The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

Yes and yes!

CCB, I just figured out who you are and am so happy to see you here! Long time no see!

When I think of the Highs and Lows of visibility or labels at all, I am fine with tossing it all out the window...except for labels can be useful when trying to put in words what I might be looking for sexually. Does that make sense?

Even with the label "Femme" come so many expectations of who I might or might not be...and what sort of person I might seek.

Really at this point, even I am not sure.

I personally get really frustrated. Especially when it comes to cultural translation of those IDs. When I came home I was meeting lots of lesbians that to my southern english definition certainly qualified them as to being garden variety butch women. I recall one gal had an argument with my own personal definition because she didn't act like a lumberjack. In my experience she was a very romantic old fashioned stone butch. But because she painted her toe nails green and cried during movies she did not see herself as "masculine."
I told her that in my own personal opinion butches have their own thing, not masculinity, but their very own vibe that makes them just who they are. She paused at that and nodded and said she could get on board with that.

I'm used to a decade of seeing things that way. so to come home to west coast woo and fashion for butches being a clean pair of jeans and a black t-shirt without any stains on it, no make up and big huge boots... I kinda felt a loss for the myriad of diversity that was london. And thus a pretty diverse understanding of what it was to be who you were.

And to my suprise, what was considered bog standard girly dress fashion I was now being slapped with a qualifyier of "High Femme" - I hate qualifiers. I'm not even sure I particularly care for the term femme anymore because it's so loaded over here with expectations. I shrug at that. If that's how people see me, whatever. That's fine. But the second they start expecting me to be a particular way just because I hate flats, I love make up and wear a corset every chance I get, then I balk. And people do have expectations.

So I personally just call myself a girly girl or a dolly. Maybe a skirt sometimes. I find femme becoming to loaded now to deal with. When I was in a couple, it was fine. It didn't matter. But now that I'm single... I find people project a whole lotta "that's not me!" onto that word simply because their definitions come from their experiences and many people, their experiences are limited to a particular demographic locality.

Sometimes I opt for saying "women who are also boys -for lack of a better word- for me to expand on that would require discussions of concepts about their sexual preferences, sexual-self concepts, sex acts and habits." when people ask what I'm attracted to. Or if I'm in a mood to not expand, I just say "boyish-androgny with a bit of smart ass thrown in." I figure that covers it.

One gal told me "oh I'm boyish. I don't like shopping."
"neither do I darlin' and as you can see I'm quite feminine but I loathe it (clothes shopping)."
She kinda lost whatever it was she wanted to say and wandered off. Don't qualify it hun, it will only get you into hot water with double standards of gender task expectations.

just be it. You don't have to call yourself anything. I'll see you.