Demographics of how we date/partner/be single

[Gráinne]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

For those who ONLY monogamously date people (before you are considered their partner)

are your first dates the first time you have met them?

Do you become monogamous right after the first time you meet them, on that first date?

Do you need to have a crush on them right after the first date?

If you have two people ask you out on a date from a dating site, let's say, and you don't know either of them, but they both sound nice, and you only talk to both of them a little bit before they asked, how do you decide which one you will monogamously date? And if you go out on five dates with one and it doesn't work out, have you slept with that person once?
So it doesn't work out... You slept with them once, it's just not working after five dates... Do you go back to the first one you thought was nice as well and say "hi... Um... Oops! Wrong choice, let's try dating!"

Do you need to have a crush on someone to date them?

Do you have heavy crushes on people before you sleep with them or know them well?

If you haven't slept with someone yet and someone else asks you out on a date, would you say yes if you thought they were attractive (as a person) and you were curious ?

Does monogamously dating only count if you are sleeping with the person? If you aren't sleeping with them yet can you still date other people and still consider yourself a monogamous dater? Or is it from the first date, right there that you can only date them, even if you haven't slept together yet?

As for me: Not dating, no sex, nada. Not looking, but see status over there.

For the questions:

1. A big "it depends". I've dated fresh off the Internet, and I've dated people I already knew as friends.

2. I do seem to see one person at a time, but I don't have the "exclusive" or "going steady" talk until several dates later (or a month or so). I don't rush that talk but I like it to happen by about 3 months of weekly dating, let's say.

3. I need to feel attraction, admiration, and a good feeling around them to keep going and not friend zone them.

4. I've decided I need to feel in love with someone to make it worth it. Maybe that chops a lot of sex out of my life, but that's my feeling. And I automatically have to know them well. I'm talking the three months of dating, at least, and waiting longer than that.

5. Yes, if before the exclusivity talk and both of us were open about seeing others. However, it just seems like I'm monogamous earlier.

6. Again, I'd have the monogamy talk before sleeping with someone anyway.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Gráinne

As for me: Not dating, no sex, nada. Not looking, but see status over there.

For the questions:

1. A big "it depends". I've dated fresh off the Internet, and I've dated people I already knew as friends.

2. I do seem to see one person at a time, but I don't have the "exclusive" or "going steady" talk until several dates later (or a month or so). I don't rush that talk but I like it to happen by about 3 months of weekly dating, let's say.

3. I need to feel attraction, admiration, and a good feeling around them to keep going and not friend zone them.

4. I've decided I need to feel in love with someone to make it worth it. Maybe that chops a lot of sex out of my life, but that's my feeling. And I automatically have to know them well. I'm talking the three months of dating, at least, and waiting longer than that.

5. Yes, if before the exclusivity talk and both of us were open about seeing others. However, it just seems like I'm monogamous earlier.

6. Again, I'd have the monogamy talk before sleeping with someone anyway.

Sorry I missed this (???)

Oh I'm fine with monogamous dating when I have known the person a while. I have done monogamy and I don't have an issue with it.
I often decide to not bother with dating others - on my own- without discussion and the other person, I don't mind if they date others, casually. I usually like to have that discussion outwards though, about how they'd like to proceed at the six month mark.
But that's not monogamy from the first date. And the expectation *without* the talk of monogamy I would find a big fat red flag about communication problems.
I just get very baffled when I meet someone who monogamously dates, and expects monogamous dating from the first date(to me that isn't dating. That's courting - you have serious intentions and you are actively perusing something. And to court someone you don't know seems... I don't understand. I would find that frightening). I have only run into it a rare few times. Once in the UK and a few times from American butches in the Midwest.

I can't pretend to understand, but it's a foreign concept to me. And I know they view me in an... "Unfavourable" light lol. I've been told in no uncertain terms what a girl "doesn't do" if she isn't an "unfeeling she-wolf" I think the term was lol. And also a few other odd things. But I'm chalking it up to just regional cultural differences for now, and background. but I'm still interested in the reasons.

Thanks G.

And yes tinker belly, just those who are monogamous from the first date.

I "get" monogamous dating after lengthy dating.