This side of Heaven

Sweet Bliss · 07-08-2013, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet Bliss

07 cancer scare
08 retired, lost mother
09 16 y ltr ended, lost aunt, blood clot
10 another cancer scare
11 moved, left, came back
12 heart attack, surgery
13 cancer scare. ya. today.

July 5th, 2013... a cyst they say ... come back in six months.

Sweet Bliss · 07-08-2013, 10:38 PM

My Mother's house was always clean, something cooking, or baking, and every six months the smell of her secret wood conditioner. Yes, I have the recipe now.

I love a clean comfy home. Fresh fruit or flowers, garlic garland hanging in the kitchen window over the sink. A soft cat purring on an antique quilt as I

sip a cup of ginger tea. My sketch book on my lap, pages filled with notes, ideas, drawings of future clay projects.v

Sweet Bliss · 07-08-2013, 11:05 PM

My Mother's house was always clean, something cooking, or baking, and every six months the smell of her secret wood conditioner. Yes, I have the recipe now.

I love a clean comfy home. Fresh fruit or flowers, garlic garland hanging in the kitchen window over the sink. A soft cat purring on an antique quilt as I sip a cup of ginger tea. My sketch book on my lap, pages filled with notes, ideas, drawings of future clay projects.

Today I shampooed two large area rugs, wool with lovely floral designs. I wrestled a seven foot couch outside, it's old unclean, filled with odors accumulated from decades of living in a family room. It's past it's prime. I know, don't tell my surgeon. I vaccumed the cat hair covered fluffy chairs, moved them into the den. Moved the 50's bamboo end table between them so there is a place for resting a coffee mug in the morning.

Took down the tacky ruffled curtains, replaced them, it's starting to look like a human being lives here, I thought to myself.

She wept over the old couch. I helped drag it back into the living room. Don't tell my surgeon, he will be angry at me for straining my chest muscles again.

A clean comfy home, doesn't everyone want one?

Guess not. I'm being egocentric again. Is there an app for that?

I love a clean comfy home. Fresh air, flowers and fruit, something baking, ginger tea ....

Sweet Bliss · 08-17-2013, 09:29 PM

Well, it's not working. I've done everything I know how to do. Prayed, asked forgiveness, meditated, cried, written letters, poetry, stories, dreamed a way out, a way back.

Focused on moving out of my fantasy, hoped for best, expected nothing.

And that's just what happened. Nothing.

So I surrender to a power greater than myself.

Love.

MysticOceansFL · 08-17-2013, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet Bliss

Well, it's not working. I've done everything I know how to do. Prayed, asked forgiveness, meditated, cried, written letters, poetry, stories, dreamed a way out, a way back.

Focused on moving out of my fantasy, hoped for best, expected nothing.

And that's just what happened. Nothing.

So I surrender to a power greater than myself.

Love.

People see the beauty in you!!!!!!

Sweet Bliss · 08-22-2013, 08:24 PM

I have been doing some soul searching lately. Although the Epiphany Fairy has been sitting on my head pointing things out to me, with gales of laughter, it's been at times pretty painful. It occurred to me the reason for discord and missed opportunity in my relationships is my beliefs, expectations, desire, and seeing failings in others that are simply reflections of my failures. I can only recognize many of my issues when someone else is brave enough to show them to me.

Thank you, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you, .....

Sweet Bliss · 09-07-2013, 08:37 AM

Looks like my dreams are over, the insulation is making no dent in the heat factor and there is no way I can live in it comfortably. It won't be protection for the cold either. My mosaic tile work has fallen off the risers. Putting radiant barrier on the windows did nothing to stop the heat build up. Farmers almanac says we are going to get a nasty cold winter here in the far south.

I'm so screwed.

Lol, and ... oh the hell with it. Why do I even bother posting about it? It's not like it matters to anyone but me.

Okie dokie, gonna drive Grace to the storage unit and empty it out. Should be a great day to visit the er later today. I'll see you guys on the other side.

Sweet Bliss · 11-24-2013, 06:28 PM

Year five. Might as well be zero hour.
I see her when I glance in the mirror.
Soft brown peppered with white.
pale flesh on tired bones.

She died again last night.
Every night for the last week.
I resist the pull of my nest
Resist the ache between my ribs.

Centimeter from collapsing again.
Ocean of tears pushing,
against the levy
protecting my broken heart.

she loved me,
she loved me not.
i loved her,
i loved her not.

07-08-2013, 10:38 PM	#2
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	D Day My Mother's house was always clean, something cooking, or baking, and every six months the smell of her secret wood conditioner. Yes, I have the recipe now. I love a clean comfy home. Fresh fruit or flowers, garlic garland hanging in the kitchen window over the sink. A soft cat purring on an antique quilt as I sip a cup of ginger tea. My sketch book on my lap, pages filled with notes, ideas, drawings of future clay projects.v

07-08-2013, 11:05 PM	#3
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	D Day My Mother's house was always clean, something cooking, or baking, and every six months the smell of her secret wood conditioner. Yes, I have the recipe now. I love a clean comfy home. Fresh fruit or flowers, garlic garland hanging in the kitchen window over the sink. A soft cat purring on an antique quilt as I sip a cup of ginger tea. My sketch book on my lap, pages filled with notes, ideas, drawings of future clay projects. Today I shampooed two large area rugs, wool with lovely floral designs. I wrestled a seven foot couch outside, it's old unclean, filled with odors accumulated from decades of living in a family room. It's past it's prime. I know, don't tell my surgeon. I vaccumed the cat hair covered fluffy chairs, moved them into the den. Moved the 50's bamboo end table between them so there is a place for resting a coffee mug in the morning. Took down the tacky ruffled curtains, replaced them, it's starting to look like a human being lives here, I thought to myself. She wept over the old couch. I helped drag it back into the living room. Don't tell my surgeon, he will be angry at me for straining my chest muscles again. A clean comfy home, doesn't everyone want one? Guess not. I'm being egocentric again. Is there an app for that? I love a clean comfy home. Fresh air, flowers and fruit, something baking, ginger tea ....

08-17-2013, 09:29 PM	#4
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Well, it's not working. I've done everything I know how to do. Prayed, asked forgiveness, meditated, cried, written letters, poetry, stories, dreamed a way out, a way back. Focused on moving out of my fantasy, hoped for best, expected nothing. And that's just what happened. Nothing. So I surrender to a power greater than myself. Love.

08-22-2013, 08:24 PM	#6
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I have been doing some soul searching lately. Although the Epiphany Fairy has been sitting on my head pointing things out to me, with gales of laughter, it's been at times pretty painful. It occurred to me the reason for discord and missed opportunity in my relationships is my beliefs, expectations, desire, and seeing failings in others that are simply reflections of my failures. I can only recognize many of my issues when someone else is brave enough to show them to me. Thank you, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you, .....

09-07-2013, 08:37 AM	#7
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Looks like my dreams are over, the insulation is making no dent in the heat factor and there is no way I can live in it comfortably. It won't be protection for the cold either. My mosaic tile work has fallen off the risers. Putting radiant barrier on the windows did nothing to stop the heat build up. Farmers almanac says we are going to get a nasty cold winter here in the far south. I'm so screwed. Lol, and ... oh the hell with it. Why do I even bother posting about it? It's not like it matters to anyone but me. Okie dokie, gonna drive Grace to the storage unit and empty it out. Should be a great day to visit the er later today. I'll see you guys on the other side.

11-24-2013, 06:28 PM	#8
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,268 Times in 2,159 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Year five. Might as well be zero hour. I see her when I glance in the mirror. Soft brown peppered with white. pale flesh on tired bones. She died again last night. Every night for the last week. I resist the pull of my nest Resist the ache between my ribs. Centimeter from collapsing again. Ocean of tears pushing, against the levy protecting my broken heart. she loved me, she loved me not. i loved her, i loved her not.