Caregivers and Stress

[girl_dee]

Thank you but there is NO way on Gods green earth my mother would go to a therapist.

But i could use one!

[TruTexan]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Thank you but there is NO way on Gods green earth my mother would go to a therapist.

But i could use one!

Then by all means, go and get some relief for yourself and bounce some stuff of them, maybe there's something they can come up with to get your mom to be more active. Have you tried taking your mom to a seniors activity center on the weekends to see if there is any activities going on and get her comfortable enough to meet people and maybe start going? I dunno.

PS. My mom won't see a therapist either, that's why I WENT. lol

[JustLovelyJenn]

I have never really thought about the fact that I act as a caregiver until recently, when a specialist we were seeing suggested I might look into getting a caregiver to help give me a break.... I have a 9 year old son with high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and an impulse control disorder.

Its a lot of work, and a whole lot of stress... I am just going to follow along for now.

[TruTexan]

I just had some ideas Dee:
what if you talked with your mom and designated certain days she can come over and you two can play board games or card games together or regular dominoes? Maybe you can set up a few days a week that you can get your mom to start playing those games with you and in time, if she enjoys it, then you can ease her into going out to the local community center to play them with others her age group?

Or get her to volunteer with meals on wheels. If she doesn't drive she might be able to get someone in the area that does this, to pick her up and she can help prepare meals or even deliver food with someone, for those that need it.??
Just a couple Ideas that I hope might work for ya.

[Redsunflower]

I wanted to send out some hugs to all the carers around here just now.

[TruTexan]

I"m lucky my mom still does things on her own without me. She's pretty independent in that regard to getting around and doing stuff . I do however have to drive her to doctor appts out of town, she becomes a nervous wreck when in major traffic or going long distances. I take care of her needs when things with the home are concerned, if she needs anything personal and cannot afford it, mom comes first for me. I am the only one here that is willing to stay here and help her when she needs someone. My older sister lives 5 hrs away and is stubborn and hardly even calls mom anymore. My younger sister lives in TN and takes care of everything else mom needs such as roofing materials I need to put on the house to stop leaks, etc, and any major stuff like that that I cannot afford to do, but I do the labor work in return. I work to keep mom's car up to date and check it all the time, change the oil, tune it up, rotate the tires, etc. I just went through an ordeal with her losing all her major benefits and getting them reinstated. Finally, they seem to be alright for now, but we'll see come next month if they get screwed up again. Geeze I hope not. That was a nightmare to take care of. Anywho, I do what I do for my mom because she's the only mom I have and I love her, but I just can't live with her. We don't get along in that regard living together. Mom has OCD really bad and anything I do like wear socks or shoes in the house drives her mad crazy and she just loses it. LOL, so I live 15 miles from her, and keep my own sanity, and give her her own space she needs. It's best this way.

[Redsunflower]

Thank you for the welcome TruTexan.

Everything you describe sounds so familiar to me, I read your posts about the benefits mistake, I feel like I'm reliving all that frustration just hearing about your situation. Keeping calm and continually doing what needs done, in addition to all your own stuff, is not easy.

Keeping her car ok, I used to wonder why I did that for my ex when she didn't drive it for years but I did it anyway, the hospital appointments, always so many of them, one of the good things about all my ex's stays in hospital was that at least I didn't have to keep driving her there, how messed up is that?

Sounds like you and your mum living apart is a more manageable arrangement for you, that's great, you need your space.

As for the guilt...there's a conversation or 10 I need to have with my therapist.

Thanks for a great thread, I'll keep dropping by.

xx

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by TruTexan

I just had some ideas Dee:
what if you talked with your mom and designated certain days she can come over and you two can play board games or card games together or regular dominoes? Maybe you can set up a few days a week that you can get your mom to start playing those games with you and in time, if she enjoys it, then you can ease her into going out to the local community center to play them with others her age group?

Or get her to volunteer with meals on wheels. If she doesn't drive she might be able to get someone in the area that does this, to pick her up and she can help prepare meals or even deliver food with someone, for those that need it.??
Just a couple Ideas that I hope might work for ya.

Thank you for the suggestions. i'm working on getting some sort of pattern going with her.

[girl_dee]

tonite my mom and i were invited to a friends birthday party. She really likes this lady and wanted to go. it was for 6:30.

At 3:30 she started stressing about when we were leaving. Then it started raining so she was stressing about that. Frantic even. My mother has been deathly afraid of bad weather since i was a kid, (like hide in the bathroom with a flashlight and a radio until it stops raining) .... we finally left and she was chattering about how bad things are, and the rain OMG if it doesn't stop raining and why did we go out and the restaraunt had nothing she wanted so she didn't eat, she wouldn't touch the napkin because she may get a rash, sooooo she just sat there not eating... and it was too cold and the people were too loud and the little kids were being mean to each other (being normal) and and and...

Then when we left she wanted to stop and get something to eat.

my poor mom just cannot relax, she jumps out of her skin for just about everything and at times she feels like a complete stranger.

i was a bit stressed out when we got there after all that but then i just let it go and said screw it and had a great time.

[Redsunflower]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

i was a bit stressed out when we got there after all that but then i just let it go and said screw it and had a great time.

Well done for getting through all the stress stuff and managing to have a good time anyway, it's much easier said than done.
:-)

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by JustLovelyJenn

I have never really thought about the fact that I act as a caregiver until recently, when a specialist we were seeing suggested I might look into getting a caregiver to help give me a break.... I have a 9 year old son with high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and an impulse control disorder.

Its a lot of work, and a whole lot of stress... I am just going to follow along for now.

i was hoping some that are taking care of young folks would chime in. Sometimes i don't think those who do give themselves credit. It's stressful caring for a healthy child, it must be completely overwhelming (however rewarding) taking care of a high needs child.

you get to feel tired and stressed out when it happens!