broken hearts

[Heavenleahangel]

Originally Posted by chris1life

Survived a Friday night without her. I carried on like I would any Friday night. I went to some friends house cooked out laughed and appeared fine. My friends were in shock that I wasn't laying in the floor crying. What They don't know is I felt like I couldn't breath. I felt lonely even though I wasn't alone. I'm so used to her holding my hand she was real touchy feely so all night I felt like something was missing. Every Damn thing reminds me of her. It pisses me off that she can go on a trip with her boyfriend and not think twice about me when all I can think about is her. Then sends me a text "you could be here too" hell no I can't. I understand that there are plenty of people that has open relationships but I'm not one of them. I'm not sharing it Would b different if we had agreed to see other people or have always brought other people to our bed but we haven't. She used the excuse people aren't made to be With just one person well I guess I'm real messed up because I havent cheated and haven't wanted to. If I have to bend who and what I am to be with her I would rather be without

Good Morning, Chris; If you are "real messed up" cuz you believe in monogamy and don't wanna share, then move over cuz I'm climbing in the boat with you!!! You're not alone in the feelings you have. I hope today is brighter and better than yesterday. {{{hugs}}}

[chris1life]

Originally Posted by Heavenleahangel

Good Morning, Chris; If you are "real messed up" cuz you believe in monogamy and don't wanna share, then move over cuz I'm climbing in the boat with you!!! You're not alone in the feelings you have. I hope today is brighter and better than yesterday. {{{hugs}}}

Oh yea I think today is going to be good. Headed to the river jets skiing always makes me smile! Thankful I'm not the only one that believes in monogamy I thought for a minute Maybe I'd missed something over the years. I'm a little old school as far as that goes. I'll get over her no doubt but I know its going to be rough. Glad I can come here to vent after years of being with her all our friends are that OUR friends and while I am angry and hurt I don't want to talk to them about her. I don't want to add to the drama of a break up with drawing a line in the sand With them. She isn't a bad person just finding her way

[tygr_grrl]

I know we made the grown-up, mutual decision months ago to end it….
months, maybe even a year or more after the actual realization,
after building sufficient courage to admit it to one another…
That this undefined, uncharted journey we share
Was just too painful and raw to continue,
the same obstacles tripping us up, blocking our path.
And we weren’t giving each other what we needed.
I wasn’t giving you my best, and I know
I deserve more than what you could offer.

My mind knows this undeniably to be reality.
My heart reluctantly acknowledges this,
though still smolders
in the ashes from our love’s bright and passionate flame.
Even still, it beats steady, holds true for you.

My body hasn’t accepted the loss yet, cannot even fully comprehend
The absence of your touch
My body still hungrily cries out for you,
Your invisible fingerprints traces still ghostdancing upon my flesh,
Revealing that sacred map of our dance, our song, our quest, our love.
Confounded and hurt by your silence,
that overwhelming cloak of dark emptiness that shrouds me.

My soul, once shattered by the broken dreams of a future together,
Slowly rebuilding strength and courage in the knowledge now that
I am capable
Of loving and being loved,
And not completely destroyed by the grief and loss of it.
But stronger because of it.
And only you could show me that.

For that, I am so very grateful.

[chris1life]

I woke up this morning with my heart aching. I've kept myself busy and stayed in the gym trying to ease my mind. This morning was different I hurt. I've gone on dates they don't do anything for me. Everyone I meet I compare to you they don't come close. 12 years of being with and looking at one woman only and now its over. How am I supposed to look at someone else.
I hurt my heart feels like I need to reach in and pull it out to stop this growing ache. I find myself wanting to scream to a God my frustrations. Yes I will eventually find someone else but why do I Have to. I loved her. I stood in front of friends, family and a God I was unsure of to pledge myself, give my vows to one woman forever. I meant it with all of my heart. I stayed through good and bad times. I brought flowers cut grass, cleaned house, took her on trips, worked hard and never cheated. I'm not perfect but there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her in life or in the bedroom. She took all I had to give and It still wasn't enough.
I always thought I knew her. How am I supposed to love someone else? The anger creeps in and I feel like a different person than I was two weeks ago. Half of my soul feels ripped apart. I cry then I'm pissed that I'm wasting tears. I promised my heart to her. I guess that doesn't mean a damn thing to anyone anymore. I was so in love. For me hadn't faded I loved her as much or more than the first days of our love. I suppose I should have been an ass to her and she would have been crazy in love. She takes with her my every secret And my every desire. I was 22 When we met for me it was love at first sight. She watched and saw all of the struggles I went through and She takes my past with her.
I suppose I should be thankful for what we had but right now I'm not and can't. I wish I'd never trusted someone with my everything. I wish I'd never fell in love. I'm not thankful for what we had Because if I had never had it I wouldn't hurt so damn much. My kids are torn up about it so not only am I struggling with my shattered heart I'm helping them through. I can't have my breakdown and I have to stay strong for them but I'm running on empty.
I know I should want her happy if I really love her and be Happy it wasn't ten years from now but I'm a selfish person right now. I don't want her happy and I don't care that she is finding herself. Hell I was happy I had found myself but she wasn't happy with that. So today I'm here alone this gaping hole in my chest, angry and heart broken. I refuse to answer her text asking how I am. How does she think I am? Does she think its changed from 2 days ago?? My body aches for her touch the way she smelled and tasted.