Femme Invisibility?

[thedreamerin]

I am completely invisible, as far as my status as a lesbian goes. For me it is kind of nifty. I kind of see it like this... by mistaking me for just any other heterosexual woman they are proving a point that I try to make everyday of my life.
We're all humans first.
Still, I guess it can be a bit frustrating because I have yet to get hit on by a woman in the physical.
Then again I am the type that you would have to be semi aggressive with to gain any headway because I live in my own little world.

[thedreamerin]

By semi aggressive I mean You have to come up to me and say "Hey I think you're beautiful... " that gets my attention. Or at least you could say something along that vein. Just don't grab my butt, that will get you slapped, and don't stare at my boobs..

[CherylNYC]

It feels as if the older I get, the more invisible as a femme lesbian I become. First of all, I now own a car and I no longer ride my motorcycle everywhere full time, and year 'round. I did that until I was about 48 years old. Besides the fact that riding through winters in New York makes any person look bad-ass, (bad-ass woman=lesbian is often a safe assumption), my motorcycle and my helmet are bedecked with rainbow stickers. That's been my regular cue to the world for most of my adult life.

But it's not just the motorcycle. Something else has changed. I may look softer now, and for better or worse, I think I blend in better. My closest friend who has known me since I was in my mid twenties commented on it the other day. She said, "You look more and more like a straight girl. If I were meeting you for the first time I might not guess you were queer."

I don't like it, but I don't think I'm prepared to deliberately change anything about myself. At least not yet.

[Martina]

I have always looked straight and always refused to get the alternative haircut or go performatively feminine in ways that would have gotten me a second look from other queers -- because it's not me. It has sorta sucked to get that "you are not a dyke" look from women who weren't even born yet when I came out, but there is something about my gender presentation that is pretty core. I don't plan on changing it.

[thedreamerin]

It is just beautiful that we don't have to change.

[BombsiteBoudicca]

i know this sounds old skool, but i'm rarely 'seen' unless i'm with a butch partner/date/friend. This is simultaneously extremely frustrating *and yet* gives me a little frisson of excitement. It's the thrill of being recognized...a very powerful- and empowering- feeling for those of us who are often mistaken as straight.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by BombsiteBoudicca

i know this sounds old skool, but i'm rarely 'seen' unless i'm with a butch partner/date/friend. This is simultaneously extremely frustrating *and yet* gives me a little frisson of excitement. It's the thrill of being recognized...a very powerful- and empowering- feeling for those of us who are often mistaken as straight.

I don't know how this is "old skool" but i completely agree with your post. It IS frustrating to not be seen when alone or with other femmes. However, when with my butch...wow, what a feeling. I walk tall and proud. I know i'm seen by both straight folk and most importantly by gay folk.

I remember not too long ago being with Durx8 at the mall and we passed a couple of butch folk and they smiled at us and nodded. Point is, if i had been alone, i would not have received that smile or nod or even noticed. It feels GOOD to be included in the community!!!!

I'm not sure what butches feel like when walking with femmes, but this femme feels SEEN. And PROUD.