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11-29-2016, 05:19 PM
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#1 | |
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Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?:
She, as in 'She's a GEM' 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The roads are narrow here
Posts: 36,631
Thanks: 182,498
Thanked 107,925 Times in 25,666 Posts
Rep Power: 21474887   |
Quote:
When I was younger and in my first relationship with an FTM, I had a bit of an identity crisis but it had nothing to do with being perceived as straight and everything to do with him wanting me to BE straight. Obviously, that didn't work out. I need room to exist as a Queer femme inside the relationship. If I have that, I won't worry about what others outside of the relationship think or say about me and how I present myself. |
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11-29-2016, 07:32 PM
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#2 | |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
submissive queer stone femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,827
Thanks: 3,752
Thanked 3,845 Times in 856 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851  |
Quote:
I guess I just mean that I've always been femme. Queer visibility is the quintessential double edged sword. People who are read as queer tend to face more overt discrimination and hostility, while the typical femme can slide by without much confrontation at all. It doesn't necessarily make us feel better or safer for that matter (in this trump day and age especially). We have conversations with the grocer, the manicurist, the Dr, teachers, parents (if we are teachers ourselves) and other day to day interactions with strangers and acquaintances. During one relationship, I was with a woman who had a very masculine french name and was very butch. Whenever we were out together, we got stares, misjudgements etc. This carried on in other relationships I had as well. It was like a constant proving of myself. "Yes, I have long hair" "Yes, I wear dresses" "No, I don't wear birkenstocks" "Yes, I love to embrace my femininity" "Yes, I really DO play baseball and no, I don't play in a dress" and so on and so on... I'm a queer woman and I am really not interested in hiding that fact, but it's often challenging and complicated to try to be visible in public as queer. The cultural presumption of straightness is deeply ingrained, and many, perhaps most - people assume that everyone is heterosexual, despite any cues to the contrary. I wouldn't necessarily mind people not knowing I'm gay, but I definitely don't like being thought of as straight. When I lived in Vancouver, and was active in the B/F and leather community, everyone knew me as femme. I didn't have to identify my orientation nor prove that I was queer. I really miss Vancouver... Now, living where I do, in a small Ontario town, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE just assumes I am a straight girl. I have had propositions by cis-guys and have had co-workers try to set me up with cis-guys. When I pass by the few other queers in town, I'd try to give them that nod... you know the one...  If a butch walked by, I'd even meet said butch's eye, but yet still.... everyone just assumes I'm another straight girl... Don't get me started on Transguys (my preference)... I would not find one here with a 10 foot pole!I think I've gone on another ramble, and I guess I should be more complacent about it. I DO have a wonderful partner and honestly; does it really matter in the end if we are seen as a heterosexual couple? We both know we are queer....
__________________
How do you define courage? Is it the absence of fear? You might think, under the weight of your fears, "I am not courageous." But maybe you have the wrong perspective. Courage can be measured in many ways, and is not the absence or denial of fear, but the willingness to act vulnerably. When you're faced with the unknown and then you stand on the edge of risk, courage brings you to the point where you are able to take flight, though you might be unsure of your wings. |
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11-30-2016, 06:25 AM
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#3 | |
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Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?:
She, as in 'She's a GEM'
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The roads are narrow here
Posts: 36,631
Thanks: 182,498
Thanked 107,925 Times in 25,666 Posts
Rep Power: 21474887 |
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11-30-2016, 08:31 AM
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#4 | ||
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her Relationship Status:
Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 8,258
Thanks: 39,306
Thanked 40,445 Times in 7,285 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
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Quote:
Queer encompasses many identities. Lesbian is specific.
__________________
~Anya~  Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner |
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| Tags |
| femme invisibility |
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I'm misunderestimated. 
Hybrid Mode
