broken hearts

chris1life · 05-23-2013, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Queenie

Oh I hope none of that sounded overly cheesy or mushy...

Thank u for That. No to me it sounds truthful and promising.
Yea right now I think I'm on auto pilot. If I'm honest with myself I knew what was going on but didn't want to believe it. Its strange how u can close your eyes stick Your head in the sand and pretend stuff isn't happening. I will say this though I am in NO WAY perfect LOL. I know this is completely off thread but is it normal to lay in bed at night after a break up and think. Holy shit I'm going to have to eventually have sex with someone new and let them see me naked. Ha yea my emotions are all over the page

ruby_woo · 05-23-2013, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chris1life

I know this is completely off thread but is it normal to lay in bed at night after a break up and think. Holy shit I'm going to have to eventually have sex with someone new and let them see me naked. Ha yea my emotions are all over the page

It's not off thread! I think it's totally normal. When my 8 year relationship broke up about a year and half ago, I definitely had a "Holy crap, how am I going to sleep with someone else?" moment. But then I did just that a few months later, soo...lol. It just takes time, right?

Anyway, I'm sorry you're hurting. The break-up of a long-term relationship is always painful and shocking, even if you kind of saw it coming. Not going to lie, it will probably suck for the next little bit, but then I promise it will get much better.

Novelafemme · 05-23-2013, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chris1life

Thank u for That. No to me it sounds truthful and promising.
Yea right now I think I'm on auto pilot. If I'm honest with myself I knew what was going on but didn't want to believe it. Its strange how u can close your eyes stick Your head in the sand and pretend stuff isn't happening. I will say this though I am in NO WAY perfect LOL. I know this is completely off thread but is it normal to lay in bed at night after a break up and think. Holy shit I'm going to have to eventually have sex with someone new and let them see me naked. Ha yea my emotions are all over the page

I, like Ruby, remember thinking the same thing when my 15 year marriage came to an end. Like, OH MY GOD!!! Someone is going to see me NAKED one day? Like, ALL OF ME? Naked? I think I then had a panic attack and the world exploded.

I have since then been naked in front of others and while I did hear a crack in the surface, the earth seems to be fairly intact.

Novelafemme · 05-23-2013, 11:07 AM

I just got received this email from my Rumi quote of the day and thought it to be perfect for this thread.

"The chemistry of mind is different from the chemistry of love. The mind is careful, suspicious, he advances little by little. He advices “Be careful, protect yourself” Whereas love says “Let yourself, go!” The mind is strong, never fells down, while love hurts itself, fells into ruins. But isn’t it in ruins that we mostly find the treasures? A broken heart hides so many treasures."

~ Shams Tabrizi ♥♥♥

chris1life · 05-23-2013, 11:13 AM

Y'all definitely make me feel much. Its good to laugh and y'all did do just that. LOL I could just see me now alone with a nice femme she gets udressed I freak out and have a heart attack. I think that Would put a damper on our fun. My body has dang sure changed since I was 23.

chris1life · 05-23-2013, 11:14 AM

I love that

Quote:

Originally Posted by Novelafemme

I just got received this email from my Rumi quote of the day and thought it to be perfect for this thread.

"The chemistry of mind is different from the chemistry of love. The mind is careful, suspicious, he advances little by little. He advices “Be careful, protect yourself” Whereas love says “Let yourself, go!” The mind is strong, never fells down, while love hurts itself, fells into ruins. But isn’t it in ruins that we mostly find the treasures? A broken heart hides so many treasures."

~ Shams Tabrizi ♥♥♥

imperfect_cupcake · 05-23-2013, 12:48 PM

my heart was shattered 18 months ago, then a few months into it, my heart started to slushily damaged beat for someone and that got stomped. So presently it really doesn't honestly work. I have dated, very casually, slept with a few people and I'm not looking to get attached. it's nice having company, sex and a laugh and being responsible for no one, not having to think about anyone else. I hated it at first, but in the last two months I've really blossomed into it and love my complete independence of thought and action.
My heart is still very broken. I don't trust people with commitment - ESPECIALLY if they chase me hard. And people that start blathering on about romantic stuff way too quickly, sets my alarm bells off.
Not that I think they are nuts, but I have done this sooooo many times. Given in to a hard chase. I've learned my lesson.
One day, I'll learn to love someone, some one who goes slow and casually.
I don't want to fall in love anymore, and I don't mean that in a sad or bitter way. I mean that in a sincere, honest, happy way. I want slow growth, not a quick fall.

And if I don't ever have another romantic relationship? that's ok. I'm fine with the friends with benefits, sex pizza booty calls, the odd casual date and my friends. Now that the pain is more distant, I'm still mourning the loss of something I thought was worthwhile, but in a deeper, quieter way. There is layers to this grief.

the divorce will be final in 3 weeks. She's with someone and I'm watching someone else fall in love for the second time after me. I'm starting to feel resilient. I'm starting to understand who *I* am in context to just me. still broken hearted, but I think I know better now, I think (HOPE) I've learned the value of my strengths and that it's ok to have better boundaries and to not let people push me. And when people call me a cold bitch, I think "I see you, mother fucker. I see your manipulation tactics. I see your little temper tantrum. No way. You've just shown your hand"
and I don't take it on.

Broken hearts teach. I've been non-functionally devastated, depressed, seethingly angry, self-reviling, hateful, hurt, crying, I lost 3 dress sizes from not eating....

but the best best best advice given to me by another woman who lost her wife was "find something, anything, just for you. something that means something just for you. take archery. go back to school. go to cambodia. something, anything you've always wanted to do. take it. that's the start."

And I keep doing that. It works.

and having a saturday night guest every once in a while helps. not much talking. just sushi, some laughs and sex. I completely prescribe that one too! I don't do it often as it's not easy to find people who want something that casual (they aren't common) whom I also enjoy as a person (not everyone in that rare group is going to match up with my personality!). But I strongly suggest it!

Heavenleahangel · 05-23-2013, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chris1life

Y'all definitely make me feel much. Its good to laugh and y'all did do just that. LOL I could just see me now alone with a nice femme she gets udressed I freak out and have a heart attack. I think that Would put a damper on our fun. My body has dang sure changed since I was 23.

Just remember one thing, Chris, when you start "freaking out" about getting undressed, the femme is probably nervous, too! As for the heart attack, let's hope she has had medical training to bring you back from the brink of death! *That* will be a memorable moment to tell your buddies....

chris1life · 05-23-2013, 01:16 PM

Sounds good I'll put out an add
"Femme needed for fun, company while eating sushi, and please rip my clothes off Because I may be gripping them out of fear and when you take your clothes off and I stand there staring and blushing Please be advised I may be having a heart attack. Please see the CPR manual I've left for you on the night stand" Well that's not exactly confident butch swagger. I guess I could add if I don't drop dead on ya I can be lots of fun...well someone ripping my clothes off could b fun! !! All kidding aside y'all thanks. People in my circle of friends are trying to give me the "fuck her you are better off speech " "you can do better" yea I know all of this but today I just want to get by. My day has definitely gotten better! I'm just kind of numb which honestly I'm thankful for.

05-23-2013, 11:07 AM	#4
Novelafemme Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ........ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ........ Posts: 2,402 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,981 Thanked 8,925 Times in 1,834 Posts Rep Power: 0	I just got received this email from my Rumi quote of the day and thought it to be perfect for this thread. "The chemistry of mind is different from the chemistry of love. The mind is careful, suspicious, he advances little by little. He advices “Be careful, protect yourself” Whereas love says “Let yourself, go!” The mind is strong, never fells down, while love hurts itself, fells into ruins. But isn’t it in ruins that we mostly find the treasures? A broken heart hides so many treasures." ~ Shams Tabrizi ♥♥♥

05-23-2013, 11:13 AM	#5
chris1life Junior Member How Do You Identify?: butch Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, syr, he Join Date: May 2013 Location: US Posts: 84 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 90 Thanked 276 Times in 66 Posts Rep Power: 2169073	Y'all definitely make me feel much. Its good to laugh and y'all did do just that. LOL I could just see me now alone with a nice femme she gets udressed I freak out and have a heart attack. I think that Would put a damper on our fun. My body has dang sure changed since I was 23.

05-23-2013, 12:48 PM	#7
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	my heart was shattered 18 months ago, then a few months into it, my heart started to slushily damaged beat for someone and that got stomped. So presently it really doesn't honestly work. I have dated, very casually, slept with a few people and I'm not looking to get attached. it's nice having company, sex and a laugh and being responsible for no one, not having to think about anyone else. I hated it at first, but in the last two months I've really blossomed into it and love my complete independence of thought and action. My heart is still very broken. I don't trust people with commitment - ESPECIALLY if they chase me hard. And people that start blathering on about romantic stuff way too quickly, sets my alarm bells off. Not that I think they are nuts, but I have done this sooooo many times. Given in to a hard chase. I've learned my lesson. One day, I'll learn to love someone, some one who goes slow and casually. I don't want to fall in love anymore, and I don't mean that in a sad or bitter way. I mean that in a sincere, honest, happy way. I want slow growth, not a quick fall. And if I don't ever have another romantic relationship? that's ok. I'm fine with the friends with benefits, sex pizza booty calls, the odd casual date and my friends. Now that the pain is more distant, I'm still mourning the loss of something I thought was worthwhile, but in a deeper, quieter way. There is layers to this grief. the divorce will be final in 3 weeks. She's with someone and I'm watching someone else fall in love for the second time after me. I'm starting to feel resilient. I'm starting to understand who I am in context to just me. still broken hearted, but I think I know better now, I think (HOPE) I've learned the value of my strengths and that it's ok to have better boundaries and to not let people push me. And when people call me a cold bitch, I think "I see you, mother fucker. I see your manipulation tactics. I see your little temper tantrum. No way. You've just shown your hand" and I don't take it on. Broken hearts teach. I've been non-functionally devastated, depressed, seethingly angry, self-reviling, hateful, hurt, crying, I lost 3 dress sizes from not eating.... but the best best best advice given to me by another woman who lost her wife was "find something, anything, just for you. something that means something just for you. take archery. go back to school. go to cambodia. something, anything you've always wanted to do. take it. that's the start." And I keep doing that. It works. and having a saturday night guest every once in a while helps. not much talking. just sushi, some laughs and sex. I completely prescribe that one too! I don't do it often as it's not easy to find people who want something that casual (they aren't common) whom I also enjoy as a person (not everyone in that rare group is going to match up with my personality!). But I strongly suggest it!

05-23-2013, 01:16 PM	#9
chris1life Junior Member How Do You Identify?: butch Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, syr, he Join Date: May 2013 Location: US Posts: 84 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 90 Thanked 276 Times in 66 Posts Rep Power: 2169073	Sounds good I'll put out an add "Femme needed for fun, company while eating sushi, and please rip my clothes off Because I may be gripping them out of fear and when you take your clothes off and I stand there staring and blushing Please be advised I may be having a heart attack. Please see the CPR manual I've left for you on the night stand" Well that's not exactly confident butch swagger. I guess I could add if I don't drop dead on ya I can be lots of fun...well someone ripping my clothes off could b fun! !! All kidding aside y'all thanks. People in my circle of friends are trying to give me the "fuck her you are better off speech " "you can do better" yea I know all of this but today I just want to get by. My day has definitely gotten better! I'm just kind of numb which honestly I'm thankful for.