Caregivers and Stress

TruTexan · 12-10-2013, 08:07 PM

So are all the other caregivers doing ok lately? I'm doing well so far. MUCH LESS stressed since I got mom's benefits all restored so far, we'll see how things go in Jan. 2014 when cola raises are here.

I hope all of you are having a much less stressful month this month, despite the holidays being upon us and that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

girl_dee · 12-10-2013, 08:38 PM

The weekends are a challenge for me. My mother waits for me to open the door to let my dog out to pounce on me and she does not let go for two days straight. She comes in and i have to fight to get her back out again. Her apartment is so damn nice, its very upsetting to me that she is so unhappy in it. i worked so hard to make it a place of her own that she can do whatever she wants in and afford to stay somewhere besides a home.

i told her that i needed to make a call.. HINT HINT go home! She will leave with a *ok i'm going to give you your SPACE*.. or *i'm aggravating you aren't i????*.. or *ok i'm going so you can have your privacy*

Just once can't she go because she likes being in HER own space? Why make a comment?? Just go and be glad that we've spent the day together. Nope, there is non of that, just snark. The only time she is happy is when we are out shopping or hanging out. i keep thinking if i do the things she wants and needs to do she will back off, that does not work, as soon as we are done with one thing she is ready to do something else. She is miserable here and bored to death because her fear of the world keeps her locked up. She lives literally 10 feet from my back door and locks herself in anytime she is there.

i keep hearing that one day i will be sorry i am being this way because she won't be around. i am sure that is true,but right now, in this moment i feel smothered. AND i did this to myself.

She only wants to socialize if i bring her, she won't drive to see the family but pushes me to bring her. i am trying to understand what the problem is.
She does nothing to enjoy herself in her place/space. Just sits and stares at the TV if she is in there. There is no *homely* feeling in there, its just a place she hides until she sees me and runs over here.

AND of course the guilt over the way i feel weighs heavy on me.

TruTexan · 12-10-2013, 08:55 PM

Dee, maybe take her to see a therapist during the week? I think if you set up an appt. for her and take her, and explain to the therapist what's going on, maybe she/he could help. Just don't tell your mom it's a therapist. It's time to do something so you don't regret anything you have done and time to do something about the issues at hand so your mom understands too and possibly gets that in her head as well. I'm so sorry you're feeling so much guilt about what you feel you need to do for your own sanity, I hear ya, I had to see a therapist on my own just to get through some things about my own mom. I hope you will consider this and see about getting help like this. I think you will possibly get some relief going. Her Medicare will cover the cost of seeing a therapist less a copay of 20 percent if she's on Original Medicare and not a Medicare advantage plan, otherwise if it's Med. Advantage plan then it's whatever her copay is for them. (If she has only the Red White and Blue Medicare Card that's Original Medicare).

What my sister and I are trying to get our mom to understand is that her damn house is falling apart and she can't afford to live in a reduced income apt. because she doesn't make enough to make ends meet without rent already, and my sister bought her a home but it's in TN, and mom refuses to move there to be near my younger sister and leave me or my older sister here in TX. She's stubborn and doesn't understand what we try to do for HER, Especially what my sister has done. So, we just have to wait and see what happens with the house she's living in to fall in or something drastic to get her to move to TN. I just hope one day soon, she will come to appreciate the new home and want to move into it and move there.

girl_dee · 12-10-2013, 09:01 PM

Thank you but there is NO way on Gods green earth my mother would go to a therapist.

But i could use one!

TruTexan · 12-10-2013, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Thank you but there is NO way on Gods green earth my mother would go to a therapist.

But i could use one!

Then by all means, go and get some relief for yourself and bounce some stuff of them, maybe there's something they can come up with to get your mom to be more active. Have you tried taking your mom to a seniors activity center on the weekends to see if there is any activities going on and get her comfortable enough to meet people and maybe start going? I dunno.

PS. My mom won't see a therapist either, that's why I WENT. lol

JustLovelyJenn · 12-10-2013, 09:47 PM

I have never really thought about the fact that I act as a caregiver until recently, when a specialist we were seeing suggested I might look into getting a caregiver to help give me a break.... I have a 9 year old son with high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and an impulse control disorder.

Its a lot of work, and a whole lot of stress... I am just going to follow along for now.

TruTexan · 12-13-2013, 11:46 AM

I just had some ideas Dee:
what if you talked with your mom and designated certain days she can come over and you two can play board games or card games together or regular dominoes? Maybe you can set up a few days a week that you can get your mom to start playing those games with you and in time, if she enjoys it, then you can ease her into going out to the local community center to play them with others her age group?

Or get her to volunteer with meals on wheels. If she doesn't drive she might be able to get someone in the area that does this, to pick her up and she can help prepare meals or even deliver food with someone, for those that need it.??
Just a couple Ideas that I hope might work for ya.

girl_dee · 12-14-2013, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustLovelyJenn

I have never really thought about the fact that I act as a caregiver until recently, when a specialist we were seeing suggested I might look into getting a caregiver to help give me a break.... I have a 9 year old son with high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and an impulse control disorder.

Its a lot of work, and a whole lot of stress... I am just going to follow along for now.

i was hoping some that are taking care of young folks would chime in. Sometimes i don't think those who do give themselves credit. It's stressful caring for a healthy child, it must be completely overwhelming (however rewarding) taking care of a high needs child.

you get to feel tired and stressed out when it happens!

12-10-2013, 08:07 PM	#1
TruTexan Senior Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: in a one horse town in a large state, in the U.S. Posts: 3,952 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 5,266 Times in 1,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	So are all the other caregivers doing ok lately? I'm doing well so far. MUCH LESS stressed since I got mom's benefits all restored so far, we'll see how things go in Jan. 2014 when cola raises are here. I hope all of you are having a much less stressful month this month, despite the holidays being upon us and that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. __________________

12-10-2013, 08:55 PM	#3
TruTexan Senior Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: in a one horse town in a large state, in the U.S. Posts: 3,952 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 5,266 Times in 1,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Dee, maybe take her to see a therapist during the week? I think if you set up an appt. for her and take her, and explain to the therapist what's going on, maybe she/he could help. Just don't tell your mom it's a therapist. It's time to do something so you don't regret anything you have done and time to do something about the issues at hand so your mom understands too and possibly gets that in her head as well. I'm so sorry you're feeling so much guilt about what you feel you need to do for your own sanity, I hear ya, I had to see a therapist on my own just to get through some things about my own mom. I hope you will consider this and see about getting help like this. I think you will possibly get some relief going. Her Medicare will cover the cost of seeing a therapist less a copay of 20 percent if she's on Original Medicare and not a Medicare advantage plan, otherwise if it's Med. Advantage plan then it's whatever her copay is for them. (If she has only the Red White and Blue Medicare Card that's Original Medicare). What my sister and I are trying to get our mom to understand is that her damn house is falling apart and she can't afford to live in a reduced income apt. because she doesn't make enough to make ends meet without rent already, and my sister bought her a home but it's in TN, and mom refuses to move there to be near my younger sister and leave me or my older sister here in TX. She's stubborn and doesn't understand what we try to do for HER, Especially what my sister has done. So, we just have to wait and see what happens with the house she's living in to fall in or something drastic to get her to move to TN. I just hope one day soon, she will come to appreciate the new home and want to move into it and move there. __________________

12-10-2013, 09:47 PM	#6
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,991 Times in 3,684 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I have never really thought about the fact that I act as a caregiver until recently, when a specialist we were seeing suggested I might look into getting a caregiver to help give me a break.... I have a 9 year old son with high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and an impulse control disorder. Its a lot of work, and a whole lot of stress... I am just going to follow along for now. __________________ --Jenn

12-13-2013, 11:46 AM	#7
TruTexan Senior Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: in a one horse town in a large state, in the U.S. Posts: 3,952 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 5,266 Times in 1,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I just had some ideas Dee: what if you talked with your mom and designated certain days she can come over and you two can play board games or card games together or regular dominoes? Maybe you can set up a few days a week that you can get your mom to start playing those games with you and in time, if she enjoys it, then you can ease her into going out to the local community center to play them with others her age group? Or get her to volunteer with meals on wheels. If she doesn't drive she might be able to get someone in the area that does this, to pick her up and she can help prepare meals or even deliver food with someone, for those that need it.?? Just a couple Ideas that I hope might work for ya. __________________

12-10-2013, 08:38 PM	#2
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	The weekends are a challenge for me. My mother waits for me to open the door to let my dog out to pounce on me and she does not let go for two days straight. She comes in and i have to fight to get her back out again. Her apartment is so damn nice, its very upsetting to me that she is so unhappy in it. i worked so hard to make it a place of her own that she can do whatever she wants in and afford to stay somewhere besides a home. i told her that i needed to make a call.. HINT HINT go home! She will leave with a ok i'm going to give you your SPACE.. or i'm aggravating you aren't i????.. or ok i'm going so you can have your privacy Just once can't she go because she likes being in HER own space? Why make a comment?? Just go and be glad that we've spent the day together. Nope, there is non of that, just snark. The only time she is happy is when we are out shopping or hanging out. i keep thinking if i do the things she wants and needs to do she will back off, that does not work, as soon as we are done with one thing she is ready to do something else. She is miserable here and bored to death because her fear of the world keeps her locked up. She lives literally 10 feet from my back door and locks herself in anytime she is there. i keep hearing that one day i will be sorry i am being this way because she won't be around. i am sure that is true,but right now, in this moment i feel smothered. AND i did this to myself. She only wants to socialize if i bring her, she won't drive to see the family but pushes me to bring her. i am trying to understand what the problem is. She does nothing to enjoy herself in her place/space. Just sits and stares at the TV if she is in there. There is no homely feeling in there, its just a place she hides until she sees me and runs over here. AND of course the guilt over the way i feel weighs heavy on me.

12-10-2013, 09:01 PM	#4
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Thank you but there is NO way on Gods green earth my mother would go to a therapist. But i could use one!