Lesbian bed death?

[iamkeri1]

I am a well educated, fairly attractive, fairly successful female. I'm an adult and I know that I should not have to depend on how I am seen by others, or specifically by my partner for my self image. I don't know if I have a strong sex drive or not. I just know that if my partner puts energy into keeping me satisfied sexually, it will go a long way toward helping me be happy in the relationship as well. They will not be sorry for this effort on my behalf. In return, I will do everthing in my power to help them be happy.

But if my partner does not desire me sexually, does not seek me out for sexual intimacy, or respond positively when I seek them out, or if I am prevented by role boundaries that they set up from even being allowed to initiate sexual activity beween us, then, I'm sorry to say, as politically incorrect as it is, I START FEELING LIKE SHIT about myself.

If I share my feelings with them about my desire for sexual interaction with them, and they make excuses, make no effort to increase the level of sexual activity in our relationship, then I am sorry to say that things begin to go down hill between us. I begin to feel unloved and undesirable. I start noticing things that they are doing that I do not like, or which affect me negatively. I start running a tally in my head about who is doing "more" in the relationship. I review things that they have said to me, or told me they would do to see if they are keeping their word to me in other parts of our relationship. And I get ANGRY! I am meeting their needs, how can they choose to leave my needs unmet? My interest in pleasing them grows less. I begin to react negatively to them touching me in any way. I don't wish to kiss them or have any kind of intimacy. I want to sleep in a separate room. Leads to one f-d up relationship. And it makes me start looking for the door. I agree with Jo that while an intimate (in every non-sexual way) relationship is a wonderful thing to have, it is not what I want from my partner.

Medications may reduce desire, pain may make "positioning" more difficult, depression makes it harder, other activities get in the way, life happens, blah blah blah. As citybutch says, you have to commit to make time for each other and sexual interaction. Turn the television off, send the kids and grand kids home, take a pain pill or anti-depressant, pick a spot that is comfortable for you, and lets get at it.


Banish bed death from the world!!!

Smooches,
Keri

[imperfect_cupcake]

it depends on the couple and the priority sex takes for them. for some people sex isn't even near the top of the list as they get older. for some people it becomes increasingly important.

I know couples that are perfectly happy having sex once or twice a month. sometimes couples go through six months of no sex because of kids, jobs, stress, deaths, whatever. in the long run, if you are with someone for the rest of your life. I know I've gone months when really down without wanking when I've been on my own and its really hard to dump myself over it.

however I couldn't do that indefinitely with a partner.

this is why I think its important to get to know someone sexually first before making a commitment. I know.people are down on casual sex, but it's the only way I know how to get to know people sexually as well as intellectually and emotionally before I decide if its a good idea to commit to anything.

[oboejive]

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

I am a well educated, fairly attractive, fairly successful female. I'm an adult and I know that I should not have to depend on how I am seen by others, or specifically by my partner for my self image. I don't know if I have a strong sex drive or not. I just know that if my partner puts energy into keeping me satisfied sexually, it will go a long way toward helping me be happy in the relationship as well. They will not be sorry for this effort on my behalf. In return, I will do everthing in my power to help them be happy.

But if my partner does not desire me sexually, does not seek me out for sexual intimacy, or respond positively when I seek them out, or if I am prevented by role boundaries that they set up from even being allowed to initiate sexual activity beween us, then, I'm sorry to say, as politically incorrect as it is, I START FEELING LIKE SHIT about myself.

If I share my feelings with them about my desire for sexual interaction with them, and they make excuses, make no effort to increase the level of sexual activity in our relationship, then I am sorry to say that things begin to go down hill between us. I begin to feel unloved and undesirable. I start noticing things that they are doing that I do not like, or which affect me negatively. I start running a tally in my head about who is doing "more" in the relationship. I review things that they have said to me, or told me they would do to see if they are keeping their word to me in other parts of our relationship. And I get ANGRY! I am meeting their needs, how can they choose to leave my needs unmet? My interest in pleasing them grows less. I begin to react negatively to them touching me in any way. I don't wish to kiss them or have any kind of intimacy. I want to sleep in a separate room. Leads to one f-d up relationship. And it makes me start looking for the door. I agree with Jo that while an intimate (in every non-sexual way) relationship is a wonderful thing to have, it is not what I want from my partner.

Medications may reduce desire, pain may make "positioning" more difficult, depression makes it harder, other activities get in the way, life happens, blah blah blah. As citybutch says, you have to commit to make time for each other and sexual interaction. Turn the television off, send the kids and grand kids home, take a pain pill or anti-depressant, pick a spot that is comfortable for you, and lets get at it.


Banish bed death from the world!!!

Smooches,
Keri

Keri, I can completely relate to what you said. I feel horrible when my partner doesn't want to be sexual with me as though I feel like I did something wrong or I am not attractive. I feel like I am attractive, but take it out on myself by emotionally eating (which I hate). She does make excuses but often blames herself for her lack of a sexual interest. I love her dearly, but how to amp sex...? I've tried talking toys, kink, etc. It's craziness.