Demographics of how we date/partner/be single

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Gráinne

As for me: Not dating, no sex, nada. Not looking, but see status over there.

For the questions:

1. A big "it depends". I've dated fresh off the Internet, and I've dated people I already knew as friends.

2. I do seem to see one person at a time, but I don't have the "exclusive" or "going steady" talk until several dates later (or a month or so). I don't rush that talk but I like it to happen by about 3 months of weekly dating, let's say.

3. I need to feel attraction, admiration, and a good feeling around them to keep going and not friend zone them.

4. I've decided I need to feel in love with someone to make it worth it. Maybe that chops a lot of sex out of my life, but that's my feeling. And I automatically have to know them well. I'm talking the three months of dating, at least, and waiting longer than that.

5. Yes, if before the exclusivity talk and both of us were open about seeing others. However, it just seems like I'm monogamous earlier.

6. Again, I'd have the monogamy talk before sleeping with someone anyway.

Sorry I missed this (???)

Oh I'm fine with monogamous dating when I have known the person a while. I have done monogamy and I don't have an issue with it.
I often decide to not bother with dating others - on my own- without discussion and the other person, I don't mind if they date others, casually. I usually like to have that discussion outwards though, about how they'd like to proceed at the six month mark.
But that's not monogamy from the first date. And the expectation *without* the talk of monogamy I would find a big fat red flag about communication problems.
I just get very baffled when I meet someone who monogamously dates, and expects monogamous dating from the first date(to me that isn't dating. That's courting - you have serious intentions and you are actively perusing something. And to court someone you don't know seems... I don't understand. I would find that frightening). I have only run into it a rare few times. Once in the UK and a few times from American butches in the Midwest.

I can't pretend to understand, but it's a foreign concept to me. And I know they view me in an... "Unfavourable" light lol. I've been told in no uncertain terms what a girl "doesn't do" if she isn't an "unfeeling she-wolf" I think the term was lol. And also a few other odd things. But I'm chalking it up to just regional cultural differences for now, and background. but I'm still interested in the reasons.

Thanks G.

And yes tinker belly, just those who are monogamous from the first date.

I "get" monogamous dating after lengthy dating.

[Red-Dragon]

single no casual sex tried the casual sex one didnt suite me but for now i'm staying single unless i magicaly find someone when i drive to and from work lol

[imperfect_cupcake]

I wish I could re-write that option... That slash means casual dating/ casual sex like monogamy/polyfidelity in the other options means you are monogamous OR polyfidelitous...

That option means you are: casually dating more than one person (talking to, getting to know, hanging out with) OR are you having causal sex OR both.

I apologize for the flaw in not making that clear for people.

[traumaqueen]

Partnered/Married... for all intents and purposes (now that it's basically legal it's really hard to find a day to go down to the clerk's office together!)

It's been about 4 years and this is the first time I've ever lived with a partner and... oddly enough the first relationship that wasn't casual, or started that way. Apparently, we were in it to win it.

Jackpot!

[flapdoodle]

Legally, 2013 after being engaged for 3 years.

Forever, I shall remain, only hers.

The engagement, the wedding, buying a house, the entire journey, my kind of love story.

It makes the air always, so, crispy clean

[TIMBERWOLF]

Been single for the last 2 + yrs but now Partnered/committed monogamous. And almost married In Nov

[Okiebug61]

Red and I have will celebrate our 10yr anniversary this December.

[Nadeest]

Right now, if multiple people asked me out, I would go out with each of them, if they were nice. After we get to know each other, then we can decide what type of relationship that we want. I am not unopposed to poly, but I do know that I will have to do a lot of emotional work, in order to be able to deal with it.

[imperfect_cupcake]

If multiple people asked me out, I would get to know the people that interested me, expecting them to do the same until I naturally gravitated to someone who I clicked with and felt had the same values and goals.

Hopefully, they would find me to be similarly of interest. If not, then I would keep talking, hanging out and getting to know people of interest.

What I learned is dating. Courting, to me, is an entirely different thing. That's after there is a conscious choice of wanting to pursue something deemed very suitable and desired. Once you actually know someone. Well.

Obviously, this isn't a commonly held idea. But it's what I personally go by.

[Nadeest]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Ok when you *do* date do you usually date casually and more than one until you find yourself drawn more to one more than the rest? Or do you only date one person at a time, for many weeks than if it doesn't work, break things off and try again with someone else?

I don't really have enough information yet, to be able to answer your question. In the past, when I lived as a male, I tended to date one person at a time; however, everything changed for me, after transition. I don't know how I will do things, now. I AM open to dating multiple people at one time, just as I would also consider a poly relationship. The first person that I dated, after I transitioned was poly, and that opened my thoughts to the possibility.

[aishah]

closed poly triad/polyfidelity/committed.