Struggling to come to terms......

bicentennialjenn · 12-27-2014, 04:21 PM

i've had relationships with women and men, but i'm still not sure how to identify. nothing seems natural i guess. i only know i am "femme" and like masculinity. bi would technically cover it, but doesn't feel comfortable for me.

SleepyButch · 12-27-2014, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bicentennialjenn

i've had relationships with women and men, but i'm still not sure how to identify. nothing seems natural i guess. i only know i am "femme" and like masculinity. bi would technically cover it, but doesn't feel comfortable for me.

I don't think you necessarily need to put a name to it unless you want to. Here's the thing, it seems like you are a femme who likes masculine of center folks Whether they are male or female identified. Seems like a great way of saying you identify. I know for myself that I am a masculine Butch, female for all intent purposes and I dislike the lesbian term for myself because although I say I am female, it's because I do not want to be male. So I say I'm queer or Butch if anyone asks. Anyway, you'll figure out, the identity stuff.

clodie · 01-01-2015, 12:27 PM

It's just my opinion based on observation and own experiences. I'm just trying to figure it out myself so if I'm doing it wrong - which I'm not afraid to admit, feel free to correct me and please, please don't be upset by my post because it doesn't apply to everyone.

I think there are many people that have problems identifying as either straight, bi or lesbian. Technically the word queer should cover the rest - or so I thought. I learned recently that it seems to be more about your gender identity than who you're attracted to. My guess is people sometimes adjust to those labels, not necessary consciously. If I'm into someone, unless my pride ends up being crushed heartlessly, the next person I'll like will probably be similar to the previous one. And so bi women can seem and identify at times as being eg lesbian, because they're in that crowd, they're into that at the moment that they stop seeing men. Another problem with labeling your sexual orientation can be, and is in my case the fact that just because you seem to be both physically and mentally attracted to someone doesn't mean you'll be able to be with them. In that way I'd say that in theory I'm pansexual... but in reality I'm a lesbian (and that's just from having contact with only men and women). I can look at a guy and feel attracted to him but I know from my previous experiences that it just doesn't feel right being with one even though in theory it should. And that could be the case for many people. So if you don't feel right being with either men or women even if you felt attracted enough to try, maybe you just need to look for something different. It's just going to be a bit harder, like it usually is for a minority.

12-27-2014, 04:21 PM	#1
bicentennialjenn Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Phoenix Posts: 23 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6 Thanked 53 Times in 16 Posts Rep Power: 214761	i've had relationships with women and men, but i'm still not sure how to identify. nothing seems natural i guess. i only know i am "femme" and like masculinity. bi would technically cover it, but doesn't feel comfortable for me.

01-01-2015, 12:27 PM	#3
clodie Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Always she Join Date: Dec 2014 Location: Europe Posts: 6 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7 Thanked 19 Times in 6 Posts Rep Power: 0	It's just my opinion based on observation and own experiences. I'm just trying to figure it out myself so if I'm doing it wrong - which I'm not afraid to admit, feel free to correct me and please, please don't be upset by my post because it doesn't apply to everyone. I think there are many people that have problems identifying as either straight, bi or lesbian. Technically the word queer should cover the rest - or so I thought. I learned recently that it seems to be more about your gender identity than who you're attracted to. My guess is people sometimes adjust to those labels, not necessary consciously. If I'm into someone, unless my pride ends up being crushed heartlessly, the next person I'll like will probably be similar to the previous one. And so bi women can seem and identify at times as being eg lesbian, because they're in that crowd, they're into that at the moment that they stop seeing men. Another problem with labeling your sexual orientation can be, and is in my case the fact that just because you seem to be both physically and mentally attracted to someone doesn't mean you'll be able to be with them. In that way I'd say that in theory I'm pansexual... but in reality I'm a lesbian (and that's just from having contact with only men and women). I can look at a guy and feel attracted to him but I know from my previous experiences that it just doesn't feel right being with one even though in theory it should. And that could be the case for many people. So if you don't feel right being with either men or women even if you felt attracted enough to try, maybe you just need to look for something different. It's just going to be a bit harder, like it usually is for a minority.