Poly-friendly mingling/flirting thread

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by WingsOnFire

Just stopped by to say yes we are still around lol... while I am currently on hiatis from flirting I definitely have gained a much better understanding of poly relationships over the past 4 years than I had ever before... They are definitely not for everyone.. but I also strongly believe it working on the current relationship before seeking another to add to it...

Just my personal opinion but it helps solidify the relationship. Glad to see the thread is still alive

I thought this would be a good place to comment - not all poly relationships are based on one primary relationship plus "extras". Some are completely open - no primary relationships, some are triangular - three equal partners, some are closed - equal between all partners. There are a lot of variations. But I do agree about primary relationship models... if that relationship isn't strong, adding another person to it is likely not going to make it better.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

6 months is good... sounds like it's working out for you so far

I don't think the dilemma you're facing is a femme thing. Most people I've met don't want to date or talk to someone who is dating someone else, which makes a lot of sense since most of us have been socialized toward monogamy. Keep looking.... we're around, but we're definitely the minority

First I agree. If the other person is not Poly or Open in some form they feel uncomfortable at the least to talk to those of us that are. I would also like to add that once you have claimed to be Poly it is very hard to get others to flirt or date you even when you are single...take it from someone that knows...

[girl_dee]

Mingling.....


there are so many misconceptions about Poly one must be careful when even thinking about entering into this sort of arrangement.

Some think it's a 24/7 multiple partner sex party

Some think it's a way for a Dominant to get their sex on with a bunch of submissives with no regard to their well being

Some think that all members of a poly family have sex....


Some think they can try it on for size and when there is an issue they can say *oh well forget it lets go back to our old life*... well once you go there life is forever changed.

Be ready. Be ready to be seen in public and run into friends with another and have your integrity tested. Be ready to not be the center of the universe with a partner at all times. Be ready to explain to your family what's going on to a certain degree or if you do explain it all, be ready to be judged.

Poly is a wonderful thing, i am all about family.. i am wired for it.. but i am also a believer that if there is ONE iota of a hidden agenda, ONE dishonest thought or action, anything less than 100% honesty and communication that there is a domino effect that happens and it rocks the whole family, and can tear you apart.

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by ~KnightsBlade~

,,,I would also like to add that once you have claimed to be Poly it is very hard to get others to flirt or date you even when you are single...take it from someone that knows...

That makes sense to me. If I were monogamous, and wanted my partner to be monogamous, it wouldn't make sense to date someone who is poly, even if they aren't currently dating anyone.

[The_Lady_Snow]

If you (general) are monogamously wired, poly of ANY kind will fail. If that wiring is set, grounded and expected your (general) best bet is to steer clear of anyone who is poly, it's just not going to work for anyone.

[WingsOnFire]

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

I thought this would be a good place to comment - not all poly relationships are based on one primary relationship plus "extras". Some are completely open - no primary relationships, some are triangular - three equal partners, some are closed - equal between all partners. There are a lot of variations. But I do agree about primary relationship models... if that relationship isn't strong, adding another person to it is likely not going to make it better.

ahhh... Thank you so much for expounding on this... my brain is fried from my weekend... and I didnt really put thoughts together clearly when I posted... I do agree.. and they are all so beautiful no matter what the relationship looks like...

I love having indepth conversations here...

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

That makes sense to me. If I were monogamous, and wanted my partner to be monogamous, it wouldn't make sense to date someone who is poly, even if they aren't currently dating anyone.

Oh it makes sense to me also. However, I have talked to people new to the Poly lifestyle that wondered why they were having a problem meeting people after a relationship or when they were single. I just wanted Sleepy to know this might happen.

I also think it is a good thing because it is honesty. One of the most important thing in my opinion to make Poly work is honesty and that starts on day one.

I have had women that are wired for monogamy attempt to date me however they were aware that I am not wired for that type of relationship. It just never works for me to onlt be with one person.

Thank you Dee or your input as well. Because in my experience Poly is not any of those things. I have had many relationships that did not involve sex but the person was just as important to me. I also have had relationships that did not involve D/s while being with others that did.

Poly comes in many shades of the spectrum.

[bright_arrow]

When I was younger and still in the closet, I had a girlfriend but also a boyfriend, more for show, but a good friend of mine. Closest I have ever come to being poly! Don't think I could do it.. Hell, I like to be the center of someone's universe .. but I respect those that do. And I have to second what someone said earlier, if I was single I do not think I would broach the topic of dating with someone who is poly, no matter how much I may like them - would recognize I couldn't be their everything, and that would be that.

[Bad_boi]

Once everything stops being hectic I'd like to join a polyfamily or make one. Then make a cuddle pile with kisses and sex.<3

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Bad_boi

Once everything stops being hectic I'd like to join a polyfamily or make one. Then make a cuddle pile with kisses and sex.<3

no offense but if you think that's all there is to poly, boy are you in for a surprise. You ain't seen what hectic can be, lol. It's also an amazing wonderful thing if it's taken seriously and all are honest.

Good luck

[Bad_boi]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

no offense but if you think that's all there is to poly, boy are you in for a surprise. You ain't seen what hectic can be, lol. It's also an amazing wonderful thing if it's taken seriously and all are honest.

Good luck

I have been in a poly relationship before. I know it is not all happy fun time all the time. I understand the chaos it can bring but it can be a lot of fun just like any other relationship.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I know that I'm not wired for certain kinds of poly.

I'm also one of those weirdos that can do monogamy and non-monogamy. I used to be able to ONLY do nonmonog but I was married monogamously and it was absolutely fine. After that I got into a polyfidelity arrangement and LOVED it.

So I can do non-monogamy (swinging. Did that for decades. Just sex or sex and friendship outside of my relationship - emotionally romantically monogamous) or I can be in poly fidelity with three, a triad all of us romantically linked to each other and having sex with each other. But I can't do multiple equal partners open, or primary relationship with second and third others.

But I'm not finding any. The second I say I can do monogamy the nonmonog people run, and the second I say I can do nonmonog the monog people run. It's kind of like being bisexual again *eyeball roll*

Yes but which way do you prefer??

Um. Depends on the fucking person I'm with?

Honestly.

Single and looking for fun at the moment after coming out of a self imposed celibacy stint to heal, which was great! But now would really appreciate some play friends and friendship but finding it insanely hard to find. Everyone wants a relationship with sex, even the poly folk I see on the dating sites.

[JustLovelyJenn]

Oh... My... Goodness...

I cant believe I have never seen this thread *parks it*

[Ms. Meander]

Hello!

I am an ethical non-monogamist. If I'm doing labels I also identify with the term, Solo Polyamorist. What that means to me is that I am not seeking a primary partner or wish to establish any kind of hierarchical relationship system of my own. I am my own primary partner.

But that does not mean I am not seeking meaningful connections, open to, and capable of love and the possibility of long-term commitments. In fact, meaningful connection is imperative. There are many ways of creating and sustaining alternative relationships as long as all parties are really secure with themselves, know who they are and what they want, are extremely open, honest, and communicative, and are safe and sane. I know it's a lot to ask and honestly, it's hard to find. But I'm patient (except when I'm not). I'd rather be alone than enter into anything that does not meet these basic criteria.

I currently have one lover who fits the bill and I adore her. Just having someone in my life who shares similar values and ethics, and can practice them with me, feeds my soul.

In general, I find myself with no lack of suitors but most of them are not poly-minded. When I bring it up, one of two things happens: 1) They cut and run 2) They decide they like me so much that maybe they would be willing to consider it. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and space to evolve, but this is often disastrous because what usually happens is that this person is not really okay with it, is actually hoping that I'll change my mind and make them my one and only, and people get hurt. Another thing that happens is that they will keep me as an option until someone else comes along who suits their relationship style better. You know what? That hurts my feelings! Just because I'm non-monogamous does not mean I don't have feelings. And ya know --- I'm not here to convince anyone of anything. I just want to be met on equal ground.

So, there's my nutshell introduction. Pleased to meet you! <insert curtsey>
xo