Help me write this - discussion of gender dynamics in lesbian community

[Red Dirt Girl]

Originally Posted by Corkey

If in the "hundreds of lesbians" you find even a handful of Butches and Femmes who claim that gender identity for themselves you will have found a minority. The vocalized anti Butch Femme is something to pay attention to, because those are the genderphobic, I never said all of them were. Personally I have no time for those types of people.
Butch and Femme are a minority in a minority. I wouldn't say anything to people who are anti any group, I just wouldn't associate with them. Under my breath I may say a whole shipload of stuff, but I tend to ignore those who show their a@@'s publicly.

On one level I completely agree with Corkey's sentiment of “no time for those types of people”. I don’t want to feel pressured or required to explain myself or my partner or my preferred interpersonal dynamics romantically, sexually, fill-in-the-blankly, etc. just because someone is uncomfortable or doesn’t get it. If they are living in a majority kind of universe, I don’t think it’s common for them to be asked to explain or defend the way they live. But I also don’t want to assume that perceptions can’t change, that growth can’t occur, that understanding can’t settle into the space once occupied by fear/anger/disgust/whatever. I don’t think it’s a waste of energy to try to pry open a mind, especially when doing so has the potential to ultimately make the world a safer, happier and more free place for me (you, them, we, us…) to live in. In my experience, it is the talking about and being open with the difficult/personal/mind-your-own-business stuff that affords folks the opportunity to change their perceptions. It’s obviously not our job to do this, and it’s certainly not everyone’s cup of tea, but if we are able to safely be out and visible and vulnerable and communicative, we might find more minds opening than we expected. (I finally came out to my 87 year old, relatively conservative aunt who now asks about my partner on a regular basis! Go Aunt Lill!!)