Poly-friendly mingling/flirting thread

SleepyButch · 07-21-2013, 09:17 PM

Hello... anyone home.... echo... echo... echo...

Just thought I'd write and see if anyone was around.

I'm in My first open relationship. It's been six months now and I've been learning a lot. She has a primary partner already so I'm open to other possibilities if they happen to come around. I have noticed though that not a lot of femmes want to date/talk to you if you are dating someone else, which I have to respect.

Anyway, I love to flirt so here I am.

WingsOnFire · 07-21-2013, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

Hello... anyone home.... echo... echo... echo...

Just thought I'd write and see if anyone was around.

I'm in My first open relationship. It's been six months now and I've been learning a lot. She has a primary partner already so I'm open to other possibilities if they happen to come around. I have noticed though that not a lot of femmes want to date/talk to you if you are dating someone else, which I have to respect.

Anyway, I love to flirt so here I am.

Just stopped by to say yes we are still around lol... while I am currently on hiatis from flirting I definitely have gained a much better understanding of poly relationships over the past 4 years than I had ever before... They are definitely not for everyone.. but I also strongly believe it working on the current relationship before seeking another to add to it...

Just my personal opinion but it helps solidify the relationship. Glad to see the thread is still alive

QueenofSmirks · 07-21-2013, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WingsOnFire

Just stopped by to say yes we are still around lol... while I am currently on hiatis from flirting I definitely have gained a much better understanding of poly relationships over the past 4 years than I had ever before... They are definitely not for everyone.. but I also strongly believe it working on the current relationship before seeking another to add to it...

Just my personal opinion but it helps solidify the relationship. Glad to see the thread is still alive

I thought this would be a good place to comment - not all poly relationships are based on one primary relationship plus "extras". Some are completely open - no primary relationships, some are triangular - three equal partners, some are closed - equal between all partners. There are a lot of variations. But I do agree about primary relationship models... if that relationship isn't strong, adding another person to it is likely not going to make it better.

LoyalWolfsBlade · 07-22-2013, 12:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

6 months is good... sounds like it's working out for you so far

I don't think the dilemma you're facing is a femme thing. Most people I've met don't want to date or talk to someone who is dating someone else, which makes a lot of sense since most of us have been socialized toward monogamy. Keep looking.... we're around, but we're definitely the minority

First I agree. If the other person is not Poly or Open in some form they feel uncomfortable at the least to talk to those of us that are. I would also like to add that once you have claimed to be Poly it is very hard to get others to flirt or date you even when you are single...take it from someone that knows...

girl_dee · 07-22-2013, 04:51 AM

Mingling.....

there are so many misconceptions about Poly one must be careful when even thinking about entering into this sort of arrangement.

Some think it's a 24/7 multiple partner sex party

Some think it's a way for a Dominant to get their sex on with a bunch of submissives with no regard to their well being

Some think that all members of a poly family have sex....

Some think they can try it on for size and when there is an issue they can say *oh well forget it lets go back to our old life*... well once you go there life is forever changed.

Be ready. Be ready to be seen in public and run into friends with another and have your integrity tested. Be ready to not be the center of the universe with a partner at all times. Be ready to explain to your family what's going on to a certain degree or if you do explain it all, be ready to be judged.

Poly is a wonderful thing, i am all about family.. i am wired for it.. but i am also a believer that if there is ONE iota of a hidden agenda, ONE dishonest thought or action, anything less than 100% honesty and communication that there is a domino effect that happens and it rocks the whole family, and can tear you apart.

QueenofSmirks · 07-22-2013, 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~KnightsBlade~

,,,I would also like to add that once you have claimed to be Poly it is very hard to get others to flirt or date you even when you are single...take it from someone that knows...

That makes sense to me. If I were monogamous, and wanted my partner to be monogamous, it wouldn't make sense to date someone who is poly, even if they aren't currently dating anyone.

The_Lady_Snow · 07-22-2013, 08:31 AM

If you (general) are monogamously wired, poly of ANY kind will fail. If that wiring is set, grounded and expected your (general) best bet is to steer clear of anyone who is poly, it's just not going to work for anyone.

WingsOnFire · 07-22-2013, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

I thought this would be a good place to comment - not all poly relationships are based on one primary relationship plus "extras". Some are completely open - no primary relationships, some are triangular - three equal partners, some are closed - equal between all partners. There are a lot of variations. But I do agree about primary relationship models... if that relationship isn't strong, adding another person to it is likely not going to make it better.

ahhh... Thank you so much for expounding on this... my brain is fried from my weekend... and I didnt really put thoughts together clearly when I posted... I do agree.. and they are all so beautiful no matter what the relationship looks like...

I love having indepth conversations here...

LoyalWolfsBlade · 07-22-2013, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

That makes sense to me. If I were monogamous, and wanted my partner to be monogamous, it wouldn't make sense to date someone who is poly, even if they aren't currently dating anyone.

Oh it makes sense to me also. However, I have talked to people new to the Poly lifestyle that wondered why they were having a problem meeting people after a relationship or when they were single. I just wanted Sleepy to know this might happen.

I also think it is a good thing because it is honesty. One of the most important thing in my opinion to make Poly work is honesty and that starts on day one.

I have had women that are wired for monogamy attempt to date me however they were aware that I am not wired for that type of relationship. It just never works for me to onlt be with one person.

Thank you Dee or your input as well. Because in my experience Poly is not any of those things. I have had many relationships that did not involve sex but the person was just as important to me. I also have had relationships that did not involve D/s while being with others that did.

Poly comes in many shades of the spectrum.

bright_arrow · 08-14-2013, 06:49 PM

When I was younger and still in the closet, I had a girlfriend but also a boyfriend, more for show, but a good friend of mine. Closest I have ever come to being poly! Don't think I could do it.. Hell, I like to be the center of someone's universe

.. but I respect those that do. And I have to second what someone said earlier, if I was single I do not think I would broach the topic of dating with someone who is poly, no matter how much I may like them - would recognize I couldn't be their everything, and that would be that.

Bad_boi · 09-19-2013, 06:44 AM

Once everything stops being hectic I'd like to join a polyfamily or make one. Then make a cuddle pile with kisses and sex.<3

imperfect_cupcake · 01-03-2014, 10:52 PM

I know that I'm not wired for certain kinds of poly.

I'm also one of those weirdos that can do monogamy and non-monogamy. I used to be able to ONLY do nonmonog but I was married monogamously and it was absolutely fine. After that I got into a polyfidelity arrangement and LOVED it.

So I can do non-monogamy (swinging. Did that for decades. Just sex or sex and friendship outside of my relationship - emotionally romantically monogamous) or I can be in poly fidelity with three, a triad all of us romantically linked to each other and having sex with each other. But I can't do multiple equal partners open, or primary relationship with second and third others.

But I'm not finding any. The second I say I can do monogamy the nonmonog people run, and the second I say I can do nonmonog the monog people run. It's kind of like being bisexual again *eyeball roll*

Yes but which way do you prefer??

Um. Depends on the fucking person I'm with?

Honestly.

Single and looking for fun at the moment after coming out of a self imposed celibacy stint to heal, which was great! But now would really appreciate some play friends and friendship but finding it insanely hard to find. Everyone wants a relationship with sex, even the poly folk I see on the dating sites.

QueenofSmirks · 07-21-2013, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

Hello... anyone home.... echo... echo... echo...

Just thought I'd write and see if anyone was around.

I'm in My first open relationship. It's been six months now and I've been learning a lot. She has a primary partner already so I'm open to other possibilities if they happen to come around. I have noticed though that not a lot of femmes want to date/talk to you if you are dating someone else, which I have to respect.

Anyway, I love to flirt so here I am.

6 months is good... sounds like it's working out for you so far

I don't think the dilemma you're facing is a femme thing. Most people I've met don't want to date or talk to someone who is dating someone else, which makes a lot of sense since most of us have been socialized toward monogamy. Keep looking.... we're around, but we're definitely the minority

07-21-2013, 09:17 PM	#1
SleepyButch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Dude Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him Relationship Status: Taken Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Hidden Valley Ranch Posts: 3,511 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,220 Thanked 11,248 Times in 2,754 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Hello... anyone home.... echo... echo... echo... Just thought I'd write and see if anyone was around. I'm in My first open relationship. It's been six months now and I've been learning a lot. She has a primary partner already so I'm open to other possibilities if they happen to come around. I have noticed though that not a lot of femmes want to date/talk to you if you are dating someone else, which I have to respect. Anyway, I love to flirt so here I am. __________________ . You cannot embrace those things that will not embrace you back.

07-22-2013, 08:31 AM	#7
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,077 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	Wiring If you (general) are monogamously wired, poly of ANY kind will fail. If that wiring is set, grounded and expected your (general) best bet is to steer clear of anyone who is poly, it's just not going to work for anyone. __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

07-22-2013, 04:51 AM	#5
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Mingling..... there are so many misconceptions about Poly one must be careful when even thinking about entering into this sort of arrangement. Some think it's a 24/7 multiple partner sex party Some think it's a way for a Dominant to get their sex on with a bunch of submissives with no regard to their well being Some think that all members of a poly family have sex.... Some think they can try it on for size and when there is an issue they can say oh well forget it lets go back to our old life... well once you go there life is forever changed. Be ready. Be ready to be seen in public and run into friends with another and have your integrity tested. Be ready to not be the center of the universe with a partner at all times. Be ready to explain to your family what's going on to a certain degree or if you do explain it all, be ready to be judged. Poly is a wonderful thing, i am all about family.. i am wired for it.. but i am also a believer that if there is ONE iota of a hidden agenda, ONE dishonest thought or action, anything less than 100% honesty and communication that there is a domino effect that happens and it rocks the whole family, and can tear you apart.

08-14-2013, 06:49 PM	#10
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	When I was younger and still in the closet, I had a girlfriend but also a boyfriend, more for show, but a good friend of mine. Closest I have ever come to being poly! Don't think I could do it.. Hell, I like to be the center of someone's universe .. but I respect those that do. And I have to second what someone said earlier, if I was single I do not think I would broach the topic of dating with someone who is poly, no matter how much I may like them - would recognize I couldn't be their everything, and that would be that.

09-19-2013, 06:44 AM	#11
Bad_boi Member How Do You Identify?: Transman (male) Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His ect. Relationship Status: Handsome bastard. Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Seattle Posts: 727 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 122 Thanked 1,824 Times in 499 Posts Rep Power: 0	Once everything stops being hectic I'd like to join a polyfamily or make one. Then make a cuddle pile with kisses and sex.<3

01-03-2014, 10:52 PM	#12
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I know that I'm not wired for certain kinds of poly. I'm also one of those weirdos that can do monogamy and non-monogamy. I used to be able to ONLY do nonmonog but I was married monogamously and it was absolutely fine. After that I got into a polyfidelity arrangement and LOVED it. So I can do non-monogamy (swinging. Did that for decades. Just sex or sex and friendship outside of my relationship - emotionally romantically monogamous) or I can be in poly fidelity with three, a triad all of us romantically linked to each other and having sex with each other. But I can't do multiple equal partners open, or primary relationship with second and third others. But I'm not finding any. The second I say I can do monogamy the nonmonog people run, and the second I say I can do nonmonog the monog people run. It's kind of like being bisexual again eyeball roll Yes but which way do you prefer?? Um. Depends on the fucking person I'm with? Honestly. Single and looking for fun at the moment after coming out of a self imposed celibacy stint to heal, which was great! But now would really appreciate some play friends and friendship but finding it insanely hard to find. Everyone wants a relationship with sex, even the poly folk I see on the dating sites.