Flirting in a Non-GLBT Space

[Dude]

I got a rep that says winkers creep her out . dont do it!

I Love a good wink!
I actually looked for winking lessons on the youtube
and was dissapointed. Not a good winker in the bunch.
I've been practicing mine for two days (no mirror , first
It has to feel natural ? I think. It most Definately is a skill)

A smile is just a smile but a wink ....woah.. I love them
Do we need a poll ? Perhaps a new thread not in the femme zone?

[imperfect_cupcake]

oh it totally has to be natural or it can look a bit skeevy. a natural wink with a sparkly grin at the end of a joke is very attractive, I find and people have respond to it with me. it should be quick and gentle and natural. one of my exes, when looking across a room at me would smile amd wink. and that was like getting a kiss across the room.
someone walking down the street and just saying hi and winking is a bit heavy handed. but mixed in with conversation I think its really charming and cheeky.

[Nat]

I witnessed an awesome wink given by a femme about 6 months ago. First off, she has this totally angelic face which lulls a person into a sense that she isn't naughty. And then - I don't know what motivated it - something was said and she turned her head and gave the most awesome slow wink ever. I think it was great because she didn't rush it.

[~baby~doll~]

Socially i can be like a bull in the china shop. i am not very tactful so i just bowl right in. if i am rejected at least i tried.

[Bad_boi]

Originally Posted by ~baby~doll~

Socially i can be like a bull in the china shop. i am not very tactful so i just bowl right in. if i am rejected at least i tried.

This. All. Day.

Its better to get a no thank you than to not try. Not trying is already saying no to yourself!

[ProfPacker]

I was at a workshop this morning and I think one of the presenters was flirting with me. Been so long I have no idea. I was handling the physical space for the group. We did have a connection around the subject matter. She is also a social worker. Hmmm, she said, we will be in touch... do you have a card? She already had my work email on the sign in sheet. Of course I didn't, so she said we will be in touch. My gut said yes. Tried to find her on fb but she doesn't have one. Just took a leap and sent her an email from my personal email for her to have.

Does that sound right? She seems like someone I would like to have a drink with. Oy.

[Play]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

Butches are often shy, and they have good reasons to assume that all women they might find attractive and interesting when they're in straight spaces are straight. We can spot them, but without that rainbow necklace they have no reason to suspect that they might be in the same room with one of us. Honestly, if I were a butch I would never EVER have the moxie to approach a woman for a date outside of designated LGBT space.

When I see an interesting looking butch I take a deep breath, then simply smile as openly as I can, extend my hand, and say, "Hi, I'm Cheryl". I catch her eye and smile some more, waiting for her to respond. If I get nothing, I just say, "It's nice to meet you". I then force myself to not immediately run away in terror. A shy butch may be totally overwhelmed by the sudden attention and may need a few extra seconds to order her thoughts before responding.

Just remember that a butch in straight space has had a lifetime of feeling like there's water everywhere with nary a drop to drink. When I put myself in the place of a butch in straight space I know that it would take me far more than a few seconds to overcome the habitual hobbling of my flirting muscles in that circumstance.

This really hit home with me. I think I am fairly friendly when spoken to, but
because I present as masculine I don't engage in small talk unless someone
else initiates the conversation. I don't spend a lot of time in bars or clubs so
most of my experiences are out in the world where I have no clue about sexual
orientation. When a woman smiles or says "Hi" to me, I just assume they think
they know me or are generally friendly. Sometimes, if I am out with a friend or
my girl they will say something like "She looked you up and down so she was
definitely flirting with you." I tend to think that femmes that are in a public
setting that smile and wink or whatever the acknowledgment, is just saying
I recognize you are butch. This is always welcomed. I think the most common
form of "family" recognition is the prolonged eye contact. Even if no words are
exchanged it is just a nod to like people. Sadly, there are many spaces where
it is not safe to flirt, or even strike up a conversation because of backlash from
co-workers, family members or whomever.

So femmes, if you see a butch out there in the big bad world for all to see and
judge, give them a smile, a wink, a "Hi there" or any other acknowlegement.

It will make their day!

[imperfect_cupcake]

A butch smiled at me!!! Actually looked right at me and SMILED. For the first time in 15 months!!

Here's my FB post:

Hell Hath Frozen Over in Vancouver!!! A butch smiled at me! And not just that, she smiled at me FIRST. !!!!

Score in 15 months:

Me smiling at butch: 1,876
Butch giving me grumpy wasp face back: 1,012
Butch blanking me: 864
Butch smiling at me back: 0
Butch smiling at me first: 1


Comment from friend "holy shit!! Musta been a tourist!"

[C0LLETTE]

Strange. They smile at me all the time. Must be cause they think I'm a sweet little old lady.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Or maybe you don't live in Vancouver? Lol

[EmJay]

I find it soooo hard to meet butches and FTMs.

I live in a small town about an hour outside Vancouver. There is no LGBQT community here that I know of, so any cuties I see are in non-LGBQT areas like grocery stores or walking around the mall or something like that.

I am a femme and there are no indications that I am queer. There for highly unlikely I will be approached and I am wayyy too shy to approach someone else.

I like what someone posted about having a cute rainbow neclace. I think I will invest in one for myself. Great idea

HoneyB.. Highfive on the smile from a butch. I'm sad to hear it does not happen more often though! I've always had hope that if I made it out to Vancouver the gay community would be swarming and I'd be like.. These are my people! Lol

[Sweet Bliss]

Hummm.

Ya know, back in the olden days it was customary to hand some one a introduction card of sorts. Kinda like a business card only no business per se..

Maybe a card with a "we are family " kind of photo image or logo with contact info would be appropriate? I have blank biz cards with a fab image I take to art shows or fairs so I can hook up with other artists.

Maybe you artsy types could suggest interesting images?

just a random thought

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by EmJay

I find it soooo hard to meet butches and FTMs.

I live in a small town about an hour outside Vancouver. There is no LGBQT community here that I know of, so any cuties I see are in non-LGBQT areas like grocery stores or walking around the mall or something like that.

I am a femme and there are no indications that I am queer. There for highly unlikely I will be approached and I am wayyy too shy to approach someone else.

I like what someone posted about having a cute rainbow neclace. I think I will invest in one for myself. Great idea

HoneyB.. Highfive on the smile from a butch. I'm sad to hear it does not happen more often though! I've always had hope that if I made it out to Vancouver the gay community would be swarming and I'd be like.. These are my people! Lol

there is actually a very large queer, dyke and genderqueer community here but over the age of 35 its very difficult to break into. I just threw myself at the feet of a very sweet leatherdyke daddy who has a mutual friend of mine and said "HELP"
which was agonizing for me to do, as I'm damn independent. she said "aw. I know it took me ten years (she was 50 when she moved), I'll help ya." you need an introduction and balls of steel. vancouverites are friendly on the street and in the train bit the queers are kinda beyond apathetic if it goes further than their mates. too much pot.
at one event I tried very warmly and finally gave up amd went and flirted with the huge Jamaican bouncer dude in the end cause no one would have a conversation longer than 90 seconds with me or introduceme to anyone. I think they are a little inept. the drag queens are great though. when lost I just go sit with a drag queens.

they are here though, oodles. The East end of vancouver has heaps. if you are under 35 you won't have a problem.

[EmJay]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

there is actually a very large queer, dyke and genderqueer community here but over the age of 35 its very difficult to break into. I just threw myself at the feet of a very sweet leatherdyke daddy who has a mutual friend of mine and said "HELP"
which was agonizing for me to do, as I'm damn independent. she said "aw. I know it took me ten years (she was 50 when she moved), I'll help ya." you need an introduction and balls of steel. vancouverites are friendly on the street and in the train bit the queers are kinda beyond apathetic if it goes further than their mates. too much pot.
at one event I tried very warmly and finally gave up amd went and flirted with the huge Jamaican bouncer dude in the end cause no one would have a conversation longer than 90 seconds with me or introduceme to anyone. I think they are a little inept. the drag queens are great though. when lost I just go sit with a drag queens.
they are here though, oodles. The East end of vancouver has heaps. if you are under 35 you won't have a problem.

I am under 35, but rarely connect with those that are. When circumstances change in my life I think I will definitely move out that way and become more of a city girl. There's not much diversity out here and Vancouver is always fun. And on the beach. Can't complain there I went to the pride parade out there 2 years ago and was so smitten with the butches, it was way more than anything I've ever experienced out here. But when the time is right I'm sure the right one will come along for us all!

[imperfect_cupcake]

Lol oh, I've had several right ones in my life time, thanks.

Go to Man Up. It's bursting at the seams. It's a drag king night at the cobalt. They are on face book. They do an amateur night on Sundays, lots of young cute little things in their 20s fluffing their boyish feathers.

Lots of butches here don't call themselves butches here. they use other nomers. Genderqueer is far more used than butch now. I think people have chaffed at what they saw as a restrictive ID. Or boi. Or a few other things... But generally butch as an ID in Vancouver seems to mean something Different and far more restricted than it used to, here. It seems to only pertain to very masculine old school types, rather than the rainbow I once knew it as. Just a heads up, lots of other names here mean the same thing (in my understand with the word I grew up with) as butch. And someone may look like a butch to you but they may tell you very firmly they are not. They are ______. Just nod.
Lol.