like.

04-16-2013, 07:16 AM	#3
psykftm Junior Member How Do You Identify?: FtM Preferred Pronoun?: he Relationship Status: single, healing Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: palm bay, fl Posts: 41 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 59 Thanked 145 Times in 34 Posts Rep Power: 1779618	Is it possible you both are consciously or unconsciously looking to have the "butch-femme dance", in your relationship, even though you are two butches? It seems like you both struggle with not feeling like "the butch" in the relationship. Can't you both be butch and just have your "own dance"? What about the butch-butch dance? My point is...get what you expect out of your head and just go with the flow...don't label it. Good luck.[/QUOTE] That is a good point-I think maybe unconsciously we do both get into these moments of the butch-femme dance. She does not struggle with her identity at all..."I'm Dee" she says. I still really struggle with how others see me, and how they will construct me in their minds. Just the other day I had some customer say I would look better with long hair. That to me is on the list of some of the worst things a person could say to me. I haven't learned how to roll it off my shoulder yet I think my rationality is that if I fit a stereotype first, and be accepted, then I can relax into myself later but that is likely flawed I'm thinkin lol

04-16-2013, 08:51 AM	#4
wahya Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: Me Relationship Status: im good Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 296 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 506 Thanked 857 Times in 240 Posts Rep Power: 0	This is an interesting thread. I am not all that great with words I am better one on one talking.(not txting email or phone) But for me being butch I never tried to analyze myself. Being a mother & grandmother my main character trait is my protective nature. But when you meet me you know I have more masculine traits than femme. Yeah I have been mistaken for a guy plenty of times. It used to bug me but now I just chuckle or in a harmless way embarrass them. But I know they are already embarrassed but at least maybe now they will take the time with other people and pay attention to them. I love who I am and being butch is right up there with my native pride.

04-16-2013, 09:00 AM	#6
Chancie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme-inist Relationship Status: I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Western Mass Posts: 3,774 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,518 Thanked 14,540 Times in 2,744 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	My Pete is a butch because she says she's a butch. She's my boy because I say she's my boy.

04-20-2013, 03:03 PM	#11
macele Member How Do You Identify?: a bold-assed maximus Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: mississippi Posts: 1,066 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,178 Thanked 3,230 Times in 847 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	hey puddin'. i meant to bold my text so that it wouldn't all blend. psykbutch is discussing insecurities. i do have them though lol.