What do YOU need to feel loved? - Page 2

Kätzchen · 05-23-2010, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adorable

I have been thinking about this for the last few days. Sometimes I think, we think we know - but do we really? Can we actually say or explain our needs to another person?

What makes YOU feel secure and loved?

Is it a way that someone talks to you? That they pay attention to how you feel and are in tune with your emotions? Do they make you feel interesting and special? Is it being able to say nothing and just "be" with that person?

Or is it in gestures? Flowers, breakfast in bed? Notes on the pillow?

Is it routine? Coming home every Friday and knowing that Friday is always pizza night? Making the bed together every morning? Sunday is cleaning day?

What do you need to feel loved the way that you need to be loved?

I think the number one thing that adds to my feelings of safety and security in a loving relationship is when the other person makes time for me and gives me their undivided attention.

For example, they hear me: they listen to me actively and when they respond to me (in the way that they do), it makes me feel loved. Or said differently??? When they care about what bothers me, hurts me or causes me pain or brings me joy or any number of things and they offer comfort to me - in whatever form of natural expression that comes from a heart centered place of genuine care and concern for me??? It's the number one way that I am able to recognise that they truly love me. I need that the most; it's like oxygen to me - knowing that they care about me: This is what causes me to feel secure and loved.

Blade · 05-23-2010, 07:09 PM

Obviously I don't have a clue..................or at least don't have a clue how to recognize when it happens or not

Kenna · 05-23-2010, 08:28 PM

This one is very hard for me to think about.

I try not to think about love or being loved ... it might cause me to let my walls down or to give someone a key to a very deep part of my inner-self.

I'm not a "needy" person. But there are a few things I would like to experience in this life...before going to the next one and having to search all over again.

I need to feel protected... to eventually share my worst fears with someone, and have them NOT use it against me.

To feel protected when I have had a nasty day being a Tough-Ass-Boss at work, but the "little girl" in me needs comfort and a tender touch.

I am far from weak... but have weak moments... if I can ever find someone to trust with that key to the very deep part of my inner-self,
I need to feel protected and respected during my weak moments.

I didn't feel protected as a child or young adult... I would NEVER take for granted the special person that could do this for me. And I would NEVER take for granted the special gift of protection they would bestow on me.

I think if I could find the kind of special person who's willing to protect me in a way that I have always dreamed of... I may possibly be able to think about love and being loved without fear of being hurt. I think I would and could love them with all my heart and soul if they could do this for me.

(that's all I wish to share at this time... maybe more later)

Passionaria · 05-23-2010, 08:54 PM

I need tenderness, it is the key to my heart......

Pashi

Sachita · 05-24-2010, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet

This one is very hard for me to think about.

I try not to think about love or being loved ... it might cause me to let my walls down or to give someone a key to a very deep part of my inner-self.

I'm not a "needy" person. But there are a few things I would like to experience in this life...before going to the next one and having to search all over again.

I need to feel protected... to eventually share my worst fears with someone, and have them NOT use it against me.

To feel protected when I have had a nasty day being a Tough-Ass-Boss at work, but the "little girl" in me needs comfort and a tender touch.

I am far from weak... but have weak moments... if I can ever find someone to trust with that key to the very deep part of my inner-self,
I need to feel protected and respected during my weak moments.

I didn't feel protected as a child or young adult... I would NEVER take for granted the special person that could do this for me. And I would NEVER take for granted the special gift of protection they would bestow on me.

I think if I could find the kind of special person who's willing to protect me in a way that I have always dreamed of... I may possibly be able to think about love and being loved without fear of being hurt. I think I would and could love them with all my heart and soul if they could do this for me.

(that's all I wish to share at this time... maybe more later)

I couldnt have said this better. Thank you and agree 100%.

SuperFemme · 05-24-2010, 01:08 PM

I think a terminal illness is perhaps the biggest test of love.
Plato is stil here, and loves me. Even when I can't get out of bed
and have puke in my hair.

Knowing that hy can love me thru even the worst days has given
me a sense of security I've never had before.

Kenna · 11-18-2010, 12:13 AM

Security; knowing I'm safe and respected
a Partner that doesn't expect me to be the sole care-taker, provider and cook in the kitchen (I'm so tired of doing it all myself for the past 30+ years)
Support and Compassion
Hugs and quality time with my nieces
tender kisses on my forehead at the end of the day
Someone (friends, family, lover, et al.) to share dreams and life with, and not someone that sucks the life out of me or kills my dreams and cuts my connections with family & friends like my ex of many many years ago did.

family dinners where we can share our day's events and quality time together
Space of my own when the time is needed; without having to defend why I need space
Shared Space where their presence is very comforting and reassuring.
the sense of Familiarity and Protection

AtLast · 11-18-2010, 04:38 AM

Willingness to engage when things are shakey. What is uncomfortable must be resolved.

Tcountry · 11-18-2010, 05:24 AM

Understanding...no matter how hard the circumstance...

girl_dee · 11-18-2010, 06:11 AM

safe haven
understanding
tight grip
acceptance
allowing me to love back.

LipstickLola · 11-18-2010, 06:15 AM

I need you to always, have my back, for I will always have yours

asphaltcowboi · 11-18-2010, 06:16 AM

good two way conversation
fire in the fireplace
cup of coco
shared puffy blanket that smells like lavendaer fabric softner

lespere · 06-27-2011, 05:39 PM

I feel most loved with a combination of physical touch, cuddling as well as romantic / sexual and listening.

To me feeling most loved is to be supported and encouraged to what makes me the happiest, and allows me to care for someone in the same way.

I read an interesting book a few years ago about how each of us shows and feels love in different ways - how to help identify what makes you and your Sig Other feel most loved - called "The Five Love Languages":. While not all parts of the book were in sync with my beliefs I felt the message was a good one.

cinderella · 06-27-2011, 05:53 PM

attention (the good kind)
tenderness and kindness
consideration
helpfullness - the unselfish kind
strength - moral, spiritual, and character
integrity & honesty without brutality
humor - able to laugh at themselves first
humanity - a strong love for nature and all it's living creatures (except bugs - I hate bugs! lol)
affectionate - without shame or embarrassment in showing it
unbridled passion and romance (even the corny kind, I love it!)

well that's the short list...

girl_dee · 06-27-2011, 06:11 PM

Her hand at my throat and a me at Her boots.....

Tuff Stuff · 07-24-2015, 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adorable

I have been thinking about this for the last few days. Sometimes I think, we think we know - but do we really? Can we actually say or explain our needs to another person?

What makes YOU feel secure and loved? Is it being able to say nothing and just "be" with that person?

What do you need to feel loved the way that you need to be loved?

Nothing material will make me feel loved.It won't be nothing she said.It won't be nothing she does for me physically.I feel loved when she's right there by me.She can be a thousand and one miles away from me,but I can still feel her right next to me.I can pick up my phone and give her a call and hear her voice.I feel loved when she looks at me and without speaking any words tells me to "fix it" (take action,take the reigns)and I can.

Shystonefem · 07-25-2015, 05:09 AM

Kindness

Surprises (doesn't have to be expensive gifts)

Let me be who I am - don't love me for what you think you can change me into

Emotional and intellectual intimacy

Should have a couple things in common

Treat my family kindly. You don't have to like them but be kind because I love them.

Be secure enough to not get upset when I go out with my friends and I will do the same.

Support my dreams as I would support yours.

Gemme · 07-25-2015, 05:16 AM

petroleum jelly and a snorkel
a stuffed Pooh bear
sushi
singing "I feel pretty....oh so pretty!" in the middle of the street

JDeere · 08-16-2015, 07:16 PM

ATTENTION! I am an attention whore galore. If I give you my time and attention I expect it back in return!

Vivacious1 · 08-19-2015, 06:52 PM

Choccie, lots of it!

05-23-2010, 08:28 PM	#3
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,196 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	This one is very hard for me to think about. I try not to think about love or being loved ... it might cause me to let my walls down or to give someone a key to a very deep part of my inner-self. I'm not a "needy" person. But there are a few things I would like to experience in this life...before going to the next one and having to search all over again. I need to feel protected... to eventually share my worst fears with someone, and have them NOT use it against me. To feel protected when I have had a nasty day being a Tough-Ass-Boss at work, but the "little girl" in me needs comfort and a tender touch. I am far from weak... but have weak moments... if I can ever find someone to trust with that key to the very deep part of my inner-self, I need to feel protected and respected during my weak moments. I didn't feel protected as a child or young adult... I would NEVER take for granted the special person that could do this for me. And I would NEVER take for granted the special gift of protection they would bestow on me. I think if I could find the kind of special person who's willing to protect me in a way that I have always dreamed of... I may possibly be able to think about love and being loved without fear of being hurt. I think I would and could love them with all my heart and soul if they could do this for me. (that's all I wish to share at this time... maybe more later) __________________ **************************** She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~

05-23-2010, 08:54 PM	#4
Passionaria Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Urban Bohemian : http://youtu.be/IM96Ch9Gx4A Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: She ran away with with the Gypsy's ✿ Posts: 2,519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,316 Thanked 3,737 Times in 1,248 Posts Rep Power: 16689910	I need tenderness, it is the key to my heart...... Pashi __________________ *Moon cat madness*

11-18-2010, 05:24 AM	#9
Tcountry Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Country Boi Preferred Pronoun?: call it as u see it Relationship Status: Completely...complete ;) Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Either at the beach or in the pool Posts: 1,665 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,929 Thanked 4,287 Times in 1,181 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Understanding...no matter how hard the circumstance... __________________ "You don't Find life worth living; You MAKE IT that way"

11-18-2010, 06:16 AM	#12
asphaltcowboi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: butch Relationship Status: HAPPY Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: ..... Posts: 1,509 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,367 Thanked 3,297 Times in 1,042 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	good two way conversation fire in the fireplace cup of coco shared puffy blanket that smells like lavendaer fabric softner __________________

06-27-2011, 05:39 PM	#13
lespere Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: single Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: SF East Bay Posts: 11 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 37 Thanked 16 Times in 7 Posts Rep Power: 0	Feeling loved I feel most loved with a combination of physical touch, cuddling as well as romantic / sexual and listening. To me feeling most loved is to be supported and encouraged to what makes me the happiest, and allows me to care for someone in the same way. I read an interesting book a few years ago about how each of us shows and feels love in different ways - how to help identify what makes you and your Sig Other feel most loved - called "The Five Love Languages":. While not all parts of the book were in sync with my beliefs I felt the message was a good one.

05-23-2010, 07:09 PM	#2
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,415 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Obviously I don't have a clue..................or at least don't have a clue how to recognize when it happens or not

05-24-2010, 01:08 PM	#6
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	I think a terminal illness is perhaps the biggest test of love. Plato is stil here, and loves me. Even when I can't get out of bed and have puke in my hair. Knowing that hy can love me thru even the worst days has given me a sense of security I've never had before.

11-18-2010, 12:13 AM	#7
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,196 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Security; knowing I'm safe and respected a Partner that doesn't expect me to be the sole care-taker, provider and cook in the kitchen (I'm so tired of doing it all myself for the past 30+ years) Support and Compassion Hugs and quality time with my nieces tender kisses on my forehead at the end of the day Someone (friends, family, lover, et al.) to share dreams and life with, and not someone that sucks the life out of me or kills my dreams and cuts my connections with family & friends like my ex of many many years ago did. family dinners where we can share our day's events and quality time together Space of my own when the time is needed; without having to defend why I need space Shared Space where their presence is very comforting and reassuring. the sense of Familiarity and Protection

11-18-2010, 04:38 AM	#8
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Willingness to engage when things are shakey. What is uncomfortable must be resolved.

11-18-2010, 06:11 AM	#10
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	safe haven understanding tight grip acceptance allowing me to love back.

11-18-2010, 06:15 AM	#11
LipstickLola Member How Do You Identify?: Happy Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: planet Earth Posts: 682 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,679 Thanked 1,597 Times in 433 Posts Rep Power: 5678217	I need you to always, have my back, for I will always have yours

06-27-2011, 05:53 PM	#14
cinderella Member How Do You Identify?: Pinky's mommy :) Preferred Pronoun?: Su Majestad Relationship Status: Happy with my puppy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Pocono Mtns., Pa. Posts: 1,238 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4 Thanked 1,501 Times in 638 Posts Rep Power: 14266108	So many things, but these will suffice for a start... attention (the good kind) tenderness and kindness consideration helpfullness - the unselfish kind strength - moral, spiritual, and character integrity & honesty without brutality humor - able to laugh at themselves first humanity - a strong love for nature and all it's living creatures (except bugs - I hate bugs! lol) affectionate - without shame or embarrassment in showing it unbridled passion and romance (even the corny kind, I love it!) well that's the short list... __________________ Who needs reality when you have Turner Classic Movies!! The is an organ of fire.

06-27-2011, 06:11 PM	#15
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Her hand at my throat and a me at Her boots.....

07-25-2015, 05:09 AM	#17
Shystonefem Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Shy for President Join Date: May 2014 Location: NH Posts: 1,105 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,475 Thanked 3,674 Times in 897 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Kindness Surprises (doesn't have to be expensive gifts) Let me be who I am - don't love me for what you think you can change me into Emotional and intellectual intimacy Should have a couple things in common Treat my family kindly. You don't have to like them but be kind because I love them. Be secure enough to not get upset when I go out with my friends and I will do the same. Support my dreams as I would support yours.

07-25-2015, 05:16 AM	#18
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,973 Times in 25,664 Posts Rep Power: 21474888	petroleum jelly and a snorkel a stuffed Pooh bear sushi singing "I feel pretty....oh so pretty!" in the middle of the street __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

08-16-2015, 07:16 PM	#19
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,836 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474864	ATTENTION! I am an attention whore galore. If I give you my time and attention I expect it back in return! __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

08-19-2015, 06:52 PM	#20
Vivacious1 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme Relationship Status: taken Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Louisiana Posts: 220 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 195 Thanked 795 Times in 178 Posts Rep Power: 6042525	I need Choccie, lots of it! __________________ Well behaved women rarely make history ...