Poly-friendly mingling/flirting thread

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

So I am gonna explain how it would go for *me*, this does not reflect how others would run their particular space.


If I coupled up with/ decided to mentor/ fall in like with/ decided to combine families with/ and they happened to be a peer(another Alpha.Master.Dom.Top), I would most likely do so with someone I have hand a long time, and I mean LONG LONG time Leather relationship with, it would have to be a REAL TIME exchange where both our houses were mingling, socializing, getting to know one another period of consideration and planning for a future blend of Households.


My peer and I (An Alpha.Master.Top.Dominant) would be to busy getting things in order, (having already spent a great deal of time together with all our peoples) to even have to worry about some weird *Alphas killing eachother* kind of bullshit up in my sacred space, that kind of weird chest bumping I am *Alpha* so therefore I have to be in charge of it all is NOT going to function well in a House that is being constructed under the guidance of 2 Dominants.

Dominants with common sense are going to talk about how to handle and check their egos at the door before exposing any of their property to that kind of unnecessary drama and stress.


If you (GENERAL) have an issue with other Alphas, then you're (GENERAL) best bet is to be the ONLY Alpha in your household, it will save a lot of grief.


As for having all the people you are *seeing*, *fucking*, *dating*, *courting* etc under one roof, *I* couldn't do it.. *I* need breathing room, I need private one on one time, individual time in an individual space, where I am not having to worry about (insert slave's name here) having to see, watch, and be around private intimate moments between me and (insert whatever here)

That for *ME* is to messy, I like to keep my compartments nice and tidy and in seperate drawers.


Leather Women/Men run successful poly families with just one Master, Master and Mistress at times, Master with alpha submissive exploring Top side and bringing in a boy.girl it goes on and on.


It's the work that people have issues with sometimes, not the poly or idea, it takes work, consideration, empathy, and responsibility to make it work.

Thanks for the interaction

Thank you I can actually see that working and like you I would have to know my peer a long time before even considering such a mingling. I also agree that there are many forms of poly families ran by Leather Women/Men that are very successful because they are willing to do the work involved. I haven't seen/ran into much chest thumping in the Leather community at least not among those that have been at it awhile. I was just asking because I was actually talking to someone about the possibility of having a poly family with more then one Alpha but I think they were referring to non Leather situations and I wanted others opinion on if it was even possible or something they would want. Since I realize there is about a 1000 and 1 ways to do poly or non mongomy....Thank you again for answering

[Ms. Meander]

All of this communal living talk is giving me heart palpitations! Even though my current living situation is not so far off from "communal" -- it's challenging to me sometimes. The only reason it works for me is that I have absolute autonomy, my personal space is large and well removed from the others, the others respect my need for space (mostly), and it has nothing to do with my love/sex life.

This gal loves her "me time". For those of you who feel you require a good amount of time to yourselves and greatly value your autonomy --- how do you balance that with multiple lovers and/or play partners?

[imperfect_cupcake]

Good boundaries. Very good ones.

after working in the sex industry I have NO issue anymore in telling people no. cause punters will hound the living shit out of you for free time if you don't have good boundaries. Everyone wants a freebie. even if it's just talking to you for long enough to jerk off secretly while they make a fake booking.

So I'm very, very good at not responding to texts if I am not up for it. I just ignore it. I pretend its a phone and I'm not home to answer it. It's a message, not a giant loudspeaker demanding my attention.

If I'm busy with me I don't answer texts or phone calls or emails. If they throw a tantrum about it, we aren't going to work.

the people it does work with, if they don't get an answer, they bugger off and go do something else.

I am not seeing or screwing anyone right now, but that is how I have done it. I am an extrovert but I do need my independence and autonomy and my me time. And so I don't guilt myself into accomidating other people in that time. End of.

If I don't do that? I have a mental health melt down.

[imperfect_cupcake]

(And this is also why I can't do 24/7 stuff. I piss top/dom leather people off who are into 24/7 or old Gaurd because I come first, then my school work then they do. Dominant who don't need me to be attendant to them 24/7 don't find this an issue. Also getting told "you're bossy" really? Oh dear. "And sarcastic" gosh. I'm glad you told me this. I'll get right on that.
I tend to not really get along with. Those who just laugh at those answers instead of cracking a whip I'm going to ignore, I'll get along with incredibly well. And those will be the ones I wind up giving myself over to, down the road)

[Ms. Meander]

I am much more of an introvert (except when I'm not!) and I'm new with this "effectively asserting my boundaries" thing. I've turned over a new leaf lately and am feeling much more confident in my ability to meet my own needs and make sure I am involved only with people who respect my boundaries, particularly my need for space when I'm taking it.

Admittedly, I have yet to be challenged in this very much since I've made some internal changes (although some), so I'm just bolstering myself and listening to other people's experiences. I'm not really a "Fuck off" kind of person. I like to communicate gently, but some people can't hear what I'm saying unless I hit them over the head with a 2x4. They get one big bonk over the head and a discussion of how this needs to be different in the future - then if it happens again, that relationship is likely going to end or transform to platonic friendship. I've recently had an opportunity to practice this effectively. Sadly. But it feels pretty great to assert myself and come out feeling good about myself rather than like I've compromised my own needs too much.

[Ms. Meander]

I'll also add that part of what took me so long to "get it" has been that my boundaries were all mixed up in power dynamics, and being submissive. What I am experiencing *now* is that I can more fully submit and enjoy my experiences when I start on equal footing and make all of my own boundaries absolutely clear, and know I am heard and respected. THAT's hot!

Plus, I might be starting to explore some more dominant tendencies within me.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Ms. Meander

I'll also add that part of what took me so long to "get it" has been that my boundaries were all mixed up in power dynamics, and being submissive. What I am experiencing *now* is that I can more fully submit and enjoy my experiences when I start on equal footing and make all of my own boundaries absolutely clear, and know I am heard and respected. THAT's hot!

Plus, I might be starting to explore some more dominant tendencies within me.

I love how you just put this out on the table to examine, I think that happens a lot in poly relationships, people have a misconception and people who have submissive tendencies, character, habits will fall prey to someone who can manipulate them to think that *messy* poly is *acceptable* poly.


Submissive.bottom.slave does not mean you get to be treated like shit, manipulated, lied to etc.

Thanks for bringing that up!!