Flirting in a Non-GLBT Space

rustedrims · 11-09-2013, 06:46 PM

First of all I wasn't expecting it and things out here just don't happen like that. It is entertainment and a small chance to be harassed. I didn't want to walk into something I wasn't prepared for. Maybe the next time I might be a little more curious and take the hint and ask something like are you hitting on me? Guess I had other things on my mind. I don't know.

imperfect_cupcake · 11-09-2013, 06:59 PM

smiling back, thinking something naughty and grinning, giving her a wink, those are all accepted things to flirt back with. You don't have to go straight for "are you flirting with me" lol

I'd probably deny it if asked too abruptly. I'd feel as if I'd offended someone and back paddle very quickly.

but that's me.

I'm not yelling at you RR. I'm just saying your brain talk is all about how vulnerable you were. maybe considering that she is too might help? that's all. She's giving a small chance she could be harassed by other people in the store after you leave, a small chance you could get angry, a small chance that you are taken and get snotty and reject her in an unpleasant way. the risks aren't all on one side... that's all I'm trying to point out to people

imperfect_cupcake · 11-09-2013, 08:01 PM

Also I have to deal with this self-talk in my head: "what if she's taken and her gf is going to come in, in like the exact moment I'm trying"
"what if she thinks I'm ugly or gross? or rude? or invasive? or her dad died last week and this is really disrespectful?"
"she's looking at me oh god I really hope she doesn't do that hostile blank glare at me when I smile at her, I fucking hate that"
"There is 5,000 younger and prettier femmes in this city. I'm some 44 year old shoe leather, issue queen with gigantic baggage. She probably wants someone younger to hit on her"
"she looks like she's really in a bad mood and wants to be left alone. maybe now is a bad time. I could make her feel totally harassed. Maybe she doesn't want to be sexualised."

so if I *do* make it to saying hello, I've just made it through a WALL of self doubt. I didn't have this in london. it was easy. here, I bounced up to people, bought them drinks, chatted, introduced myself, and still wound up sitting by myself.

One hideously embarassing situation a very handsome woman was flirting back, very heavily and bought me a drink and I leaned in to kiss her about 30 min later and got "whoah! sorry chicky. I'm taken." Cue feeling completely humiliated as her mates chuckled. I left about 10 minutes later.

So I'm personally taking a breather due to high end anxiety of not ever getting any signals back that I recognise. I do feel a bit beaten up and worn out from constant vaguely friendly flat affect response. I've been home a year. The only dates I've been on have been from a dating site. Though there are dykes everywhere, I have not managed to successfully flirt with a single one. One flirted with me in the grocery line and I was so shocked, I bushed purple and dropped the chocolate I was looking at in the stand and mumbled and fled. And felt like an idiot after for doing that. I hope I didn't offend her.

once in 12 months isn't a good score, really. I've lost my mojo. I don't even go to LGBT events anymore cause sitting on my own sucks shit. I talk to as many people as I can, but no one invites me to sit with them, no one buys me a drink, no one asks me to dance and no one offered me a light for my cigarette (when I still smoked).

So.... I gave up, really. I can totally relate Martina.

Dude · 11-09-2013, 09:03 PM

I think I might have been smirked at the other day. I lost her somewhere between the tool and insulation isle's

11-09-2013, 06:46 PM	#1
rustedrims Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Northern Ohio close to Lake Erie and ice-cream places Posts: 444 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,123 Thanked 2,553 Times in 367 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	First of all I wasn't expecting it and things out here just don't happen like that. It is entertainment and a small chance to be harassed. I didn't want to walk into something I wasn't prepared for. Maybe the next time I might be a little more curious and take the hint and ask something like are you hitting on me? Guess I had other things on my mind. I don't know. __________________ I don't want to be perfect because if I was then I will loose the ability to learn.

11-09-2013, 06:59 PM	#2
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	smiling back, thinking something naughty and grinning, giving her a wink, those are all accepted things to flirt back with. You don't have to go straight for "are you flirting with me" lol I'd probably deny it if asked too abruptly. I'd feel as if I'd offended someone and back paddle very quickly. but that's me. I'm not yelling at you RR. I'm just saying your brain talk is all about how vulnerable you were. maybe considering that she is too might help? that's all. She's giving a small chance she could be harassed by other people in the store after you leave, a small chance you could get angry, a small chance that you are taken and get snotty and reject her in an unpleasant way. the risks aren't all on one side... that's all I'm trying to point out to people Last edited by imperfect_cupcake; 11-09-2013 at 07:08 PM.

11-09-2013, 08:01 PM	#3
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Also I have to deal with this self-talk in my head: "what if she's taken and her gf is going to come in, in like the exact moment I'm trying" "what if she thinks I'm ugly or gross? or rude? or invasive? or her dad died last week and this is really disrespectful?" "she's looking at me oh god I really hope she doesn't do that hostile blank glare at me when I smile at her, I fucking hate that" "There is 5,000 younger and prettier femmes in this city. I'm some 44 year old shoe leather, issue queen with gigantic baggage. She probably wants someone younger to hit on her" "she looks like she's really in a bad mood and wants to be left alone. maybe now is a bad time. I could make her feel totally harassed. Maybe she doesn't want to be sexualised." so if I do make it to saying hello, I've just made it through a WALL of self doubt. I didn't have this in london. it was easy. here, I bounced up to people, bought them drinks, chatted, introduced myself, and still wound up sitting by myself. One hideously embarassing situation a very handsome woman was flirting back, very heavily and bought me a drink and I leaned in to kiss her about 30 min later and got "whoah! sorry chicky. I'm taken." Cue feeling completely humiliated as her mates chuckled. I left about 10 minutes later. So I'm personally taking a breather due to high end anxiety of not ever getting any signals back that I recognise. I do feel a bit beaten up and worn out from constant vaguely friendly flat affect response. I've been home a year. The only dates I've been on have been from a dating site. Though there are dykes everywhere, I have not managed to successfully flirt with a single one. One flirted with me in the grocery line and I was so shocked, I bushed purple and dropped the chocolate I was looking at in the stand and mumbled and fled. And felt like an idiot after for doing that. I hope I didn't offend her. once in 12 months isn't a good score, really. I've lost my mojo. I don't even go to LGBT events anymore cause sitting on my own sucks shit. I talk to as many people as I can, but no one invites me to sit with them, no one buys me a drink, no one asks me to dance and no one offered me a light for my cigarette (when I still smoked). So.... I gave up, really. I can totally relate Martina.

11-09-2013, 09:03 PM	#4
Dude Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Perusing Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: exit 5 with an exit 21 goal Posts: 1,725 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,351 Thanked 10,605 Times in 1,477 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I think I might have been smirked at the other day. I lost her somewhere between the tool and insulation isle's