Body Image Issues

Darth Denkay · 05-02-2010, 12:41 PM

Many of you spoke of body image issues spanning years. That isn't quite my experience. Except for a time a couple years ago when I did lose a decent amount of weight, ever since I've been an adult I've been heavy. Not extremely overweight, fluctuating between 30 and 70 pounds heavier than where I should be. For most of that time I would have preferred to not be as heavy, but I don't think it was really a body image thing - more like I'd be happy to lose the weight but it wasn't a focus of my life. I don't know why but over the last year or so that has shifted. I'm self-conscious about my weight now, I hate to see a reflection of myself, I wonder what others think. I've tried to talking to my partner but because she also has self image concerns it makes her wonder how I can be attracted to her if I'm not happy with my weight. I get that. It's true though that she is beautiful - for me her weight is not an issue, but I am unhappy about mine. I doubt this is terribly unusual. Other than with her though, I don't think I've really shared this with anyone. Like I said, sort of new territory for me.

Kätzchen · 05-28-2010, 02:09 PM

Thanks Mrs. Strutt (Tiffany) for the forum conversation here!

I just came across it today!

You're so right about the industry of beauty, pushing the model of what constitutes beauty, what we're supposed to aspire to look like. That's been one of my biggest "bitching" fests, ever!!!!

As far as what's pushed in terms of wieght: I have yo-yo'd between 170lbs and 265 lbs - between my young adult life (pre-birthing of my sons) to post-birth of my sons. I have been able to maintain a weight of 200lbs for years now and while that may seem like a lot of wieght, it's not all that too much for me: I'm about 5'8" to 5'9" - I think my bone density is changing as I age. I don't know what my real hieght is at the moment. When I stand next to my youngest son, he towers over me - he's about 6'5". Some of my lady friends are a bit shorter than me - my closest girl friend is about 5'5" and there's not too much difference in our height - it seems, when we are standing together, we are seeing each other eye-2-eye.

Anyway, while I would like to be nearer to the weight I was when I was in my twenties (170 lbs - that was Twiggy looking on me - very skinny, in my opinion), I'm happy with the weight that I currently am at. I would like to lose about 20 pounds though and weigh 180lbs.

When I think about ideas about my body and how it looks, I feel that my body is not as firm as it was when I was younger. As I have aged, I notice that my ability to remain toned and firmer is against me, in the fact that as we age, the body loses its ability to stay as it was when we were younger. I fight it all the time, ideas about my weight!

I try to maintain a reasonable feeling about what constitutes being beautiful too! I think that this is a perception issue - that varies on an individual, case to case, basis. FOr example, when I was at the height of my professional career in Beauty (as a praciticing hairstylist), I noticed that clients had ideas about what causes them to feel beautiful - as it pertains to how they want to style or color their hair. I know that, when giving service to a client and they would articulate on what type of style or color they preferred to have, I would always take the time to thoroughly discuss their reasoning behind it and what made them feel most comfortable. 99.9% of the time, after much discussion before performing a service for them, we got the results they were after - and no matter where I was practicing, My books were booked ahead for weeks - sometimes for months. That was a good feeling for me because it spoke for my ability to listen and perform services to expectations of the client.

I'm thinking that for me (and maybe others?) that beauty standards can seem so unfair and unreasonable and it seems that we (the general "we") struggle to feel beautiful and good about ourselves. My body isn't perfect and I know my physical appearance is something I am always working on because, I want to look as nice as I can and feel good about how I look.

I also remain open to hearing feedback about what I look like too - whether it's a positive remark or negative in nature - and try to not take it personally because each person's ability to communicate what they are saying is more about how they percieve things they are able to understand and sometimes, I find that it's not always about me and more about them. Does that make sense? I dunno... I guess I'm saying that as long as I feel good about me, then this is what matters most - because, in the end, it's what I think and feel about me that matters and not what someone else may project on the subject of beauty!

I hope this post finds that you are feeling well & beautiful today!
(((( you )))))

girl_dee · 11-27-2010, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darth Denkay

I'm self-conscious about my weight now, I hate to see a reflection of myself, I wonder what others think. I've tried to talking to my partner but because she also has self image concerns it makes her wonder how I can be attracted to her if I'm not happy with my weight. I get that. It's true though that she is beautiful - for me her weight is not an issue, but I am unhappy about mine. I doubt this is terribly unusual. Other than with her though, I don't think I've really shared this with anyone. Like I said, sort of new territory for me.

I get this, exactly.

DressyFemme · 02-10-2017, 11:22 AM

I'm currently 100 lbs overweight and I'm not at peace with my body yet. I ate my way up to 316 lbs after I found out I have a mental disability and I got put on probation, plus I had a falling out with my narcissistic Dad (now resolved). Then I was fired for performance issues from my job of 9 years, and unemployed. I was so angry and depressed and ice cream became my best friend. I tried for 14 years in a 12 step program and beat myself up for failing and being fat. I quit OA and went to residential inpatient treatment for binge eating disorder....and was introduced to mindful intuitive eating and started working on body image issues which is termed "body dysmorphia ". Things I have learned: 1. Diets don't work. 2. I had to learn to love my body as is one part at a time in order for the weight to start coming off and my mindset to change. I started by loving my hair and getting a good cut and color and products. Then I loved my eyes and got new glasses and a thorough eye exam. Now I am trying to love my feet by seeing a podiatrist regularly and using moisturizer and Vaseline. I also continue to work on my inner voice calling myself "fat, ugly, stupid, worthless" when I make mistakes.... I keep telling myself "hey! Who first said that to you? They have the issue not you!!" It works and then it doesn't... still going one day at a time...

dark_crystal · 02-10-2017, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DressyFemme

I had to learn to love my body as is one part at a time in order for the weight to start coming off and my mindset to change. I started by loving my hair and getting a good cut and color and products. Then I loved my eyes and got new glasses and a thorough eye exam. Now I am trying to love my feet by seeing a podiatrist regularly and using moisturizer and Vaseline.

I love this practice. That is wonderful-- and i had never heard it before, despite two rounds of treatment for AN

*hugs*

05-02-2010, 12:41 PM	#1
Darth Denkay Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: I'm good with whatever Relationship Status: in love and loved Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Tennessee (Memphis, from Chattanooga) Posts: 315 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 456 Thanked 463 Times in 150 Posts Rep Power: 891935	Many of you spoke of body image issues spanning years. That isn't quite my experience. Except for a time a couple years ago when I did lose a decent amount of weight, ever since I've been an adult I've been heavy. Not extremely overweight, fluctuating between 30 and 70 pounds heavier than where I should be. For most of that time I would have preferred to not be as heavy, but I don't think it was really a body image thing - more like I'd be happy to lose the weight but it wasn't a focus of my life. I don't know why but over the last year or so that has shifted. I'm self-conscious about my weight now, I hate to see a reflection of myself, I wonder what others think. I've tried to talking to my partner but because she also has self image concerns it makes her wonder how I can be attracted to her if I'm not happy with my weight. I get that. It's true though that she is beautiful - for me her weight is not an issue, but I am unhappy about mine. I doubt this is terribly unusual. Other than with her though, I don't think I've really shared this with anyone. Like I said, sort of new territory for me. __________________ Darth

02-10-2017, 11:22 AM	#4
DressyFemme Junior Member How Do You Identify?: FEMME Relationship Status: MARRIED :) Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Rochester, NY Posts: 36 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15 Thanked 90 Times in 26 Posts Rep Power: 1208582	Body dysmorphia as part of recovery I'm currently 100 lbs overweight and I'm not at peace with my body yet. I ate my way up to 316 lbs after I found out I have a mental disability and I got put on probation, plus I had a falling out with my narcissistic Dad (now resolved). Then I was fired for performance issues from my job of 9 years, and unemployed. I was so angry and depressed and ice cream became my best friend. I tried for 14 years in a 12 step program and beat myself up for failing and being fat. I quit OA and went to residential inpatient treatment for binge eating disorder....and was introduced to mindful intuitive eating and started working on body image issues which is termed "body dysmorphia ". Things I have learned: 1. Diets don't work. 2. I had to learn to love my body as is one part at a time in order for the weight to start coming off and my mindset to change. I started by loving my hair and getting a good cut and color and products. Then I loved my eyes and got new glasses and a thorough eye exam. Now I am trying to love my feet by seeing a podiatrist regularly and using moisturizer and Vaseline. I also continue to work on my inner voice calling myself "fat, ugly, stupid, worthless" when I make mistakes.... I keep telling myself "hey! Who first said that to you? They have the issue not you!!" It works and then it doesn't... still going one day at a time...

05-28-2010, 02:09 PM	#2
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: As a very feminine woman. Relationship Status: I’m not available. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Near smoke signals in the sky. Posts: 16,200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,460 Thanked 33,607 Times in 10,706 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	Thanks Mrs. Strutt (Tiffany) for the forum conversation here! I just came across it today! You're so right about the industry of beauty, pushing the model of what constitutes beauty, what we're supposed to aspire to look like. That's been one of my biggest "bitching" fests, ever!!!! As far as what's pushed in terms of wieght: I have yo-yo'd between 170lbs and 265 lbs - between my young adult life (pre-birthing of my sons) to post-birth of my sons. I have been able to maintain a weight of 200lbs for years now and while that may seem like a lot of wieght, it's not all that too much for me: I'm about 5'8" to 5'9" - I think my bone density is changing as I age. I don't know what my real hieght is at the moment. When I stand next to my youngest son, he towers over me - he's about 6'5". Some of my lady friends are a bit shorter than me - my closest girl friend is about 5'5" and there's not too much difference in our height - it seems, when we are standing together, we are seeing each other eye-2-eye. Anyway, while I would like to be nearer to the weight I was when I was in my twenties (170 lbs - that was Twiggy looking on me - very skinny, in my opinion), I'm happy with the weight that I currently am at. I would like to lose about 20 pounds though and weigh 180lbs. When I think about ideas about my body and how it looks, I feel that my body is not as firm as it was when I was younger. As I have aged, I notice that my ability to remain toned and firmer is against me, in the fact that as we age, the body loses its ability to stay as it was when we were younger. I fight it all the time, ideas about my weight! I try to maintain a reasonable feeling about what constitutes being beautiful too! I think that this is a perception issue - that varies on an individual, case to case, basis. FOr example, when I was at the height of my professional career in Beauty (as a praciticing hairstylist), I noticed that clients had ideas about what causes them to feel beautiful - as it pertains to how they want to style or color their hair. I know that, when giving service to a client and they would articulate on what type of style or color they preferred to have, I would always take the time to thoroughly discuss their reasoning behind it and what made them feel most comfortable. 99.9% of the time, after much discussion before performing a service for them, we got the results they were after - and no matter where I was practicing, My books were booked ahead for weeks - sometimes for months. That was a good feeling for me because it spoke for my ability to listen and perform services to expectations of the client. I'm thinking that for me (and maybe others?) that beauty standards can seem so unfair and unreasonable and it seems that we (the general "we") struggle to feel beautiful and good about ourselves. My body isn't perfect and I know my physical appearance is something I am always working on because, I want to look as nice as I can and feel good about how I look. I also remain open to hearing feedback about what I look like too - whether it's a positive remark or negative in nature - and try to not take it personally because each person's ability to communicate what they are saying is more about how they percieve things they are able to understand and sometimes, I find that it's not always about me and more about them. Does that make sense? I dunno... I guess I'm saying that as long as I feel good about me, then this is what matters most - because, in the end, it's what I think and feel about me that matters and not what someone else may project on the subject of beauty! I hope this post finds that you are feeling well & beautiful today! (((( you )))))