"Adult Only" or "Childless Weddings"

[imperfect_cupcake]

Well, pretty much, Jac. pubs and clubs are not child friendly and no one expects them to be. I had DJ's from amsterdam, manchester and london... so.. the tone was not for kids...

[Apocalipstic]

I have a hard time with the notion that weddings are for and about the guests.

[Apocalipstic]

Ok, so this one time....at band camp...

Just kidding!

I worked a wedding last night, with kids who were seem behaved. It was very elegant, until a diaper was changed at...yes, at...a table.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

I have a hard time with the notion that weddings are for and about the guests.

Yes and no. It is the couple's day, and they are spending a heck of a lot on it. But guests are often traveling and spending a fair amount of time and money on the event. For some folks, it's a money they might not be able to easily afford. But they do because they care. When I worked at a library (low pay), a couple of closely spaced weddings could decimate my vacation time and discretionary income. Yet I knew I'd regret it if I didn't attend.

So while it certainly is not ABOUT the guests, couples who make it unnecessarily hard on guests are not being kind.

My cousin's son arranged to pick up relatives at the airport, paid for hotel rooms for those who could not afford them, and so on. I think that if you want loved ones at your wedding, you DO think about how not to make it a hardship on them.

As much as I love friends and relatives, there does come a point at which I will say no. A friend who required guests to fly into a remote area of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and then do primitive camping for two days got a no. I love him, and the wedding pictures were beautiful. But -- for me -- that was too much. I think they had a great time, but I never regretted it. (You could see guests swatting mosquitos in some of the pics.)

[willow]

At the last wedding I attended there were lots of children (the bride had 2 of her own) Enough provision was made for them to prevent boredom without making the day all about the kids. They were seated at kid tables. This allowed them to feel grown up and their parents to enjoy a break from their offspring while still being close enough to supervise. The kids were given jobs such as handing out wedding favours and sweets. There were bubbles on the tables.... lots of little things like that.

I've also attended adult only weddings/events.

Personally I have no preference other than the kids aren't allowed to run wild and cause havoc.

At the end of the day a wedding is supposed to be all about the couple getting married. It is supposed to be their special, once in a lifetime day. They deserve to have what they want. The couple make their choices and neither them nor their guests need be offended or upset by those choices.

So if it's adults only and you can't go because you don't have a sitter then you don't go and the couple need to accept that not everyone with children will be able to go whether they want to or not.

Only when there is resentment or bloody mindedness does it have to be a issue.

"I don't believe kids should be excluded so I'm not going if the kids can't go"

"I wanted just one day all about us without kids disrupting things"

Grandma would say "a wedding isn't a wedding unless someone falls out with someone else" Hmmm.... dunno about that one grandma, but it was certainly true where my family is concerned.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Martina

Yes and no. It is the couple's day, and they are spending a heck of a lot on it. But guests are often traveling and spending a fair amount of time and money on the event. For some folks, it's a money they might not be able to easily afford. But they do because they care. When I worked at a library (low pay), a couple of closely spaced weddings could decimate my vacation time and discretionary income. Yet I knew I'd regret it if I didn't attend.

So while it certainly is not ABOUT the guests, couples who make it unnecessarily hard on guests are not being kind.

My cousin's son arranged to pick up relatives at the airport, paid for hotel rooms for those who could not afford them, and so on. I think that if you want loved ones at your wedding, you DO think about how not to make it a hardship on them.

As much as I love friends and relatives, there does come a point at which I will say no. A friend who required guests to fly into a remote area of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and then do primitive camping for two days got a no. I love him, and the wedding pictures were beautiful. But -- for me -- that was too much. I think they had a great time, but I never regretted it. (You could see guests swatting mosquitos in some of the pics.)

I didn't expect my guests to come, really. My parents could not fly from canada to amsterdam, nor could my friends. My friends in england could not afford the airfare and the bus, though very affordable, is a 12 hour drive. Most people I know in London do not have cars. You don't need a car.

So I had three guests from london (plus DJs). That's it. I was find with that. I wanted my wedding in Amsterdam, I wanted a marriage not a civil partnership, and frankly I wanted to be married in Holland. I missed my mom and dad pretty badly, especially when I came down the stairs dressed to get in the cab to go to the civil service. Ink's Mom and Tante Ellen tried really hard to make me feel at home though. Ink was with her dad and brother and I was with her mom and auntie.

But I fully accepted that my choice about what I wanted for my wedding meant that the majority of of my guests would not be there. I was ok with it, given that 90% of my friends "don't believe in marriage" anyway.

[Apocalipstic]

The couple should have the choice and we should not take it personally.

[Ts_kaijira]

If it was about us, we would elope.
It is not. Trust me on this. Your memories of this day are photo's, comments, and pictures. It a surreal moment in your history.

I know. I have done this 3 times. I remember very little of the day(s). It is all about the photographs, the 2 min with each person at a table, and not at all about food, or songs, or anything. This is a big day. Your want to share with Hym or hir. you need to share it with family.

I had my last wedding at Disneyland. Of course they have babysitters extraordinaire. Worked out great. Not as expensive as I would have thought.

For me, excluding children was not an option. If it is not for you, and you know who you are. go for family peace and if you have no place for kids, well hire someone. I would have to. Damn, my Grandchildren keep having kids....

[Martina]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

The couple should have the choice and we should not take it personally.

It's usually the couple who takes it personally when a family member or friend declines the invitation.

Just saying, yeah it's your day, but if you're already entitled, and you think having a wedding gives you permission to let it all out, god help your friends and relatives.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Martina

It's usually the couple who takes it personally when a family member or friend declines the invitation.

Just saying, yeah it's your day, but if you're already entitled, and you think having a wedding gives you permission to let it all out, god help your friends and relatives.

I've never wanted to get married.

I should have worded better. When we stop taking things personally, life is better. Weddings are so fraught with feelings and personalities. It seems like such an emotional cluster fuck.

I've worked so many weddings, I'm kind of jaded. Lol.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Martina

It's usually the couple who takes it personally when a family member or friend declines the invitation.

Just saying, yeah it's your day, but if you're already entitled, and you think having a wedding gives you permission to let it all out, god help your friends and relatives.

I've never wanted to get married.

I should have worded better. When we stop taking things personally, life is better. Weddings are so fraught with feelings and personalities. It seems like such an emotional cluster fuck.

I've worked so many weddings, I'm kind of jaded. Lol.