Caregivers and Stress

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by TruTexan

My mom draws a small check from the VA as a widow because of my stepdad's passing. She also draws SSI and social security. This month mom got a letter from social security saying she would be drawing double her VA benefits due to the VA matching data it received. Guess what happened? It was a MISTAKE that caused her to lose her SSI benefit which in turn stopped her medicaid, which in turn stopped her Medicare premium payments, which in turn stopped her Rx assistance program, which in turn stopped her Food stamps. All because the VA is now using a computer matching program that sends the information the widower receives about her VA amount to the Soc. Security Administration which caused a DOUBLE amount to be shown as being received next month, which stopped all the benefits she was getting by the end of this month, NOV. 30 2013. Between my sister and I, we were able to get social security to get the correction made, but still have to now RE-APPLY for mom's food stamps SNAP benefits. Her check from SSI will be late next month if not the month after, and I'm still not sure if her Medicare savings program for paying her medicare premiums and extra help with her Rx 's will still be in effect for next month due to this mistake. Soc. security says it should be alright, but to reapply for snap food benefits which will take 30 days to get it processed, so mom's food stamps probably won't be here in time on the 1st of DEC. like she needs it to be. This new matching system between the VA and social security has caused problems for many widowers that I saw in the Human Resources Dept. complaining about all their benefits being stopped.
IF you have a parent you help , watch for this issue, and get on it right away or it's going to be a mess if you don't. JUST FYI. If you need any help with this , let me know, I've dealing with it now.
Justy.

Good Gods.... now that must be extremely stressful.
My mother only gets SSI and medicare. She pays for supplement insurance everymonth. It works for her. She has had some serious medical issues and it saved her from going into debt. Its a good insurance and she loves the peace of mind it gives her.

Then my sister decided mom needs to stop *wasting* $200.00 a month for supplement insurance. i disagreed. i have enough to deal with where my mom is concerned and chose NOT to deal with this. i told my sister she can take this issue up with my mom. She did, my mom said she didn't want to leave her insurance because its a good one and she trusts it.

That should have been the end of that.

She mentioned it to me and i told her that i was not interested.

THEN my sister writes to me a long snarkly email about the issues with my mother and once again turned it around that she is a victim of some sort.

Yah that ended well!

[girl_dee]

i've never heard of people on SSI getting food stamps. How does this work?

[TruTexan]

If you are getting SSI and social security, you may qualify to get food stamps....New name is called SNAP, Supplimental Nutritional Assistance Program. Apply at your local office, make sure you give them a copy of your SSI benefit letter(if you don't have one call social security and ask them to mail you a copy of your benefit letter for SSI it's diff. than social security), and any other income you get. IT varies from state to state the amount you can recieve in SNAP food benefits. Also, if you qualify and receive SSI and social security, you can most likely qualify to get your state to pay for your medicare part B and D premiums (or most of them) and possibly even for getting medicaid. This depends on the amount of money you get each month and what your state allows. Please contact you local food stamp office to ask about snap and medicaid applications for paying for your medicare premiums. You can also contact social security to ask them about an application for EXTRA HELP for paying for your medications too. . Fill them out, you never know what you qualify for.

[TruTexan]

Dee, I sent you a couple pm's you might could use for info.
Justy.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by TruTexan

Dee, I sent you a couple pm's you might could use for info.
Justy.

i got them and thank you.



My stress with my mom is not so much on the finance end, although she would be in a home if she did not live with relatives.

My stress is frustration. Frustration with her enjoying being helpless, her being inconsiderate and unappreciative. i am also very much aware that i put myself in this situation again.

[Jar]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

i got them and thank you.



My stress with my mom is not so much on the finance end, although she would be in a home if she did not live with relatives.

My stress is frustration. Frustration with her enjoying being helpless, her being inconsiderate and unappreciative. i am also very much aware that i put myself in this situation again.

You're doing the best you can and you have a big heart like me. You're in a tough place and she yanks that guilt cord. If it's any consolation I would've done the same as you have .... Really sorry Dee

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Jar

You're doing the best you can and you have a big heart like me. You're in a tough place and she yanks that guilt cord. If it's any consolation I would've done the same as you have .... Really sorry Dee

Jar, you have no idea how much these words to me. Truly. i feel like no one gets me, and everyone thinks i am just stupid for doing this, again. Thank you.


i feel all i hear is *close your door, lock her out, tell her to go home, set her straight, don't do this don't do that, TELL her ... " especially from those who would never speak to her this way, like my sister.

and although all those things are the logical thing to do, they are not who i am.Maybe that's why i am in this situation. i feel i can do all those things and not in a way that makes things worse.

When i explore WHY i do this *thing* with her, and i do, i know its because of my upbringing, wanting that acceptance, but i am here now, i have to live with myself, and for me i have to figure out a way to make this work so i am not completely insane, and its one day at a time. New challenges everyday with her.

i came home today from work, and closed my door (signal for stay out!) and spent a while just being home and also sending a message that i am not available 24/7. The whole time i knew she was back there waiting for me to open the door. i am trying to train myself not to think about that and just *be*. THat is the part i am struggling with.

After two hours i texted her to tell her that she could come over and watch tv with me if she wanted to. No reply and she was in the door within 15 seconds.

i basically have to kick her out every single night to give myself time before bed. It feels like i am kicking her out, because going to her place is pretty much the worst punishment in the world.

Its hard to live this way, but i have faith that it will get better and we can get through this.

[TruTexan]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

i've never heard of people on SSI getting food stamps. How does this work?

Dee, that special program for SSI....suplemental security income......recipients has to be done with the social security office by asking them to do a Manual Request for Certification for Medicaid in the computer system so SSI sends that information to the health and human services dept. so that they can get on the special program to recieve the highest benefits for food stamps, get their medicaid, and get on the Medicare savings program. IF you apply for food stamps seperately by online or filling out the application even though they are getting an SSI check, the food stamp amount will be lower. I dont' know why exactly, but This is what has happened to my mom today. I was in contact with the main office in Austin today that told me social security needed to send that manual request for medicaid certification in the computer system so they could restore the correct benefits and correct amounts she SHOULD receive via the SSI special program.
Just an FYI for you. oh, and SS is not the same thing as SSI they are two seperate checks/benefits.
SSI is ususually given to those that don't draw enough SS pay and there is a yearly allowance made to cover the difference by getting SSI benefit with SS.
IF you dont' understand any of what I'm saying, call me, I'll be glad to explain it to you, anytime.

PS..........
If you don't get SSI because you make too much SS then you must apply for food stamps via the regular application process.