Rethinking our partner wishlists. Is it "settling" or adjusting to reality?

Shystonefem · 05-26-2014, 02:30 PM

Not going to settle.... if there is nobody there, Ok.... I love animals... I love laughter, I love free time, I love to cuddle, I don't want you to yell at me, I am not all about "floors you can eat off of" - the house is clean but will never be spotless...... I love life and I love adventure.

Kätzchen · 03-29-2015, 01:02 AM

Strangely, having a conversation on the subject of settling for less, within the context of type of employment or career/career goals, rather than within the realm of a romantic relationship, was how it all began for me and the person I am exclusively seeing.

He asked me, in a roundabout way, why I was settling for less (he didn't ask, he just submitted his idea, fishing for my response). I was glad for the opportunity to ask why he thought I was settling for less (in my former roe at work), and I submitted the idea that it is not always 'settling for less' or 'adjusting to reality', when in reality chances are that we run with what we've got and build on what we can and take steps to grow (or go forward) with what we presently have or take a chance when we see opportunities to explore new realms of life. I followed up with giving him an example of how I landed the job I had (at the time) and qualified my rationale that if I had not elected to participate in my former role that one consequence would be that we would have never met each other, at all.

That said, I feel that it is good when we have a good inkling of what it is that we want or might need (ie, list of preferences). But even on my best day of knowing what I want or need is not enough.

He was impressed with my ability to propose an alternate view on whether we settle for less or have any sort of settlement that lends toward a sense of satisfaction or adds to the sum of happiness we search for.

In my mind, all the ideas I have had about what I want or need have come into play, to a certain degree, whether the focus is that of an career or employment to the type of relationship one seeks and hopes to find.

For us, thankfully, it has been conversational topics such as the one spoken of here (ie, settling for less, etc) that paved the way for us to collaborate, while pontificating on subjective ideas, within an objective trained acuity.

I am grateful and feel blessed that he is timely in his process and style of communication.

Which is a big deal, to me (holding ones own as a communicator in communicating our ideas, needs, wants and desires).

03-29-2015, 01:02 AM	#2
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: May 2010 Location: Sharing my life with my granddaughter, family & friends. ツ Posts: 16,142 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,544 Thanked 33,569 Times in 10,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	Strangely, having a conversation on the subject of settling for less, within the context of type of employment or career/career goals, rather than within the realm of a romantic relationship, was how it all began for me and the person I am exclusively seeing. He asked me, in a roundabout way, why I was settling for less (he didn't ask, he just submitted his idea, fishing for my response). I was glad for the opportunity to ask why he thought I was settling for less (in my former roe at work), and I submitted the idea that it is not always 'settling for less' or 'adjusting to reality', when in reality chances are that we run with what we've got and build on what we can and take steps to grow (or go forward) with what we presently have or take a chance when we see opportunities to explore new realms of life. I followed up with giving him an example of how I landed the job I had (at the time) and qualified my rationale that if I had not elected to participate in my former role that one consequence would be that we would have never met each other, at all. That said, I feel that it is good when we have a good inkling of what it is that we want or might need (ie, list of preferences). But even on my best day of knowing what I want or need is not enough. He was impressed with my ability to propose an alternate view on whether we settle for less or have any sort of settlement that lends toward a sense of satisfaction or adds to the sum of happiness we search for. In my mind, all the ideas I have had about what I want or need have come into play, to a certain degree, whether the focus is that of an career or employment to the type of relationship one seeks and hopes to find. For us, thankfully, it has been conversational topics such as the one spoken of here (ie, settling for less, etc) that paved the way for us to collaborate, while pontificating on subjective ideas, within an objective trained acuity. I am grateful and feel blessed that he is timely in his process and style of communication. Which is a big deal, to me (holding ones own as a communicator in communicating our ideas, needs, wants and desires). __________________ “The way someone treats you is not a reflection of your worth: It’s a reflection of their emotional capacity,” ~ Jillian Turecki.

05-26-2014, 02:30 PM	#1
Shystonefem Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Shy for President Join Date: May 2014 Location: NH Posts: 1,105 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,475 Thanked 3,671 Times in 897 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Not going to settle.... if there is nobody there, Ok.... I love animals... I love laughter, I love free time, I love to cuddle, I don't want you to yell at me, I am not all about "floors you can eat off of" - the house is clean but will never be spotless...... I love life and I love adventure.